Political Blunders, Parking Wars, and Festive Follies: A Hilarious Journey Through Absurdity
Ever wondered why some tales of political blunders sound too funny to be true? Get ready to question everything as we kick off our latest episode after a brief hiatus! We share some hearty laughs over Biden’s classic slip-ups and Kamala Harris’s mystifying motivational speeches. With our signature blend of comedy and commentary, we explore the unpredictable world of politics, reflecting on the chaos of work and end-of-month madness. Plus, don't miss our shoutout to Bill for his enlightening segment on the Brown Mountain Lights – it’s a roller coaster of relatable moments and side-splitting humor.
Next up, parking spot wars escalate into a saga of absurdity, leading to a whimsical debate about UFO landings in rural areas. We humorously dissect stories of ghostly slaves in the mountains and ponder their societal implications. Amidst the laughs, we share our podcasting woes – from unpaid work to the costs of repeated towing incidents. And yes, we reluctantly acknowledge Bill’s charming voice despite his notorious spot-stealing ways. It’s a blend of frustration, amusement, and extraterrestrial musings that you won’t want to miss.
Finally, buckle up for a whimsical tour of America's quirkiest festivals! From Mike the Headless Chicken's annual bash to Florida's Strawberry Festival and Georgia's peanut celebrations, we uncover the eccentricities that make each state unique. Laugh along as we recount bizarre traditions like Illinois’ turtle racing, Idaho’s potato drop, and Oregon’s naked bike ride protest. With personal anecdotes and light-hearted banter, we celebrate the oddities and charm of these state-specific festivities. So, grab your favorite drink and join us for an episode packed with laughs and unforgettable moments!
00:13 - Political Commentary and Satirical Banter
11:45 - Parking Spot Fiasco and Bill's Story
24:24 - State Traditions and Farm Stories
34:19 - Bizarre State Traditions and Podcast Plans
Political Commentary and Satirical Banter
Speaker 1Welcome to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . The podcast with a hodgepodge of stories and topics that will make you ask what the hell were they thinking .
Speaker 2Now here are your hosts , mike and Tom hey hey , hey , welcome back to the Empty Alternative Podcast where we mix a little bit of reality with a lot of laughs . I'm Tom , your go-to guy for all things ridiculous and relatable .
Speaker 3And I'm Mike , the voice of reason , or at least that's what Tom tells me to say we're here to bring you a fresh perspective of everyday life , with a dash of current events and a whole lot of comedy .
Speaker 2That's right , Mike . Whether it's navigating the world of work , surviving family gatherings bring a fresh perspective on everyday life . With a dash of , you know , current events we'll throw in there , and a whole lot of comedy .
Speaker 3Plus we might sprinkle in some headlines , Tom yeah . And hot takes .
Speaker 2Depends on how we get of comment . Plus we might sprinkle in some headlines tom and hot takes . Depends on where the headlines from the latest political antics . So grab your coffee or beer or milk or whatever you're drinking , hit the couch , buckle up buttercup or even listen on your commute yep , you can , uh , buckle up and get ready for the ride of the ups and downs . Yeah , it's down light , hilarious moments there's going to be a lot of them .
Speaker 3It's kind of nice to be back from our little sabbatical too . Yeah , we were off for a little while Sorry people , we had shit to do .
Speaker 2Yeah , but thank you , Bill , for stepping in and giving us some educational points on the .
Speaker 3Brown Mountain .
Speaker 2Lights . It was quite nice of Bill . I learned a lot from Bill Brown Mountain Lights yes , right down the street from .
Speaker 3me .
Speaker 2Maybe we'll have to plan a fall night to go up there and watch for lights .
Speaker 3That would be awesome . Not far from here at all , no , it's not , we can just make a day . That would be pretty cool .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3So it's been a while .
Speaker 2It has been . It's been a couple weeks .
Speaker 3I'd say A couple weeks .
Speaker 2Yeah , almost three .
Speaker 3Working . Yeah , a little trip you took , vacationing yeah .
Speaker 2No , not shrooms .
Speaker 3Work was hell again this week toward the end . Well , with the trucks too , that kind of sucked .
Speaker 2End of the month .
Speaker 3Blah , blah , blah . Here we go again . Month , here we go again . Blah , blah , blah . You got it right .
Speaker 2Ship out everything you can and can , everything you ship out .
Speaker 3You think so ?
Speaker 2Yeah , that's what they say .
Speaker 3A little weird stuff going on this week .
Speaker 2Huh , I'm telling you we've had in the last two or three weeks it's been a roller coaster for the freaking political parties . Huh .
Speaker 3I'll tell you , it's been a week full of classic Bidenisms and Harrisisms , if you want my opinion , tom .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's exactly right .
Speaker 3Some weird-ass stuff going on .
Speaker 2Tell you what . You just don't ever know what's going to happen .
Speaker 3No , you certainly don't , tom , you certainly don't .
Speaker 2But I kind of have to laugh about all this political stuff . I mean both parties are shaking . I mean one guy's getting shot at .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Why another guy ? He bails or dumped them or whatever they did . Yeah or whatever they . Who knows what's going on over there . There's so many opinions and so many players in that game over there , you just don't know what to believe anymore .
Speaker 3Well , you know , Joe , Joe Biden can turn the discussion about agricultural subsidies into a heartfelt old mint chocolate chip . Yeah , mint chocolate chip A little tongue-tied there , First day of my new tongue . That breaking in period is pretty tough .
Speaker 2Yeah , cat had it first to begin with , so now he's got a new one Pussy . Yeah , yeah , the cat , the cat . We'll just leave it at that . Oh boy , so yeah , but it's been a wild , wild ride .
Speaker 3How about did you catch Kamala's speech ? No , it was pretty cool .
Speaker 2She probably talked about .
Speaker 3She tries , but her delivery is sometimes as smooth as a porcupine in a balloon factory . Tom .
Speaker 2That's smooth , ain't it ? She probably went over like a fart in church .
Speaker 3Yeah , sure she's been taking lessons from the old pun master General himself , joe Biden .
Speaker 2Yeah , pun master .
Speaker 3Remember his I'm serious spokes line . It's his signature fucking move after he screws up something .
Speaker 2I'm serious .
Speaker 3Nobody claps for him or joke bombs .
Speaker 2It's like this . He always starts off with that . It's like this , and then he goes into some who knows where he's at Twilight Zone , and then he explains how a motor works on a 57 Plymouth we're not sure . I enjoyed watching him , for the big part because it was hilarious . Right , I get some of my stuff from him .
Speaker 3It's kind of sad though , but you know classic Joe , you know it really is , but why would somebody ? Throw him out there . We need to have a segment dedicated to Joe's top quotes of the week . We can call it Biden's blunders . Yeah , dedicated to Joe's top quotes of the week we can call it Biden's blunders . That would be interesting .
Speaker 2That would be very interesting , but would we have enough time ?
Speaker 3Oh , I don't know about that , Tom .
Speaker 2Yeah , but yeah , it's crazy yeah .
Speaker 3It sounds like another delivery next door . Let's talk about this , Jim . We must and we will make the future better by focusing on what comes next . Good old Kamala .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3That's some profound logic .
Speaker 2That is the most positive thing I've ever heard .
Speaker 3It's like a political version of Yoda , confusing yet somehow wise . And how about Harris's motivational speech to the youth , Something like , oh yes , the one where she said , or something believe in yourselves , because you are the ones you've been waiting for . It's like a pep talk from a fortune cookie .
Speaker 2We enjoy this because it's fun and we like to do it . It's a parade of words that just trounce off our tongue .
Speaker 3But yeah , it's comical . So who knows what's going on ? Who knows if they're going to people are actually going to . We're having , first of all , nobody voted for Kamala , so how can they put her in there ? They can't do that .
Speaker 2I don't know how that works .
Speaker 3I mean , if Joe died or left , she's president now . Yes , I understand that .
Speaker 2But he bowed out .
Speaker 3Yeah , there was no primaries for her .
Speaker 2Okay , so he still has to fulfill his fourth year right till November .
Speaker 3Yeah , but he could just drop out too . But he's not . He's going to stay , supposedly until the end of his term .
Speaker 2The puppet master stayed .
Speaker 3But you can't just hand it to somebody here . No , it doesn't work that way .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , just because we are talking , keep this in mind . Just because the puppet changed , the puppet master is still the same dude .
Speaker 3Yeah , you're right , you're right , Anyways .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3We'll move on .
Speaker 2Yeah , we're going to do a little bit more of that later . Yeah , today we're going to have fun . That's our little comedic .
Speaker 3Look at that . Yeah , I'm sorry people , we find it amusing .
Speaker 2Everybody stays so pissed off at everybody because they don't think the same way . It's just . I don't get that .
Speaker 3How does a bullet , how does bullet fragment hit in the air ? I didn't know , a bullet just exploded in the air Ballistic tips .
Speaker 2Does it zone in and just heat ?
Speaker 3Yeah , what an idiot , the FBI director . Then he corrects himself Well , it was most likely a bullet or shrapnel from a bullet . Did the bullet hit something first ? No , nothing that we know His ear .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's something else , see they . Just I don't know I don't either I'm trying to okay . I work around a lot , as you do a lot of young kids who have no we work with young people yeah , there's a lot , well , some of them young we're the old guy I know but the 20 year olds they bring in there .
Speaker 2The 20-olds they do get in there are crazy . They're idiots . They don't . They're not there to work , they're there to just appease mom and dad . Get out of the house for a while make a little money . Okay , to think that one of those guys had the technique to slip through one of the most secure places at that time . Yeah , and climb a building Everybody else notices , but the right people . Yeah , how was he ?
Speaker 3able to fly a drone .
Speaker 2Over ? Yeah , the secure . And how was he able to speak to an officer and still get on that route ?
Speaker 3Black rock video . What's I don't know Black rock evil .
Speaker 2Yeah , anyway , that's why we have to make .
Speaker 3That's why we got to do our other .
Speaker 2Make light out of it , and we got to do our other .
Speaker 3This is stuff we should be . We're getting off the comedy part of it .
Speaker 2now , see , and that's why we do the comedy part , because the other part's just so stupid but it's been a while yeah , we've got stuff to talk about you know , but uh . So yeah , I did have a good little venture . We went up to the shenandoah state park and drove the skyline and that that was an interesting ride four hours , four and a half hours , something Sounds like a nice ride it was . It was awesome , we had a good time , but yeah , we've got a little rain .
Speaker 3We did finally get some rain . Well , you got more rain than us . We had just barely enough . But , it's helped .
Speaker 2We've actually had rain every evening .
Speaker 3Yeah , I know you have .
Speaker 2Since Monday it's been incredible . Up your way it's been great .
Speaker 3I sit there and watch all the thunderstorms roll on by Like there's the rain .
Speaker 2Nope , we're not getting it this time , but we did get a lot of thunder and lightning .
Speaker 3It's a good light show Excellent . But I'd ask you how everything else has gone . But I see you every damn day . We work on the weekends .
Speaker 2Yeah , so it went basically the same as your day .
Speaker 3Yeah , sucked , yeah , exactly . Oh well , it is what it is .
Speaker 2It's a payday . It's a payday .
Speaker 3It sure is . So have you heard from the little dudes ?
Speaker 2It's been a minute since I talked to him because we were gone and everything's out . But yeah , I seen him this morning . He came in in a ball of fire bitching and moaning about something . I didn't really want to stick around .
Speaker 3Do you know if they listened to the last episode ?
Speaker 2Uh yeah , I think they got in some roundabout lights .
Speaker 3Okay , I can see where . Maybe that touched the nerve .
Speaker 2Well , yeah , well , he's talking about UFOs , it's one of them things . Yeah , yep , that's what it is .
Speaker 3Well , maybe we should just go ahead and get that out of the way .
Speaker 2Let's get them out of the way and go from there , man , okay .
Speaker 3All right , Folks , we're going to go get the little dudes and we'll be back in a while .
Speaker 4Hey , buddy , what's going on ? It's been a while , yeah , not long enough . Wow , that's , I'm just tired . Nice , how do you do ? Yeah , how do you do ? Well , not too good now .
Speaker 4Well , see , that's how I work on you . Yes , I mean , when you're starting , you're starting to piss me off . Okay , see , that's how I work on you . Yes , I mean , we just started and you're starting to piss me off . Okay , see , no , this , guys , is what my life is like Pissing people off .
Speaker 4Yep , why would you want to do that ? You can't be happy . You're not gonna be happy . Ha , well , that's not fair . Fair , yeah , wanna talk about fair . Yeah , let's talk about fair
Parking Spot Fiasco and Bill's Story
Speaker 4.
Speaker 4Okay , fair is when the big bike and Tom are on vacation and that damn Bill shows up and parks in my spot . Why , mine ? Well , I thought Bill did an excellent job . Yeah , I'm sure he did . After he took my spot , he didn't have far to walk , of course he did . All right , they just take the next spot next to him One time . Can't do that . Why they have that reserved For who knows ? I don't know who they reserved it for . Maybe they reserved it for us .
Speaker 4You think I rode my bike , I don't know . Last time I parked there I got towed . See , you should ride a bike . It's healthier for you . I couldn't ride a bike from here to the end of the block , not that I forgot , I just can't do it . But , yeah , you can start off with a trike , yeah , well , anyway , speaking of Bill , yeah , what about the ? That was an excellent little story , excellent . I didn't even know all that . You know why ? Why , it probably ain't true . Why would he lie ? Okay , okay . Ufos lights , right , all this stuff , sure , okay , ufos lights , right , all this stuff , sure , okay . Let's just suppose .
Speaker 3Okay , okay .
Speaker 4There's life on other planets . They're sitting around . Hey honey , we got a long weekend coming . Why don't we just fly to Earth ? You know , say Labor Day , or you know , let's just do it Sounds like a good time . So you think they would come to Orlando ? Since 1947 they've been showing up . You think they'd go see Disneyland or the Grand Canyon or someplace ? Nope , disneyland or the Grand Canyon or someplace ? Nope , they land next to a hog pen in Arkansas every damn time . Well , that's interesting . Yeah , I sawed it . Anyway , what a dumbass . He thinks we believe all that stuff up there in the mountain . What about the stories about the Indians ? Yeah , let me just tell you about that one too . Go ahead . Oh Bill , he gets away with saying it's a slave looking for his master who died in the mountain . What if I had said that ? I'd get bombarded ? You're a racist . Well , he's just giving you a history . Wait a minute . Wait a minute . What slave looks for his master ? Yeah , that's what the thing said . Some people thought it was .
Speaker 4But why would he do that He'd think he'd want to get away . Well , that's what I See . Well , that makes no sense . I'm trying to . How did I miss that ? No sense . I'm trying to tell you how did I miss that , I don't know . He probably had you lulled when he pulled into the most important parking spot in the place . Yeah , I'm King Bill , I'll park wherever I want . Oh , he was a guest host . He's a guest . Yeah , I can guess he's a ho . No , no , a host . Oh yeah , like those idiots . Mike can guess he's a ho . No , no , a host . Oh yeah , like those idiots . Mike and Tom , I have to say one thing about Bill .
Speaker 4He does have a nice voice , he does have a pleasant voice . He doesn't use it , right , but it's a nice one .
Speaker 1Oh , okay .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , but yeah , and then the two idiots that run this whole show they decide they're going to go up there and look for them one day . Oh , that'd be fun . That's stupid . Um , I think they're on to something . Okay , maybe hide in the trunk , go with the idiots up there in the mountains where it's cold and shit , look for them , and you know what's going to happen . What's going to happen ? Some African-American fella's going to show up . Hey , you seen Bill who's Bill , my master . Then what ? Yeah , now I'm going to go to jail for saying that , yeah , we can let it go . Okay , well , I'm going to go before somebody else needs my spot . But your spot is not there anymore . I forgot to tell you Where'd it go .
Speaker 1We don't have spots .
Speaker 4I parked in one . Yeah , that was a tow-away zone . Now , again , this is only the third time . Yeah , you know how much this is costing me . How much , I don't know , but I'm gonna have to ask him . How about those big guys pay you ? Yeah , I'm gonna ask him for a raise .
Speaker 4Speaking of we don't get paid for this , why , I thought you knew that . Well , how am I buying all this beer and stuff ? I have no idea . You have a real job , don't you ? I wouldn't say it's real , but I do have a job . You do Say yeah , but I don't want to do that one . They told me we could do this and we never have to work again . I'm still waiting on that .
Speaker 4I gotta admit I'm a little disappointed in you . Like Bill , I didn't say it didn't like him . I thought it was very educational . I enjoyed him until he took my damn spot . What was it ? An hour , I don't know how old is this , bill , and you didn't even have to come in . So what were you worried about ? I want to be sure my spot's not ran over . Well , it was ran over . It was parked in . Yeah , I know . That's why I'm pissed . Oh , yeah , well , looks like you'd follow the story a little better than this . Oh , you know I'm not good at your stories . I get lost easy . Yeah , there were no backstories to this . Oh , wait one . Well , how come when you talk it always sounds like a back story ? This is the only back story . You sound like the other guy ? Yeah , this is the only back story to this story . Bill stole my damn parking spot and you're still pissed off over it A little . It was a week ago .
Speaker 4Get over it he probably even was the guy that took my damn clothes at the laundromat that day . I was wearing someone else's underwear for four weeks . That wasn't Bill . Okay , that was Troy , troy , troy . Who the hell is Troy ? Oh , he's going to be another guest host , oh , no .
Speaker 4That's what they told me Okay , so what is he going to be driving a damn helicopter ? No , actually he has a Hummer . Oh , he's not getting a Hummer . Yeah , well , he's not going to be very popular with the left side . Why , well , because that big old thing is a bad environmental thing . He says it's great to put all that gas in there . Yeah , I bet it is . Yeah , he loves it . He says it's great to put all that gas in there . Yeah , I bet it is . Yeah , he loves it . He says drill baby drill . Yeah , I used to work out there . Drill baby . Yeah , go Roughnecks . Okay , go Roughnecks . Yeah , I like the old fields . No , you don't . I don't like working there , but I like what they do . Ah , okay , that's cool . Well , are you done ?
Speaker 1I've been done since I got here , because I need a nap now when I stop feeling my damn spot .
Speaker 4I thought being away from you for this long would help , but it didn't . It helped . It kind of made it worse . No , yeah , it did . It could be a lot worse . It could be a lot worse . I don't think so . Well , maybe next week will be better . I'm actually happy today .
Speaker 1Yeah you pissed me off ?
Speaker 4Yeah , I did my job . Yep , if I can just touch one person , I've done my job . Why are you going to touch anybody ? What ? You heard me ? No , I said . Why do you have to touch anybody ? I don't touch just anybody . Okay , I have to be invited . Ah , that's not true . Well , that's what the judge said . Yeah , I know , you can't just go around touching people evidently . Well , no , he's right , he's definitely right . Well , no , I . Well , okay , he might be , but it's unfair . Well , at least you're not sniffing hair like someone we won't mention . Yeah , well , life goes on . Well , I guess I'll say thank you , bill , for filling in and giving us a vacation last week . I thought it was very educational , bill , yeah , and I hope to hear from you again soon . I'm going to take off , buddy . What happened to Troy already ? I'm going to take off now . What ?
Speaker 3happened to .
Speaker 4Troy already , troy's later . Oh okay , all right . Well , I'll go then and maybe go look at a brown mountain lion . There you go . Go find yourself a parking spot Later , everybody . Bye .
Speaker 3Later . Everybody Bye , oh boy . I'm pissed off about that story from Bill . I can't believe it . I thought it was interesting .
Speaker 2I did too . I learned a lot .
Speaker 3Wow .
Speaker 2I enjoyed that and I am going to go up there why is that little dude so angry ?
Speaker 3It's a parking spot , of all the things to worry about .
Speaker 2Have you seen his car ?
Speaker 3No , I haven't actually .
Speaker 2It's one of the little bitty smart things . Looks like a roller skate . Oh good , lord he could park it in a bicycle rack .
Speaker 3That's what the other guy drove . He rode his bike .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3Anyway , wait a minute . Is one a leptus and the other one's not ? I hope not .
Speaker 2Uh-oh .
Speaker 3Why did he ride a bike ? Is he conserving fuel ?
Speaker 2Maybe he don't have a car .
Speaker 3Ah , that's true .
Speaker 2Probably he don't . He's an idiot , yeah .
Speaker 3I tell you it's for health reasons . But yeah , I lost my license .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's health reasons . All right , he weighs , 250 pounds . Oh , dang Donuts .
Speaker 3Hey .
Speaker 2What's up .
Speaker 3Football season starts in a few weeks , how many weeks ? Now August , the 3rd , 1st .
Speaker 2I think it's the end of July , I think it's next weekend Tom buddy , the Hall of Fame game maybe That'll be the first one .
Speaker 3Then preseason starts the week after weekend Tom buddy , the Hall of Fame game . Maybe That'll be the first one . Then preseason starts the week after .
Speaker 2The week after right , and I'm believing that the Panthers actually play .
Speaker 3Denver you believe you can fly .
Speaker 2I believe I can fly .
Speaker 3You believe you can touch the sky .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's one of the more stupid songs .
Speaker 3I ever wrote August 1st , that's next Thursday .
Speaker 2Yep .
Speaker 3And then , august 8th , the Patriots play the Panthers .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , see Denver plays the Panthers on one day of the season .
Speaker 3Preseason .
Speaker 2I don't know about preseason . I think the schedule .
Speaker 3We're talking preseason right now . Right , right , right . So the Patriots will lose to the Panthers , okay .
Speaker 2I'm not so sure about that .
Speaker 3Oh boy , oh boy .
Speaker 2Patriots have some problems and the Panthers just did build a brand-new facility , a practice facility .
Speaker 3Hopefully they built a line around that quarterback . That'll help .
Speaker 2Well , first you've got to have a quarterback to build around , but anyway , that's not too bad . It's not really . I mean everybody's having quarterback problems . Denver .
Speaker 3Let's pay our quarterback this much . And now you know what Keep it , we're going to get rid of you . Yeah , that was nice . They're very generous . They are very generous . Hey , I'll give them credit . They are generous .
Speaker 2Condoleezza must be proud . That's right , that's right . That's right , anywho Are you surprised ?
Speaker 3I'm surprised .
Speaker 2I just said anywho .
Speaker 3Wow . I was trying to catch you off guard , you know what ? Because I'm so used to saying it . See , it doesn't bother me .
Speaker 2Anyway .
Speaker 3No , anywho will work Anywho and Whoville .
Speaker 2Yeah , anywho and Whoville will work . Any who and whoville , Any who and whoville will work . They're good people I understand .
Speaker 3They're good people .
Speaker 2That's what they all say when you watch that movie .
Speaker 3Speaking of movies , have you watched anything interesting ?
Speaker 2Let's see my wife and I are binge watching , not old stuff . No , we're binge watching Alone .
Speaker 3What the hell is that ?
Speaker 2It's where they drop 10 people off out in the middle of the wilderness , and see who wins , see who stays out there the longest without nothing . They get to take 10 items with them . They pick 10 different items . Some of them take a bow and arrow ,
State Traditions and Farm Stories
Speaker 2some of them take a fishing line .
Speaker 3Kind of sounds like a movie .
Speaker 2It's not a movie . No , it kind of sounds like a movie .
Speaker 3It's not a movie . It kind of sounds like a movie with that format .
Speaker 2Oh .
Speaker 3What could I be referring to ? Hmm , think , yeah , let's put a bunch of people out . They all hunt down each other . Who survives ?
Speaker 2Oh no , they're not hunting each other .
Speaker 3But still , they just put a little twist .
Speaker 2Is it Island of Dr Monroe ? No .
Speaker 3The Island ? No , maybe the Hunger Games , oh yeah . So let's make a movie about this , but instead of this , they're going to be doing this .
Speaker 2Right , it's easy to write a movie . What an imagination .
Speaker 3See the way of TV now and movies yeah steal somebody else's idea . Nobody has any original idea . Well , everybody's afraid to make anything now .
Speaker 2Yeah , because we're .
Speaker 3I don't want to offend anybody , yeah exactly Just like I do . Let's just have people in a movie just look at each other .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3No dialogue .
Speaker 2You have to go pew , pew , pew with your finger now , guys , because the gun may accidentally go , don't even point that at anybody .
Speaker 3Yeah , you could do an .
Speaker 2Alec Baldwin .
Speaker 3That's a threat .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3You , you might wake up . Here we go again , ain't that something ? Here we go down this little hole again . We always end up there . Oh , babe , yep , once again . Always ended up down that rabbit hole , bullshit we like rabbit holes a little bit oh anywho , who I said it again ? Yeah , you did , that's all right . Who Not me ?
Speaker 2Yeah , me neither .
Speaker 3No Any .
Speaker 2Tom stories . There's an interesting one , I'd remembered . Somebody told me one time Somebody told you something . Yeah , and it just kind of relates to me , you get a little sippy poo . Go ahead . It kind of relates to me because it happened on a farm you know around cattle and everything . E-i-e-i-o , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 3Cool .
Speaker 2That's how you spell farm . By the way , I thought for six years because that's how the song told us it was spelled anyway .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah , my eighth grade teacher taught me that that ain't how it's spelled .
Speaker 3Nope .
Speaker 2But anyway , it kind of reminded me of a story about a guy who bought a bull and he had two other bulls and a young steer Well , not a steer- why ?
Speaker 3Why did he need three bulls ?
Speaker 2Well , he had this big major feedlot that he needed servicing of his cattle .
Speaker 3Yeah , one bull can't do it all , I guess .
Speaker 2No , but this farmer decided that it was time to buy another bull and one day these three bulls that he had a young bull and kind of a medium-aged bull and then a real old bull that he had there for a while were standing on the hill overlooking all their cows and they see this big old truck sitting in the yard . He said that's something strange . He said yeah , I heard the old farmer talking yesterday . He was going to buy another bull , an old bull , the oldest bull . He said well , I got a little bit of information for Mr Farmer . He said you see all them cows out there . About 85% of those cows out there are mine . Those belong to me , I've been here the longest , those are mine , those belong to me , I've been here the longest , those are mine . The second bull said well , I got about 10% of those cows out there that I fought to get and I ain't letting him have none of my cows . Mr Bull's going to be in a sad state of affairs when he shows up here . Well , the young bull says yeah , I ain't even got but about five cows out there like me . He said I'm not giving those away . He said mr bull's gonna be in sad shape .
Speaker 2Well , pretty soon the farmer comes out of the house and that truck backs up to the stall and you can hear the air brakes . You'll stop . Here comes the door , threw it open and in that door stood one of the biggest , ugliest , meanest Brahma bulls that you could ever imagine seeing , snorting , stomping the ground . The old bull up there on the hill said you know , I've been thinking this over . And the old bull up there on the hill said you know , I've been thinking this over and I might just share a couple of my cows with you . Kind of be a nice , nice guy . And the other one said yeah , I might just let him do the same , I'm going to give him one . And that young bull he busted through the fence wide open , just shot across the field Right toward that big old bull , kicking , snorting , stomping . Them other two bulls said hey , that thing will kill you . He said you can't beat him . He said I'm not trying to beat him . He said I just want him to understand that I'm a bull .
Speaker 3You're an idiot .
Speaker 2Oh me , but yeah , that's my fun story for the week . There you go well that's quite humorous yeah , I remember being told that one time . I thought it was funny one time at band camp .
Speaker 3Yeah , marcel led .
Speaker 2Better told me that every time you say it yeah , yeah someone said that rule and evidently you don't have to follow it by what she said . Oh , you don't , no , because I did that one time at the library and I'm not allowed there anymore .
Speaker 3There's other things to it .
Speaker 2Evidently mothers don't like to hear that kind of language around their children .
Speaker 3What language ?
Speaker 2Flute . What did you do ? They don't like to hear the word flute or where it's been put . Not supposed to say that part ?
Speaker 3That's the story , yeah .
Speaker 2You're not supposed to say that part while you're in the library , evidently .
Speaker 3Oh . That's a public service announcement . How many states have you been to ? Roughly , roughly Say it , guessably 20 . Yeah , damn mine's sad Mine's . Maybe 5 or 6 .
Speaker 2Really . Alright maybe 8 or 9 . I'd have to Not that many , but anyways I'd have to add them up .
Speaker 3Did you know that each state has their own little weird traditions .
Speaker 2Huh , I know Kansas has a weird one .
Speaker 3Yeah , they don't like ice cream and cherry pie Not only that .
Speaker 2That's a law . That's not a tradition .
Speaker 3That's dumb .
Speaker 2Yeah , their tradition is what do we call that ? Stupid that's right . But I've never , ever done this , but they do it all the time . When you go to a restaurant and order a bowl of chili , you get a cinnamon roll . Oh yeah , you told me this . What is that all ?
Speaker 3about that ? You get a cinnamon roll . What is that all about ? That makes no sense . Some people like it . Let me enlighten you on some of the states and their traditions . Tom , Bring it on . We have Alaska . We have the blanket toss .
Speaker 2The blanket toss .
Speaker 3I've done that before . I think this is a different blanket toss . This is a little different . It's made up of walrus hides . Okay , have you thrown a walrus hide blanket ?
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 2No , blew a seal once . Okay 47 Dodge .
Speaker 3Well , it's used by seven dozens of people at once to toss one person up in the air . Oh , I think I've seen that Now . It's simply a fun activity with the Tossy Tossing Gifts into the crowd .
Speaker 2Oh , so they don't actually toss the blanket .
Speaker 3No , they toss the person from the blanket . Oh , right , right , right , but it was originally used to get a better view of the hunting terrain , so they'd throw people . I guess it's like a trampoline with people .
Speaker 2Get up there and look , get up there and look , buddy , don't be doing tricks . Don't do a somersault Earl , look for a bear , whee Wee-woo .
Speaker 3Let's go to the next one . Arizona has an ostrich festival .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , People in Arizona always run around putting their heads in the sand all the time .
Speaker 3It's an ostrich-themed carnival . The huge fair has been part of town tradition for more than 30 years and originates from the area's history of ostrich farming .
Speaker 2They eat a lot of ostrich there , right ? I wonder if Doug goes there on vacation . Oh , he's an emu , sorry he's an ostrich , never mind .
Speaker 3Oh uh , let's see , oh California , oh Lord have mercy .
Speaker 1Here we go , you're going to love this one .
Speaker 3No , I already know this they have a doodah parade .
Speaker 2Yeah , most of them there have their doodah cut off and paraded around everybody . Yeah , woo .
Speaker 3Anyway , and Pasadadena , that's where they have it has anybody seen a doodah it says uh . Pasadena may be better known across the country for its rose bowl parade , but locals known the annual doodah parade held in november is the more fun of the two . It was created as a mocking counterpart to the frame parade for one purpose and one purpose only , to be as ridiculous as possible . Well , there you go , california .
Speaker 2Yeah , let's be ridiculous as possible .
Speaker 3Hey , that is their right and they achieve it well , other states have cool state fairs and festivals too , but this one is one of a kind Sure it is Yep , yep , one of a kind oh Colorado has a Yep , yep One of a kind . Oh Colorado has a headless chicken festival . What do you think that's about ?
Speaker 2I know what that's probably about . I lived on a farm . For God's sake , how long did they run around ?
Speaker 3for .
Speaker 2Oh , just a few minutes .
Speaker 3Just a few minutes .
Speaker 2Yeah , not too long at all , let's see .
Bizarre State Traditions and Podcast Plans
Speaker 3Oh wait a minute . The phrase running around like a chicken with its head cut off is taken very literally . Every year for the last 21 , this town has celebrated one chicken's will to live . It is based on a weird and gruesome story dating back to 1945 about how a chicken named Mike hey hey got the ax but simply used to die and was then subsequently fed and taken care of by his executioner . Today , mike the Headless Chicken is celebrated with his own festival .
Speaker 2So the Headless Chicken . So now we know why he crossed the road .
Speaker 3I don't think he knew why he couldn't see .
Speaker 2Because he wasn't afraid of the road .
Speaker 3He didn't know anything was coming .
Speaker 2He couldn't know anything was coming .
Speaker 3Didn't see it . Ah , florida Strawberry Festival , yeah , georgia , peanuts and Cocaine . I'm sorry , peanuts and Coke . I don't know why I said that . That just slipped .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3I apologize .
Speaker 2I'm sorry . Yeah , I apologized a lot back then , yeah , wow .
Speaker 3Hawaii has an open lay . Yeah , I apologized a lot back then .
Speaker 2Yeah With that stuff .
Speaker 3Wow , hawaii has an open lay . Yeah , it's open to everybody .
Speaker 2Most of them do ?
Speaker 3Idaho has a potato drop .
Speaker 2Yeah . Wow what else do you do in Idaho ? Well , you know what they say in Idaho .
Speaker 3What .
Speaker 2Watch out for potatoes .
Speaker 3Ah , I didn't know . They said Illinois has a turtle racing .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , that's pretty popular . I don't like when people paint turtles , though .
Speaker 3No , that's not good . You shouldn't paint a turtle .
Speaker 2Don't paint nothing on a turtle .
Speaker 3Indiana Covered Bridge Festival .
Speaker 2Oh yeah .
Speaker 3Ah , Iowa has Hobo Days .
Speaker 2Oh , that's me . Yeah , I ought to go right there . Of course I'd fit right in .
Speaker 3Oh , I have a oh , wait a minute , that's in August Coming up . Yeah , wait a minute . They have contests , parades , food and arts . Some lucky man and woman also get crowned as Hobo , king and Queen Kentucky . There are only no bourbon , yeah , bourbon yeah .
Speaker 2We have a bourbon parade . What ?
Speaker 3do you got Bourbon man ? That's what we know . Yeah , I like Kentucky .
Speaker 2We have a ninja parade , we have bourbon .
Speaker 3We have bourbon .
Speaker 2I'm going to the bourbon parade . Yeah , I'm going to the bourbon festival . Okay , massachusetts .
Speaker 3Has an Alston Christmas .
Speaker 2Is that the Alston family ?
Speaker 3Christmas , because college students are notoriously in debt , they look to get the best possible deals and discounts they can , and what a better deal there is than free . They want free stuff .
Speaker 2Yeah , just like all kids .
Speaker 3When a college student in Massachusetts moves out of the dorms and into an apartment , they need cheap furniture . The biggest college suburb of Boston is a town named Alston , where September 1st is known as Alston Christmas , a day when people leave suspiciously dirty belongings they don't want to be on the curb for other broke college students to claim .
Speaker 2Well , let me just tell y'all , if you ever do that around here and my couch on the porch disappears it's going to be a problem A big problem yeah . Me and Earl sit there and drink beer .
Speaker 3Oh , that's it . I don't see anything really .
Speaker 2Nothing in Kansas .
Speaker 3Montana's a dirty laundry day Well yeah . I guess you wash your clothes once a year .
Speaker 2Well , because there's only around a place to wash clothes ?
Speaker 3Why does Nebraska have check days ?
Speaker 2There's a lot of Czechoslovakians in Nebraska .
Speaker 3Is there .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 3How did they find their way here ? There , I'm not sure . Well , you know what it involves food .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , they have all kinds of food .
Speaker 3I'm up for that , Anyways that's about that . North Carolina's Duke Bonfire your favorite place , Tom Duke .
Speaker 2How about ?
Speaker 3North Dakota , redneck Relay .
Speaker 2Oh no , I could do that .
Speaker 3Could you ? I could . Are you a stereotypical country bumpkin who loves big trucks , plaid and hunting with a redneck to prove it ? Sure , oh , look at you , Remember .
Speaker 2I've been bit by a rattlesnake in the woods before .
Speaker 3Oh , that's true , Tom .
Speaker 2Not everybody could say that yes , no , nobody else can .
Speaker 3You have redneck relay , corn tossing , moonshine spitting .
Speaker 2I've done all of it .
Speaker 3Why would you be spitting ?
Speaker 2Well , because you're not really prepared . Watermelon racings are a staple of the strange .
Speaker 3Anyways , states are funny . Yeah , the naked bike ride in Oregon . Yeah , isn't that ironic .
Speaker 2What about your Oregon ?
Speaker 3I have to read this . More and more cities are embracing the world naked bike ride , but it has a special place in the hearts of the people of Portland . I'll bet it does . While it may seem completely random and silly , the event is actually a form of protest and is meant to encourage people to use green methods there we go Of transportation and to participate in body positivity .
Speaker 2Let me just tell you something .
Speaker 3Hey you .
Speaker 2Yeah , Let me tell you something . If I want you to understand something being naked is not the way that I'm going to get your attention . I'll bet I don't even think that would get someone's attention . Well , I bet it would . But just , there's a guy that wrote a song about me and it's called I don't look good naked anymore .
Speaker 3Did you ever ?
Speaker 2Yeah . At one time when I was 13 , I enjoyed shit out of my naked self . Oh , okay , yeah , that's what's going on with our life .
Speaker 3What happened there ?
Speaker 2See , if you'll put this puzzle together , you'll see the picture .
Speaker 3I will .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3I'm not good at puzzles .
Speaker 2Oh boy , I am . Actually I got a puzzle the other day . It says right there on it five to six years .
Speaker 3Five to six years . What ?
Speaker 2Yeah , the puzzle it was five to six years .
Speaker 3It takes you five to six years to put it together .
Speaker 2Evidently , it only took me six months .
Speaker 3Come on , I think that was the age Tom Five to six years of age .
Speaker 2Oh , so I wonder why it took me six months to trick a person .
Speaker 3A kid could probably do it in a day . How many pieces did ? It have Okay well , okay , let's get down to the nitty gritty . How many pieces are in this puzzle ?
Speaker 2There was at least 20 , 25 .
Speaker 3Were they big pieces ? Yeah , they were huge .
Speaker 2How do you handle ? Well , okay , and in my defense , I have a job . Okay , Kids , they can sit around all day , spill milk and do puzzles and shit .
Speaker 3There's your clue All day . So if you took two hours , it shouldn't even have . Took you six months , two hours a day .
Speaker 2Who has two hours a day ? Okay , okay .
Speaker 3Ten days . You should have been done the most .
Speaker 2It took a lot more than ten days .
Speaker 3Wow , what will we be talking about next week ?
Speaker 2Any idea .
Speaker 3We still got to get this podcast , this new one , up and going .
Speaker 2Yeah , the new podcast . It's taking a lot of work on this one . We just really want it to be so good . We want it to be real it will be good .
Speaker 3It's just taking a lot more work than I thought . We just want it to be right . Get a podcast . They said It'll be easy . They said no one's ever said that . No one's ever said that at all . But it is a blast .
Speaker 2Yes , it is fun . It is fun , it's just amazing how my mood changes when we do the podcast I get . It's just amazing how my mood changes Doing this . When we do the podcast , I get giddy , it's like it's enjoyable we do ramble . I mean , yeah , I had a hell of a week this week .
Speaker 3There's times we do ramble .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I had a heck of a week this week in my back .
Speaker 3Yeah , you didn't have a good week , Tom . Not at all .
Speaker 2I'm telling you it was just rough trying to get through it kicked my ass too , but I'm telling you , your mind was in . Guggaland somewhere . Yeah , I did some weird stuff this week that I normally don't do . I would snap at just a little anything . Everything irritated me for some reason . I'm not sure where I was .
Speaker 3That's me when it's hot .
Speaker 2I get irritated very easily , as you know but I'm , I'm much better now and I just it's , this turns me around , it's yeah and cool , but I'm glad that you guys are out there still hanging with us and we hope you enjoy .
Speaker 3And again anything you'd like to hear . Anything at all , any . We hope you enjoy everything , Anything you'd like to hear anything at all .
Speaker 2Any stories , topics ? Please let us know . We have a fan mail page .
Speaker 3We have a place for fan mail . We're on iHeart , Amazon , Deezer , Spotify . There's a couple more . That's on our webpage . It's on our Facebook page . Facebook group page .
Speaker 2Yeah , you can even go to it . It's on Buzzsprout .
Speaker 3Right on there . It's a text . No one knows who you are .
Speaker 2Yep , you don't even have to put your name .
Speaker 3Nothing we can't respond back to you . Nope , we can give you a shout out .
Speaker 2Nothing like that . You're just going to be able to say what you really feel and and we'll build on that exactly we'll , we'll grow and perhaps grow together everybody , just continuously . I've seen these podcasts get big where they have fan days and they go and everybody gets together and and they have a great time .
Speaker 3So let's work toward that . I am enjoying it . Like you said , it's a lot of fun . Anyways , again I said all the platforms that we're on . Already you all know where to go for that .
Speaker 2Facebook page .
Speaker 3Group page . Facebook group page . M-t Capital M capital T . Alternative Podcast and great session Tom .
Speaker 2Yeah , I had a good time .
Speaker 3Do it again next week .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 3Good , everyone have a blessed week . Everyone take care . And thank God for the gift of gab Later .
Speaker 1Well , wasn't that delightful . I guess they learned nothing from their West Week . Take care and thank God for the gift of gab Later . Well , wasn't that delightful . I guess they learn nothing from their week off ? Ugh , oh well , where's Bill when you need him ? Anyway , join Mike and Tom next week for more silliness and stupidity and hopefully something with substance , let's hope . Until then , this has been the MT Alternative Podcast . Thanks for listening . Goodbye .
