Fireworks Fiascos, Southern Slang Shenanigans, and Tailgating Tales
Get ready for a laugh-filled journey through Southern truck stops and greasy spoon diners as we swap tales of road trips and the quirks of regional slang. Our little buddy, despite a recent mishap, has some strong opinions on fireworks safety, which segues into our love for unique dining experiences. Ever heard the saying, "butter my butt and call me a biscuit"? That's just the tip of the iceberg as we dive into the colorful world of Southern expressions, complete with truck stop antics and Waffle House stories.
And the fun doesn't stop there. We explore the camaraderie of tailgating at sports events, with memorable anecdotes that highlight the joy of shared experiences. Whether it’s the lighthearted banter over NASCAR tales or the amusing mishaps at tailgates, you’ll feel like you’re right there with us. We wrap up with reflections on life, gratitude, and a promise of more shenanigans to come. Join us for a laid-back, entertaining episode that’s sure to make your week a bit brighter!
00:13 - MT Alternative Podcast Overtime Preview
09:11 - Truck Stop Salad Saga
22:06 - Southern Slang Explained
26:20 - Southern Slang and NASCAR Tales
36:33 - The Art of Tailgating and Camaraderie
43:17 - Water Floats My Boat
MT Alternative Podcast Overtime Preview
Speaker 1Welcome to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . The podcast with a hodgepodge of stories and topics that will make you ask what the hell were they thinking . Now here are your hosts Mike tom happy fourth of july to you , tom .
Speaker 2Yes sir , happy fourth to you too I see you still have your digits yep , all of them well , they're still tonight though yeah , well , I was going to say we haven't .
Speaker 3We haven't done ours yet okay there's still a chance . You could lose a finger or well , we came through yesterday when we went to Virginia , or the day before Okay , and we stopped there at the fireworks stand .
Speaker 2Got yourself a little party favors we got some stuff . A little party favors , did you ?
Speaker 3There's a few things we ended up bringing back .
Speaker 2Excellent .
Speaker 3Yeah , you've got to be real careful . It's real dry right now .
Speaker 2Well , that's the thing too . So you've got to be real careful . It's real dry right now . Well , that's the thing too .
Speaker 3So you know , I understand why there's restraints on stuff like that .
Speaker 2But not to ruin everybody's festivities though I don't want rain then Like maybe a little rain now To get it all prepared for everybody's festivities , Because you know there are some pools out there , Right ?
Speaker 3I did get a message on my phone that it's supposed to start raining soon around here .
Speaker 2Yeah , like I said , now's fine Tonight . Let people have their fun , Heck yeah , but we don't want to burn down the woods or anything , that would suck .
Speaker 3Burning down the house . Yeah , we don't want that . We've got a bunch of people coming over .
Speaker 2Are you going over somebody else's ? Unfortunately ?
Speaker 3I'm stuck here again . I did come over to somebody else's .
Speaker 2Not now , I mean later on this evening . We are fireworks festivities .
Speaker 3No , actually we are going to just kind of kick back .
Speaker 2Oh , okay .
Speaker 3Yeah , my grandson and all of them . They're going to go and watch them . They've rented a hotel room and a pool Just for fireworks . Well , they're going to kick back at the pool and let him swim and have a good time Watch them .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'll be on my porch .
Speaker 3Me too . I'll be on my porch .
Speaker 2It's always porch time at the old Casa del MT .
Speaker 3Like I say , I've got a bunch of people that live up the holler from me . It's not a hill out there where I'm at , it's a holler . But the other night they decided for 45 minutes straight they were going to set off these mortar shells .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , you talked about this on the last one .
Speaker 3I don't understand how anybody bought that many fireworks people do tom okay , but here's the thing . I was just in a firework shop . I seen the ones that have like a block party would have , which sounded kind of like what went on I 695 dollars for this package people love that shit . People do tom we live in a hauler yeah what are they doing up the hauler for me ?
Speaker 2I'm just wondering , you know burning things down yeah , I'm burning stuff , all right I mean , besides that , it's been quiet though , yeah , yeah it's been real quiet , like uh , we said on the last podcast I was talking about , it's so different from when I lived in Florida .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2I bet . So I feel like I lived in a war zone in July . It amazes me , oh wait it's not just July , it was New Year's Same one . Oh , it was this .
Speaker 3Only they shoot guns at New Year's . No , here it was all fireworks still . I mean , there might have been guns involved too , but why do people decide they want to just go out and make noise ?
Speaker 2Yeah , people are strange . Yeah , I mean , but like I said , when I was younger I did a lot of that stupid shit . Yeah , it is what it is .
Speaker 3So I had to run out on my back porch with my 12-gauge and shoot a couple shots off too , when they were shooting , just so you feel like you're participating . Yeah , like I was part of the problem .
Speaker 2What a waste of ammo .
Speaker 3Yeah , it was .
Speaker 2Two shots Two shots in the air . Two shots in what yeah ?
Speaker 3I thought you said two shots in your rear . Nope , oh , okay , that wasn't that time .
Speaker 2Oh , that was a different time altogether .
Speaker 3That's a Different story .
Speaker 2I don't think I want to hear that anywhere .
Speaker 3You can leave that to yourself . Yeah , the butt talk story is not a very good one .
Speaker 2Butt talks .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Was that Forrest Gump ?
Speaker 3Yeah , when I got shot in the butt talks .
Speaker 2Oh must have hurt .
Speaker 3Must have . I don't remember .
Speaker 2You don't remember .
Speaker 3I was doped .
Speaker 2Oh . When did Forrest Gump picker's entrance here . I was doped up like a trout . I was kind of strange here at Forrest .
Speaker 3Yeah , he's a little strange .
Speaker 2A little .
Speaker 3But you know what ? He makes a lot of sense sometimes .
Speaker 2Well , sometimes he does . Life is like a box of chocolates type shit .
Speaker 3Yeah , you never know what you're going to get .
Speaker 2I mean you kind of do on the back of them . They kind of tell you what you're getting .
Speaker 3A little .
Speaker 2Most of them .
Speaker 3Yeah , and they show you a picture of what's inside of them .
Speaker 2Yeah , stupid people . This is this . No one likes biting it and putting it First off stupid is stupid does . Mike , why , why do people take a little bite , don't like it and put it back ?
Speaker 3in there Like someone else is going to eat that , right , yeah , exactly .
Speaker 2Oh look , that's got a little chew mark . I'll take that one .
Speaker 3Oh , I want the one with the peanuts in it .
Speaker 2Oh well , you'll see the peanuts in it .
Speaker 3Well , you do if it's on the picture . You look and see which . What if it's like a generic brand , they don't have pictures . Or if you buy it from what's that little ?
Speaker 2Do like I do .
Speaker 3Tutti or what's that ? One that sends you the little bitty shit ? The new scam online where you buy it from this place , timu Timu .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , yeah , you get a little . It was Wish and Timu . I laugh at the people that order shit from there . Wait , why are you laughing at me ? Oh , I didn't know you were buying from there . You're an idiot .
Speaker 3How do you think I knew about it ?
Speaker 2I do not know Ads , they're freaking . Nail you with the ads everywhere you go .
Speaker 3I know Facebook . How do you think ? Youtube why do you think I buy from ?
Speaker 2them Instagram .
Speaker 3They're ads .
Speaker 2Yeah , but it's not a good place .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Not a good place .
Speaker 3They do children . I want that .
Speaker 2Are you psyched for our new podcast coming up ?
Speaker 3I am very psyched . I am very , very , very psyched .
Speaker 2I have some interesting topics to go over .
Speaker 3About changing a direction . We love cutting up and having fun and laughing . But you know what ?
Speaker 2there's a real it's gonna feel nice just to be able to talk . I mean , hey , I love doing this , this is fun there's a this is us doing our stupid shit yeah but , uh , being able to actually have serious discussions on some topics . That both of us are interested in exactly , there's a real presence of uh , overtime . The mt alternative podcast . I like to run through it yeah , it is a good time .
Speaker 3It is overtime it is overtime yes , we do like mt alternative overtime yeah , yeah , and we call it over time because you know we do the other one , but this one is important to us because it opens up things that you feel and I feel , and we feel like everybody else feels this way , exactly , tom , and there's a wide variety of things we'll talk about , like you mentioned , mysteries .
Speaker 2Mysteries , politics .
Speaker 3Politics .
Speaker 2Just current events , things going on in the world , this crazy , crazy , crazy world .
Speaker 3Yes .
Speaker 2So there'll be a bunch of different topics .
Speaker 3Yeah , there's news that people don't hear because they don't want you to hear it , and we're going to bring that news out .
Speaker 2The best we can . We will do our research .
Speaker 3Yes , yes , it's not like we're going to plaster , you know .
Speaker 2Not afraid of corrections either . If someone has a different point of view , we'd be glad to hear it .
Speaker 3Yes , we do want to hear it .
Speaker 2But just right now I want to play a little snippet of our intro that's coming up of the Overtime with the MT Alternative Podcast .
Speaker 1Welcome to Overtime on the MT Alternative Podcast , where Mike and Tom discuss a wide variety of issues in today's world . And now here are your hosts , mike and Tom .
Speaker 2And what do you think , Tom ?
Speaker 3Yeah , I think that's awesome . I hope other people like it .
Speaker 2Waiting to hear what people think about that .
Speaker 3Yep , I'm pretty excited . But yeah , it's going to be just a montage of just every little thing . We can . Just Very excited , I am , I am so .
Truck Stop Salad Saga
Speaker 2It didn't take long for this baby , as it did the other one .
Speaker 3No , it didn't , there was no nine months on this one . No .
Speaker 2But definitely something we've been mulling in our minds here for a while thinking about doing .
Speaker 3We enjoyed the other one , but this one is informative , the other one's great .
Speaker 2It's an escape for us . This one , I think , just hits closer to home for a lot of different reasons . Yes , I mean , yes , the other one's fun , but sometimes we have to be serious .
Speaker 3All fun makes Jack a dull boy .
Speaker 2Absolutely . But again , yeah , that's it . That'll be our new intro and hopefully we'll have it out at least by the beginning of august . Yeah , that's , you know we're shooting depending we're shooting for . We want this one to be pretty .
Speaker 3You know , sound good , be good yep , and we wanted to uh touch base with everybody , so and get your opinion on .
Speaker 2what do you think the intro folks ?
Speaker 3Let us know .
Speaker 2But anyways , have you heard from the little dudes ?
Speaker 3Yeah , they're in rare form .
Speaker 2What's going on now ? Or should I even ask ? I mean , I don't even know why I ask anymore .
Speaker 3Okay , any big complaints ?
Speaker 2I know they're probably waiting already .
Speaker 3Yeah , well , they got here early , I heard some bickering in the other room . They got here early because he complained about not being able to sleep or something . All the fireworks , oh geez . Anyway .
Speaker 2All right , let's drag them guys in here . Here we go .
Speaker 4Hey , little buddy , what's happening this time ? Oh , not much , not much . No , you don't sound really angry . You don't sound happy either . I'm disappointed . Oh , why are you disappointed ? Still have nine fingers ? Oh , what did you want ? Did you really only want eight ? You know how many people ask me why you only got nine fingers . No , how many , all of them . Oh , and I don't want to have to go through it all the time .
Speaker 4Put your hand in your pocket , because then they wonder what I'm doing . Grab it onto your rocket . Yeah , pocket pool . I'm pretty good at pocket millions . Don't let that bother you . It's just a little handicap . Yeah , pocket millions is my handicap . Stop talking about your finger . That bother you , it's just a little handicap . Yeah , pocket billions is my handicap . I'm talking about your finger . That's gone . Oh , oh , oh , oh , sorry , you know Fourth of July is still tomorrow . You can have fun tonight . Maybe you'll still lose it . Yeah , quit trying to give me false hope . You never know , buddy . Half of them . Don't even let me shoot them off . Think of this . Maybe you could blow your whole hand off , yeah that's why they don't let me shoot them off .
Speaker 4You might get hurt . Well , you did lose a finger already , Okay ? Well , it wasn't all my fault . Whose fault was it the damn firecracker place ? Why is it their fault ? Because you held on to it like an idiot ? No , because it didn't tell me not to . I think it's self-explanatory . You have explosives in your hand , but a lady won a big settlement over it . Remember McDonald's ? Yeah , she was an idiot . Why didn't you sue them ? Because I'm an idiot ? Oh okay . Why didn't you sue them Because I'm an idiot ? Oh okay . See , Aren't you listening ? I'm trying not to . Okay , well , let's move on . Okay , let's move on .
Speaker 1Where are we moving to ?
Speaker 4Well , we're going to move to young people . Young people , yeah , the ones that really piss me off . Oh , this should be a good lesson , since we've become very popular . Yes , over a period of time , right , like three months , okay , and we're very popular . People listen to us . Yeah , we have tens and tens of people listening . They all love us . Now , hundreds , ah , I see what you did .
Speaker 4You know , I have to deal with all kinds of people , all kinds , all kinds . There's only so many different kinds of people . Yeah , young and old . Oh , okay , that's all kinds , all right , okay , well , the young ones aren't as smart . You don't need to get testing . I just like to be informed . That's why I ask questions . That's nothing to do with my private parts . I just like to be informed . That's why I ask questions . That's nothing to do with my private parts . Leave my testes out of it . Well , I'm sorry to interrupt you Continue . Well , these young guys , they think they're all hip and stuff . Well , I travel around a little bit and I have to go with some of these young guys , okay , you know , on tour and different things .
Speaker 4Oh , all right , I have a tour . Okay , well , every once in a while , when you're on the road and you get hungry , you want to pull over and eat something , but you want something good , and what have you always heard ? If there's grease dripping through the bottom of the bag , that's a good place to eat . Okay , I don't know if a lot of people say that , but , okay , yeah , a lot of people told me that . Well , they must be the unhealthiest people . You know why would I hang around healthy people ? That's who I'm talking about . Ah , okay , yeah , there it is . Now I'm starting to see where this is going . Okay , now you go to a truck stop . So I thought , well , let's get us some D . Well , that's your first mistake . We said truck stop , no , no , no , that's not a mistake . That's the best place to eat . Okay , all right , remember , I live in the South . Okay , I like hot attack in a sack , anyway , so you go to the truck stop . And , anyway , so you go to the truck stop and this place has got 700 trucks 700 ? It's a truck stop . Okay , you can tell it's a truck stop . Must be a very big truck stop . So we go in and we sit down .
Speaker 4Who are you with this young guy I'm telling you about that I have to travel with . So he decides he wants a salad Okay , to travel with . So he decides he wants a salad Okay , not too big of a deal at a truck stop I can get a salad , okay . So the next thing he orders excuse me , ma'am , do you have any red vinaigrette dressing ? Where the damn truck stop ? She looks at me why did the damn truck stop ? She looks at me . Why'd she look at you ? What's he talking about ? She says . I say I don't know when the hell has it come from . My salad dressing is gravy . Oh , okay , come on , I thought it was a beverage till I was 18 . Ah , yeah , but anyway , he wants a damn salad with vinaigrette dressing . Well , nope , we ain't got that . They had Italian , I'm sure . Yeah , well , they , good enough .
Speaker 4He picked some other kind of fancy dude up Paul Newman , some stupid shit , paul Simmons , he said . Then he said well , is any of this lettuce or vegetables in this salad been around any pesticides ? How the hell's a lady gonna know that ? Well , not only that , why the hell you worried about that in a damn truck stop ? This is true , okay , first off Of all the things to worry about .
Speaker 4But you gotta love the waitress that just bled right into it . She said well , we just sprayed for roaches , but I don't think any got on the lettuce . The guy's like oh shit , that's funny . I love a truck stop waitress . Oh , that is good stuff . Hey , one has six teeth and three legs . No one has three teeth and six legs . That sounds better . Yeah , third shit of better truck stops . Anyway , she was awesome , she ran right into it . But these young people , did he eat the salad ? Yeah , he , yeah . And then the next morning , how did you get stuck working with someone like this ? Well , because Did you lose a bet ? No , oh , but sometimes when you don't fly I hate flying , as you know because you never know what might happen on an airplane . Right , you might have to shit and flush the damn engine .
Speaker 1And then the engine falls off .
Speaker 4Yeah , good gosh Anyway . So I have to travel around , sometimes in a bus , and I get stuck with these young and a bust . Yeah , kids In a bust . Yeah , sometimes Someone's bust Like a big tour bus . Boobies ? No , not boobies , not that kind of bust Like a bust . A bust Like a greyhound oh no tea , no , a greyhound bust . Okay yeah , we travel around Around the world .
Speaker 4Yeah , sometimes it depends on where the tour goes . We're pretty popular . Well , where have you been touring lately ? Well , lately , why come I haven't heard of this tour ? It's funner without you . You always wanted to bring me down . I didn't even know there was a tour . You said everybody's heard about it . Well , everybody except for the people who don't need to . Well , if everybody's heard about it , well , everybody except for the people who don't need to . Well , if everybody's heard about it , I'm sure I would have heard about it . Yeah , that needed to remember . No , no , no . You said everybody . Not everybody can keep a secret . See , now you're making me angry again . Why do you do this every damn time ? What ?
Speaker 2is your problem .
Speaker 4Well , first off , I can't keep a secret . That's why you're pissed off . Okay , see , because I just told you . Yeah , I'm a little pissed off . This is why I didn't want to tell you . This is why I didn't even want to bring it up , because I knew you'd get all mad man . This is like we should just break up this group , like the Beatles . Man , this is ridiculous . Wait a minute . You want Yoko Ono to come in here and sing , not with me . No , ain't that what broke up ? The Beatles ? You can take her . Ain't that what broke ?
Speaker 1up the Beatles . You can be the John .
Speaker 4Lennon and take Yoko Ono with you . No , yeah , no , john Lennon didn't even want Yoko Ono . How do you know ? Well , why would you want to be with a woman whose name was Loco Uno ? Yeah , the crazy one . Ah yeah , she's an idiot . Wait a minute . Wait a minute . I'm still angry with you . Why , you know ?
Speaker 1why , why ?
Speaker 4Because I didn't tell you about that's right traveling around with these young kids . Well , it's not all fun and games , they're idiots . Oh , are you telling everybody about the podcast ? Yeah , well , I'm trying to . But these young kids listen , all they worry about is if there's anything on their salad . Or the next morning the dude calls me hey , we're going jogging , you want to go ? Well , shit , how did we get back to this again ? Well , I was going to tell you about why I hate me , but how ?
Speaker 1did we get sidetracked .
Speaker 4I'm not sidetracked . You're trying to sidetrack me . I'm trying my cow , Is it ?
Speaker 1working .
Speaker 4It did for a minute , oh , but anyway . Okay . They called me the next morning . Who called you , the young guys that I'm traveling with ? Who , these two idiots that I have to travel with ? Are they both eating salad ? Well , I only went with one because I can't handle two of them .
Speaker 4I'm confused . Why ? Because you said there was one , now there's two . Well , one went with me to eat , the other one didn't . But now the next morning , when they wanted to go jogging , they call my room at 7 o'clock in the morning . Hey , we're going jogging , Want to go ? I'm 57 , weigh 250 pounds , what the hell do you think ? Well , I think no , I don't want to go jogging . But but if you pass a Krispy Kreme while you're out there , think about me by golly . You know , I think it's nice that they invited you . Even . Well , they're idiots . Oh , not really . They got a 57-year-old man to weigh 250 pounds . Wants to go jogging ? They wanted to include you .
Speaker 4Have you ever seen a midget run , you know ? Did you ever think that you could have been their entertainment ? Yeah , While you were trying to run . Every comedian on the planet says what's funnier than this ? Oh , that's funnier than midgets running track . There you go see Little people running is funny . Well , it's kind of funny . Yeah , a little With the little legs . Yeah , yeah , that is
Southern Slang Explained
Speaker 4funny . Anyway , All right , well , I'm going to head on out .
Speaker 4I've got to move out with a bunch of young comedians and go to New York . Oh well , enjoy , no , I've got to move out with a bunch of young comedians and go to New York . Oh well , enjoy . No , I won't . Oh okay , hey , there's a lot of truck stops between here and there . There is . You should be in your glory . Yeah , I have to explain them to every damn one of them . I would let them sink or swim . Stop the sink , buddy . Yeah , don't even try to take them to the damn Waffle House . Tell them they're not allowed in the building . Yeah , Anyway , you have a good week , buddy . Yeah well , good luck with that . All righty Bye , See ya Bye .
Speaker 2That guy never ceases to amaze me . I think he bitches about everything and anything .
Speaker 3Yeah , he is definitely one pessimist .
Speaker 2What the ?
Speaker 3Oh .
Speaker 2I should be used to this .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2I should be .
Speaker 3I'm not either .
Speaker 2But that's strange , very , very strange .
Speaker 3Well , we see a lot of strange things .
Speaker 2We do .
Speaker 3Yeah , strange is witches' brew or stuff like that . You know , like old people say .
Speaker 2Oh , old sayings .
Speaker 3You know , old people always say weird stuff .
Speaker 2Southern people say weird shit too .
Speaker 3Yeah , I bet , but yeah , when I moved out here You've been here longer , I'm yeah when I moved out here .
Speaker 2You've been here longer . I'm sure you've heard a lot more .
Speaker 3Well , when I first moved here , my dad took me to this old country store and the woman asked me if I wanted to put my dope in a poke .
Speaker 2What the hell was that ? Yeah , and she sold dope .
Speaker 3No , it was a drink in a paper bag .
Speaker 2Do you want your drink in a paper bag ?
Speaker 3Old folk around here call a dope a drink .
Speaker 2Not like rope a dope .
Speaker 3No , and a poke is not salad .
Speaker 2Well , it is out here , but it's also a brown paper bag .
Speaker 3It's weird . What a coincidence .
Speaker 2A coincidence that what I found this week will be on Southern slang .
Speaker 3Oh slang , Southern slang .
Speaker 2Some I've heard , some I have not heard . Sinked it . Have you ever heard ? Well , butter my butt and call me a biscuit .
Speaker 3No , but I think I'll use that what the hell does it even mean ? It means you're getting ready to have a real good time . Okay , yeah that's what that means .
Speaker 2Let's see , that really creams my corn . That sounds kind of pornographic . Okay , a little bit right . Yeah , a little bit .
Speaker 3We probably ought to move on pornographic .
Speaker 2Okay , A little bit , right yeah a little bit .
Speaker 3We probably ought to move on .
Speaker 2Okay , okay .
Speaker 3Before we get in trouble . Yeah , we don't want to do that Now this one I've heard of .
Speaker 2I'm going to tan your hide . Oh yeah , I'm going to get an ass whooping .
Speaker 3Well , not only that , you're going to have all the fat off of it .
Speaker 2You know there's some jobs that work . I find it as easy as sliding off a greasy log backward . Very easy , very easy yeah .
Speaker 3I get in trouble that way you do . Yeah , it's like slipping off a log back and screeching .
Speaker 2I've heard of this one fish or cut bait . Huh , You're an idiot . What Fish or cut bait ?
Speaker 3No , that's shit , or get off the pot same thing , buddy .
Speaker 2Same thing I'll give you that wow , you better give your heart to Jesus , because your butt is mine .
Speaker 3Okay , there's a good ass whooping coming up , yeah oh my god let's see well , you just better give it to grandma goes to bed with the chickens . I thought early yeah very early roost pretty okay she goes to bed with chickens let's go a whole hog oh let's go all out , all out out . Yeah , you might as well , he's happy .
Speaker 2has a dead pig in the sunshine .
Southern Slang and NASCAR Tales
Speaker 3Wait a minute , what I have a question I want answers . Me too about how happy could a dead pig be In the sunshine . It doesn't matter , it's rotten in the sunshine . That means you're not very happy , right .
Speaker 2Something's not right there . What about that really dills my pickle .
Speaker 3Okay , light your candle , whatever .
Speaker 2That jars my preserves .
Speaker 3Yeah Well , well is my preserves , yeah Well .
Speaker 2Well , slap my head and call me silly . Don't really slap my head , though .
Speaker 3Okay , I'll just call you silly .
Speaker 2I still can't get over you . You better give your heart to Jesus , because your butt is mine . You're barking up the wrong tree .
Speaker 3Well , that's a dumb coon hound .
Speaker 2You're wrong .
Speaker 3That's a dumb . Coon hound yeah wrong , that's a dumb coon dog , don't fly off the handle oh my boy . Well , okay , first off , well are you talking to a fly ?
Speaker 2what's in a coon's age ? I haven't seen you in a coon's age a coon's age what does that mean ?
Speaker 3I don't know , maybe it ought to be a dog's age according to this , it means a long time a .
Speaker 2A coon's age is a long time , but I see somebody I haven't seen in a while . How old is a coon ? How ?
Speaker 3old , does a coon live ?
Speaker 2How do you know how old a coon is ?
Speaker 3We ought to look up . How old does a coon live ? I don't know Until he's dead .
Speaker 2Why are her knickers in a knot ? Don't get your your knickers in a knot , your panties in a wad ? Well , hush my mouth , you got thrush , yeah , hush my mouth .
Speaker 3Ah , this one .
Speaker 2I've heard she had a conniption , a conniption fit , yeah , yeah , lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut oh well , that's pretty low that is low .
Speaker 3I'm gonna jerk a knot in your tail okay yeah , my dad did that one time when I was hitting carp with a baseball bat or something what's this one mean ?
Speaker 2that dog won't hunt ? I think it's self explanatory that dog won't hunt , okay ? No , I'm not gonna believe that he didn't take a cotton to the pastor no , I didn't like him either .
Speaker 3Okay , I know what that means .
Speaker 2What does , can't , never , would or never , could , can't , never could .
Speaker 3Can't , never could .
Speaker 2What the ?
Speaker 3hell , that just means , if you say , you can't it means , you never could . You never could .
Speaker 2It's all a cattywampus .
Speaker 3Yeah , a little sideways .
Speaker 2Crooked irregular .
Speaker 3There , you go . Not a bird net . She's go .
Speaker 2I've heard that she's battered in a wet hen .
Speaker 3Yeah , wet hen . Have you ever got a wet hen ?
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 3If you put a hen in hot , scalding water and then chop their head off , they'll flop around the yard like they're pissed off .
Speaker 2Okay then . I've been running all over Hell's Half Acre . I've been running all over Hell's a hell's half acre .
Speaker 3I've been running all over hell's half acre what about a whole acre ? Hell's only a half acre . Where's that ? He makes my butt itch well that's another one honey , you should not be with him . Then Make him take a shower and wash his ass .
Speaker 2Suzuki's so bad she can make a preacher cuss . Yes , don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining .
Speaker 3Well , why not ?
Speaker 2Well , because you're peeing on my back .
Speaker 3Well , but it's raining .
Speaker 2I see your lips are moving , but you're lying .
Speaker 3I heard that one time . It said I see your lips moving , but your asshole ain't saying nothing .
Speaker 2I'm full as a tick .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 2Oh , here we go again with the . Where do they live ? They live down yonder .
Speaker 3Yonder in the ha-ha patch .
Speaker 2Plus your pee-picking heart , Tom .
Speaker 3My pee-picking heart . Your pee-picking heart .
Speaker 2If I get a hitch in my get-along .
Speaker 3Yeah , I've got a bad back your pee picking hard If I get a hitch in my get along yeah .
Speaker 2I've got a bad back . Grandma's feeling poorly .
Speaker 3Yeah , she got run over by a damn reindeer .
Speaker 2Of course she is he's running off . He has diarrhea . That's what it means . He's over there , he's running off . Are you in OFT ? They got stuff about the weather . It's hotter than Satan's house Cap .
Speaker 3Or it's hotter than Satan's toenails . What ?
Speaker 2the Hot as all get out .
Speaker 3As all get out . Hot as all get out . Y'all get out , it's going to be hot .
Speaker 2Okay , the devil is beating his wife , that's a rain shower when the sun's shining .
Speaker 3Yeah , thunderstorm I heard that one .
Speaker 2I'm burning , slap up .
Speaker 3Slap up , not up Slap happy .
Speaker 2You're burning , slap up A couple more . It's coming up a storm , coming up a cloud .
Speaker 3Coming up .
Speaker 2It's hotter than the devil's armpits .
Speaker 3Well , I guess the armpits probably would be more hotter than his toes , so cold I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets .
Speaker 2Oh , that's cold .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Oh , there's some good ones .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Oh , that was alright .
Speaker 3That was pretty good . We gotta love the Southern .
Speaker 2We do .
Speaker 3Gotta love the Southern slang . Yeah , pretty good , we've got to love the Southern , we do Got to love the Southern . It's fine , some good shit , yeah , I just have a question .
Speaker 2What's that ?
Speaker 3You're watching a NASCAR .
Speaker 2I used to not so much anymore , Tom .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'm the same way , because all of the real good talent is gone .
Speaker 2I don't know anybody Right . I can't tell a damn difference between a car .
Speaker 3Right , exactly , exactly . But here's the other thing . I don't particularly care for all the hubbub about the big . I like the small tracks , the local tracks , the little dirt tracks and everything .
Speaker 2I see where you are on that .
Speaker 3This place where I live . H hickory , close to hickory , has this track okay that is a pretty , pretty good track around this area and they still have good races on saturday nights oh , they actually do yeah it's a quarter mile track , it's . It's pretty neat okay and it's , it's great .
Speaker 3But I used to work for a company that would get us tickets to these races and stuff and we could go and it was all you could eat . You just had you drink everything . Well , I decided that you could bring somebody with you and my wife she wasn't into racing , so I took a buddy okay , and we decided .
Speaker 3We decided okay , we going to go to the race this evening . We've got to have some beer , got to get lit . And they said you can bring a cooler . You can bring a cooler in whatever . So we went and bought us a cooler , filled that sucker up with a case of beer , a couple bags of ice . We each had to have one end of it . It was one of the 30-gallon coolers . We were serious , so we're carrying it . We get it out of the trunk of the car when we get to the race . I got my free tickets . I'm ready . We're going to go get us a hamburger and then start drinking like crazy .
Speaker 2What about tailgating ? You could do that .
Speaker 3Well , yeah , but you can't see the race from the tailgate .
Speaker 2Well , no , you tailgate before you go in for the race .
Speaker 3Okay , well , that comes later , don't jump the gun .
Speaker 2Well , tailgating is always first .
Speaker 3Well , we weren't thinking about tailgating out of a Pontiac .
Speaker 2Grand Prix . Oh okay , hey , tailgate anything .
Speaker 3But anyways , go ahead . I took a Pontiac Grand Prix . We had this 30 cooler full of beer , and so we pull it out of the car , we're carrying it up to the gate , we're getting ready to give him our tickets . He's like you can't take that cooler in here . Well , I said we could bring coolers . Yeah , you can bring a playmate like a personal cooler , but you're not gonna bring a 30 count .
Speaker 3So we had to huff this thing back to the car , which started what you call a tailgate party . So we said , well , if we can't carry it in there in this 30 gallon .
Speaker 3I was carried in there in our bellies . So we set out there and we just start chugging beers so we can go in there . Well , by the time we get done , we're so belligerent oh , it was awful . We're stumbling around over there so we make our way to the place to get something to eat . But now we're all starved . We're starved to death . Cars are just racing , everybody's cheered , a couple drunks up there stumbling around the snack bar trying to order stuff to eat . I come back , I got like a thing of nachos and a cheeseburger and fries and I'm just scarfing down all this free food and stuff and we just get . It was crazy because we we just thought we were going to be able to just carry all this beer in .
Speaker 3It was so dumb but I ate so much that night and all that beer , you can imagine what happened .
Speaker 2I hear you .
Speaker 3Mount St Helens .
Speaker 2That's when I used to go to football games all the time , oh my .
Speaker 3God , oh , it was awful . I threw up everywhere . It was the most difficult time to drive home that night .
Speaker 2You would never make it watching football games every week tailgating .
Speaker 3Well see , not tailgating , but when we go to the baseball games in Atlanta .
Speaker 2Different .
Speaker 3Different than a football game . Me and my buddy , instead of paying six , eight bucks for a beer , we'd go down we'd park and then we would walk two blocks to the convenience store and get us a couple 12 packs of beer , walk back to the park , drink it , then go in the ballpark .
Speaker 2Why wouldn't you bring beer with you instead of walking two blocks to go get it we ?
Speaker 3didn't realize , we did not realize they were like 12 bucks a piece and we did not realize and we did not realize that there was a convenience store so close to the parking lot that we could just walk down and grab our beer and come back .
Speaker 2So that's what we did when I had season tickets to the football Patriots games .
Speaker 3I was lit before the first pitch .
Speaker 2Every time we went was an event . Either somebody cooked something next to us we had a camper we had people in .
The Art of Tailgating and Camaraderie
Speaker 2Tailgating is great , great , great meet other fans so much , even other teams .
Speaker 3That's what I'm saying . You meet so many different people , they're so neat even , and you gotta wonder how do people go to a football game and they both cheer for two different teams , but they like each other enough to have dinner together ?
Speaker 2But yet it's a camaraderie . That's what it is Tom .
Speaker 3Don't ask me to do that . If my president's different than yours , I will slash your tires and burn your damn house down . See , here's the thing , though , why ? Is that .
Speaker 2Most people when they're at these kind of events . Yes , you might have different , but you still get along because you have that common Right . It's these other people that , don't Soy boy , whatever you want to call these people .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'm telling you , it's crazy , I mean we've had Tom .
Speaker 2We've had Miami Dolphin fans in our camper . Minnesota Vikings we had one Miami Dolphins . A couple fans , cold as hell out , invited him into our camper . Listen , come in . One guy's friend . He refused to come in our camper . He goes . I'll stay by the door because he didn't want to .
Speaker 3He thought you were going to get beat .
Speaker 2Whatever we're talking , and the other guy , finally his buddy , goes . Is he going to come in or what I said ? No , I don't think he's coming in . He goes , coming in , Nope , Closes the door , locks it , leaves his friend out there . I thought it was classic . I'm like fuck him if he doesn't want to come in . Well , you know , if that's the way you want to trudge through life you're going to get shut out in the cold .
Speaker 3I just thought it was great .
Speaker 2If you're going to be a bitch about things , you get shut out All the time , my buddy , tim , takes off with a platter full of kibosh all cut up , we're drinking , we're getting shit-faced Comes back in five minutes later . Oh , they're done . No , no , no , they fell on the ground . Oh no , because I had to pick them up Just sitting there outside pouring beer over them To clean them off .
Speaker 3Yep , hey beer brats yeah . I'm straight Beer brats , that's it , that's it .
Speaker 2You know I went to the Y and be like that's awesome .
Speaker 3The hell , is that A little crunchy , hey every once in a while you got to have a crunchy .
Speaker 2Good times .
Speaker 3Good times . Well , there's all kinds of neat stuff to talk about when you go to races . The very first race I ever went to it was like Winston Cup , then that's when they gave out free cigarettes Free cigarettes ? Yeah , what kind of cigarettes do you smoke ? Camels ? Well , if you'll give me what you have in your pack , I'll give you a brand new pack of these .
Speaker 2They were like those mini packs too . Some of them Not all of them were full packs all the time .
Speaker 3Well , the ones I always got were you got those , but not all the time . However , the very first Falcons football game Sample packs , whatever . The very first Atlanta Falcons football game .
Speaker 2I went to . What did you do in Atlanta Falcons games ?
Speaker 3Because at first . But when I moved out here there was no panthers . There was no panthers back then and that was in 82 , but panthers didn't come till 90 whatever . So we used to go and charter a bus to atlanta and watch the football games . Some of those were the most absolute fun thing was it like a work thing or no , it was just like on a radio station said hey , we're all going to get a bus together . See , we did stuff like that . It was called the Bozo Bus .
Speaker 2It was during work , we put it on . Oh really , they chatted on the bus , a bunch of us would go .
Speaker 3I'm glad work didn't put this one on because I would have been fired . We were drunk before we ever crossed the state line and we left at seven in the morning and we'd all play cards and put and a couple of them snuck up and went to the bathroom to partake of their illegals and then the smell got through and and then they'd come back and say we know what you're doing .
Speaker 2Back here , y'all cut it out every time I went on those charter bus trips , whether it was deep sea fishing or some game . I've always got shit face .
Speaker 3Oh yes .
Speaker 2Never failed . Never failed at all .
Speaker 3But man get out and meet somebody different than you and quit bitching that they're different than you and just enjoy life .
Speaker 2See , if you put , let's say , 50 , let's say , 100 people in a room , right , don't talk politics , don't talk anything like that .
Speaker 3No religion , no politics .
Speaker 2Watch how people click , yeah , you'll find stuff that you have in common , and then , 30 minutes later , the minute you bring up politics , you're going to know who the leftists are .
Speaker 3Yep , you're done .
Speaker 2They're going to walk away crying , screaming . They're done . Sorry , I had to say that because it's absolutely true , yeah , because I mean our kids , Someone came up to me and said you know , I support Joe Biden . I think you're an idiot in my head , but I'm not going to disown you and jump on you and leave you and lock you out in the cold . That's what you are . You vote for Biden .
Speaker 3I mean , if you vote for Biden , you need help .
Speaker 2I mean , you need me . If you like that kind of people , that should be on maybe a feeding tube .
Speaker 3I shouldn't go that far , I'm just saying If you've got an IQ of a baked potato , I mean .
Speaker 2Listen again . Like I said last time , I did feel bad for him . He's getting made to do this now . You know how Southern people he's been in , what Politics for what ? 50 years , 40-something years ? Yeah , what has he done ? He's grown old . We should be getting on this we got from NASCAR to football tailgating .
Speaker 3Yeah , we jumped around .
Speaker 2We don't want to do that .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2But yeah , so it is what it is , Tom , Get out and meet somebody Enjoy your life . Yeah , just you know , live your life pretty much man .
Speaker 3Yeah , you just got to do what you got to do Right .
Speaker 2Well , how do you think this session went today ? It went pretty damn good Tom .
Speaker 3I enjoyed it .
Speaker 2Yeah , again , I want to do a little announcement here on stuff here . I want to put out that we are on for listening on iHeart , spotify , amazon , deezer , player , fm , buzzsprout , and we'll also have a link in our Facebook group page , so be sure to check that out Again . Stay tuned for our new podcast coming out over time with the MT Alternative Podcast .
Speaker 3We definitely want you to listen to that , because that's going to have an assortment of different ideas .
Speaker 2Like we keep saying and keep beating that drum , it's going to be different .
Speaker 3It will be different from this podcast but , I , think a lot of people will enjoy it Different format but yeah , half of you like our craziness and the other half will like our seriousness .
Speaker 2Exactly , that's just the way it is .
Speaker 3It's a complete thing we got going on here
Water Floats My Boat
Speaker 3.
Speaker 2Whatever floats your boat , though , You'll have that choice Water Anyways everybody .
Speaker 3Water floats my boat yeah water floats your boat .
Speaker 2Everyone have a great week . Hope you enjoyed your fourth . Hope you still have your fingers yes , yes , yes , always .
Speaker 3Thank God for the gift of God .
Speaker 2There you go , Tom , take care bud .
Speaker 3Have a good week .
Speaker 2All right , god bless everyone . Take care now .
Speaker 1We hope you enjoyed this episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . Join Mike and Tom next week for more stories and antics . Ugh , honestly , I have no idea myself what to expect from these two idiots . Thank you all . Goodbye .
