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iHeartRadio Season 2, Episode 2: Still No Plan
00:12 - MT Alternative Podcast
08:05 - Random Conversations and Discoveries
21:19 - Squirrel Encounter and Binge Watching
33:44 - Funny Excuses and Ridiculous Stories
48:01 - Gabbing About Life and Nonsense
MT Alternative Podcast
Speaker 2Welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast , the show that proves the best conversations happen when you least expect them and when Mike and Tom are somehow still allowed near a microphone . And when Mike and Tom are somehow still allowed near a microphone , I'm Daniel , your ever-suffering presenter , here to guide you through another episode where logic takes a back seat and chaos rides shotgun . Today , mike and Tom tackle politics and doge , which means we're in for a mix of questionable takes , half-researched facts and at least one awkward pause where they both forget what they were talking about . So buckle up , lower your expectations and let's get into it . This is the MT Alternative Podcast .
Speaker 3Hey , hey , hey , Tom , what's going on bud ?
Speaker 4Not too much , Mike . What's been going on with you ?
Speaker 3Oh , you know work .
Speaker 4Yeah , work .
Speaker 3Work , work , work .
Speaker 4That's what we get done now lately .
Speaker 3Yeah , hey , yeah , it pays nice over time . But yeah , it does suck the life out of you after a while .
Speaker 4Yeah , doesn't give you a whole lot of time to spend the extra money nope , that's probably a good thing yeah , probably a good thing , probably a good thing .
Speaker 3So anyways , uh , a lot of crap going on in the news again yeah , well , you know I was gonna do some good things I was gonna say real quick the the money part .
Speaker 4Unless you had to take part in this past holiday , I guess we call it yeah , valentine's Day , yeah , where you got to just go out and spend all your money to prove that you love somebody . Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ?
Speaker 3ever heard of . I didn't have to worry about that . The wife worked second shift I get home to she was at work , so there was really no . She left the card , I left the card , that kind of thing .
Speaker 4Yeah , you left cards .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's about it . I got a flower .
Speaker 4I feel pretty bad why we didn't do anything . We just it's another day for us .
Speaker 3Well , usually that it is , it is . That's the most we do .
Speaker 4We don't go out to eat .
Speaker 3We don't go out for so long , right ? We don't do that .
Speaker 4I was going to do steaks . I was going to do steaks and stuff for us on the grill .
Speaker 2Well , that kind of stuff's cool .
Speaker 4But it just the weather's been so crappy lately yeah .
Speaker 3Speaking of it's just raining and the wind yeah today . It's actually pretty nice today . We almost hit 60 . Well , temperature-wise , but it sure is windy , yeah , and we got that rain . Now little pockets of rain coming through , yeah , I know that Maybe some snow in the middle of the week maybe . Yeah that's what they're saying .
Speaker 4Well , it is winter , but as far as that goes back to the news .
Speaker 3What do you think of Doge ?
Speaker 4I like it .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'm liking it too .
Speaker 4Listen , guy breaks in your house . Yep , the police call you . Hey , we caught the guy . Well , you , son of a bitch , how dare you Catch the motherfucker who stole my shit ? What are you thinking ? What a travesty . You are an asshole . I don't want to process it . How are you going to go and catch a guy that stole my shit and then plaster him off ?
Speaker 3How dare you ? Oh , that's the way of the world . But things are changing . Things are changing Slowly , Sarcasm . The liberal tears are fun . Slowly Sarcasm , I got to admit the liberal tears are fun to watch . Now I'm not talking moderate Democrats , anything like that . Hey , I'd say the same thing about right-wing nutjobs on the right side , but right now it's just fun to watch . But I don't remember anybody melting down when Biden was in there like this .
Speaker 4Here's what I like Do you , no , no like this . Here's what I like , do you ? No , no , none . Here's what I like , though they're worried about . Oh , everybody's crying because there's 20-year-olds , 19-year-olds , 20-year-olds in Doge . Okay .
Speaker 3Oh , yeah , going through everything .
Speaker 4But yet not more than four years ago .
Speaker 3They want young people to vote . They wanted us to listen to a 13-year-old about environment changes and they wanted to put the voting age down to 16 .
Speaker 4Are they crazy ? There's a reason that young people aren't allowed to drink .
Speaker 3I don't know . I talked to one of these kids last night . He sounds pretty smart , Tom , A lot smarter than these politicians . What about these songs ? They're out there protesting Singing stupid songs . They sound like idiots . But anyways , here's one of the things that cracked me up About the spending they found Dems are all upset about Supposedly LGBTQ plus initiative abroad . Things that crack me up about the spending they found and Dems are all upset about supposedly LGBTQ plus initiative abroad . 1.5 million dollars For what ? For allocations for one point , for workplace inclusion in Serbia .
Speaker 4Oh , in Serbia .
Speaker 3Yeah , you know , in the middle of nowhere Serbia .
Speaker 4Yeah , let's just what is it ? We'll teach them how to be LGBTQ , and then you have $70,000 for a transgender comic in Peru . Well , because a regular comic would make fun of a transgender comic . Oh , so you can't have that . Let's see .
Speaker 3Electric vehicle infrastructure . Approximately 2.5 million was designated for building electric vehicle chargers in Vietnam .
Speaker 4Yeah , but there is no electricity .
Speaker 3Interesting . That's stupid shit . I mean the pottery making in Morocco . So much money for that . They wanted the 20-something millions for some Sesame Street . Where was that Other country somewhere ? Yeah , some other country .
Speaker 4It wasn't even called Sesame Street . What was it called ? I can't even remember the name , but you can look it up , it was funny .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'm sure it was .
Speaker 4Here was the other thing that we're bringing up . It was they . They found that they were using some money and I won't quote the price because I don't remember how much , but I know it was at least a half a million dollars .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 4That they were using to see if dogs or no . No , no , I'm sorry . Rats who were sad used more cocaine than rats who were happy . Now my first question is how in the hell do you determine which rats are happy and which ones are sad ?
Speaker 3To begin with , Maybe one's just jumping around , cocaine excluded .
Speaker 4Am I that good ?
Speaker 3that I know oh this rat's skipping .
Speaker 4What's he saying ? No , he got into the cocaine last night . Yeah , that's what happened to him . He's not happy .
Speaker 3No .
Speaker 4Well , you've got to wonder are these things real ? Are they real ? But if you look them up , yes , America , they are , they're real .
Speaker 3A lot of stupid shit going on out there , tom . A lot of stupid shit , stump Yep .
Speaker 4So point us in another direction .
Speaker 3What did you think of the Super Bowl , by the way , I loved it .
Speaker 4Let's skip to that quick I loved it here's .
Speaker 3Yes , I pointed out .
Speaker 4I pointed out something here .
Speaker 3Remember folks , tom's a Bronco fan .
Speaker 4Yeah , he died . Anyway , I had to go on and listen to this broadcast . I had to go on and listen
Random Conversations and Discoveries
Speaker 4to this broadcast . But there was a term that one of the Kansas City Chiefs they were all screaming three-peat , three-peat . Well , one of them actually did three-peat . He was a Kansas .
Speaker 2City .
Speaker 4Chief for the first two Super Bowls . Then he got traded to the Eagles , who won this year , so now he's the three-peater . Good for him . Yes , awesome , don't know his name . Look him up , he's there . It's great , it's a great day . It's a great day for him .
Speaker 3I mean , I had no horse in the race , but I mean , how could Philadelphia's defense man yeah , jeez , it was hard that front four .
Speaker 4Yeah God , not one blitz . My God so they just pushed their way in Six sacks . Not one blitz , six sacks .
Speaker 2That says it all right there .
Speaker 4See , not to mention the pick six and the three turnover , the three interceptions , was it ?
Speaker 3Two interceptions , two or three , and a fumble . And he fumbled right .
Speaker 4Yeah , it was a great Super Bowl .
Speaker 3See , look at that . You didn't like the weather . Wait a minute , sun's out . There you go .
Speaker 4North Carolina North .
Speaker 3Carolina folks .
Speaker 4Come on down , we'll show you sunshine and rain and snow all in the same day .
Speaker 3Hey , I'm a transplant . Let's see , I didn't bring stupid politics from somewhere else .
Speaker 4I didn't either .
Speaker 3Came here . This is what I came here for .
Speaker 4I came here because the stupid politics were already here .
Speaker 3Just a normal life . That's all . Like I said we were talking earlier , I don't care what people do . I don't care who you are . You're a guy . You want to be a girl ? Fine , do that . Just don't push it on me .
Speaker 4That's all .
Speaker 3I ask .
Speaker 4I'm not going to follow your belief . That's your belief . If I believe in Bigfoot , you don't have to . But don't diss me because I do . Wait a minute .
Speaker 3You believe in Bigfoot ? No , I just I've never seen one , because I was going to make fun of you .
Speaker 4Well , I've never seen one .
Speaker 3I'm being honest .
Speaker 4Which means I don't know if there's one or not , but I don't know .
Speaker 3I don't know , I'm at a loss for words .
Speaker 4A lot of people have seen something .
Speaker 3I don't know what , but something I don't know what . Speaking of , okay , tom and I tried a little something today earlier . Can you tell you know this is research .
Speaker 4See , we're not going to tell you though . Okay , we'll tell you .
Speaker 3We took some 750 milligram gummies .
Speaker 4Yeah , lifesaver gummies , yeah , lifesaver gummies , yeah .
Speaker 3What was the brand name of those , oh Thor , thor Hulk gummies ?
Speaker 4Thor and Hulk Thor , Hulk gummies . Could you imagine Interesting that's all I have to say . Putting Thor and Hulk together .
Speaker 3I think they already done that . I might be wrong , I'm not a comic book person . I like comic books . I'm just not knowledgeable on that .
Speaker 4Some other lady would be , she could tell us .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 4But she's not here , son , I'll find out Some other lady .
Speaker 3Calm down , it's almost like some other motorcycle . No no , no , it's not at all like that , no , no at work . No , it's not at all like that , no , at work .
Speaker 4Oh , yeah , at work , see Jumped in too soon . She's not at all like the one at work , so what ?
Speaker 3does Tom do after work ? After working six days and going home , what does one do in Tom's life ?
Speaker 4In my life Well before the hour drive home , we either stop walmart to get medicine because that's , but is this a daily occurrence ? Well , you , never know , they might call you're not 80 years old yeah , well , no , but my wife unfortunately has quite a few medications . Okay , I , I do end up going to pick up medicines every couple of weeks okay , well , that's . That's every couple of weeks , that's different , and then mine are every month , and now I get there yesterday .
Speaker 3Now see , your son told me you love frequenting Walmart . For some reason You're there quite a bit .
Speaker 4Have you seen the people in Walmart ? Yeah , that's why I don't go . No , that's why I go . It's hilarious .
Speaker 3You can sit there and have a ball . Yeah , walmart's , just not for me yeah , yeah , it's not my .
Speaker 4Thing I was talking to a guy the other day . He's like yeah I'm here getting my medicine . They say I need it . I'm like oh , so you got something going on . He said , yeah , my first two wives died tragic deaths .
Speaker 3I said they did .
Speaker 4He's like , yeah , my first wife . She died from eating poison mushrooms . That's terrible . I said well that is awful . You got to be careful with stuff like that . I said . You said you had two wives that died tragic death . What happened to your second wife ? She died from a crushed skull . I said , oh my God , that's awful . How did that happen ? She wouldn't eat the mushrooms , he said .
Speaker 3Wow .
Speaker 4So you find all kinds at Walmart .
Speaker 3That's kind of messed up there , but kind of messed up anyway , yes , so have you been listening to any music at all ? I listen to a lot of music . What have you been listening to ? What's tom's music lately ?
Speaker 4tom's music I know it's uplifting most times contemporary christianary . Christian music pretty much , and 80s I'm not talking about what you have to listen to at work 60s , 70s .
Speaker 3Sometimes that's pretty bad .
Speaker 4Wow , yeah , that stuff's very entertaining .
Speaker 3And then we get the playlist over she fucking hates me , oh yeah . Oh , I love hearing that all day the old Divorce Dad music .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , oh , I love hearing that all day , the old divorced dad music , yeah , yeah , the playlist or , as Josh said , Nigel's playlist .
Speaker 3Yeah yeah . I might have to edit that .
Speaker 4I don't know .
Speaker 3Or leave it , as you never know .
Speaker 4And if he is listening , nigel , that's just for you , because it is your playlist .
Speaker 3You need to snap out of it . You know Grow , because it is your playlist .
Speaker 4You need to snap out of it , grow a pair , live your life . I love you man .
Speaker 3Okay All right Now we can move on . What are we moving on to ? Moving on up . Wait , wait , wait that was a movie Moving on up .
Speaker 4Big wheels rolling .
Speaker 3No , no , no , Big wheels rolling .
Speaker 4Moving on , remember Will and Sonny .
Speaker 3But I'm Jefferson's , that's what I was thinking of .
Speaker 4These side I heard some messed up shit yesterday . Uh-oh Well , you work beside Harley . It's really not .
Speaker 3I have to show you this . Okay , what it is is something I found on YouTube and it cracked me the hell up . Okay , well , wait a minute . I needed the money and I let me explain . It has nothing to do with you , nothing to do with you at all . And trust me , if I seen those , I would never discuss it with anybody .
Speaker 4My concho .
Speaker 3But anyways , I was scrolling through the rabbit holes of YouTube , as I always do . I love them . I said what the hell is this ? Last ?
Speaker 2night .
Speaker 3I'm listening . I found if Guns N' Roses were in the 50s Wait a minute If Van Halen was recorded in the 50s .
Speaker 4If .
Speaker 3Metallica was recorded in the 50s .
Speaker 4Really .
Speaker 3Oh , yes , I don't know how this would come out , and it might not , but I can edit that part I have to have you listen to this . So we're going to go this one Guns N' Roses . First we'll listen to a commercial .
Speaker 4I like commercials . They tell me about people who suck cheese off my finger .
Speaker 3I can listen to that . Now , what do you think of that ? I love it . Paradise City I could do that . Okay , so that's that one which I thought was interesting , very interesting . This is my favorite .
Speaker 4And this is what .
Speaker 3Okay , here we go . Dan Herring In the 50s oh yeah .
Speaker 4That's awesome . Imagine that that is awesome . Imagine that that is awesome .
Speaker 3I just thought that was comical .
Speaker 4That is great .
Speaker 3But anyways , you know stupid shit I found last night . That's cool .
Speaker 4I just felt to me that was comical . Speaking of stupid shit . Right , we did some reviews outside .
Speaker 3Of .
Speaker 4Are we going to go over those reviews right now or are we going to move on ?
Speaker 3What reviews are we speaking of ?
Speaker 4I forgot Remember we did gummies Okay , but the other gummies we did reviews on .
Speaker 3Hey , are you talking about the Wonder gummies ?
Speaker 4The Wonder gummies yes .
Speaker 3Ah , the mushroom-type gummies .
Speaker 4Yeah , I wonder , see , and that's what I'm saying I wonder if they're like really mushrooms .
Speaker 3I don't know , but the reviews seem to I kind of like the reviews I see Well yeah . I remember Hold on one sec . Will you keep going ? I'm going to do this little shot here .
Speaker 4I remember when we were doing Porch Time today , we were watching the video of the review . Yes , and the guy that was doing the review looked an awful lot like the dude that is from Silent Bob .
Speaker 3He did right .
Speaker 4Silent Jay and Bob , whatever they are Right . I mean he had Jay and Bob , whatever they are . I mean he had that long blonde hair with the hat and everything . He looked like he knew what he was talking about . He really did .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , that's I know it's a stereotype , but yeah , he did , man , that was awful , it's like okay , I'll listen to that guy .
Speaker 4He looks like he's been there . I would probably listen to him . He looks like he's been there .
Speaker 3I would probably listen to him . He looks like he's still there .
Speaker 4Yeah , yeah , he's like wait a minute , this is what I'm feeling . Okay , he's really doing it .
Speaker 3He is really doing it .
Speaker 4Let's watch From the 7-Eleven . Well , the funny part I thought was In the background .
Speaker 3I did too . It was okay , you know , I could go , and be alright , but I decided to do five .
Speaker 4Oh and then ? What about the review that said I did seven of them and nothing happened . So I took the other seven and I'm tripping balls .
Speaker 3Uh-oh Idiot . I'm just going to pause for one second here , tom , sorry about that . Folks A little technical difficulties , had to check some stuff out .
Speaker 4No , wardrobe malfunction .
Speaker 3We're still here . We didn't wander off somewhere .
Speaker 4Our button didn't fly off our pants . We're talking about these wonder mushrooms . We are .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , that's what .
Speaker 4I said yeah .
Speaker 3We are going to do some research there will be research there will be . We're probably going to do research on the podcast on the podcast yes or before no , no , no , we'll start before , but we'll be , doing the podcast while doing research exactly now .
Speaker 4This could be a fun thing for like a live stream . While doing research , while doing research Exactly , Research is our game Now this could be a fun thing for , like a live stream .
Speaker 3That would be cool .
Speaker 4We could let people call in , okay First off .
Speaker 3if I'm doing shrooms , I don't think I want too many people to know my phone number . No , no , no , We'll have our own number here for the podcast .
Speaker 4Oh , just our own single number .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 4Oh , not our personal number no no , oh see , that's how you keep the stalkers away .
Speaker 3We're idiots , but we're not stupid . There's a difference .
Speaker 4See , I didn't have any clue .
Speaker 3Right right , well , now you do Cool . See , I didn't have any clue . Right right , well , now you do Cool . Now you have a clue . So have you heard from the little dudes in the last couple weeks ?
Speaker 4Not since they went up . Is Troy ?
Speaker 3safe .
Speaker 4You know , I haven't heard from Troy . Yeah , haven't heard from Troy either , but I haven't heard from the little guys either , so I don't know if they burnt down a Keebler elf tree or if they you know yeah , who the hell knows what tore up old cereal aisle .
Speaker 3They are expected to be in , though correct , I heard from them . Okay , well , we'll just wait and see what happens .
Speaker 4I heard they were supposed to be here is what they said the last time
Squirrel Encounter and Binge Watching
Speaker 4.
Speaker 3In the meantime , you've been watching Supernatural . I have been . How's that going ? What season are you on right now ?
Speaker 4We are in late season . Eight .
Speaker 3How's it binge watching that ?
Speaker 4It's hard to keep up yeah . Because , I snooze through some .
Speaker 3Do you get the episodes mixed up ?
Speaker 4Sometimes yes .
Speaker 3I remember Bonnie was watching Walking Dead and kept talking about it . Talking about it . I said , alright , I'll watch . It was a 4th of July weekend , watched three seasons . Binge watched the whole 4th of July weekend . I'm talking to her , she goes no , that didn't happen . Then that happened here . I'm like everything just went together to me Because you just watch episode after episode , after episode exactly but you know what's funny ?
Speaker 3I always remember the first episode of supernatural white woman , the woman in white , woman in white . I don't know why that , because that's what got me hooked on that show . I used to watch smallville , which was on before right then . Oh what's this supernatural show ? And for some reason I was just hooked . I like how they went to different cities , different places .
Speaker 4It's all Midwest .
Speaker 3The lore of everything .
Speaker 4It's how places you would never even go to . It interested me .
Speaker 3They're all 15 episodes . I'm still waiting for 16 . I don't know if that'll happen .
Speaker 4So yeah .
Speaker 3I like it pretty good yeah it's good .
Speaker 4We're late season 8 . We're getting ready to start season 9 . I think there's 11 seasons 12 seasons 15 . Oh , so we're not even close .
Speaker 3That's why I said a lot of us are waiting for a 16 , hopefully .
Speaker 4Oh , okay , I see what you're saying now , okay , well , then I've watched them through . You know , not having the 67 Impala and not having it does look a lot like an Impala .
Speaker 3Carry on my wayward son .
Speaker 4There'll be peas when you're done . Why peas ?
Speaker 3Because we don't like carrots . I love carrots , I do too .
Speaker 4Yeah , carrots are good , everybody , yeah , shout out to carrots . I love carrots , I do too . Carrots are good , everybody , shout out to carrots .
Speaker 3I can't see right now .
Speaker 4I have a problem seeing , I would probably take my hand away from my eye . Oh yeah , see , there you go . What do you know ? And I didn't even go to seven years of school to be a doctor . I knew that .
Speaker 3Oh , I think I hear some rumbling out near the room . No , no , it doesn't sound so mean this time , but uh well , yeah , that's them all . We'll take a little pause here , let's see what's going on in the other room and let the little dudes come in .
Speaker 4All right All right .
Speaker 1We'll be back later . Hey , squeak , what's going on , buddy ? Not much Biff . Hey , how you been . Not much Pip . Hey , how you been . I've been great , absolutely great . Yeah , I quit bragging Now . Hey , you know what ?
Speaker 1I saw a video the other day of a squirrel like trying to hump you . What was that all about ? A squirrel humping me ? Yeah , it's a video of you . You know what I'm talking about ? No , oh , you certainly do . Let me show you .
Speaker 1Look , wait , wait , wait , what ? No , no , where'd you get that ? No , stop it now . No , because Wait a minute . No , you don't remember . No , tell me that's not you . No , that's not me . Oh , that certainly is .
Speaker 1Oh well , look , you're like leaning against the car . Well , let me just tell you one damn thing no , no , it's not . I really don't like the way this is going . It's in the machine . Help me , this is not the way this session is supposed to go . That is you . Don't tell me that's not you . No , no , no , okay . Look , it might be the squirrel . It might be the squirrel , okay , but it ain't me . That's your car . I loaned it to someone . I knew that looks like you .
Speaker 1No , a lot of people look like me , not like that . Yeah , a lot of people look homeless . Yeah , yeah . Well , that's definitely you , squeak .
Speaker 1I can understand why you're a little upset , though . No , but hey , I just want you to know that video's got over a million views . You're very popular . No , well , I'm sorry . Well , I don't want to be popular that way . You're an internet star ? No , uh-uh , I don't believe you . Oh , so , anyways , you love animals , not like that .
Speaker 1No , how did this happen ? Well , it looks like a lot of drinking and some other stuff . I'll admit , in the video you don't look very pleased . Well , I didn't watch that long into it , but probably not . Did it just sneak up on you ? Well , something had to happen , because I wasn't going to go forcefully . But you didn't go forcefully , but you went forcefully . Oh , you didn't go forcefully . Well , yeah , he forcefully me . Yes , yes , he forcefully me . Whatever , that is what I'm trying to say . He forced it on me . It just made me laugh . It's still making me laugh . Well , officer , see , this is what happened . This is the first time that I think , squeak , you've been speechless . No , no , the last time this shit happened , I was pretty speechless . It happened before . It seems to be like an occurrence . I don't know why .
Speaker 1What do squirrels have against you . Squirrels are well , they're a little nuts . Yeah , squirrel , okay , who would wear damn eyeglasses and fly around with a damn moose ? A squirrel , right , they're idiots , right . Rocky Boinkle , who would be a friend of Boinkle ? He's a damn dumb . Rocky the flying squirrel Well , yeah , because , hey , I look up to Rocky , you did the flying squirrel . Yes , were you on your back ? No , well , yeah , because , hey , I looked up to Rocky , you did the flying suit . Yes , were you on your back . No , how come you looked up to him ? No , no , no , don't put me in your video . Oh , no , no , we're not going back to the video . Oh , yes , we are Trying to lead us away . It all leads back . Don't lead us away , it all leads back .
Speaker 1Anyways , how was your couple weeks away ? Besides that little incident , what ? Well , I'm not going to ask what little incident , because we all know what little incident that you keep talking about , but I don't . Can you name it ? No , I don't want to . Why not ? Well , because the name would be Let the people know . Okay , the name would be Mind your Own Fuckin' Business . Oh , wow , that's unnecessary . Squeak , well , did you want to know the name ? Squeak , anyways , I was a to know the name . Squeak . Anyways , I was a little ashamed , I gotta tell you , anyways .
Speaker 1So after that , what did you do ? Well , took a shower first thing . Well , ha , ha , ha , you gotta get clean after that . I'm sorry , squeak , I don't mean to laugh . Yes , you do . Yeah , I kinda do . No , you're not . Yeah , it is funny . Yeah , I can't stop watching the video .
Speaker 1Well , the 700 million . You look terrified . Well , I was . It was sad , it was sad , but yet funny . No , yeah , no , no , no , you know what's funny ? This people out there , wait , wait , okay , what , okay , you know a cat , yeah , catching on fire spontaneously . Right , that shit's funny . Not what happened to me , that's sad . No , no , no , no , no , okay , alright , that's sad , well , but I can't Right . Oof , okay , that's funny . Me , a squirrel jumping out of nowhere On your back and humping you , that's funny shit . Let's be realistic . If that was me , you'd be laughing your ass off . Okay , but wait a minute . That squirrel had a bandana . I wonder why . That's the same squirrel you probably hit with your stupid car , that hit me in my car . Oh , here we go again . Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . Listen to the other episodes . Y'all find out what happened with me and the squirrel , yeah , squeak can't drive .
Speaker 1Yeah , like Troy was the bad guy in the situation . Nope . Of course he was Nope , yep , nope , yep , my God , yep , nope , yep , my God , yep . Joy's got a helicopter , well , and a pumpkin in the side of it , okay , so what Are we out of here now ? Can ?
Speaker 2we find the doorknob this time .
Speaker 1What Can you find the doorknob this time ? What ?
Speaker 2doorknob the last time you couldn't find the doorknob .
Speaker 1This time . What doorknob ? The last time you couldn't find the doorknob , we sat in here for hours . What door ? Well , remember , let's do shrooms . That'll be funny . We're doing shrooms . Not again . Not again , not at all . No , we did gummies . Well , remember , okay , did you hear the last podcast ? No , okay , well , we were on it . Why would I listen to that shit ? We were here and we got locked in the room because we couldn't find the door . I thought you took the doorknob . No , you did shrooms and that's where the door went .
Speaker 1Oh , I was trying to get by you , but every time I did , you said I was a dragon and I shall not pass . Well , big deal . You see that movie all the time . That doesn't sound like anything I would ever say Squeak . Well then , don't take shrooms again . I think you're lying , okay , but anyways , move on . Don't do shrooms again . I think you're lying , okay , but anyway , move on . Don't do shrooms no more . Yeah , but move on . Well , anywho , what ? Yeah , I'm moving on myself . I'm going to go talk to Troy and apologize to him for your performance last week . I don't think you need to apologize to me at all . Yeah , I'm going to , because you were very rude . I wasn't rude at all , yeah , yeah , anyways , what was I rude about Later ? I'm leaving Later , people Bye .
Speaker 3Bye , okay Boy , oh boy , yeah Little .
Funny Excuses and Ridiculous Stories
Speaker 3Ah , I'm dying to see this video , always excited . Have you seen this video of Squeak getting attacked by a squirrel ?
Speaker 4Dude funniest shit I have ever seen .
Speaker 3So you've actually seen it .
Speaker 4Yeah , well , here's the thing . Squeak's had some problems , yep , and he's been in a little situation with his wife .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 4So he stayed a couple nights at my place .
Speaker 3All right .
Speaker 4I was there when it happened .
Speaker 3Was this out ?
Speaker 4in the parking lot . I was the one who videoed this whole thing how ?
Speaker 3come . You didn't send that to me .
Speaker 4Well , because I felt really bad about the whole thing after I watched it . How did Pip get it ?
Speaker 3Well , yeah , let's just say , things happen anyway .
Speaker 4Anyway , anyway .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 4It was a lot of stuff . I mean , it was just a lot of things going on , but yeah , oh , but yeah it was different things . But anyway it was a view .
Speaker 3Oh , that's awesome , that is awesome .
Speaker 4Yes , it is , and I've got him for a little while .
Speaker 3It didn't seem too happy . He actually seemed tongue-tied for once .
Speaker 4Well , yeah , he's a little embarrassed .
Speaker 3Oh , that wasn't me . Yeah , it was you .
Speaker 4Yeah well , have you ever seen a wrestling match against like Andre the Giant Against ?
Speaker 3anybody .
Speaker 4Against a little guy like Don Knotts or anything something like that .
Speaker 3No , but okay . You get your point , that would yeah Pretty much what it is .
Speaker 4Jeez whiz this squirrel bit . That was , I mean squeak . That was hilarious .
Speaker 3See , squirrels do not like squeak .
Speaker 4Well , they attack that little car . They think that it's another squirrel , I guess .
Speaker 3I think we all heard it was the opposite , that he kind of went at the squirrel pretty much or just hit it on purpose , whatever .
Speaker 4Anyways , there's the thing about him and the squirrel . He's got a thing about people who live in trees and do things in trees . He's got a lot of excuses . Yeah , like last week , the Keebler elves were his enemy . They live in trees .
Speaker 3Speaking of excuses . Yeah , I looked up some of the worst excuses people have used . Oh okay , here's one people's excuses .
Speaker 4I have one of those .
Speaker 3I can't come in today . Mike Psychic told me not to leave the house . Uh-oh , can we really use that ? I would try it . What can they say ? One point oh yeah , that's pretty much it . Okay , how about , uh , I accidentally got on a plane instead of the train to work .
Speaker 4Oh well , I can understand plane train . They sound a lot alike .
Speaker 3But they don't look alike at all . What's the airport ? What's the train station ? Give me a break .
Speaker 4Have you not been listening to our podcast today about the shrooms and stuff ?
Speaker 3Oh , yeah , okay .
Speaker 4Same . Thing .
Speaker 3My dog ate my work schedule .
Speaker 4Of course it did .
Speaker 3It's a classic but somehow still used .
Speaker 4Okay , but here my dog ate my work schedule .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 4I'm scheduled from 7 to 3 every day of my whole life ever .
Speaker 3Well , maybe this is people that have a schedule to keep .
Speaker 4I understand , because Tammy did it was different every week .
Speaker 3Can't find my shoes .
Speaker 4I couldn't find mine once . You just go barefoot . Nope , what did you do ? I made a pair . Oh , I'm very creative that way .
Speaker 3Okay , all right , here's a traffic and speeding ticket . Excuses , yes , I have cleavage , sir , that's not yet . I was speeding because I had to use the bathroom . Really bad .
Speaker 4Well , that only works if you fart real big before the officer gets to the window .
Speaker 3So it smells like you shit yourself .
Speaker 4I can't get you .
Speaker 3Yeah , my GPS told me to go this fast .
Speaker 4Well , of course you're on highway 75 . You ought to be doing 75 .
Speaker 3I wasn't speeding , the wind was just pushing my car faster .
Speaker 4Have you watched NASCAR , sir ? This happens all the time , it's called drafting .
Speaker 3How about this one ? I just got the car washed and I didn't want to stop too fast and get it dirty .
Speaker 4Well see , here's the thing it's going to automatically go faster , anyway , if you just got it clean . Yeah , there's what a pound and a half three pounds of dust off of it .
Speaker 3All right , how about relationship excuses ?
Speaker 4Yeah .
Speaker 3Oh , you're already laughing , my car went too fast , I wasn't cheating , she just fell on me Whoops , how did that go in you ? Oh , on me , whoops , how did that ?
Speaker 4go in you . Oh , I'm sorry .
Speaker 3How did that ?
Speaker 4even get out . Oh , oh , what's going on .
Speaker 3Oops , I didn't text back because I was abducted by aliens .
Speaker 4Yeah , I was getting an anal probe . Yeah , that's pretty much it .
Speaker 3I only flirted with them to test their loyalty to you .
Speaker 4Yes , I was flirting with your girlfriends on purpose . I was just seeing what I would do if I ever got attacked .
Speaker 3Here's one . I could see this happening . I forgot I was engaged . Oh whoops , oh damn , that's right . Oh , I forgot was engaged . Oh whoops , oh damn , that's right oh , I forgot .
Speaker 4Wait a minute , let me brush my teeth because your wiener's still on my breath , but I have this ring that says that I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow could be the dude oh yeah , god , I'm supposed to be married tomorrow could be the dude . Oh yeah God , I'm supposed to be married tomorrow .
Speaker 3Oops , All right , and uh oh , here we go . School excuses , I didn't do my homework because I used my last piece of paper to write a goodbye letter to my fish fish before he died . Why would what ? Okay ?
Speaker 4I sure did .
Speaker 3Oh , the printer caught fire .
Speaker 4The what .
Speaker 3His printer caught fire .
Speaker 4It did , yeah , it couldn't yeah , whoops .
Speaker 3I got lost in my house and missed the Zoom class . Oh what did he living in a maze ?
Speaker 4Well , this was probably back . When Is this another ?
Speaker 3shroom thing .
Speaker 4Nope , this is back when the government was scaring us to have school in our house because there was a bad virus that got loose .
Speaker 3He got lost in his own house .
Speaker 4He got lost in his house . How do you get lost in your own damn house ? Well , excuses , terrible excuses . Isn't that what we're doing ?
Speaker 3here . Well , yeah , but I just want to know how . Anyways , how is that even going to work ?
Speaker 4That's dumb .
Speaker 3Well , none of them really are , but anyways . Yeah my laptop was in airplane mode and I couldn't turn it back on .
Speaker 4Yeah , so we flew to Miami and got some blood you did . Well , I'm thinking that's probably the rest of the show .
Speaker 3Oh , here's ones I've heard before , other ridiculous excuses . I didn't steal that , I was just borrowing it indefinitely .
Speaker 4Yeah , well , I wanted to borrow a pack of bologna . I was going to pay them . I get paid . Next week I was going to come by here and do that .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 4But evidently there's a time limit on how long I can wait to pay them Like they want it right now , but I was going to wait a minute .
Speaker 3That's kind of how grocery stores work , Tom .
Speaker 4See . I had no idea .
Speaker 3I couldn't pay my rent because Mercury is in retrograde .
Speaker 4Well , wait a minute . This is how that last pornographic movie I watched started .
Speaker 3Mercury was in retrograde , nope .
Speaker 4Couldn't pay his rent .
Speaker 3Oh yeah . Oh Tom , you can relate to this . I got fired because my boss is jealous of how smart I am .
Speaker 4I do relate to that , I do .
Speaker 3You're just jealous of me how smart I am .
Speaker 4Yeah , you're done .
Speaker 3I didn't show up because I time traveled and it messed up my schedule .
Speaker 4Well see , there's an hour lapse . You know , every time you time travel you have like this minute and 60 second lapse . That's dead . I've seen that on Quantum Leap one time Dead yeah .
Speaker 3I can't come into work today because my grandma's funeral is today Again . That's sad Because they used it multiple times for the same grandma .
Speaker 4Well , you have to grandma .
Speaker 3How about this one ? Where was this guy ? Now , this has to do with shrooms . I thought it was Sunday . Said that on Wednesday .
Speaker 4Yeah , that's me Wow did I miss something ?
Speaker 3It's Sunday .
Speaker 4Wait a minute , it was Wednesday .
Speaker 3Mike .
Speaker 4It was Wednesday , dude . What did you do for ?
Speaker 3the last three days .
Speaker 4I have to stay home because my cat is depressed . Well , we all don't want a sad cat on our damn list .
Speaker 3Let's see Speeding again . My car only goes fast .
Speaker 4It doesn't slow down . Oh well , see , it went right by .
Speaker 3The speed limit sign was blurry , so I just guessed . Sorry , Idiot . Anyways , more and more but relationship excuses .
Speaker 4Oh , I have one of those .
Speaker 3I deleted your number by accident . Did I forget your name ? I thought we were on a break , even though we never talked about taking a break . I wasn't ignoring you , I was just pretending to be asleep .
Speaker 4Okay , oh , you mean , we're going together , that's funny shit man .
Speaker 3My backpack ran away from home .
Speaker 4We're going together . I had no idea what it was all about .
Speaker 3Yeah , shit , I don't know . Anyways , some good shit there , some stupid stuff , but what have we got up ? I don't even know what our plan is for the next . It sucks every two weeks doing this .
Speaker 4I think we mentioned the addiction .
Speaker 3Yeah , I think I'm going to hold off one more week doing that .
Speaker 4Okay , whenever you're ready . I'm doing a lot of research . I appreciate that I I have and I've been on hold for a little bit now , just , just , whenever you're ready we'll do that and and uh , I appreciate that , but I think the next time , right , we'll be close to , let's see , two weeks . We've got Easter coming close February , march .
Speaker 3The middle of March , march , madness Papa .
Speaker 4Yeah , march Madness is coming and we've got my grandson in May is going to have a birthday coming again . Wow , quick , there's some big stuff coming on , with our president signing different things .
Speaker 3All kinds of executive orders .
Speaker 4Yeah , putting people in charge . Find that bloat and get rid of it .
Speaker 3That's as far as . I'm concerned . Putting people in charge Until I see them actually taking things away from people that actually need it . I'm not going to believe all the bullshit I hear . Nope , Believe it for too damn long . They cried wolf too many times .
Speaker 4Change the freaking ways the thing about our society right now is the most educated society in the world , because we have access to every single thing online . Here's the thing , but yet we're not the most educated , but yet we still have stupid people who won't do research .
Speaker 3Asians have blown us away , man .
Speaker 4So they have it's just truth . But anyway .
Speaker 3Ever since Board of Education came on .
Speaker 4I'm excited about the snow this week .
Speaker 3Hopefully , I don't know .
Speaker 4I don't know if I want snow .
Speaker 3Well , if we get snow Right in the middle of the week sucks .
Speaker 4Yeah , especially if we lose work or anything . It just throws the whole system off .
Speaker 3Yep . So , Anyways , the system off . Yep , Anyways , folks listen to us on Spotify . Iheart our website . Don't forget our website , mtalpodcom . That's where we prefer you to go .
Speaker 4Yes , you can leave any kind of message .
Speaker 3You'll find us on all that , and next couple weeks weeks we'll be back with more stupid shit . Yeah , because .
Speaker 4I'm going to do more stupid shit .
Speaker 3Exactly Right now I've done with both tired yeah it's been crazy this week . But hey , it is what it is man , it's all for the greater cause down the
Gabbing About Life and Nonsense
Speaker 3road .
Speaker 4But we always thank God for the gift of Gab , because we can just gab and do whatever we want .
Speaker 3This is our outlet , yep . That's all it is . And we invite you all into it because we know that you've had a work week like we have Crazy and you just yeah , most of the time you just listen to us bitch and moan about stuff , but we care too what goes on . Yep , we do . But anyways , folks , thanks again .
Speaker 2Uh , everyone take care , god bless , and until next time we're out and that wraps up another thrilling episode of the mt alternative podcast , where mike and tom once again proved that fact-checking is just a suggestion . Seriously , guys , a little research before opening your mouths wouldn't kill you , or maybe it would . Science is still out on that one . Anyway , thanks for listening folks . If you enjoyed this episode , congratulations . You have a high tolerance for nonsense . Don't forget to tune in next time when mike and tom will probably try to sound informed about something else . No promises , though . Until then , good luck out there .
