Global Absurdities: From Oval Office showdowns to Ridiculous 911 Calls
00:00 - Welcome to MT Alternative Podcast
10:00 - Exploring the Trump
22:00 - Chaotic Politics and Social Commentary
34:30 - Ridiculous 911 Calls: Laughing Through the Absurd
45:00 - Reflections on Political Discourse
58:00 - Closing Thoughts and Future Episodes
Welcome to MT Alternative Podcast
Speaker 2Welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast , the show where Mike and Tom take the news , flip it upside down , shake it a little and somehow still make more sense than your average cable news panel . I'm Daniel , your guide through this weekly descent into madness . Tonight , our fearless duo tackles the Trump-Zelensky fiasco because apparently we haven't had enough political chaos this decade . Was it a scandal , a misunderstanding ? Just another day in Trump world , mike and Tom will sort through the nonsense . So you don't have to . And if that's not enough to keep you entertained , they've also lined up a few other ridiculous topics because , let's be honest , the world never stops serving up fresh stupidity . So grab a drink , lower your expectations and let's get into it .
Speaker 3All right , welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast . Tom , what the hell's going on , man ?
Speaker 4Not too much , Mike . What's up with you ?
Speaker 3Not a hell of a lot , you know you know , yeah , we've been with you , not a hell of a lot .
Speaker 4You know , you know , yeah we've been doing it together A little research . Oh yes , research , How's it going ?
Speaker 3Research is going great on my end ?
Speaker 4How about your end ? Oh , that's wonderful .
Speaker 3Excellent , it's wonderful .
Speaker 4I think we're where we're supposed to be .
Speaker 3Geez , I'm hoping for a little more , really .
Speaker 4But so , geez , I'm hoping for a little more , but really , so far I'm liking it okay , yeah , yeah , no , I'm enjoying it yeah , the research we're talking about is uh some mushroom gummies a local establishment has , uh , provided these things . So we're gonna do our little research on provide them , so to speak . We bought them , purchased them right well , yeah they were there shout out to morganton hemp uh , morgan and hemp yay great people so how do you feel ?
Speaker 3I told you I feel fucking awesome man , oh , you did tell me yeah , I did tell you how about you ?
Speaker 4you shall not pass are you a ? Dragon . Well , no , I'm trying to keep the dragon from us .
Speaker 3Okay , I appreciate that .
Speaker 4And he shall not pass .
Speaker 3Anyways , have a Saturday off .
Speaker 4Yeah , what's this all about ? It's not Sunday , no , no , no , and we're off .
Speaker 3Sunday get to do our thing .
Speaker 4This feels awesome yeah .
Speaker 3It feels good to get away from work . Yeah , any day away from work is good day , hey we'll do it all over again Monday , but hey , until then , here we are . So what do you think about the old Trump-Zelensky little ?
Speaker 4Well , let me just tell you , this is how I feel about it .
Speaker 3How do you feel ?
Speaker 4I am so excited that we have a man that's going to stand up .
Speaker 3Yeah , we have a president with balls .
Speaker 4Yeah , that's not going to be a politician and not going to be worried about . Oh , they might not spend this kind of money with us and we might not get that from them .
Speaker 3Well , let's not forget .
Speaker 4We don't care .
Speaker 3Let's not forget this is why he was voted in . People seem to forget that . Yeah , Everything Trump is doing right now is what he . That was his agenda , pretty much .
Speaker 4Yeah , and we knew this .
Speaker 3That's why people voted for him .
Speaker 4And that's why other people are so pissed off , get over it .
Speaker 3You know we deal with the other shit for four years . How'd that go ? None of us cried like you , little bitches . I shouldn't say that shit . I don't want to make this mean or anything . Nope but anyway that part .
Speaker 4We have a guy now in office that's just not going to let people push us around , no more . I mean , there's a reason . We're trillions of dollars in debt .
Speaker 3Is he a polished person ? No , but I don't need my president to be polished , no , I , hey . I voted for Obama that first term . Oh excellent , it's going to be changed . Where'd that change come from ? Who's a salesman ? Yep , use car salesperson . That's what I thought of him . They didn't vote for him . That second term we discussed this before Yep , where'd that get us ? And here's another thing I want to bring up .
Speaker 3I don't want to get away from the Zelensky-Trump thing because I do want to talk about that , but this immigration bullshit that's going on , people getting pissed at Trump for what he's doing , they forget Obama was how many of these ? Over 2 million he sent back ? Nobody squawked then , not a person . And 2 million he sent back Nobody squawked then , not a person . And I wasn't going to squawk then I mean , that's one thing he did that .
Speaker 4I appreciated that was a great thing .
Speaker 3But now , all of a sudden , it's the hypocrisy , Tom . I'll tell you . Well , it's double-sided .
Speaker 4Double-sided Everything's double standard .
Speaker 3It's crazy . Let's get back to Zelensky and Trump .
Speaker 4I mean , here's the whole point I feel like Trump was so upset about was the feeling he got that Zelensky didn't even feel appreciative , no Of anything .
Speaker 3Very arrogant .
Speaker 4He came off as arrogant . I'm here to get this . I'm here to get this , not hey . Can you please help me ?
Speaker 3Unfortunately , he was probably looking for the older guy he spoke to earlier .
Speaker 4Yeah , where's the older guy ?
Speaker 3I spent earlier . Can I speak to him again ?
Speaker 4Yeah , please .
Speaker 3I saw that meme . I don't know who posted that , but that was awesome .
Speaker 4Yeah , great one .
Speaker 3It was good . So pretty boring time of season in sports for me .
Speaker 4Yeah , there's not a whole lot going on . I'm not into basketball .
Speaker 3much March Madness will be coming up . I know you get into that ?
Speaker 4Yes , I do get into that a little bit because I have a team that usually wins , but anyway , I heard they got bumped out of number one already .
Speaker 3for some reason I'd involved the top whatever 25 .
Speaker 4But anyway I just jumped around .
Speaker 3But back to the Zielinski thing and let's's see as far as why , why , why do we want to stick up for ukraine ? Listen , like trump said , he doesn't want anybody dying . Doesn't want anybody dying , nobody . Oh , he's a putin puppet . No , no , he's not . He wants peace . I believe that , and I can't see . You got warmongers in the freaking yeah , war makes money . Yeah , exactly , it does the war machine .
Speaker 4That's crazy , but here you got a guy that wants to stop the killing .
Speaker 3Oh no , no , no , that's not good .
Speaker 4That's not good for our bottom line . Well , who was it ? The Gates , didn't he say it ? The best we can make this vaccine and decrease the population this month .
Speaker 3That's what he wants he said it people . It's on video A couple years ago , but yeah , he said it .
Speaker 4It was there .
Speaker 3Look it up people .
Speaker 4The decrease means less .
Speaker 3I really don't know what Zelensky's whole issue was . He thought he was going to do it . He thought it was going to be like Biden he was going to come in . He was going to get some money and leave and yeah , see you later . What gets me even more is all these European countries backing Ukraine . I understand the part of backing Ukraine on certain things .
Speaker 4Sure .
Speaker 3We're not going to give you money on it . Let these European countries pay whatever you're doing , then yeah . European countries pay whatever you're doing , then yeah , because if they want it back , let them help back . Oh well , we need security . Well , you know what ? Get security , we got a favor . We need some mineral rights , and I agree with that . Why to give money away constantly with no payback ? Nope .
Speaker 4Well , you're protecting them .
Speaker 3We're not the world's protectors .
Speaker 4Nope .
Speaker 3I don't care what people think . We're a country we're protecting our own a hope we should be protected .
Speaker 4Now we are and now I'm gonna vote for a person who's going to protect our own what she's doing right , and I'm sorry for the people who don't see it that way . Oh , they see the okay . But the people who hate him hate him because they him , because he don't fit their needs . He's not helping their need .
Speaker 3The thing is , he is helping their needs . Oh , you're talking about politicians , Right ?
Speaker 4right right .
Speaker 3Okay , I got you , not the normal everyday people .
Speaker 4No , no , no , no , right , normal , everyday people .
Speaker 3Most people do understand that other people going to your point . Only listen to those other newscasters . We know I don't want to call them newscaster journalists . They're paid off . You're only getting one side of the story and people can't see that you know what people I'm going to be honest . I believe Fox News has their agenda too , but the more you watch Fox News and the more people on there they do call out certain things on Trump .
Speaker 4Yeah , they do .
Speaker 3Which I've never seen any of the other stations MSNBC , nbc , cbs , abc ever call out Biden . They won't call out Biden . We know why now , but anyways , let's drift off it . We've ranted for a little bit here on politics , so of course we can do a whole podcast on this shit .
Speaker 4Yeah , because point blank , Zelensky just disrespected our country .
Speaker 3You may not like it , but in the long run we can't keep throwing money away like that . We can't ?
Speaker 4He came over here , disrespected us by not being appreciative of what we were already doing .
Speaker 3Absolutely right . That's the number one . Can't come over here all arrogant .
Speaker 4When you decide to change your when you're a parent remember when the kid was little bitty when you decide to change your attitude , you can come back in here with the rest of us .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 4It kind of just makes me laugh .
Speaker 3That's
Exploring the Trump
Speaker 3basically what it was . It just makes me laugh that he's acting the way he is and everybody thinks he was getting bullied on . You can't in our country . Anyways , like I said , we could do a whole segment , but we'll get off of this and drift on to some other shit .
Speaker 4Other shit . Hey that ought to be a segment .
Speaker 3Other shit . Let's talk other shit . We could make that another segment .
Speaker 4That would be pretty cool . Ladies and gentlemen , welcome to the .
Speaker 3MTBcast , where we talk other shit . Other shit . Anywho , this is nice .
Speaker 4Did you just say anywho ?
Speaker 3I did .
Speaker 4You're just trying to enrage it .
Speaker 3It's the mushroom gummies talking .
Speaker 4No , no , no . I would have never said that .
Speaker 3You have said it .
Speaker 4What you have no but at work . Oh , that one day I surprised , you didn't .
Speaker 3I yeah , I said whoa , where'd that come from ?
Speaker 4Things happen .
Speaker 3How many beers you on now ?
Speaker 4This is number two . Oh , no , I'm sorry , number three . Number three .
Speaker 3it is I'm on number two .
Speaker 4This is number three and it's full still .
Speaker 3So we got to talk about our new little thing we're getting in the mail .
Speaker 4Oh yeah , this thing is going to cause us to be able to expand so many different ways .
Speaker 3Hopefully it will help out Sound-wise . Anyways , we're trying to . Tom and I are trying to get better at podcasting . Obviously we're doing this for fun , but we don't want to make it so . Someone's listening and they're going . What the hell are these guys doing ? It sounds like shit , even to us . We want it better .
Speaker 4Yes .
Speaker 3For our own satisfaction and hopefully it sounds better to other people .
Speaker 4We basically invite you into our lives for an hour , a day or a week . Every couple of weeks we have no structure as you all know . There's really no structure to this . This is what our life is . This is what we think about .
Speaker 3But going back to the Moon , pod Track 8 .
Speaker 4Ah , yeah .
Speaker 3Zoom , see how that works out Right now . We've got some , you know .
Speaker 4It's going to be great .
Speaker 3It really is .
Speaker 4We're going to have a lot of options open to us .
Speaker 3It's going to be a big difference . It involves you guys .
Speaker 4Some of it does .
Speaker 3Right , so I'm excited to get that . I got other things in the mail I'm waiting for . Excited about that , won't bring that up , but hey , oh yeah , it is what it is there , and Wait a minute . What .
Speaker 4That made it sound like you're waiting for some sort of like inflatable toy or something .
Speaker 3No , no , some goodies . Nothing inflatable , oh no , inflatable . Okay , some tasty treats . Let's just say that , okay , yeah , tasty treats .
Speaker 4Tasty treats ?
Speaker 3No , you know hey , I'm not opposed to having an inflatable doll sent here . I mean , it could be good company . That's all I'm thinking of .
Speaker 4Okay .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4That's it . So is that a hint for your birthday ? Next , is that what you want me ?
Speaker 3to do . Oh , you know , no , yes , no . But you know , I mean , if you give it to me , I'm not going to say , tom , I don't want it , but don't go out of your way getting it .
Speaker 4Okay , get it .
Speaker 3So , all right , amazon . Where do we get Amazon ? Where do we get amazon ? Where do we go from here ?
Speaker 4oh boy , yeah , that was a little stroll , yeah , a little different , through the park of a mind I don't know where to go from here I don't really know , but I'm gonna go okay , let's go okay where are we going ? I don't care . All right , you want to go to floyd's get a ball of pop .
Speaker 3We could go to Floyd's or you know what . Maybe I'm looking for that infamous frickin' marathon bar .
Speaker 4Oh yeah , remember the marathon back in the day .
Speaker 3Remember back in the day . Ah , the beginning . The beginning of our stupidity .
Speaker 4Yeah , that was great you ought to go back and listen to it .
Speaker 3I see these gummies are making us just talk . I like it , dumb shit .
Speaker 4Yeah , well see that's what . This is your brain .
Speaker 3It's actually pretty good though . Yeah , it's so funny , feeling good . This is awesome . It's going to be fun to go back and listen to what the hell we said .
Speaker 4Just living .
Speaker 3I'm going to take myself a little sippy poo .
Speaker 4You can't get a sippy poo , I'll take one too . The only mine's going to be a cheddar lugga .
Speaker 3I said I'm going to need another . Anyways , hey , have you heard from the little guys ? Not this week .
Speaker 4Anyways , hey , have you heard from the little guys .
Speaker 3Not this week . No me either . I wonder what's going on . Well , it's been a couple of weeks .
Speaker 4Yeah , they really pelted some people last week .
Speaker 3I'm not sure it's funny . I can't remember that so much either . It was about the Snap Crackle Pop guys ? I believe that was the time before , yeah oh , maybe you're right , see , I can't remember no okay , so research is too much research yeah , maybe we should have researched last . You know what I'm gonna let them . I think they're here , so let's let them come in , do their thing and , uh , we'll be back back .
Speaker 1Hey , what , hey , what the hell's going on ? Oh yeah , hey , those stupid guys took those mushroom dummies . We left . Wait , we left them . Yeah , you said we were out . Well , I wanted them to have some . I didn't want you to get pissy about it like you sound right now . They were ours , yeah , but we have ours . But we could have had them more . Yeah , we don't need any more Squeak . We don't need you Especially . We don't need any more Squeak . We don't need you Especially . You don't need any more . Well , not yet . Yeah , see , and don't worry , I have more . Where's that ? Ha ha , ha , ha , not telling you . Well , then , you just did I have more . Oh yeah , oh no , I'm not telling you , you just did I have more . Oh yeah , oh no , I'm not telling you . You just did Tell me where they're at . You don't need to know where they are right now . Well , kinda , no , Okay , let's no , think this through .
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 1Think , no , no , just think it through Right here . Listen , okay , I think I need some more . Why , okay , why ? So ? Now , that makes it a need . So I need you to tell me where they're at . You don't need them right now . Yeah , I just explained . I need them . See , that door over there With no door handle . It's on the other side . Well , how am I supposed to know ? Well , mr Dragon will show you the way . Okay , well , this is what I call bait and switch . Okay , why ? Well , because you baited me up on the switch of mine , I ain't giving you no more . How many do you need to take that wartsqueak ? All of them ? No , okay , I lied , I don't have any more . I gave the rest to that Tom and Mike guy . Now wait a minute . Yeah , I lied , you're about to get a pumpkin . Uh , no , no , you're gonna shot through your car here in a minute . I took an Uber here today . You took what ?
Speaker 1Yeah you heard me Uber , an Uber , what . You rode over here with Troy in a helicopter . I don't pay for it . This place pays for it . Wait a minute , wait what ? Yeah , they pay for your Uber . Absolutely , I don't drive . Now , wait a minute . I gotta drive all the way across from Alameda and come all the way across this place and get through that traffic , no , and then a helicopter comes and picks me up and takes me across a river and then I take a shuttle across here . It cost me almost $100 . And you get free Uber . No , it's not free . The company pays for it .
Speaker 1Well , guess what ? What ? You have a car . I don't I get how this works . Okay , you get it now . Okay , wait a minute , wait just one minute now .
Speaker 1Okay , well , does that mean you're going to fill my steak , my freezer , full of steaks because I don't have any ? No , why are you talking about steaks ? Well , you don't have a car . This is a ride to this stupid studio . You act like you should just get stuff because you don't have a car . No , no , I'm not getting free stuff . I'm just getting a ride here , okay , which should cost you some money . I know many people I don't know . It doesn't cost me anything . Throw a token in a bus depot . Wait a minute . Okay , I just got slipped a note here . They will give you $5.75 a week for gas . A week , yeah , for gas . That's your siphon for it ? No , that's taking care of your fuel , no , 575 .
Speaker 1You decide to take a helicopter across the river . You can swim . No , I didn't decide , it was the only way to get there . Swim , I would get wet . Oh boy , squeak , like that's the first time you've ever been wet . It would have been Boo hoo . Well , okay , and maybe if you didn't live out in a little hill out in the middle of nowhere , okay , well , let's just take a shower . Okay , that's your problem . Okay , let's take a shower and everybody get wet . Okay , yay , that sounds stupid . I'm not getting wet . How about you leave some dry clothes here ? Okay , how am I going to get to the dry clothes ?
Speaker 1If I go over there you ever hear of like a plastic bag , something you can put your clothes in Ziploc bag . You know ? Well , I've heard of it . Okay , why do you have to live where you live ? Well , I said I knew about it , I just didn't say I was very good at it . Okay , you live way out in the middle of nowhere . Why ? Yeah , because I want to . Okay , then don't expect everybody to cater to you . Okay , why do you not have a car ? I choose not to drive . Yeah , you choose not to . Don't expect everybody to cater to what you want .
Speaker 1Oh , oh , oh , what happened there ? I didn't want to bring this up . No , you didn't want to bring it up . You knew you'd get hammered . Remember these negotiations a couple of years ? No , last year . Negotiations what negotiations ? Yeah , I negotiated this in my contract . You get a contract . If I have to be here , you guys are going to bring me here . Wait a minute . You got a contract and that's it . And I get that six pack . That's another part of the deal . I put that in negotiations . Wait , wait , wait , wait , wait , wait
Chaotic Politics and Social Commentary
Speaker 1. You got a contract . Oh , yeah , of course .
Speaker 1Squeak , I'm Pip , I'm Squeak . Yeah , you're Squeak , I am the other party . You do some shit . You just say you're there . No , no , no , no , listen , listen , if it wasn't for me , okay , there would be no Pip Squeak , it would just be Pip . And then here I am . No , then what ? Okay , at least it was Snap , crackle and Pop . No , no , no , pip , that's it . Pip , no more . What the hell ? That's stupid . Yeah , it would make me laugh too . I don't understand what is going on in this darn podcast that you would throw that out there . Well , squeak , I tried , I tried my best to get you something better , but they just said it's not worth it . Okay , so I'm just basically here . No , no , no , no , laying around , it's pipsqueak , yeah , pipsqueak , yeah , but you see I got Todd billing . Oh , wait a minute , we're not thinking about this the right way . Then , oh what ?
Speaker 3are we .
Speaker 1Okay , we're together . Yeah , then your , oh , what are we ? Yeah , no , no , no , no , no , yeah , yeah , yeah , all right , then you have to shack up with me , man , no , no , you have to move out from whatever that despicable place you live in . Despicable , yeah , you know . Wait a minute . Now Come on Scree . Yeah , come on , come on Listen . If , yeah , come on , come on Listen .
Speaker 1If we get run in water , we'll be very smart . If the porch is falling down , windows are cracked . Come on , what kind of life is that ? It's a wonderful life . What are you talking about ? Listen . When was the last time you even seen your lawn ? We don't have a lawn , obviously . What the hell ? It's trees . Oh , hey , let me step out and oh , there's a tree . Yes , there's another tree . Yes , that's how it kind of goes . That sounds ridiculous . No , trees , okay , wait a minute . Are you breathing ? Are you breathing ? I always breathe . Thank you , tree . That's all I got to say about that . There you go . So I see you're getting a little testy over all this . Yeah , well , of course . Yeah , set me up . Yeah , well , you know what ? Maybe next time you'll be a little kinder . Well , I will , if you don't give all my shroom gummies to the two of you . Oh , so I'm back , all right , anyway , squeak , hope you have a good week . Yeah , well , have a yeah later .
Speaker 3Well , I don't think Pip should have told Squeak about his little contract with us .
Speaker 4No , not at all .
Speaker 3He was a little upset he is right , though I mean he came up . This is what he wanted . I don't understand what's going on with Squeak .
Speaker 4I don't know .
Speaker 3I think Squeak parties a little too much .
Speaker 4Yeah , he probably got away with it , he's going to get better at negotiating . He's not better at anything .
Speaker 3I have a car . He lives out in that hole in the hill somewhere , way out in the middle of nowhere yeah he's quite the trip , that dude yeah , he brags about a possum that he knows wait a minute . What's this ?
Speaker 4some kind of possum he has a possum .
Speaker 3that's his friend , supposedly a genius , oh shit .
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3Who knew ?
Speaker 4Yeah , so what the hell is that ? I'm not sure . Looks a little mysterious .
Speaker 3Yeah , I don't know what the hell that was .
Speaker 4Speaking of mysterious .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4Gene Hackman .
Speaker 3That's very strange , the whole thing is strange . No carbon monoxide .
Speaker 4The only thing , yeah , that's the only thing they've ruled out , and you just kind of got to wonder what's going on out there . Right , I mean his heart , his pacemaker . The last , I guess they said the last .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's how they knew the time of death pretty much . Yeah right , that's the last thing was like 17 . Yeah right . That's the last thing , and then they're thinking maybe the weird part is , they did say , the dog could have ate some pills . Oh it could have .
Speaker 4Yeah , because it was all doing an autopsy on the dog too .
Speaker 3But this is all weird stuff .
Speaker 4It's just weird , weird stuff .
Speaker 3She's in the bathroom . He's in the mudroom .
Speaker 4Next to the kitchen .
Speaker 3Where was the dog ?
Speaker 4In a crate , locked in a crate .
Speaker 3Oh , then the dog couldn't have ate the pills .
Speaker 4Maybe they gave him the pills and then put him in the crate .
Speaker 3Because they said there was no pills on the floor and on the ground , it was all in the counter .
Speaker 4Yeah , I'm not sure . I'm not sure .
Speaker 3But anyways .
Speaker 4It's just a weird situation Anyway .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4Speaking of weird situations .
Speaker 3I looked up some 911 calls Strange 911 calls that dispatchers have heard . So let's take a little look down that list . See what we got , all right , okay . See what we got , alrighty , okay . Our first one , tom , is titled the Emergency McNuggets Shortage .
Speaker 4Oh my . God .
Speaker 3Okay . A woman called 911 in a panic because a McDonald's ran out of chicken McNuggets . Oh how atrocious . She was furious and demanded the police come to resolve the emergency . Well , of course , mcdonald's are everywhere . Go to another goddamn McDonald's , my God , one night , and no McDuggets is going to ruin your life .
Speaker 4Probably that's all the life you got to call 911 on that .
Speaker 3Oh wait , a minute , here's one , the stuck in a hoodie crisis .
Speaker 4Uh-oh .
Speaker 3Help me . A man called 911 because he got his arms stuck inside his hoodie and couldn't get out .
Speaker 4Of course not .
Speaker 3He was apparently flailing around so much that he thought he was in serious danger .
Speaker 4Listen , put the shrooms down , buddy .
Speaker 3Okay , he may have taken a little too many .
Speaker 4See , this is what research is .
Speaker 3This is why you listen to us .
Speaker 4Yes , listen to us .
Speaker 3This is where you get the research .
Speaker 4Yes , we research it for you , then you don't get caught in a hoodie and call 911 and sound like a damn idiot .
Speaker 3He didn't read the packaging either , obviously . Alright , how about the mystery of the missing remote ? Now , remember folks , these are 911 calls . These aren't just stupid shit . Well , stupid , but 911 calls , Alright . One caller reported a break-in because they couldn't find their TV remote . They were convinced the burglars had snuck in just to steal their remote .
Speaker 4Well , he needed a remote .
Speaker 3What the hell is wrong with these people .
Speaker 4I'm telling you , why would you steal just a remote ? What a dummy .
Speaker 3The cat that was holding them hostage . Oh no , a terrified caller reported being trapped in their own home by an aggressive house cat that wouldn't let them leave the room . Let me put it this way Cats can be little bitches man , they got them claws and them teeth .
Speaker 4Frick them .
Speaker 3Dogs are even afraid of them . Damn things man . Fuck a cat man . I'm going to say that right now . I'd probably do the same thing , anyway .
Speaker 4Unless I shot it . I'm not a cat person either .
Speaker 3All right , okay , here's one the ghost in the house . Is that a reason to call 911 ?
Speaker 4I'm just a ghost in this house .
Speaker 3A woman called 911 , convinced her house was haunted . The dispatcher patiently explained that ghosts aren't an emergency , unless they were actively committing a crime .
Speaker 4Oh well , you know ghosts .
Speaker 3Is that ghost committing a crime right now , man ?
Speaker 4Well , he broke in .
Speaker 3Oh God , this has to go back to COVID . Oh shit , the toilet paper crisis . A panicked man called because he ran out of toilet paper while in the bathroom . He genuinely expected emergency services to bring him some Dude . If you're at your own house , shit , get in the freaking shower . Blow that shit out , done .
Speaker 4Wait a minute , here's my thought .
Speaker 3Okay , shower , blow that shit out , done .
Speaker 4Wait a minute , here's my thought Okay . You have thoughts . I do , finally , at one point here .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4You've got to think .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 4I'm probably going to shit again tomorrow . I probably ought to go buy some toilet paper .
Speaker 3Well , that's true , but in the meantime , why would you call 911 ? Because you don't have it . You already shit , it's already been done . You have a shower , jump in the shower and freaking hose that thing off , man .
Speaker 4Well , that's true too , but my personal thought is just go ahead , don't wipe your ass at all . No , well , that works .
Speaker 3Do you have a phone book Newspaper ?
Speaker 4I'm not using a phone book Newspaper . I'm not using a phone book .
Speaker 3Why not ?
Speaker 4Well , because I need that for stalking . I mean to find people .
Speaker 3Okay , let's not go there again . All right , what do you mean again ? Moving on to no . Moving on to number seven the I've been poisoned call . Yeah , I've had that before . One caller thought they were poisoned , but it turned out they had just eaten too much wasabi for the first time and couldn't handle the spice . Oopsie , oh sorry , listen .
Speaker 4on that note , I have to feel for this person because if there would have been a phone close , I would have called 911 . One day I was at the Pepper Shack in Gatlinburg , tennessee , woo-hoo . Anyway , I had tried . They've got these 18 or older things that you have to be this old . Well , I didn't know . You're supposed to put a toothpick in there and try a little bit on your tongue .
Speaker 3Oh , the hot toes .
Speaker 4Yeah , so it said samples . So , yeah , it said samples . So I took a hot peanut and dipped it in the hot sauce and tossed it in the old mouth . Well , I know that now , but I ran all over .
Speaker 3That's what the toothpicks are for .
Speaker 4No , I thought they were to pick your teeth after you ate the beer .
Speaker 3No , those things are hot . You want a sample ?
Speaker 4Well , anyway , I ran all over the place looking for a freaking drink that day .
Speaker 3I thought I was going to have a heart attack , and that's another thing that doesn't help . You need like bread or milk or something .
Speaker 4Yeah , I don't know whatever , but I thought I was going attack that day .
Speaker 3Here's one that both of us can appreciate and we've probably been there .
Speaker 4What we've fallen and can't get up .
Speaker 3We can . Uh , I'm too high . Incident oh yes , you can relate , I know you can . A man called 911 to report that he was way too high . He told dispatchers that he had eaten too many edibles and time had stopped .
Speaker 4Pretty sure . He wasn't quite sure , but he's pretty sure I'm pretty sure time stopped and I don't know if you'd even come at this time .
Speaker 3Oh , how about the wrong kind of milkshake ? You ever go to a restaurant , you order something , you get the wrong milkshake . What would you do ? Well , my taste buds are waiting , yeah , but you get the milk . Would you just go in and say , listen , I got the wrong milkshake . Wouldn't that take care of it ? You see , it's the wrong milkshake , right ? Not like you're going home and going oh fuck , that's the wrong milkshake well , either way , I'm gonna call like I'm one one right no , we're not doing that oh a man was called 9-1-1 because his fast food milkshake wasn't the right consistency .
Speaker 4Oh , that's even worse .
Speaker 3He thought he had been scammed and wanted an officer to investigate . God , you fucking people are fucking stupid . I just can't believe this . Shit's real . That's awesome . How about the ? My ice cream is too cold .
Speaker 4Well , my God .
Speaker 3That's why I'm calling 911 . Okay , well , wait Listen . I just bought some ice cream . I cold , well , my God , that's
Ridiculous 911 Calls: Laughing Through the Absurd
Speaker 3why I'm calling 911 . Listen . I just bought some ice cream . I took it out of my freezer . It's fucking too cold .
Speaker 4Now , what am I supposed to do with this ? Can you come to my house please , Maybe deep fry that shit .
Speaker 3One frustrated caller dialed 911 to report that the ice cream was too cold and was hurting their teeth .
Speaker 4Oh , Sensodyne people . It's out there .
Speaker 3They wanted to know if there was a way to make it less cold without melting it completely . Sure it is .
Speaker 4Oh , my freaking God , put it in the microwave , dumbass .
Speaker 3You know dispatchers . You have a shitty job already , but damn the stupidity you have to deal with . My God .
Speaker 4I would like to hear the response Just reading some of these , I would like to just hear the responses to these . Well , you know what ? We'll have to look into that next time . We'll look into that next time , that's a good thought for our next episode . That's crazy . But , some people's kids .
Speaker 3I think that's going to be it for this week .
Speaker 4Oh yeah . It should be yeah , but it should be right now , because I'm losing track of what the hell's going on .
Speaker 3I'm not too sure . Yeah , this other research is going well . Research isn't going bad , but it's like I feel like I'm babbling now , but anyways , people listen to us on , uh , pretty much every format .
Speaker 4Check out our website mt alt , podcom and now you know , when we get this new equipment , we're going to be able to be addinga lot and we'll be able to take phone calls yep phone calls and uh cause ? Cause idiots , you know whatever you know , dispute what we're saying , because we all know I don't know what the hell I'm talking about .
Speaker 3So most of the time , yeah , well , most of the time .
Speaker 4Yeah , well , most of the time .
Speaker 3But anyways , folks again Spotify , iheartradio , amazon Music , deezer , player FM , I mean , the list goes on . We're all on our platforms . Mtalpodcom , make sure you check out our website , and I think that's pretty much it , yeah we're pretty popular and we'd like to thank God for the gift of gab . Absolutely , tom and everybody . Peace out .
Speaker 2God bless , have a good week . See you later . And that , dear listeners , brings us to the end of yet another thrilling , life-changing and , dare I say , award-worthy episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . You laughed , you cried , well , mostly at us . But hey , we aim to please . Now , if you've somehow made it this far without throwing your device across the room in frustration , congratulations . You have the patience of a saint or really bad Wi-Fi that wouldn't let you switch to something better . Mike and Tom will be back in two weeks , assuming they don't get distracted by something shiny or forget how to turn on a microphone . Until then , remember question everything , trust no one and always bring snacks . I've been , daniel , you've been well , whatever you are . See you next time . If we haven't been mysteriously disappeared by then , cheers . See you next time if we haven't been mysteriously disappeared by then , cheers .
