Chaos, Gummies, and New Podcast Toys
Mike and Tom kick off another hilarious episode by unveiling their shiny new toy - a Zoom PodTrack P8 mixer that promises to make their ridiculous conversations sound crystal clear. "The stupid shit we say will sound much better," they joke, perfectly capturing the essence of their unfiltered approach to podcasting.
Between sips of cold beer, the duo embarks on another "research" session with Crispy Blunt Minis, setting the perfect tone for their wide-ranging conversation. Their candid political musings feel like eavesdropping on two friends at a bar rather than a scripted discussion, touching on border security policies and media double standards without taking themselves too seriously.
The podcast hits its comedic stride when they share a collection of absurd 911 calls and the dispatchers' brilliant responses. From someone reporting a "suspicious package" (which turns out to be their Amazon delivery) to callers complaining about bad haircuts, these stories showcase the hosts' ability to find humor in everyday absurdity. Their genuine laughter throughout this segment is infectious, pulling listeners into their world of lighthearted banter.
The appearance of recurring characters Pip and Squeak adds another layer of entertainment, with ongoing jokes about Squeak's mysterious encounters with a squirrel and the promise of Troy picking him up by helicopter for the next episode. These running gags create a sense of community for regular listeners while remaining accessible to newcomers.
As they wrap up, Mike and Tom preview their upcoming musical segment on forgotten songs from their youth and remind listeners about their website where voicemails can be left. Their casual sign-off perfectly captures why fans keep coming back – for the unpretentious, genuine connection they've created that feels less like a produced show and more like hanging out with old friends.
Ready to join Mike and Tom for their next adventure? Subscribe now to catch Troy's appearance and discover whether Squeak will finally confront that squirrel!
00:12 - Welcome to MT Alternative Podcast
01:34 - Testing the New PodTrack P8
02:56 - Gummy Research and Politics Talk
06:49 - Work Week Woes and Roll Trucks
10:23 - 911 Call Response Stories
17:48 - Pip and Squeak Make an Appearance
29:26 - Ending the Podcast and Future Plans
51:29 - Next Episode Preview
Welcome to MT Alternative Podcast
Speaker 2welcome back to the mt alternative podcast , the show that continues to defy logic , reason and , frankly , good taste . I'm , daniel , your reluctant guide through yet another episode of Mike and Tom's never-ending quest to convince you and themselves that this is a real podcast . Now folks brace yourselves because this week the guys are thrilled about a new podcast toy . What is it ? A state-of-the-art audio processor , a revolutionary new microphone ? A state-of-the-art audio processor , a revolutionary new microphone ? No , no , knowing these two , it's probably a plastic button that makes fart noises . But don't worry , they really think this is going to take their so-called show to the next level . Bless their little hearts . And , of course , what's an MT alternative episode without more scientific research ? And by that I mean Mike and Tom have once again bravely embarked on another gummy-based expedition . You know for science . I'm sure their findings will be as groundbreaking as last time when they discovered that eating too many edibles makes you think your couch is judging you . So buckle up , lower your expectations and let's see what kind of nonsense they have in store . This is the MT Alternative Podcast .
Testing the New PodTrack P8
Speaker 3Welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast . Tom , what the hell's going on .
Speaker 4Not much , Mike . What's going on with you ?
Speaker 3Oh , not a hell of a lot . You know playing with new stuff here , new toys .
Speaker 4Yeah , this is kind of different . It is , it's a little different .
Speaker 3It sounds , great it sounds so different , it's kind of a little more professional here . Yeah , a little bit , even though we're not . But hey , we like to think we are . We do like to think we are .
Speaker 4I like to tell people we are . That's what gets me into all this trouble . So what do you think ? I think I'm going to like this , yeah , this is pretty sweet .
Speaker 3This is pretty sweet . Well , what Tom and I talked about , we purchased a Zoom PodTrack P8 , hopefully to better the sound quality of our podcast . I'm not saying we're going to better the quality of what we discuss , no , no , that's still stupid . Sound quality , yeah , exactly .
Speaker 4That's still stupid . It's just going to sound better . Yeah , as you hear , the stupid shit .
Speaker 3we say Stupid , shit will sound much better Every year .
Speaker 4Yeah , it'll be a little more clear . Oh my goodness .
Speaker 3Not coherent but clear . Yeah , that way you won't have to play it back four or five times .
Speaker 4Nope , nope . You'll understand when I say swinging in the trees . Yeah , that's what I meant , that's what you meant .
Speaker 3Oh , here it is . Oh , you finally found
Gummy Research and Politics Talk
Speaker 3it . Tom and I did some more research .
Speaker 4Oh , that that . I thought , maybe you had found something else .
Speaker 3This week's research before we start the show . So everybody knows what the hell's wrong . Yeah , Crispy blunt minis .
Speaker 4I like a mini blunt .
Speaker 3We went with the mad honey . What did you think of the mad honey so far , Tom ?
Speaker 4Well , she got on to me this morning about something or other . Right , oh , not that mad honey , no , no , no . Oh the one we Right ? Oh , not that mad honey , no , no , no . Oh the one we took . Oh , yeah , that one , there you go . Yeah , that one . Oh , I like it .
Speaker 3Doing the right thing so far right so far so good .
Speaker 4The research is going well .
Speaker 3What the hell's been going on in politics ? A lot of bullshit .
Speaker 4Well , the one thing that I take from everything . Okay , there are so many videos out there right now of Obama and Hillary Clinton speaking about the border security and how we need it and how we need to .
Speaker 3I've seen those videos myself .
Speaker 4Why is it all of a sudden a terror ?
Speaker 3Because it's Donald Trump . It's Donald Trump , Tom . That's why .
Speaker 4The first time the American people vote a man in that's got nothing to do with politics . Nope , he's a real person that's living out here . It doesn't matter , listen , I have neighbors that are worth a million dollars . You have neighbors , Nobody living near you . There's farmers , chicken farmers that I guarantee you have millions of dollars .
Speaker 4I guarantee you they are worth a million or two dollars . Don't get me going on , tyson , but anyway I'm saying that they're good people too . Just because they have all this money , don't make them terrible people . They're people and they know what they need . Most farmers , the good farmers .
Speaker 3There's both good farmers , just like any profession of anything Right right . You get some that are just in it for the money and will keep their chickens this Right right right . Just like any profession of anything Right right . Well , you get to the— . You get some that are just in it for the money and will keep their chickens , this to get them bigger , or whatever .
Speaker 4I've always been against organ farmers . Organ , oh , you're not talking about kidneys and— no , no , no , not .
Speaker 3organ Not organ farmers , oh oh oh Okay , sorry A little different road no no .
Speaker 4Farmers yeah , yeah , yeah . Well anyway , I'm just saying , it just gets me a little bad , just a little bit , A little bit . Don't let it get you down , buddy , but I think we are doing well . I think everybody's screaming . Well , these turfs are going to raise everything . Eggs are going to go sky high . Guess what people ? Eggs are sky high . They've been sky high before he came .
Speaker 3Let's not forget what all the killing of chickens , bird flu ? How about bird flu ? What bird flu ? But I'm talking about all these places that were raising chickens , supposedly for the food . How ? Did they just burn .
Speaker 5Oh , that place burned . Yeah , you don't just burn , I mean if you kill , or the food Right Just burnt .
Speaker 3Oh , that Set them on fire . Yeah Well , you don't just burn . I mean , if you kill them for the bird flu , then you take the flock and you Kill them . You mainly kill them , right , you're not burning down the guys' lives , yeah .
Speaker 4Well , here's the other thing . If I don't know , mike , it just drives me crazy that if it's bird flu , right , how come they don't make like little masks for these birds to wear ? It was so effective when corona hit , right . I mean , why not mandate ? Yeah , that's not gonna work okay , well , we're talking .
Speaker 3Anyway , that's a good , good one .
Speaker 4But I didn't figure it would work , but you know because it made sense . So let's not let it work Should we discuss our little
Work Week Woes and Roll Trucks
Speaker 4work week coming up . Do we have a work week coming up ?
Speaker 3Just when you think you're getting ahead on your job , trucks Situated .
Speaker 4Now wait , okay , did she mean that there was a possibility of two roll trucks and two box trucks ? Absolutely All in one week , yes , okay . Well , let's back up and talk about our week .
Speaker 3Fucking sucks . Monday box truck . It's supposed to be two box trucks in a row , followed by two roll trucks .
Speaker 4Okay , well , hopefully the roll trucks will , and that's what she's .
Speaker 3I think they're trying to hold them off too . For those of you who don't understand we get containers in , we get rolls of fabric . It can weigh anywhere between 30 pounds to close to 100 pounds . Yeah , all on the floor of this container , 700 to 800 rolls .
Speaker 4That each one of you , four of you , give or take less each time . It depends what you get .
Speaker 3Four of you , sometimes three of you , sometimes three of you , yeah , sometimes three Unloading this truck , palletizing these rolls ?
Speaker 4Yeah , it's just a long process Separating these rolls . It sucks , it's crazy . It's a long process , it just sucks .
Speaker 3And that's what us old guys do .
Speaker 4That's what we do , and then , after it's all over and said and done , we come here and bitch about it while we drink and do research . Absolutely , that's what it's all about . That's the fun part , and we invite every one of you to come here with us and bitch about what you don't like . Listen to us bitch . Now , if you hear us bitch about something that triggers something you bitch about , there is a website that you can come to and let us know about it and we'll talk . Soon , we will be taking call-ins . Oh , call-ins , that'd be cool . We get the numbers set up . Yeah , our manager wants to call in . Why ? I don't know why she'd ever want to . Oh , that manager , okay .
Speaker 3I'd like to sidetrack back oh , sidetrack Some of my purchases . Yes , the research . Besides the crispy blunts Said research . Let's go over some of these . This one we've obviously tried . It was Wonder . Oh yeah , wonder . Mushroom Gummies , great flavor with the kava . I liked it , but I picked up these . These are a little different giant potency .
Speaker 3These have actual mushrooms with THC blend , not THC . Yes , yes , yes , oh devil . So this might be something . Have actual mushrooms with THC blend , not THC . Yes , yes , yes , yes , oh devil . So this might be something worth doing another time , maybe just not today . Oh , another , you said another time I did his squeak bitch last week .
Speaker 4Yeah , he was all worried about us getting his stuff .
Speaker 3So I don't want him . You know , in case he's asking , I did get him a little something , something here .
Speaker 4Wait a minute , you're not gonna willfully give him that stuff , are you ? No , no , no , he gets one .
Speaker 3Don't forget , squeak took what we had left when Pip opened that door for him . Oh yeah , pip . So who knows if Squeak will even be back ? See , and everybody thinks Squeak's the bad one . It was Pip . He's the one that let it on . I don't know why I said last week , I meant it two weeks ago , but you know , hey , pispy Blunts will do that . Yeah , those tasty treats so far . I'm liking it .
Speaker 4The research is going well .
911 Call Response Stories
Speaker 3The research is going well , the beers are going down very , very well too , I might add . I don't notice the difference .
Speaker 4I don't notice the difference . I'm getting a little worried about you though , why what ?
Speaker 3your fourth beer is almost done , no . I've opened two beers today you opened two 24-ounce cans yeah , two beers . I've opened two 12-ounce bottles Wow , all right . I've opened two 12-ounce bottles Wow , all right , I can fit two of these in that one can Okay well listen , that's fine . You can call me an underachiever .
Speaker 4That's fine . Or efficiency , all right , I'm an efficiency wizard , oh , I see .
Speaker 3Instead of me wasting two glass bottles , you're wasting one can no .
Speaker 4Oh , okay , it's not anything about waste . I thought we were going to be Mr Environmental all of a sudden . No , not environmental at all . Okay , all right . It's work .
Speaker 3What's work To pick up that can , if you ?
Speaker 4want to open twice as many bottles as I'm opening . That's fine .
Speaker 3Oh , so you're looking for the lazy way out ? Of course , no , that's what it sounds like to me . That sounds like laziness . Efficiency you call it efficiency , I call it laziness . Well , you say tomato , I say tomato , tomato's wrong , it is wrong .
Speaker 2I don't like that either .
Speaker 3It's just a saying Nope , okay , pecan , okay . First off , caramel Don't it's caramel , not caramel Caramel , caramel , it's caramel Caramel .
Speaker 4Caramel candy . All right , see , see how we are . Listen , folks . If you don't learn anything by this , how about an acorn ?
Speaker 3A . What Acorn ? An acorn . All from an oak tree . It's an acorn . It's an acorn . It's from an oak tree . It's an acorn , oh an acorn . No , I didn't say anything about land , acres , no , not acre . An acorn , okay , acorn . Where is the E ? Where is the U ?
Speaker 4There's no E or U in acorn .
Speaker 3A-C-O-R-N . Acorn , acorn , acorn Is it an urn ? Hmm , is it some A ?
Speaker 4urn . No , there's a C in there , acorn . Sounds like a K Acorn no that's stupid , okay , well , answer me this , mr Smart Guy . All right , all right In the word science , yep , science , okay , is the S or the C ? No , no , no , silent .
Speaker 3Which one ? Which one's silent ? Do a Google search of acorn . How it's pronounced Acorn .
Speaker 4Yeah , it's Google . I'm just telling you .
Speaker 3Just letting you know Google let's Google . Maybe let the dragon , let you pass and you'll figure shit out .
Speaker 4No , you were the one that wouldn't let the dragon pass . Oh , that was .
Speaker 3Pip .
Speaker 4Well , yeah , or Squeak , whichever one , one of those little dudes , one of the dudes . But yeah , anyway . Anywho , this is how it's going .
Speaker 3Sounds great and I'm deep in space .
Speaker 4You're deep in space , deep in space , pigs in space Sometimes .
Speaker 3I feel like I'm swallowing the microphone .
Speaker 4I learned back a little . I can sit back here and relax and you can still hear me , but it sounds a little echoey way back there it does A little bit on my end .
Speaker 3And you know what else is good . Now it's more . I can do this or I can do this . Yeah but you said you'd wait until I was in . You can't fucking say that shit , shut the fuck up and get back on track . All right , yeah , so anyways , I can do that .
Speaker 3Yeah , see , I hope it works , we'll edit that if it didn't , oh , I know it did because of , or , you know I can just do , no , I'm still here . I muted . You See , that's another good trick I have now , oh , so you muted me , yes , how . You ever know how you say , how I can show you .
Speaker 4Well , it hurts to be muted . No , don't worry about it . Anyway , yeah , this new little toy we have is awesome .
Speaker 3I think we're too excited about it .
Speaker 4We are a little excited , but that's okay .
Speaker 3It is okay .
Speaker 4Excitement makes your nipples grow . Anyway , I know there's a lot of stuff .
Speaker 3I wanted to talk about it , but being so giddy here I kind of forgot .
Speaker 4Well , why wouldn't we be giddy ? Our nipples are growing . Maybe yours are .
Speaker 3Yeah , mine are , I just checked .
Speaker 4Well , this weather's making me . I did a self-check the weather's making my nipples , you know , just wore out why ? Well , nope cold , nope warm , nope cold , nope , warm , nope cold .
Speaker 3You're talking a lot about your nipples what the hell ? Well , they're wore out A little bit , huh . A little chafe baby cold warm cold , cold so anyways , uh , what do you think about those ? So , far .
Speaker 4Yeah , I think they're doing a great job . I do too .
Speaker 3Now I wonder if everything's legit , though that's what . Sometimes I wonder that , but what gets me is when joe biden gets his own people on there . No one squawks . People weren't elected to be in , but he can take them . Donald Trump does it , and it's a big , freaking deal . I don't get it . Here's the thing . People don't understand , but we did find something on there , so people pretty much know what the hell . So we'll include that into it . Add that in .
Speaker 3But besides that we heard what he said and it's true . Donald Trump has that right . He's a president . People elected Donald Trump as a whole . As a whole country , and we all know why . He was elected Because of what his policies were . That's why people voted . That's what the policies we wanted Exactly . So I don't know why these people oh Donald Trump's doing no . This is why we voted for Donald Trump , you idiots .
Speaker 3But we'll throw that in Add that in We'll going to add , that in We'll let people listen to it and you have to wonder why is the whole reason you voted against him opposite of what we wanted ? Right . But anyways , like I said , I'm going to play that clip for people they can decide for themselves and listen to it and maybe get a little educated Right , they can decide for themselves and listen to it and maybe get a little educated .
Speaker 5Right People in this room for four years failed to cover the fact that Joe Biden was mentally incompetent and was not running the country . It is also true that many people in this room who have used this talking point that Elon is not elected fail to understand how government works . So I'm glad for the opportunity for a brief civics lesson . A president is elected by the whole American people . He's the only official in the entire government that is elected by the entire nation . Right Judges are appointed , members of Congress are elected at the district or state level Just one man .
Speaker 5And the Constitution Article 2 , has a clause known as the Vesting Clause and it says the executive power shall be vested in a president Singular . The whole will of democracy is imbued into the elected president . That president then appoints staff to then impose that democratic will onto the government . The threat to democracy , indeed the existential threat
Pip and Squeak Make an Appearance
Speaker 5to democracy , is the unelected bureaucracy of lifetime tenured civil servants who believe they answer to no one , who believe they can do whatever they want without consequence , who believe they can set their own agenda no matter what Americans vote for . So Americans vote for radical FBI reform and FBI agents say they don't want to change , or Americans vote for radical reform and our energy policies that EPA bureaucrats say they don't want to change , or Americans vote to end DEI racist DEI policies and lawyers in the Department of Justice say they don't want to change . What President Trump is doing is he is removing federal bureaucrats who are defying democracy by failing to implement his lawful orders , which are the will of the whole American people .
Speaker 3Okay , hope people learned something from that . Yeah , that was , that was educational like I said . I even learned a few things when I listened to it the first time I want to get on to . A couple weeks ago , we talked about the 911 calls , right ? Well , I have some responses to those 9-1-1 calls now .
Speaker 3Whether these are real or not I don't know , but I can only imagine they are well , if I worked on 9-1-1 off the site probably you know some of the stupid ones that somebody came in my house , stole my remote you , you know the ice cream is too cold . Okay , as I was saying before , tom freaked out about the 911 calls . Tom , you know what we're doing today . We're not helping .
Speaker 4Maybe we should call 911 .
Speaker 3You're freaking out .
Speaker 4You don't make me freak out , maybe we should call 911 .
Speaker 3No , okay , so back to that ice cream . You know all the stuff . Anyways , let's get back to what I wanted to find here . Okay , 911 responses . It says let's go to the first one . Now , I haven't read all these so I don't know . There might be some stupid ones , but hey , 911 calls are pretty stupid and lame . Anyways , most of them All . Right Caller . Yeah , my pizza delivery is late . Can you send an officer ? What would you say if you were dispatching to that ?
Speaker 4Okay , Do you think that we have a pizza officer out here just ?
Speaker 3running around . Oh it's funny you say that Close . Here's what the responder 911 operator said Absolutely , Let me just dispatch our emergency pepperoni response unit . Oh wait , this is 911 , not DoorDash .
Speaker 4Yes , I guess I might love it . That would be me .
Speaker 3Okay , what's the next one ? Oh , boy Caller , there's a deer in my yard .
Speaker 4Okay , I know what I'd say . What would you say ? What size of bullet are you using and how far away is he ?
Speaker 3That's a good answer . That's a good answer . I like that one better . This one is . The operator said copy that I'll notify animal control to inform the deer that it's trespassing in the woods where it lives .
Speaker 4That's good , I like that one I like yours better though , but that is good , it was either one , yep .
Speaker 3Let's see here Okay .
Speaker 5Next one .
Speaker 3Okay , I don't like my haircut . Can I press charges ? Of course you can . Oh , all right , sir , I recommend you take this case to the Supreme Court . Clearly this is a crime against fashion . Dispatchers are going to hate their job but love their job . Yeah , man . Okay , my neighbor's dog is looking at me funny , okay .
Speaker 4Have you tried telling him that his face is going to stick ?
Speaker 3that way Understood , we'll send a therapist for the dog and a reality check for you . There you go . This goes back to maybe Squeaks Possum ? Uh-oh , a little friend Help , there's a possum on my porch and it won't leave . Oh , have you asked it to Try offering ?
Speaker 4it a lease agreement .
Speaker 3If that doesn't work , maybe just walk around it .
Speaker 4That reminds me of a freaking joke . One time , just real quick yeah , go ahead . Oh , this Baptist . They were talking about bats in their belfry .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4They wondered how they were going to get rid of bats in the belfry . The Baptist guy said well , do what we did . He said what'd you do ? We let them join the church . We haven't seen them since .
Speaker 3That's a good one , though I get the . Uh yeah , no , my wi-fi is out . Well , let's see what they say . My wi-fi is out , ma'am , I hate to be the one to tell you this , but that's not an emergency , unless you were about to post a fire , a fire selfie .
Speaker 4Here I am here I am on fire it see my house behind me .
Speaker 3There I'm on fire here . There's a suspicious person outside my house Must be a bill collector , right 911 operator . Can you describe them ? Yes , they're wearing brown , have a tail and are climbing a tree .
Speaker 2Congratulations you just identified a squirrel or a cat .
Speaker 3I swallowed an ice cube and it's not coming out . Sir , I have some shocking news . It's probably melted by now . Have you peed yet ? You're breathing right , You're talking , You're fine . My car is locked and my keys are inside . Operator . Is the car running Call or no ? Operator is there a baby or pet inside Call or no ? Is there a pizza inside ? No , Then sir , I think this is a locksmith problem , not a 911 problem . I love that last one . Is there a pizza inside ?
Speaker 4Yeah , Okay , we'll send someone right there then .
Speaker 3Yeah , 30 minutes or less . I need a police officer . Let's see what's the emergency my roommate ate my last Hot Pocket . That fucker , ma'am . Unfortunately that's not a crime , that's just betrayal . Oh , sad but true . Here's another stupid . I need help . My phone isn't working . Sir , you are literally calling me on your phone .
Speaker 4Back up one time with the hot pocket , wouldn't you ? Yeah , okay , do that one again .
Speaker 3What's the emergency ? My roommate ate my last hot pocket . Oh okay , ma'am . Unfortunately that's not a crime . It should be just a betrayal .
Speaker 4But hold on , ma'am . There's getting ready to be a crime . I'm getting ready to beat his ass with a ball bat .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 4You don't understand , ma'am . I'm calling you in advance .
Speaker 3Oh , I need an ambulance right now .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3What's your emergency ? I have a splinter . Do you require amputation , or would a band-aid suffice ? All right , here's another one . There's a suspicious package in my front yard . Can you describe it ? Yes , it's brown kind of square and has my name on it . Oh wait , it's my Amazon package , Sir , please remain calm .
Speaker 4Your package has safely arrived . What , why would you call Wait ?
Speaker 3a minute . I'm sorry , that's my Amazon package , oh that might be my weed . Yeah , I got that , never mind , never mind .
Speaker 4I called you .
Speaker 3I locked my keys in my car while it was running . Okay , where are you now Inside the car ? Oh my God . Okay , wait , sir , problem solved . Okay , see , we think we're bad on this stuff right now Doing these little experiments . What the fuck are these ?
Speaker 4people on Exactly .
Speaker 3It's like that video you sent me of the guy that was drunk in his car and his wife pretended to be a police officer and he got out and did everything she said .
Speaker 4Yeah , he was walking a line and everything that was funny as shit . Dumb shit . Yeah , that would be me .
Speaker 3Oh God , oh yes ma'am , let's see , I need help . My wife is bad at me . Sir , what did you do ? I told her to calm down . Oh no , I'm sorry , but there's nothing we can do for you now You're on your own .
Speaker 4No , no , we're not coming . You're an idiot . We're not coming , you idiot , we're not coming , you idiot . Why would you tell her that ? Oh my God , how long you been with her .
Speaker 3Oh , the old cat stuck in the tree . Can you send the fire department ? Sure , have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree ? No , exactly , it'll come down when it's hungry .
Speaker 4Well , you know she just had kittens and you know how it is when you see your mom caught on a tree . Get the hell out of the garage Caught up in a tree , I'm gone .
Speaker 3Okay , there's a raccoon in my garage and it won't leave . Did you try opening the garage door ? No , please try that and call me back if it applies for a mortgage and refuses to leave . I saw a UFO in the sky . Can you describe it ? Of course you did . It had flashing lights and moved real fast .
Speaker 3You're reading Ezekiel Sir , that was probably on an airplane , but it was moving . Weird Sounds like turbulence . It was blinking because airplanes have lights on . Oh , oh , they do . Airplanes have lights . There's another one . There's a strange man in my driveway . Can you describe him ? He's about 5'10" , brown hair , wearing a red hoodie . Okay , and what's he doing ? Getting out of his car . Does he have a key ? Oh , sorry , that's my son .
Speaker 4Okay , overexcited a little bit . What the frick ? I'm sure there's more . I would love to press charges against extra pickles .
Speaker 3And a little 911 because those calls were stupid . That's just as dumb , that's stupid , that is ridiculous .
Speaker 4Oh my goodness .
Speaker 3That's awesome . That is awesome . You know , I've been wondering . I haven't seen a Pippin Squeak in two weeks , yeah , and I wonder if Squeak's still pissed off about the gummy situation .
Speaker 4That's probably why you haven't heard from him in a while . Well , you know , with that attitude , you know , and he's probably driving .
Speaker 3Well , why didn't he ever come in ? We never saw him for negotiations , yeah well .
Speaker 4We told him about it . I guess he didn't have a helicopter that day .
Speaker 3You know what ? Maybe we should send Troy from now on to go pick his ass up . That'd be awesome .
Speaker 4He could just sit with Troy the whole time . See how he enjoys that Matter of fact . You know what ?
Speaker 3Matter of fact , I'm going to put the word out for Troy . Yeah , I think he's going to drag their asses in here . Okay , I think that's what . Well , we know , pip , yeah he's ready to come .
Speaker 4He's ready to come , but then again .
Speaker 3Pip only lives a few blocks down the road . Yeah , well in .
Speaker 4Squeak what he's doing . He told me about that possum again . He's all the time talking about the possum .
Speaker 3I'd like to know more about this possum Well one day I'll tell you the story he told me . Well , maybe he'll tell the story sometime , maybe this time . Maybe he will . Alrighty , I'll prod him . I think that they are here now , so we'll let them come in and do their thing . Yep , hey , scream , what the hell's up , buddy .
Speaker 1Oh , not much . Just the same old shit . Different thing I hear Troy's going to be picking you up from now on . Like I said
Ending the Podcast and Future Plans
Speaker 1, same old shit , different thing . I said same old shit every day . I can't wait to see you sitting in the helicopter with your best friend , troy .
Speaker 1Well , how long's this damn shit going to go on ? Well , just be happy . He's giving you a ride at all . Happy , yeah , you should be happy . I'm going to ride the river . I'm going to swim across the river . You're an idiot . You're ridiculous . You sound happy . I'm gonna ride the b-b-b-bear . I'm gonna swim across the river . I'm gonna live there .
Speaker 1You're an idiot . How ridiculous you sound . What B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- . I think the people know how you sound this week . Yeah , exactly Like a whiny little bitch . All seven of them . Hey , wow , we're up to seven . I think so . Wow , wow , these guys still suck . Huh , thank you seven . Why are we even here if they only got seven people listening ? This is what I love to do . I don't give a shit . Oh , okay , all right , it seems a damn shame that Troy has to go get your stupid ass now . No , he don't have to . No , but you cried so much . Well , they're going to . You know , mike and Tom really are nice guys . Mike and Tom , yeah , but you tell Troy to go get your ass ? Oh , they're telling him to . Oh , yeah , that's part of his job . No , it's part of the negotiation . You never . They're doing this out of the kindness of their heart . Nope , they're doing it out of the kindness of the contract and being Pip .
Speaker 1You know , top billing guy , I put in a good word Wait , wait , wait , wait , wait , wait . Did I hear that ? Right ? What did you hear ? Top Billing Guy ? No , my name is on the top , is it not ? Yeah , pimp , squeak , right . Well , what the hell would it sound like if it said Squeak Pimp , stupid . Yeah , exactly that's why my name's first . No , that's not why it sounds better , it's just convenient . Well , hey , convenience works for me . Well , a blind squirrel will find a nut every once in a while . Oh , and a broken clock is break week a day .
Speaker 1I don't even know what I'm saying Exactly that's why you're on top , I guess . Are you happy that , just like the last four years of politics , are you happy they left you some gummies ? This time Did they leave me some ? Oh , is that what those were ? Yeah , that wasn't just little snacks , that was actually gummies . Oh , that was candy formies . Oh , that was candy for adults . Oh yeah , that wasn't your basic little snack , squeak . Maybe I shouldn't have ate them all . Oh , now today you ate them all . Whoopsie . Ah yeah , okay Squeak . Well , not okay Squeak , it's okay . Everybody else , because now they're going to listen to me . Oh , I do have more gummies , like , I mean , like I might give me some .
Speaker 1Like that . Let me tell you something about him , okay .
Speaker 1He's a solid individual , solid , he's solid . And that Tom great guy , solid's a solid individual , solid , he's solid . And that Tom great guy , solid as a rock . They both are . Tom , tom is how long you known him ? Tom's a spectacular man . How long you known him ? I haven't known him that long , see , but Mike told me he's a great guy and you believed him . Of course I did , mike . Doesn't lie to me . Mike and I are kindred spirits .
Speaker 1Kindred , yeah , okay , see , not Kindle , huh , not Kindle . Oh , we're not reading it . Well , that's what you thought . Oh , thought something . So what the hell have you been doing for the last two weeks ? Squeak , besides drinking ? Oh , yeah , I guess you still living in that hole in the hill . What do you mean ? Still , of course , that's my home . Maybe you should move a little closer , okay , well , let me ask you this When's the last time you knocked on the damn tree and said hey , keebler Elves , you still living in the damn tree ? Well , at least they move around from tree to tree . Well , they have to . Why ? Because they're burning them down . No one's going to say that damn tree's about to go boom . So why are you so worried about the tree going poof ? Well , you ever been around a tree that went poof . Yeah , it's pretty cool actually . No , there's always law enforcement telling you get out . Get out , you have to go somewhere else . But you're not living in a tree . That's the little elves . They're idiots . Well we already know that ?
Speaker 1Well , you know how explosive fudge is . Why are you still pissed off at these little elves anyways ? Well , what are they ? And again with the snap , crack or pop . Those are actually cool guys . All these people are your enemies . No , they're not my enemies .
Speaker 1Well , we're all in . I'll have you know . Okay , have me know . Snap invited me over for a dinner and Crackle and Pop were there and the head little elf from Keibler . He was there . It was a great time .
Speaker 1I wish you would have came . Yeah , I bet you wish you would have . I did Several times and the rice kispe . Yeah , yeah , snap crackles , it was almost like a ditty party . Yeah , yeah , I got a snap crackle and popped it . Hey , pop was the best part . Yeah , I bet it was . I popped him . Did he ask you , you want a happy ending ? No , pop , no , nobody gave me that . Well , there you go . That's why their cereal is so disappointing .
Speaker 1You know who else was there ? Who ? The little honey from the Smurfs ? You know who else was there ? What ? The little honey from the Smurfs , what ? Who ? The little honey from the Smurfs there ? Smurfette , yeah , my favorite .
Speaker 1Let me tell you , I bet she was hot . Oh , she was Well . No , she seemed kind of cold , cold . Yeah , well , she's blue . Ah , I didn't put the two together . Well , they and people are colored . Okay , oh , that's weird , it's very strange . Necrophiliac , hey , hey , that's not me . She talked , she moaned . Yeah , let's get off of this now , please , you're making me seem creepy . Well , it was a little creepy , no , no , oh , and the things you've done squeaked , aren't . What Should I bring up ? All this shit ? All what shit ? You really want to go there ? Okay , where are we going ?
Speaker 1Let's talk about that squirrel in the video from a couple weeks ago . I still don't know how you got that video . I'm not telling you my sources . I know your source . No , you don't . Ai , see , yeah , bill's not only a guy that does documentaries for us , catchy PT . Yeah , we found out that's a damn bomb . Bill's a private eye also . Yeah , private eye he is . We're watching you . He was watching you that day , buddy , every move . See , we caught that action with you . And the squirrel ? No , you didn't . Should I show you the video again ? Ai , have you looked on YouTube and seen it yet ? Ai , no , that doesn't look like AI . Yeah , kinda , Now you can say it . You ever seen Squirrel with nuts that big ?
Speaker 1Well here's the thing . What Next week ? I heard Mike and Tom are inviting said squirrel to be on the podcast . Wait , talk about your little time together . Okay , wait a minute . Oh , what ? What ? Now I'm the same podcast that I'm going to be on . Are you looking forward to it ? Well , it depends On . Well , does he know I'm going to be here ? I think that's why he's coming . Well , he's going to sneak up on me . Then huh , once again , okay , is he really sneaking up on me ? Then huh , once again , okay . Is he really sneaking up on you ? Or were you expecting it ? Well , here , let me just explain something to you . Oh , okay , when the ship flies , okay , and the nuts come out of the woodwork , we're gonna see . Yeah , well , that's what we're going to see .
Speaker 1What are you going to see Nuts ? Nope , well , probably that because they're huge . Have you seen the video ? Well , that's why I'm fighting it so bad . Well , because it's . I think it'll be interesting next week . No , there's no interesting thing about it , and I wish you would really be here for that . I want to see you confront the squirrel . I'm thinking about going somewhere .
Speaker 2Don't bring any weapons ?
Speaker 1What kind of weapons ? No , don't bring any of your weapons . How do you know about my weapons ? Come on , squeak , everyone knows . Well , oh , I didn't know you were a gun owner . Maybe you shouldn't drink so much . Exactly , maybe , squeak , you shouldn't drink so heavily . There's nothing heavy about the way I drink . Then squirrels won't be bending your ass over in a parking lot , hey , that's why I drink light beer . Not heavy at all . Won't be bending your ass over in a parking lot , hey , that's why I drink light beer . Oh , not heavy at all , I bet you he was heavy on your back .
Speaker 1Well , keep that . Yeah Well , squirrel shit . All right , you know I'm going to go see that guy , mike , about another gummy , so I'm out of here . Wait a minute . He got gummies . Oh no , no , no , let me rephrase that , no , no , that's the ones we probably left .
Speaker 5No .
Speaker 1I just want a regular gummy , you know , like Sour Patch Kid gummies or something . You're lying , yeah , I am . Anyway , we haven't had a Sour Patch gummy since we were in sixth grade . Just be ready when Troy picks your ass up next time . Squeak On that note . I'm out Later All right , it seems .
Speaker 3What happened was we forgot to do an ending for our podcast , so hopefully Tom calls in soon . In the meantime , as I'm sitting here drinking a nice frosty beverage , hopefully Tom's doing the same . You know , that's what happens when you do research of things . You know you forget shit . It is what it is . We're not perfect . Everybody knows that . Oh , and here we go , hello .
Speaker 4So are we going to do the music thing , or what are we going to do ?
Speaker 3Well , I wasn't going to do the music . I figured we'd just do a quick ending for this podcast that we screwed up on in the ending . And we'll'd just do a quick ending for this podcast that we screwed up on in the ending , and we'll save that for our next podcast . Okay , yeah , so are you kicking back with a beer right now ?
Speaker 4I am kicking back with a beer right now . I have my bowl and I'm in the car .
Speaker 3All right , wait a minute . You sounded a little rough , so let's see if I can correct this .
Speaker 4Okay , you tell me when to talk .
Speaker 3Yeah , you just keep talking . Hey , this is trial by error here , so we'll find out .
Speaker 4Okay , all right . Well , I got home , didn't see no pheasant bird today , so I'm wondering if they got him . I hear a back echo , like we did before .
Speaker 3How about that ?
Speaker 4How does that sound ? Yeah , it's not doing it anymore . Okay , I know what it is , because at first it wasn't either , right , okay , nope , I know what it is .
Speaker 3Because at first it wasn't either . Right , okay , nope , I see what it was . It's cool , but it still sounds a little different from last time . I don't know what it is .
Speaker 4Well , I was in my bathroom the last time , but this time I'm in my car . Tom is in his car .
Speaker 3He doesn't live in his car . Tom is in his car . He doesn't live in his car .
Speaker 4I'm driving in my car .
Speaker 3No , no , no , You're actually sitting there , so Pip and Squeak what's going on . We're sending Troy out to pick up Squeak now .
Speaker 4Yeah well , he threw such a fit and everything and you know they told him it was the kindest of his heart and he's like no , it's a contract . So now it's all about the contract .
Speaker 3But he never signed a contract .
Speaker 4Yeah , see , that's what I'm thinking , but Pip actually has him believing that he's got a contract . Well Pip does have a contract Right .
Speaker 3Well , you know he gets beer and an Uber .
Speaker 4Yep , yep and yeah , it's just crazy don't forget .
Speaker 3Squeak was invited to come in , but he decided not to come out of his little hole .
Speaker 4Too busy yeah , oh yeah , the possum was having some kind of get together the possum .
Speaker 3So we're going to have kind of get together .
Speaker 2Oh , that's awesome .
Speaker 3So we're going to have I guess the squirrel's going to be in for next week .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah or soon .
Speaker 3Now will Squeak be there .
Speaker 4Hey , man , I tell you what if we're doing a podcast , squeak's not going to miss the opportunity to give his two sins . I promise you . I promise you what if we're doing a podcast , screech is not going to miss the opportunity to give his two cents .
Speaker 3I promise you . I promise you , I might be a little embarrassed to show up .
Speaker 4Well see , personally I don't know that I would let him go about that square . Yet .
Speaker 3I think Pip mentioned it , though , if I remember correctly , when they were talking .
Speaker 4Yeah , he did , and that's why I wouldn't say nothing else . Maybe he'll forget , maybe he won't . I just sometimes he's got a mind of his own . It's squeak . This is true , this is true of his own .
Speaker 3It's squeak . This is true , this is true . So how was your two-hour ride home ? Seems like it takes you forever to get home .
Speaker 4Yeah , it does . It's a relaxing ride most of the time , but I had to do a couple things . Well , I wasn't working until 5 o'clock . And I left work and came straight home after stopping at a convenience store for some beverages . Ah excellent and some candy bars for the company and my wife . There's some other lady .
Speaker 3Some other lady , excellent , excellent .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , and we plan on taking a family little journey over toward home . That is great . I can't see what kind of roads they've got opened up up in there by now . See what kind of damage they've got opened up up in there by now . See what kind of damage was done , if any .
Speaker 3Cool ? I guess Not cool .
Speaker 4Well it'll be a ride .
Speaker 3Well , I guess that's what I meant Family thing .
Speaker 4Yeah , but usually it's just two of us . Tomorrow it's going to be four of us , so we'll see how it goes .
Speaker 3Won't there be six of you ? Well , yeah , because the two of us , Ah see .
Speaker 4Yeah , but they don't take up a whole lot of room .
Speaker 3No , of course not .
Speaker 4I'm hoping that we can get out a little early and get everything started . Then that way I can get home and relax a little bit tomorrow evening before I start getting . Can we do this ? Can we wash my car ? Can we cause it's ? Can we wash my car ? Yeah , because it's coming . It's time . This weather's beautiful man .
Speaker 3No , this weather is gorgeous .
Speaker 4The outside .
Speaker 3We look like we're in for a good stretch . I think we're going to miss those storms , the brunt of them anyway .
Speaker 4Yeah , it says we're going to get a little bit of rain , but probably not .
Speaker 3Yeah , I think that's severe weather . As far as the tornadoes and everything , I think we dodged that one , which still sucks for other people . Obviously , exactly , exactly , but yeah , the little guys definitely did have some stuff going on today , but , uh , I think we're going to have Troy in next week too . Oh , there you go , yeah , yeah , I think that's what we're going to do . Cool , I do want to see how the the old helicopter ride went with , uh , squeak .
Speaker 4Okay , you know you're going to have Troy there , the squirrel there , and Well , the squirrel's not confirmed .
Speaker 3Troy , we Troy , he'll come in . Well , Troy's he loves confronting Squeak anyways . Yeah , he likes to park in the parking place anyway . Don't forget he's still a little pissed off over that little melon incident .
Speaker 4Yeah . Well this is a neat little thing . We now have this new box that we're using and I'm sitting in the driveway watching rabbits jump and play out in the yard and you're at home relaxing and it's just it's kind and play out in the yard and you're at home relaxing and it's just , it's kind of a neat thing . If this works , it'll be pretty cool .
Speaker 3Yep , you still sound more muffled than last time , though that's the only problem .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3I wonder what happens if you stood out of the vehicle .
Speaker 4I'll be outside .
Speaker 3Yeah , I wonder how that would sound .
Speaker 4Oh well , you want me to roll the window down ?
Speaker 3That would kind of be halfway , okay , yeah , heaven forbid , tom . I asked you to get out of your seat and plus , I know what a chore that is .
Speaker 4Well , I just did the big , big , big , big chore going on . But it didn't matter , it did it anyway .
Speaker 3So yeah , there you go . But can you hear it ? Yeah , I can still hear you . Hey , it is what it is .
Speaker 4Right , is it a little different now ?
Speaker 3What's that ?
Speaker 4Is it different now ?
Speaker 3Yeah , it sounds a little better , doesn't sound like you're stuck in something ?
Speaker 4Right , well , maybe I ought to just stand outside the car then .
Speaker 3Well , you don't have to stand .
Speaker 4Well , it don't matter , I got a chair over here .
Speaker 3There you go .
Speaker 4It's beautiful out here . I'm in shorts and short-sleeved shirt Just walking around in the yard .
Speaker 3That's gorgeous , it is gorgeous .
Speaker 4It's nice out here . It's nice out here , but can you imagine this weather being like this for the next two weeks , three , four months ? Hell this weather could be like this for the rest of the year and I'd be happy .
Speaker 3Yeah , me too .
Speaker 4Well , I do like my fall . Yeah , fall is a good time of year because everything's starting to get crisp .
Speaker 3Yeah , exactly .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3Get your apples . Let's talk about . Why don't we bring up our topic for next week ? Okay , we're going to go down a musical , another musical journey , a road of what do you want to call this nostalgia ? Yeah , we're going to talk about songs we grew up with that were popular , but somehow people forgot about them because of other popular . But it's a weird thing we've been talking about . Yeah , it's fun , it's a nice little drive down memory lane .
Speaker 4Yeah , kind of jog everybody's memory . I mean that won't be the whole podcast .
Speaker 3That's not going to be a whole podcast , obviously ,
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Speaker 3but it'll be a segment . Yeah , I think we're going to keep that up for a couple weeks , because I kind of like that . We love talking about music .
Speaker 4We always do at work .
Speaker 3Anyway , it's something to stick to . I kind of like the idea Plus something we know something about . That kind of helps , not just talking out our ass . That kind of helps , not just talking out our ass . Yeah , we do that . People , you do your own research . Half the time they do their own research . These fucking guys are idiots , man speaking of research yes . I learned something today what did you learn today ?
Speaker 4no , read the package . I learned something today . What did you learn today ? No , read the package . Not every one of them is the same milligram strength . If it says 600 milligrams , that doesn't mean it's the same as the other 600 milligrams . You took some other where you need to find out what kind of mixture is in there .
Speaker 3That thing turned on me about one o'clock . Yeah , it went a little dark for you .
Speaker 4I don't know what happened , but it was it reminded me of the scene in . The Exorcist with the green pea soup .
Speaker 3Damn .
Speaker 4That's sort of what it reminded me of .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , that's TMI there , buddy .
Speaker 4Okay .
Speaker 3Too much info .
Speaker 4Yeah , you got it Right .
Speaker 3So I explained to everybody what idiots we were , how we never did the ending to our podcast . Research went a little too well yes , it did it's like oops , hey , tom , yeah , what's up ? Mike ? How did it sound ? It's okay , but we don't have an ending . What I looked wait a minute , did we do an ending ? I don't even think we did . I don't have an ending . What I looked Wait a minute , did we do an ending ? I don't even think we did .
Speaker 4I don't think we did .
Speaker 3All right , we tried to get together , but at work and geez , I worked 11 hours , you worked 10 hours .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3And it's like just no time and we both got stuff going on this weekend .
Speaker 1Yeah four weeks we're working .
Speaker 3This was the best way to do it . It might not be the best sounding , but this is it anyways . So you know it is what it is .
Speaker 4Bear with us , yep bear with us , we're still on .
Speaker 3Just how it has to go .
Speaker 4But we are the same .
Speaker 3And we don't have a little button to push and make fart sounds . I don't care what the hell Daniel said Bastard .
Speaker 4Right , there's no button .
Speaker 3That guy's rude . Can we find somebody else who took over for him one time ? Who the hell was that ? Troy did sports ? Was it Bill ? Yeah , Bill . What a respectable dude . Bill yeah , freaking squeak Bill Bill is . Anyways .
Speaker 4Well , I heard the pheasant just now . I just haven't seen it .
Speaker 3I thought there was two .
Speaker 4There was . He went way over to the other side of the county . I saw him at the pond up there by Whipple Wheel Academy , which is a good three to five miles away from my house .
Speaker 3Huh , sure , it's the same one .
Speaker 4The other one has stayed right here . Well , they're the only pheasants aren't really local here in North Carolina , so they've got to be the ones that were here . Oh okay , see these people get charged for these birds , and if they miss them , I mean these birds are still out here running around . Oh , okay , see these people get charged for these birds , and if they miss them , I mean these birds are still out here running around .
Speaker 3Oh , okay , gotcha , I'd be mad if I had to pay $600 to shoot these birds , and then there's somebody's pets in their yard now .
Speaker 4They're still running around over here . Yeah , the next Saturday people get to come and shoot him .
Speaker 3Excellent . Well , tom , I think we're going to end this now . Okay , I want to bring up to Everybody again Our website , mtopodcom . Go on there . You can leave . There's a little microphone on the bottom right . You can leave voicemails . There's all kinds of ways . We got Spotify , amazon Music , iheart , deezer what's that other one ? That good one there , tom , that we've been Player FM , what was that one ?
Speaker 3Yeah , Player FM yeah , no it wasn't Player FM , though , I can't remember , but damn , that site seems to pinpoint when it breaks down our podcast , that really breaks it down . Well , everything Deep , cast Deep , cast FM Deep cast . That's the one .
Speaker 4Deep cast FM .
Speaker 3But yeah , if you're going to listen to sites . But again , we're on all platforms and I guess that'll do it for this week . That'll pretty much be it , and Tom and I will be together not this weekend but the following weekend .
Speaker 4Right , Well , actually the weekend coming up , because when this goes out .
Speaker 3this will be out on Wednesday , so that weekend we'll be together again . So , anyways , it's every two weeks right now . That's just the way it is . That's all time gives us .
Speaker 1We wish we could do it more .
Speaker 3Tom and I wish we could do this every day .
Speaker 4Every day would be awesome .
Speaker 3I mean we do it at work , but it's just not the same . We get yelled at if we talk too much .
Speaker 4It's like school , yeah , but it's been a good podcast and we're getting to do other research now , finding out what this phone thing is going to sound like and how we can better it if we need to . But we appreciate everybody and hope you have a good weekend and be safe . Everybody , and as always , we thank God for the gift of Gap .
Speaker 3Everyone take care and God bless Later .
Speaker 2And that's going to do it for this week's episode of the MT Alternative . If you made it this far , congratulations . You've officially wasted another hour of your life . Don't worry , we won't tell anyone , but your Spotify algorithm definitely knows . Next week , troy will be joining us , which means things are about to get even more chaotic . And as for Squeak , well , let's just say there's a little surprise in store . Don't worry , squeak , it probably won't be traumatizing . Probably Mike and Tom will be back next week too , assuming they don't suddenly develop a convenient case of food poisoning . Until then , stay questionable , stay mildly concerned and remember it's not our fault . You keep coming back .
