A Toast to 2025: Humor, Hope, and Hilarious Traditions
This episode reflects on the chaos and joy of 2024, as Mike and Tom share their hilarious takes on their New Year's resolutions while inviting listeners into their world of unique traditions and guest messages. With a spirited mix of anecdotes, lighthearted rants, and heartfelt moments, they encourage listeners to welcome 2025 with laughter and optimism.
• Highlights and lowlights of 2024
• Discussion on different New Year’s resolutions
• Special messages from guests Troy and Bill
• Squeak’s humorous airplane rants
• Exploration of international New Year traditions
• Hosts express gratitude for audience support and engagement
00:10 - 2025 New Year's Podcast Special
06:40 - Personal Resolutions for the Year
16:28 - Squeak's New Year's Message
29:38 - Airplane Woes and Pilot Problems
43:11 - Unique New Year Traditions and Reflections
56:08 - New Year's Well Wishes and Farewells
2025 New Year's Podcast Special
Speaker 1Well , here we are , folks 2025 , a new year , a fresh start and the same podcast you can't seem to quit . Welcome to the MT Alternative Podcast New Year's Special , the show where we reflect on the past year's chaos and make bold predictions that will inevitably age like milk . And speaking of aged like milk , joining me today are your favorite co-hosts , mike and Tom . Mike , the eternal optimist who swore he'd stick to last year's resolutions Spoiler alert he didn't . And Tom , who made exactly zero resolutions and still managed to disappoint us all . Today , we'll take you on a rollercoaster of 2024's highs , lows and what-were-they-thinking moments . Plus , we'll dive into Mike and Tom's wildly different approaches to New Year's resolutions . Will Mike actually go to the gym this year ? Will Tom even bother pretending ? Stick around to find out ? So grab whatever drink you have left from last night's questionable celebrations , settle into your post-holiday existential crisis and let's kick off 2025 with wit , sarcasm and Mike's inevitable oversharing . Let's do this before Tom starts pretending his hangover is a New Year detox .
Speaker 2Happy New Year . Welcome back to the NT . Altern mt alternative podcast tom , what's going on ?
Speaker 3bud . Oh , not a whole lot , just excited about the new year's coming exactly anyway bury this one .
Speaker 2Let's bury it for sure now . Uh , we had a lot of things happening towards the end of the year . Yeah , we had the hurricane , oh Bad . Bad bad , bad . A couple of them . We had a great election this year .
Speaker 3Yeah , that was nice .
Speaker 2Can't wait till that happens , till it's finally solidified .
Speaker 3An assassination attempt . Yeah , a couple actually A couple actually . Yeah .
Speaker 2We talked about some good bands . Yeah , some great bands . Some great bands , dirty Honey .
Speaker 3Dirty Honey .
Speaker 2We talked about Nightwish . We talked about the Warning . Dirty Honey is a newer band too that we've talked about . That I'd like to get people to listen to . But anyways , happy New Year once again , everyone . Everything's going to be great for you . If you get resolutions , don't worry about them . Do what you can .
Speaker 3There's always another year coming up . Yep , everybody's got a new , new start exactly a redo .
Speaker 2So , anyways , we had a little interview . Well , not so much an interview , but we had some uh little tape from uh pip and squeak yeah , yeah , they couldn't be with us .
Speaker 3some shit Came some shit .
Speaker 2A bunch of stuff . Actually Haven't really listened to everything yet , but it sounds like they do ramble a little bit .
Speaker 3They kind of do .
Speaker 2But we'll include that . That's going to be in here .
Speaker 4Yep .
Speaker 2And what else is new ? Your team is not doing too bad Football . Get back to football . Yeah , we're doing . You're actually at least in the playoffs . Well , we've won 10 games , better than poor Patriots . Well , don't even want to talk about it . Anyway , that's for another time . Well , no , not really . Another time we can discuss it . Patriots suck . This year . We had 20 plus years of great season . I'm not going to complain .
Speaker 3You know , it is what it is it all comes back to roost man Speaking of the .
Speaker 2Patriots .
Speaker 4I sat through the .
Speaker 2Patriots of the 70s , 80s and early 90s , so this is not new for me .
Speaker 3This is the New Year's special and , speaking of the Patriots , I was watching a special last night of 2024 , some of the things that ever happened , and one of those was the roast of Tom .
Speaker 2Brady , that was an excellent roast . That was an excellent roast . That was a great roast .
Speaker 3That was in there .
Speaker 2That was actually awesome .
Speaker 3Yeah , that was in there , the roast of Tom Brady .
Speaker 2Excellent .
Speaker 3He handled it very , very well .
Speaker 2Oh , he did , Absolutely he did .
Speaker 3Most of the things said about him were true . What else ?
Speaker 2We finally got through our work year , oh yeah , unscathed , I got to admit the end of the quarter , end of the year , end of the month .
Speaker 3We didn't even knock a whole rack over .
Speaker 2It didn't Well wait a minute , Well , wait a minute .
Speaker 3We got close , but we just never got the job done .
Speaker 2Someone did knock a Iraq over somewhat . Did anything fall ?
Speaker 3No , it didn't go over . That would be me , unfortunately , and I kind of made it worse when I tried to push it back up . But we're not talking about that , no we're not .
Speaker 2We're not .
Speaker 3We're going to move on to bigger better things , good things are going to happen 2025 .
Speaker 2We have a new president coming in , yay Woo-woo . Yes , sorry folks , but you know us . We did the little bashing .
Speaker 3A little .
Speaker 2We were never one to whine about our president . You never want to see a president fail Nobody . If you want to see a president fail , you're a fucking idiot .
Speaker 3Yeah , because if they fail , your country's failing , your country fails . That's exactly right so you don't want to see him get out there and fall .
Speaker 2People seem to forget Tom Trump was president four years previous , Right . Yes , Economy was pretty good , Decent I mean , life was pretty good . Here's a cute little note Wages were up a little bit , Yep .
Speaker 3Life was pretty good . Here's a cute little note Wages were up a little bit Yep , I heard a cute little note the other day . What's that ? Gas prices are lowest that they have been on Christmas since 2020 .
Speaker 2I know right now I think I'm paying $264 at the marathon .
Speaker 3I paid $255 for it . Yeah , which ?
Speaker 2is a big difference . Now you have a dollar more , you'll be down to those good times .
Speaker 3Yeah , exactly you'll be down to those good times ?
Speaker 2yeah , exactly . But hey , little steps , small little baby steps , baby steps . We're getting there , right , bill murray . So , uh , what do we got ? What do we got to talk about ? Well , uh , let's see we have the little dudes coming in with their favorite , favorite podcast one of their favorite segments , one of their favorites
Speaker 3I want to say their favorite one of their favorite segments .
Speaker 2One of their favorites , I want to say their favorite , one of their favorites .
Speaker 3Yeah , because there's a lot of them . Yeah , you know , they talk about it all the time Squeak goes off about airlines . Well , he goes off about everything .
Speaker 2Poor Pip trying to man that ship . You know it's kind of like me manning the ship here .
Speaker 3What . What do you mean ?
Speaker 2Yeah , you know
Personal Resolutions for the Year
Speaker 2what I mean . Tom tom sometimes goes a little off kilter just a little bit now a smidge since when uh , does yesterday count ? Well , okay soon all right okay I failed that's cool excellent don't bring it up I won't bring it up okay cool thank you , I'm okay so how do we want to break into the old uh ?
Speaker 3want to break into the old uh , pippin squeak segment . Well it's , it's kind of it started when pip took this trip to kansas and and squeak yes , I'm sorry , let's not get pippin involved in this stuff . Yeah well , you know , pips grounded well , literally squeak took this trip to kansas on a plane and it was kind of his first trip on a plane . He was a little nervous . So he hears all this other stuff going on on the news and everything . Well , he bleeds it into it's going to happen to him .
Speaker 3So everything that happens on the outside tends to happen to squeak and he just can't let things go yeah , we know that so but all in all it turned out to be kind of a funny little bit , because I have to admit it was one of my favorite episodes , bothered him so bad bothered him so bad that I enjoyed the hell out of it absolutely . But if , if , if you want to go ahead and let the people hear what he said and how it bothered him , we can go back and listen .
Speaker 2First , I think we're going to lead in with I do have one of our guest hosts or one of our sports guys , troy . He just wants , he'd like , to give a little speech a happy new year . He'd like to give a little speech . Right , A happy new year . He'd like to give a thanks . So we're going to let him do that . We'll come back after that . We'll segue into the pip and squeak segue of the airplanes .
Speaker 3I understand you're trying to get squeak riled up .
Speaker 2Oh , absolutely , I am .
Speaker 3Absolutely , I am .
Speaker 2Tom . Alright , folks , we'll be right back . And here's Troy .
Speaker 6Hey , all right folks , we'll be right back . And here's Troy . Hey everyone , it's Troy here wishing you all a fantastic new year . May your resolutions last longer than a week and may your hangovers be gentle , though , if you're like me , you've probably already written off tomorrow entirely . A huge thanks to Mike and Tom for having me on the show this year . It's been an absolute blast working with you guys and I genuinely look forward to whatever chaotic adventures we cook up next . You two have a way of keeping things unpredictable in the best way possible . Now squeak , buddy . I haven't forgotten about your little melon-launching experiment on my car Creative , sure , hilarious , debatable , but let's just say that the next time you decide to catapult fruit at my ride , you better hope I don't upgrade to a cannon for payback . Just saying 2025 might be the year of Troy's revenge . Thanks to everyone for listening , supporting and laughing along with us this past year . Here's to more sarcasm , questionable decisions and some genuinely great moments in the year ahead . Cheers .
Speaker 2All right . Well , thank you , troy , thanks Troy we appreciate it .
Speaker 3You did a well-deserved job . Yeah , we'll have you back more , I've just you know yeah , the way things were going this year , so I'm working around but yeah , it was great having you but yeah , we'll get you back in later on we'll hear from bill yeah , hey , and troy don't feel bad , because he's got it out for bill too . Oh yeah , so it's not just greek's just miserable yeah , it's like he's got a thorn in his side .
Speaker 2He's got a thorn up his ass , I think , but either way , yeah , either way . Like I said , it's been a pleasure having all different people . We had sarah for a segment oh yeah , thanks to sarah , she'll probably be back this year , yeah upcoming year enjoyed her exactly , but anyways , uh , you wanted year , yeah , upcoming year Enjoyed her . Exactly , but anyways , you wanted , you were going to ask me a question .
Speaker 3Yeah , so we've talked a lot about New Year's resolutions and don't do it don't make them . So you don't have any New Year's resolutions for next year .
Speaker 2I actually do .
Speaker 3You do .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3Let's hear it .
Speaker 2I am going to quit smoking cigarettes . Try . The wife would like me too . She's been on me for a while . She's right , I am going to try that this year the tobacco deal as you notice , I have some uh weird ass smokes over there that aren't nicotine in them right , some kind of funky ass uh , kind of like clove cigarettes and shit , but I'll try those .
Speaker 3Okay , kind of like drinking decaffeinated coffee .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'd never do that what the hell is the ? What's the point ? People like the taste of coffee . I guess , so what about you ?
Speaker 3Me . Yeah , I'm going to uh attempt to do better as a person Drinking no , not always that .
Speaker 2I thought you and Squeak were going to quit for a month .
Speaker 3We have discussed that .
Speaker 2You have .
Speaker 3Yes , oh , we're still in the talks .
Speaker 2Again , like Pip told Squeak , it's not an intervention , it's just a test .
Speaker 3Well , we'll see .
Speaker 2Okay , cool , it's not an intervention .
Speaker 3It's just a test . Well , we'll see , okay , and then I think . What I will do , though , is I'm going to attempt to get my brightness back . I've lost a little something over the years .
Speaker 2You have .
Speaker 3I feel it . I feel like I'm not the same employee , I'm not the same family guy , I'm not the same friend . I'm not the same person . I was a not the same friend . I'm not the same person . I was a year and a half ago , I think , I became another year older and I'm hurting more we're all hurting more , that's for sure .
Speaker 3I think it's because of my spiritual life . I really do and just to throw that out there , I am a very spiritual person and here recently have not been a very spiritual person and I think that's the thing . I get lazy .
Speaker 2So what do you think happened that you get out of this ? What caused this ?
Speaker 3Well , it's kind of like To get away from this spiritualness . Okay , we're all guys here , that's even a word , right , right , we're all guys here , that's even a word , right , right , we're all guys here . We can think about it this way A car , it starts missing a little bit , before the motor just quits .
Speaker 2And especially if you don't take care of it .
Speaker 3Right , and so your spiritual life , if you start missing certain things and if you start missing church and missing congregation . Not church or congregation , but um camaraderie , it's , it's , it's like , it's , it's a different thing more than anything , because going to church doesn't mean anything .
Speaker 2No , it doesn't . You can .
Speaker 3You can believe what you want at home you can stand in my garage , but it doesn't make me a Porsche .
Speaker 2But I understand the camaraderie part of it . The camaraderie it's the uplifting of people .
Speaker 3And I want to get back to that , because there's times that a guy feels down the weight of the world on his shoulders . You know it's kind of like my wife . You know she's went through some issues this year and we've battled . She's been out of work for a couple of years trying to do disability and it just kind of just throws stuff on you .
Speaker 2Oh yeah . You need people there to wait on your shoulders . I get it .
Speaker 3Fellowship with , to kind of say , hey , man , I've been through that , here's what I tried . It's kind of like grief counseling and stuff like that . I understand Other people that's been through the same thing you're going through , and where else better to find people that are flawed Church ?
Speaker 2True that .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2True that .
Speaker 3So that's kind of the spiritual part that I want to get back to next year .
Speaker 2All right , cool , awesome . That's my resolution . Nothing wrong with that at all . At least you have something .
Speaker 3well , I'm trying if it lasts three days , I'll be happy , a little different , but we're striving for something . So again it's something let my brother-in-law step in and it'll all go to hell no , no no .
Speaker 2I'll edit it , sure I will . So I'll go to hell . No , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no no no no , no , no , no , no Bill out . And then I guess we'll get back to the Pippin Squeak episode that they're one of their favorites , supposedly .
Speaker 3There you go , okay See what happens ?
Speaker 2Cool , all right . Here's a message from Bill .
Speaker 5Well , thanks for letting me tag along on this wild ride about the Brown Mountain Lights , Mike and Tom . It's been illuminating . Happy New Year to all our listeners out there . Here's to another year of questionable theories , occasional truths and a lot of sarcasm . And before I go , a special note to squeak I did not steal your laundry . I don't even know where your laundry room is , so maybe , just maybe , the real mystery isn't the brown mountain lights , it's your inability to keep track of your socks . Anyway , looking forward to more collaborations . Guys Stay weird .
Speaker 3Yes , sir . Thank you Bill .
Speaker 2Thanks , bill , it was a pleasure . Hope there's some more info from you this year .
Speaker 4Heck , yeah , we enjoyed that .
Speaker 2Absolutely . Thanks for filling
Squeak's New Year's Message
Speaker 2in .
Speaker 3Every once in a while a guy's got to take off . But you know what I see ? I see a pattern .
Speaker 2What's the pattern ?
Speaker 3Well , Troy and Bill both had special messages for Squeak .
Speaker 2Squeak seems to be a little pain in the ass to these people .
Speaker 3I'm telling you what is heard nothing for pip . Where have we found this guy ? Squeak , what the heck . He better have some new years .
Speaker 2He does antagonize people , I don't know , but uh , we do have a pre-recorded uh message from pippin squeak yeah , we do so . Uh , let's play that right now , which should lead us in , and we'll come right back after this message from Pippin Squeak .
Speaker 3Yeah , I can't wait .
Speaker 7He's going in the bag . I hear the rattling . I'm like a dog with a cheese wrapper right now . What , what ? Oh , sneaker , this one's big enough to have the whole word on it . I gave you two . So two fun size equals . What . One kind of good deal . Wait a minute .
Speaker 7Bill's very respectable . I understand Bill's a respectable person . Bill is , I understand , bill's a respectable person . Bill is Bill is . I told you this before . Yeah , and I asked the same question before . Bill is he's a very nice gentleman . Yeah , well , let me .
Speaker 7Okay , back to the snicker bar . That matters , not Bill . Okay , this one has the whole name on it , right , and it says fun size . Well , the other ones were just those squares that kind of spelled out the name . You had to look for the other letters . Okay , what the hell . So that's better than a fun size . You're damn right . I don't have to hook the other down . Well , you already know it's a sticker . So who cares if you say the S or the S ? Well , who wants to eat a retarded snicker bar ? That don't even be spelled , right .
Speaker 7You don't like knickers or knicker Easy ? I shit me knickers . I remember those Back in the day . Excuse me , I keep the knickers . Yeah , my knickerbockers ? What the hell ? What the hell's a knickerbocker ? Well , ask New York . They're the ones that invented the damn thing . It's a basketball team . Well , the knickerbockers ? Yeah , what the hell is a knickerbocker ? The knickerbockers , yeah , yeah , what the hell is the Knickerbockers ? The Knickerbockers , yeah , sounds like some kind of stick . I should have said that oh , I got slimy shit on me . Oh , my god , this is a skunk Snickers bar . Whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa . I got a bullet going right here . Oh , okay , it was pulling shit off . I saw what I needed . I needed some music , holy shit , yeah , well , that reminds me of when we did the mushrooms from the dude in the trailer park . Yeah , yeah , bastard . Yeah , remember that . Yeah , yeah , I don't remember that , but I do , but I don't . Yeah , well , let's remind people . Here it comes , okay .
Speaker 4Wow , sweet . Where did you get those mushrooms ? They came from a guy that I knew in a trailer park .
Speaker 5This sounds kind of fucked up .
Speaker 4Yeah , he had a Lexus in a trailer park wore a three-piece suit and sold me some shrooms . I don't think I've ever taken any shrooms like this before . You sound funny ? Yeah , well , I feel funny .
Speaker 7Yeah , how can I forget ? Now it all comes back to me , you bastard . I can't even order pizza the same damn way . Ha , are you sure these are snicker bars ? Yeah , it says snickers , can't you read ? Well , not anymore , damn it . Can you see ? Not anymore . What are you gnawing on over there ? Nuts , that's snickers . These nuts , not these nuts . Who's nuts ? No , not these nuts . Nope , whose nuts ? Nobody's .
Speaker 7My dumpty got some nuts in the knickers . Well , I'm having trouble . Trouble with the nuts With the caramel ? No , with whatever it is . You just kidding , this ain't your mother's vape ? Well , I bet it ain't . No , my mother . At least you didn't spit out some weird shit that was better Hard to spit when you're coughing .
Speaker 7Happy New Year everyone . Happy New Year . Is it New Year already ? Oh , it's close . We're just celebrating a little early .
Speaker 7We had to send this in to those stupid idiots . They wanted us to be there again . No , that one dickhead wanted me to drop my balls . What ? The vaccinated one , probably . Which one's vaccinated ? I didn't think any of them were . I didn't either . Well , they sure acted Well . I'm not dropping my balls for anybody on New Year's . What about your nuts ? No , nuts are for Christmas .
Speaker 7You know what I heard that one guy , tom , his nuts are on a counter , his wife has them in a jar , she carries them around in her purse . What , yeah , where'd you hear that ? I have my sources , you have sources ? Yeah , for that , for everything . Why would you have sources for Tom's house ? I'm undercover , ah , ah , secret agent man . See , when I worked for a certain place , yeah , that was their song for me . Yeah , secret agent man , secret agent man , that's the one Wow . And they gave Secret Agent man , that's the one , wow . And that gave me that name because , because you were a Secret Agent man , yeah , that's what it was . Yeah , well , of course , that's why they're going to call you that . I can't reveal why it was . Oh , I'm here because somebody might hear , ah , and then know Well , I think I'm done , done with what this little boy shit Tom , yeah , I'm going to go see what Mike and Tom are doing .
Speaker 7What the hell boring is that . What the hell is that ? Wait a minute , I saw some kind of headline here . What A headline . I thought Eric Dickerson died . Oh , no , no , he didn't die . No , damn it , why . Why would you say damn it ? Oh , sorry , he was a good running back , right , right , okay , for the Rams , it doesn't matter , sure it does . It doesn't matter , sure it does . Yeah , it didn't help me out , none . He was stooped Although , although , oh , here we go , here we go Didn't he play for Denver like the last year of his career ? And didn't even play . He was traded how should I say ? He traded to Denver at the end , did he not ? Was he even there ? I mean , I know he was there , but was he there ? No , after getting hit in the head that many times .
Speaker 7Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear . Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair . Fuzzy Wuzzy Was he fuzzy ? Probably not if he had no hair . But Fuzzy Wuzzy , no , was a bear , he had no hair . But Fuzzy was he ? No , was a bear , of course he was Okay , but he had no hair . Remember that part Fuzzy Fuzzy , fuzzy , fuzzy . No , he wasn't Not hairy . Was he fuzzy ? Well , only if it was . See .
Speaker 7You're missing that key point . Well , the peach fuzz , I guess , is what you call it . There you go . Peach fuzz , peach fuzz bowl . I remember that Peach fuzz bowl , peach , what Peach fuzz bowl ? Nope , peach porridge , hot Peach porridge , cold Peach porridge in a pot Nine days old ?
Speaker 7That sounds nasty . That's what that all about . That sounds fucking nasty . Well , it's dumb too . You're letting it sit in a pot for nine fucking days . Well , mix up the old jalopy and kick it down the street . Let's just eat a bowl of mold Malt-o-meal . Yeah , all righty , I'm done with this . Here we go . What's up Talk . Here we go . What's up ? Talk about being back my mouse . Well , what ? There it is Easy . Oh , it's recording . Oh , good , we might have some funny shit in there . We never know . Hey , all right . Hey , sorry we couldn't be there everyone . Yeah , well , we had some stuff to take care of . Well , squeak had some problems , but we want to wish everyone a happy new year before we begin . Yeah , happy new year everybody . I hope your resolution goes like your last diet man . All right , all right , squeak , we're going to be nice first . Okay , let's not get nasty , right off the bat .
Speaker 7Okay , sorry , all right , so anyways , yeah , yeah , well , I guess we're going to go into your little airplane rant . Is that the episode we're going into ? Yeah , that really got me . Yeah , I think it did Just a little bit . Yeah , that really got me . Yeah , I think it did Just a little bit . Yeah , well , haven't flown since . Yeah , I don't blame you . Before we begin or we go into this episode , is there anything you want to tell the people ? I just want to tell them .
Speaker 7I hope y'all have a wonderful new year and try not to let people piss you off , because it happens . It happens all the time with you , buddy , of course it does . I done , seened it once , seened it once , seened it too many times . What about you ? What do you got for the people for New Year's ? I already said at the beginning I hope everybody has a happy New Year .
Speaker 7Don't stick to your resolutions . It never happens . Just do your thing . Yeah , yeah , let's be realistic people . How many of you stick to those resolutions ? Yeah , free love . Yeah , free love . Yeah , you quit smoking . Good for you . Quit drinking good for you . It's sad , but good for you . Yeah , sad , it's really sad . Well , if I had to quit drinking , I don't believe that would be a New Year's resolution .
Speaker 7Did I tell you about the poll we're going to put out in the New Year's ? Yes , you did , and I told you . It don't sound like a poll at all . It's a good poll . We want to see how many people think Screech should stop drinking for a month , just one month . Okay , and this is why I don't think it's a poll . What do you think it is An intervention ?
Speaker 7Nah , we didn't tell you about that . Well , you don't tell people about an intervention . Have you never seen Past Times at Ridgemont High ? I absolutely love that movie . Yeah , he gets told he's got a party going on in there . No , that was just a way to get him in there . Well , he had to be able to graduate . Yeah , see , it all worked out for him , just for Coley in the end . Yeah , anyway , people , we hope you enjoyed this
Airplane Woes and Pilot Problems
Speaker 7episode . This is one of our favorites and , like we said , happy New Year and God bless . Hope everything works out for you in the new year . Yeah , and if you want it to , don't fly , yeah , yeah , don't fly According to Squeak . Don't do that , the roof will come off . Yeah , over Omaha Later everyone .
Speaker 2Unbelievable . But anyways , I guess now's a good time to go into Pippin Squeaks , one of their favorite segments .
Speaker 3I guess it's their problem with airlines or Squeaks' problem with airlines . Oh yeah , well , if we don't soon , squeaks is going to be panicking and we're going to be on his list too .
Speaker 2Well , you didn't play , it , All right folks . Well , here is one of their favorites . One of their favorites . Here it is .
Speaker 7Damn , here we are again . Yeah , here we are again . Are you a little happier this week ? No , why not ? Well , this week is the same as last . What do you mean ?
Speaker 7I'm paying my ass . What the hell ? Why do you always have a problem ? Because there's problems everywhere . Well , it seems like you're making a problem . No , I didn't make anything , are you sure ? No , I'm absolutely positive .
Speaker 7Have you ever been happy at all ? What's to be happy about ? There's things to be happy about , yeah , but where ? When you can't always be in a bad mood ? Well , no , I don't try to be , but every time I get on an airplane or a bus or in a car , somebody pisses me off . Well , why are people ? Why are you letting them piss you off ? I don't let them , it just happens . Maybe you know what the problem could be . You , I'm not a problem , all right , so tell me what the problem is . Well , let's just start with this . Have you been on an airplane lately ? Not lately , Not in a couple of years ? Why ? Oh , I hate flying . It sucks , exactly . Why does it suck that people are assholes on the plane ? Don't make me say this shit , this is your bitch , not mine . Okay , but I just wanted to show you why I'm always pissed off .
Speaker 7You made me angry . I hope you're happy . Yeah , I was fine . Yeah , I'm getting happier . Yeah , you're happy . Yeah , I was fine . Yeah , I'm getting happier . Yeah , you're a prick . Yeah , well , yay , let's get him all pissed off . See , this is what happens when you hang around people . Well , you know , I was trying to make you happy and then you pissed me off . See , Look , mom , I'm an influencer . Yeah , I influence people . You're an asshole ? Well then I .
Speaker 7So what's going on with the plane ship ? Okay , first off , let's just go across country in a plane where , all of a sudden , the door falls off . What you not hear about that ? Not your plane , well , not mine , but it doesn't matter whose plane it was . That's stupid . Why would you pay all that money to get on a damn plane when you know the door could fly the hell out ? Well then , if you know it , don't get on it . Oh okay , a laugh . Well then , if you know it , don't get on it , oh okay . Well then , not everybody is smart , Because the one woman in front of me , she's like I , thought the plane had a roof when we started .
Speaker 7I had no idea we lost it . We lost it over Omaha . Is it a convertible ? Yeah , it is now . Holy crap , was it a convertible ? Yeah , it is now . Holy crap . Was it a good breeze ? Yeah . Well , now , when you go through the checkpoints in an airport , they don't really thoroughly check your bag . Oh , if you got a pair of pliers or a screwdriver , that's not even questioned anymore , because you might have to help fix the damn plane over Omaha or someplace . Were there maintenance people on this plane ? No , they left them on the ground . Oh , hoping they did their damn job while they out there black scrubbing .
Speaker 5I don't believe the roof really came off , it did the door . Yeah , while they out there black scrubbing .
Speaker 7I don't believe the roof really came off they it did the door ?
Speaker 7Yeah , well , and one woman , I didn't even notice it . Well , yeah , of course she did . Was she on in a coma ? Probably Xanaxed out ? Yeah Well , she's probably like the pilots all lit on frickin' vodka and whatever they get to drink vodka . Well , of course .
Speaker 7Haven't you heard the news ? What's the news ? There's a major airline that has drunk pilots . No , yeah , look , yeah , look it up . What airline is this ? What airline ? I can't remember , but they got caught when they got landed . Somebody gave them a drug test and they blew almost twice the legal limit . Drugs or alcohol , alcohol ? I didn't get the drug information . They were just talking about alcohol . Well , thank God it was only alcohol that we know of . Well , yeah , what would you like to drink , sir ? Oh , I'll have what the damn pilots are having . By golly , what is the pilot drinking ? Yeah , exactly , let me have a vodka twist . Well , wait a minute . Isn't it kind of easier to be drunk flying a plane than a car ? Because you're just in the air , you're just going ? Yeah , well , what do you have to look out for a bird ? Yeah , copper ain't going to pull you over , that's for sure . Yeah , they no , they don't have sky police . Well , we'll get him when he lands ? What happens if I don't ?
Speaker 5Well , you're going to land eventually .
Speaker 7Okay , what if I have a head-on collision with a goose and the goose is cooked ? It's dead , yeah , but so are all the passengers ? It's just a little goose , yeah well , are you talking a flock of geese ? No , I'm talking about a flock the passengers . It's just a little goose . Yeah well , are you talking a flock of geese ? No , I'm talking about a flock of passengers Dead . Well , why are they dead from one goose ? That makes no sense at all . Okay , planes hit birds every day . Okay , they don't all crash .
Speaker 7Another thing I was reading Airplane , the engine fell off On the runway getting ready to take off . All of a sudden , that damn engine falls on the ground . You know what they said ? Oops , no , oh , they said it was because of the toilet . The toilet what's a toilet got to do with the engine ? Exactly . So I'm 50,000 feet in the air With no toilet Taking a shit and I want to flush it , but I don't want the damn engine to fall down when I do .
Speaker 7Okay , and here's the other thing . Have you ever heard of the airplanes that run out of gas ? No , I'm asking myself . If I'm an airplane pilot , what's the first damn thing I'm going to check when I get in the plane . My fuel level ? Yeah , okay , I want to get over Arizona . Well , what's the first damn thing I'm going to check when I get in the plane ? My fuel level ? Yeah , okay , I want to get over Arizona and I have E .
Speaker 7Uh-oh , well , if I'm on E , I'm landing in the damn highway . But Well , I can just pull on into the Chevron station and pack crackers and a Coca-Cola . I don't think that's the kind of fuel you're going to use . Well , they may not have my kind of fuel , but it's worth a shot . Oh , yeah , why don't you just fly to the next airport ? Well , because there's not enough fuel .
Speaker 7Idiot . Well , why did you go by all the other airports ? See what ? Were you one of those guys ? Let's see how far I can go on E . Yeah , you're an idiot . I'm not an idiot . No , no , they are . I'm a passenger on your plane and you're an idiot like that . That's exactly what I'm trying to get past you . What a moron . The pilots are morons . What ? Do you need ? A few bucks to fill up ? What's the story ? I need a few bucks to get some coke at Arizona . But , ah , there it is . And then , if he does land it in the desert , you can always go to the Chevron station for a coke cola and use the bathroom , cause I'll be damned if I'm flushing that plane toilet .
Speaker 7The engine's not going to fall off . They said it would . Don't you think they were bullshitting ? Why would Fox News bullshit me ? Because it's Fox News . Well , why do you think they call it Fox News Entertainment ? There you go . Opinion-based news story . No , they want to entertain pilots that are drinking while they're flying , just like MSNBC , cnn , our major networks , nbc , cbs Okay , I also want to know ABC . Yeah , oh , I walk up to the place in the airport . Right , I tell them you ran out of gas . Nope , oh , I'd like a ticket for Miami .
Speaker 4Okay .
Speaker 7But I want my bag to go to Chicago Illinois . Well , that's stupid . Yeah , they said we can't do that . I said why you did it the last time I flew on this damn airplane . What the hell that was an accident . Yeah , they happen all the time on an airplane .
Speaker 5What'd they ?
Speaker 7say Sorry , sir , your luggage is in Chicago . No , sorry , sir , your pilot's drunk and he don't know where you're at , so Well , he dropped me off . Yeah , you might end up with your bag later , you might not . I can see why you're pissed . Yeah , airplanes are stupid . I still didn't appreciate you making me angry earlier . Yeah well , welcome to my world . I'm trying to be the nice one . Ha Well , if being nice is what you gotta be in this world , I'm not gonna make it . That's kind of sad . You have to give a little bit . Yeah , sad or not , I ain't giving shit . Well then , you don't fit in . Damn right , I don't . I don't fit in nowhere . I'm like one of them square pegs In a round hole .
Speaker 7No , no , I didn't say anything about a round hole . What the hell are you talking about ? It's a square peg in a round hole . That's stupid . Exactly . What's that got to do with anything ? You don't fit in . For what ? A round hole ? Of course you don't fit in . For what ? Of course I don't . It's a square peg in a round hole . That's why you don't fit in . Can you listen in kindergarten ? It's an analogy .
Speaker 7I bet you think you can put a queen-size bed in an Explorer . Sure , what an idiot . Why couldn't you ? Because there's not enough room . Sure , there is when In the Explorer . You bring it on down , we'll put it in there . How much ? Tie it on the top , what ? Yeah , you have to tie it on top . Why do I have to tie it on the top ? Because I'm not allowed to , because that's a stupid move . Bring an Explorer to pick up a clean mattress . What an idiot . You brought it up . Yeah , but I was just seeing . That makes no sense . Yeah , that's what I was seeing .
Speaker 7I think you need to go fly back under a rock . You're too angry . I'm getting ready to go fly out west . Yeah , I thought you weren't flying anymore . No , I still have to fly . Well then , that's stupid . It is so . You torture yourself . Yeah , sometimes . Yeah , I think there's a lesson to be learned here somewhere . Yeah , don't say bomb on an airplane . No , that's not a good idea . You're right . That's why I said you gotta learn . That Took me a couple flights . Well , you know what ? You're making me more angry . I'm gonna go back to my little zen world . You do you All right . All right , everybody . I'll talk to you later , see ya .
Speaker 2Gotta admit , Tom , that was a great episode for the little dude .
Speaker 3No wonder they like that one so much . Boy , anything get him going . Gotta admit , tom , that was a great episode for a little dude . No wonder , damn squeak man boy , anything get him going anything riles him up you really think he landed a plane at the chevron station ?
Speaker 2he probably thought he did , I'm sure . Oh , but that's squeak for you yeah well , anyways , uh , I have some uh strange new Year's traditions throughout the world , tom , that I'd like to read before we end this podcast .
Unique New Year Traditions and Reflections
Speaker 3Cool . I'd like to hear a few of them .
Speaker 2All right , well , here we go Now . I haven't read these before , rita , so both of us are going to be a little surprised . All right , denmark , smashing plates , angry place , I guess .
Speaker 3That sounds like at home when I was growing up .
Speaker 2I guess the tradition is people break old dishes against friends' doors . Oh boy , as a symbol of affection and good fortune . The bigger the dishes at your doorstep , the more luck you'll have . Who's going to clean that ?
Speaker 3up , good luck .
Speaker 2Wow , nice friends .
Speaker 3Yeah , I didn't know that , or you'd have a problem today , no , no , no , all right .
Speaker 2Spain eating 12 grapes , 12 ? 12 .
Speaker 4Ah , Probably 12 months probably .
Speaker 2You're probably right . Spain eats one grape for each stroke of midnight to ensure , oh , 12 months , probably , you're probably right . Spaniards eat one grape for each stroke of midnight to ensure , oh , 12 months of prosperity . Yay , there you go , brazil , the jumping seven waves , something like that , I guess . I guess Brazilians leap over seven ocean waves for good luck . One wave for each day of the week . They also wear white for peace and prosperity .
Speaker 3Oh , peace , that's great , it's always good things .
Speaker 2Philippines have circles everywhere , not squares , not triangles , rectangles .
Speaker 3Nothing like that .
Speaker 2Octagons To attract wealth , filipinos incorporate round objects , coins , fruits , clothing , patterns into their celebrations , symbolizing coins and prosperity . I think they want coins , coins .
Speaker 3Round . Things just kind of fell aside when they kept mentioning coins .
Speaker 2South Africa has a furniture toss .
Speaker 3Oh , let's throw our couch out the door .
Speaker 2Let's see , in some neighborhoods of Johannesburg , old furniture is thrown out the windows to make way for the new year . What if somebody's walking by your place ?
Speaker 3And you hit them in the head with a chair .
Speaker 2Does that still bring you ?
Speaker 3some kind of luck . Oof and scogin .
Speaker 2Not for the guy who walked by .
Speaker 3Yeah , oof and scogin just died by being hit by a Poor guy , grease , hangs onions .
Speaker 2Oh , they hang onions , they're hung on doors as a symbol of rebirth and parents tap their children on the head with them to awaken them on New Year's Day .
Speaker 3Hey , get up what the hell , my mom used a broom handle .
Speaker 2Chili , they have a cemetery sleepover .
Speaker 3Well , of course they do what . What else would you have in chili ?
Speaker 2oh , histonia . Eating seven meals , that sounds right up your alley there tom does . I'm histonian eat seven , nine or twelve meals on new year's day ? I'm definitely histonian .
Speaker 3I have a Estonian background , evidently .
Speaker 2Oh geez , To ensure abundance and strength for the year ahead .
Speaker 3No , no , I'm abundant , but there's no strength . Okay .
Speaker 2Italy's tossing old things , russia wishes and champagne . Okay , switzerland Dropping ice cream . That would be good for Joe Biden . Well , yeah , he likes his ice cream .
Speaker 3That would be good for Joe Biden .
Speaker 2Well , yeah , he likes his ice cream , and he does drop it .
Speaker 3Of course , but that was accidental . It's not like he wished himself a happy new year .
Speaker 2Well , I guess they do that . They Swiss people drop ice cream on the floor to symbolize the hope for wealth and abundance in the coming year . Are these people not thinking about the cleanup afterwards ?
Speaker 3of all these things , they do , not to mention the ants , that's another thing . Oh , my God .
Speaker 2That's strange , all right , and to end this , I have five strange traditions in the United States for .
Speaker 3New Year's Okay .
Speaker 2All right , here we go . We got the giant potato drop in Boise Idaho Not really Idaho yeah , what's ?
Speaker 3Idaho ? Not really .
Speaker 2Idaho yeah .
Speaker 3What's Idaho got to do with potatoes ?
Speaker 2I guess a lot huh .
Speaker 3Who knows ?
Speaker 2Idaho potatoes .
Speaker 3Oh yeah .
Speaker 2Here's one that you shall enjoy , tom . I'm sure the possum drop in Tallahoosa , georgia . Of course the small town hosts an annual possum drop . Oh , I'm sorry to tell you when a stuffed possum is lowered into a lighted ball at midnight , though it used to involve a live possum . The venison's gone cruelty-free for the taxidermy standard .
Speaker 3Well , of course , it probably got loose and bit a couple people . Oh shit , Marcel Ledbetter got it . This isn't going to work anymore . He probably got bit by Marcel . Ledbetter got it . This isn't going to work anymore . He probably got bit by Marcel .
Speaker 2Ledbetter , this isn't a good idea . All right , in Bethlehem , pennsylvania , they had the Marshmallow Peeps drop . That's all those Marshmallow Peeps are good for actually .
Speaker 3Well , of course , I drop every one of those things . You love those things , don't you ?
Speaker 2Ooh , ooh . Fans of the Shiggy Retreat flock to see the four and a half foot , 200 pound replica . Take its sweet descent . Yeah , there's another one who cleans up this mess .
Speaker 3Who cares ? Just drop the shit .
Speaker 2Ah , our home state , north Carolina , mount Olive , north Carolina , they do the pickle drop Of course they do . Home to major pickle company Mount Olive Rings in the new year by dropping a glowing , oversized pickle down a flagpole . Wait a minute .
Speaker 3This sounds like something I've already seen .
Speaker 2This unique celebration brings together pickle enthusiasts and locals alike .
Speaker 3Yeah , who is a pickle enthusiast ?
Speaker 2Okay , how do you become one of those ? I'm going to have to go up here to this Mount Olive and see the pickle drop one of these days .
Speaker 3Hey you know what happened when Napoleon went to Mount Olive . What happened ? Popeye got pissed , oh God .
Speaker 2Dad jokes . All right , I guess the next one is an underwater party in Key Largo , florida . There's a freaking surprise . Oh , I know they're going to drop .
Speaker 3The next one is an underwater party in Key Largo , Florida . There's a frickin' surprise . I know they're going to drop a damn kiwi .
Speaker 2Participants gather around a submerged replica of a New Year's ball to celebrate Beneath the Waves , making it one of the most unique celebrations in the country , beneath the Waves . Well , that's that for Florida . There's some weird stuff . We haven't done that in a while .
Speaker 3We haven't New Year's . We haven't done that in a while . But again .
Speaker 2happy new year , right , Happy new year everybody . That's done , and I'd like to get back to talking about the upcoming year , what we have planned .
Speaker 3Sure .
Speaker 2We're actually thinking of rebranding our name .
Speaker 3A little bit different , A little bit Well new year , new name .
Speaker 2Exactly , just a little rebranding , just something different , something that pops . So that's in the works , but we're not sure yet . Maybe we'll put a poll out Instead of . Should Tom stop drinking and squeak ?
Speaker 3Yeah well , either one Squeak's got bigger problems than you .
Speaker 2We all know that . Maybe we should put a poll out , pick a couple names , maybe that'll get some , you know revel it up a little bit , see what people think . Anything else you'd like to discuss before we end it ? I mean , I'm sure there's still a lot of things left .
Speaker 3I just want to thank everybody who has listened to us over the year and have stuck by us . We've got listeners that have listened to every one of our episodes .
Speaker 2Someone from Singapore .
Speaker 3Singapore . Thank you all very , very much .
Speaker 2Eight countries Weather . It's amazing 58 cities . By any means we're not storming down the troops and people breaking down our doors , but there are people listening and that's all we ever wanted . Yeah and this is us having fun .
Speaker 3We've said that from the beginning . This is a good time , it's , you know . Please don't expect too much , because too much is not what you're going to get .
Speaker 2And again , people , any Spotify iHeart , they all have a place where you can text . Yeah .
Speaker 3You're anonymous , we don't know .
Speaker 2And if you , go to our page , our webpage again , mtalpodcom . Everything's on there . We plan on adding some more stuff to it . But also there's a little microphone on the bottom right-hand corner . Click on that . You can leave a voicemail , again anonymous . Yeah , you absolutely can .
Speaker 3Okay , I want , yeah , we absolutely can .
Speaker 2okay , I want to give a shout out let's explain why you're giving this shout out for us okay kind of sad yeah , this is a little delicate .
Speaker 3However , uh , we had a mascot that we brought up on one of the episodes . It was a turtle that we had here for 18 years , almost 19 .
Speaker 2Ready a slider Dreamer .
Speaker 3Yeah , name was Dreamer and Dreamer .
Speaker 2Just recently passed .
Speaker 3Yep , she is in her dreams now , and so I went .
Speaker 2It was very nice of Tom to do this , by the way .
Speaker 3At Christmas I was thinking you know , hey , we need our mascot , we need something we had forever . Let's see if we can't replace it . So I went out and about looking for a turtle , and at no avail . Didn't find them at the big pet smart and all this .
Speaker 2Which I wouldn't want to get a turtle from .
Speaker 3Yeah , because I wouldn't buy anything from them , because there's just hard times there , because I wouldn't buy anything from them because there's just hard times there . And in my process I'm looking and I come across this gentleman who owns a reptile shop in Morganton , north Carolina , out on Highway 18 South . I want to give him a big shout out . John John runs CB&K Exotics . I want to give him a big shout out . John John runs CB&K Exotics and I walked into this place looking for a turtle and he's like man , I don't have any right now . I just you know , they're Christmas time and I can't get too many because they have to be a certain size .
Speaker 3And I could tell by the look of the store and the talk of this guy that they're very upbeat people and they are very clean . It's a very clean store . Well , I told him the situation and he said well , hold on just a second . And he went to the back room and got their , their pets . He had two turtles that he had had for several years , evidently . And , uh , he said he would like to donate either one of the turtles to our cause . And so I was flabbergasted at that point . Holy crap , what a gesture . I got me and heard the story and wanted to donate a turtle to our cause here , so that was awesome .
Speaker 2So now we have a new one that was awesome and again Tom very much appreciated . I understand Very hard time for me .
Speaker 3I understand completely .
Speaker 2And I love nothing more than that .
Speaker 3I just wanted to give a shout out to John and his studio .
Speaker 2And I wish I would have knew about John earlier . Maybe could have saved Dreamer . Maybe , never know , maybe he would have gave me some tips . One of my regrets you know , you , baby , you have something . For almost 19 years you take care of it all yourself . It's always been here when we're doing our podcast , when I play my bass . You've seen him . He's got a personality .
Speaker 3You move your arms like you're swimming .
Speaker 4He moves around with you .
Speaker 2He does it with you . He danced with me . It's kind of a hard thing and I got it from my . My daughter , kristen , has Prader-Willi syndrome . In the Daytona flea market she bought this little tiny turtle no bigger than a half dollar or a silver dollar . Then , oh , you can't have it because of reasons .
Speaker 3Salmonella whatever .
Speaker 2So I took it in and basically didn't want it . But it's like , yeah , it took me forever , but hey , that was June of 2006 . Yep , and unfortunately , it took me forever , but hey , that was June of 2006 . Yep , and unfortunately , little Dream is gone . Little Dream is buried right off our porch area .
Speaker 3We have her right here still , so anyways again , Tom , it is appreciated . No problem , very , very nice New year .
Speaker 2To even think of that .
Speaker 3New year , new meanings , and we're going to get through everything . There was a lot of shocks through this year and through each other and , like I was talking earlier , the camaraderie and everything that lift each other up through those times . We had storms , we had terrible things .
Speaker 2We had storms and I do want to bring it up again . People don't forget that we had the storms into September , still showing .
Speaker 3Yeah , they are .
Speaker 2Out in western North Carolina it's still bad People living in tents .
Speaker 3Western North Carolina , eastern Tennessee , all of them just struggling .
Speaker 2Florida may be warm , but they had flooding , so you know you lose a house from that flooding . That sucks . Mold is an issue , so don't forget all those people and we try not to anyway Living in North Carolina , it's just the way it is .
New Year's Well Wishes and Farewells
Speaker 2But everybody , I do want to put it out again Everybody , have a happy new year .
Speaker 3Great new year .
Speaker 2Hope this year is better for everybody .
Speaker 3And hold on to those new year's traditions whether it's corn , beef and and cabbage , or if you're gonna eat black eyed peas and cornbread or whatever you know , hey , that's a good deal right there's a lot of different things out there that people do for the new year's , but we would just like to thank everybody for listening over the year .
Speaker 2Yes , thank the people .
Speaker 3Mostly , thank God for the gift of Gab .
Speaker 2Everybody again . Have a great happy New Year and have a blessed one , take care . Bye .
Speaker 1Well , that's a wrap on the MT Alternative New Year's Special with your lovable duo , mike and Tom . Big thanks to them for carrying the show while I sat here quietly questioning my life choices . As we head into the new year , we've got plenty of changes and surprises in store , because nothing says new beginnings like throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks . So stick around for 2025 . It's going to be something . Maybe we'll finally figure out how to end an episode without me saying something borderline offensive . Until then , enjoy the rest of your champagne or your sparkling cider , if you're still trying to convince yourself that dry January is a good idea . This has been , daniel , signing off and wishing you a happy new year or , at the very least , a better one than the last . Good night , good luck , and see you on the other side .
Speaker 7Thank you .
