Furry Frenzies, Political Quirks, and Hitchhiking Hijinks
Ever wondered how a new dog can completely turn your life upside down? On this episode of the MT Alternative Podcast, Tom shares the hilarious and heartwarming tales of welcoming his new furry friend into his home. From chaotic interactions with other pets to the unique quirks that each animal brings into the mix, you'll get a front-row seat to the joys and trials of pet ownership. Trust us, you won't want to miss the laughter and love that these stories bring.
But it’s not all fun and games as we dive into some current political frustrations, particularly focusing on a controversial trial and the impartiality of the judge presiding over it. We discuss the state of political discourse today and the importance of respecting differing opinions—a serious conversation peppered with a humorous rant about road construction halts due to environmental concerns. Imagine multimillion-dollar projects being paused for the sake of a spotted owl or a long-tailed kangaroo rat; it's both ironic and infuriating!
To wrap things up, we take you on an emotional rollercoaster with personal stories that range from heartfelt to downright absurd. Tom relives his teenage years with an impulsive hitchhiking journey back to Kansas after a breakup, filled with adventure and unexpected challenges. We also delve into some bizarre state laws that will leave you scratching your head and laughing out loud—from Kansas's cherry pie ice cream rule to California's bathtub restrictions. It's a blend of humor, personal tales, and critical perspectives that you won’t want to skip. Tune in and let's share some laughs and insights together!
00:13 - Dogs and Political Double Standards
10:07 - Debate on Road Construction and Conservation
21:49 - Journey Back Home
31:00 - Escape and Donation Journey to Kansas
45:12 - Bizarre and Absurd State Laws
53:59 - Bizarre State Laws Conversation
Dogs and Political Double Standards
Speaker 1Welcome to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . The podcast with a hodgepodge of stories and topics that will make you ask what the hell were they thinking . Now here are your hosts , mike and Tom .
Speaker 2Hey everyone , what's going on ? Welcome back to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . Tom hey , how's ?
Speaker 3everybody doing .
Speaker 2Well , another week has gone by . Yep , did you finish off your Memorial Weekend properly ? I did .
Speaker 3Excellent Later round at 8 . Yeah , you got the new dog . Yeah , we did , and he is doing super .
Speaker 2Excellent Adjusting . Well , how are the other canines getting along with him ? So ?
Speaker 3far so good . Jeffrey follows him around like he's a freaking female dog in heat , but I don't know why . I don't get why . How old is this dog , Jeffrey ? No the puppy . The puppy , he's about three . We realize he's about three years old .
Speaker 2He's fixed . Yes , he is fixed . Oh , that's excellent .
Speaker 3So , but Jeffrey's , not Jeffrey's , the only dog we have . That is not fixed besides .
Speaker 2Daisy , you know , better watch out , because they can get aggressive too .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2When they're not fixed . Right hey we're guys man .
Speaker 3Think about it Exactly . You want it , you want it and the thing about it is he's just , I don't know . He follows him around whining and barking and yelping like he wants him to pay attention to him . But he did the other Chihuahua that way when we brought her home . That's new to him . I don't know if it's just a three-week thing that he has to go through each time we get another dog .
Speaker 2How does the little dog feel about it ?
Speaker 3He's just like he's in there for the game .
Speaker 2He doesn't care what's wrong with this dog , he just treats him like the slow kid in school Poor puppy .
Speaker 3But yeah , we're having a good time .
Speaker 2So you're having a good time .
Speaker 3Yeah , he runs around the yard now we don't even have to have him on the leash . Minds really well , oh , that's awesome . Yeah , he's really adjusted very well .
Speaker 2That's pretty damn cool , then . Yeah , I can't ask for more than that . And no accidents , that's even better .
Speaker 3I mean , I've not had to , really I mean you'd understand if there were accidents .
Speaker 2Well , sure , Obviously .
Speaker 3Brand new dog .
Speaker 2Yeah right , when the hell am I ?
Speaker 3Even three years old , I mean .
Speaker 2See , for some reason I thought it was a puppy .
Speaker 3I did too at first , but he is smaller than the puppy we have .
Speaker 2But I mean to tell you the truth . That's three years old . They pretty much know where they have to go . Yeah , so that's awesome . Tom Cammie's happy . Oh yeah , some other lady Happy .
Speaker 4Some other lady , and now she has hers ?
Speaker 3he doesn't , he will . He'll come to me out in the yard , right , he's got this little white tip on his tail and it just going 100 mile an hour . That's the cute little thing . But he'll come across the yard at me now and let me pet him and everything . But he follows her like she is his mom she wanted a little chihuahua dog . That's what she wanted she got him little companion . Yep , there you go .
Speaker 3And Daisy still jumps up on me all the time . So we still have our thing . Happy , happy , happy . And all the other dogs have their own deal going on . We've had them all for quite a while , so they all have their own little personality going on , each one of our dogs , as you know , you ought to get a dog . Dogs are great y'all , Come on .
Speaker 2Never know what kind of dog you'll get , I mean personality-wise .
Speaker 3There are so many personalities just like people . It's awesome , though , just like people , but you never know what kind of personality you're going to run into Dogs are great . Yeah .
Speaker 2I mean , hey , whatever animal you like , that's fine .
Speaker 3To me it's just more partial . To dogs , I mean , I love all animals . I'm not going to lie Right , my grandson , he's a cat person . Myself , I don't want a cat in the house .
Speaker 2I don't . I hear you . We've had a couple of cats before and just more dog people . Yeah , we are too Cats , more like you know you come home , the cat looks at you like fuck you , yeah , Dog comes home . Whether you're gone five minutes or a day , it's the same freaking greeting when you come in . Yeah , exactly , I just went to get the mail . What's been gone that long ?
Speaker 3What's the little joke about ? Yeah , you know who loves you the most your wife or your dog . Lock them up in your trunk of your car , drive them around for two hours .
Speaker 2You open the trunk up . The dog's happy to see you . Yeah , your wife's not so much .
Speaker 3Yeah , see which one really wants to see you when you open that trunk .
Speaker 2I just opened the trunk for you and this is how you act . Yeah , yeah , why did you ?
Speaker 3stick me in there . I left you with a jack . Can you not be creative ?
Speaker 2Oh boy , what a week in politics , Tom .
Speaker 3It has been a week in politics with everything going on .
Speaker 2Yeah a little trial . Yeah , the trial pisses me off . You know what pisses me off , though ? More Is the judge .
Speaker 3Well , that is usually the start of a trial .
Speaker 2You have conflict of interest in a way , absolutely .
Speaker 3What do you mean , in a way , well , yeah , I don't know .
Speaker 2It's point blank , you should recuse yourself . Now I find it funny how , when Judge Alito's wife was flying a flag , an upside-down American flag , which you know what that means Distress , yes , please help us . And the heaven flag , which means , well , the thing is with the heaven flag . Let me tell you the whole story . First , they wanted Judge Alito to recuse himself from the case , right , because of those reasons . He said no , he wouldn't step down . It was his wife's right . He asked her if she would take him down . She said no , well , tap her property , right , actually , it was in her family , this property . They own the property , right , he can't make her take it down . No , freedom of speech . So , anyways , what they did was , again , they wanted that .
Speaker 2Well , when we asked Republicans or conservatives , or whoever , even Democrats or some , for this judge to recuse himself , he refused Well , same thing , buddy , your daughter works for the Democratic Party . Yep , you've donated to the Democratic Party . Oh , yeah , should have recused yourself . Yep , you've donated to the Democratic Party . Oh yeah , should have recused yourself . Sure , but it's a double standard that pisses me off , yep .
Speaker 3What's good for you should be good for everybody else and vice versa .
Speaker 2So , anyways , the whole meeting behind . They said it was right-wing . Well , I wanted to do my homework to see . Well , is this really right-wing ? I'm not worried about the upside down American flag . I know exactly what that means . Right , you know the country term or whatever , but the heaven flag . So I looked this up . And where the body of the people or any single man is deprived of their right or is under the exercise of a power without a right and have no appeal on earth , there they have liberty to appeal to heaven whenever the judge cause of the sufficient moment . In the richest tapestry of American history , few symbols carry the profound weight and appeal to a heaven flag . The iconic emblem also known as the Pine Tree flag , holds a special place in the hearts of those who cherish American values and the relentless pursuit of liberty . Does that sound like right-wing to you ?
Speaker 3That sounds like American value , exactly Sounds like what we all came here to have , absolutely right and a little story behind this flag . If that makes me right-wing , okay , maybe I am .
Speaker 2It makes you an American . Exactly so . I found this little side story here . The Appeal to the Heaven Flag was designed by Colonel Joseph Reed , who served as the personal secretary to George Washington . Originally commissioned for use on six military cruiser ships , the flag was adopted on October 21 , 1775 . It became the official Massachusetts Navy flag in 1776 . Does that year ring a bell for something too ? Washington's secretary chose a simple yet impactful design featuring a singular pine tree , a symbol of strength and resiliency within the New England states . The words an appeal to heaven stretch atop a white field , boldly proclaiming an appeal to God to save the colonists from the king's oppressive rule .
Speaker 3Nothing wrong with that at all . That's exactly where we're at America . America . It's what they founded it on Again .
Speaker 2Tom , this whole thing started because the whole trial , whatever , but it's just the double standard . I'm sick and tired of the double standard . It's what's ?
Speaker 3yeah , oh , he bid this he bid that . And I know that it's not .
Speaker 2You are criminally prosecuting your political opponent . This is like third world country shit .
Speaker 3When Bill Clinton paid off Monica Lewinsky , whatever , it wasn't exactly the same . I understand the circumstances , but the basic structure of everything they're saying was exactly the same .
Speaker 2This falsifying records bullshit about the property values and stuff just gets me .
Speaker 3Yeah , that was awesome too .
Speaker 2It just bugs me . I hate to rant and rant , but anyways , I get that off my chest . There's more to it . I just don't want to get into all that right now . Everybody knows there's so much bullshit going on , but you know , I had to get it off my chest and , like I said , I've been reading up on this stuff and just trying to educate myself . Well , actually I don't know everything .
Speaker 3It's what we say from time to time .
Speaker 2But that kind of
Debate on Road Construction and Conservation
Speaker 2stuff . Well , let me see what this flag is about . Is it a right-wing ? That has nothing to do with right-wing at all . Exactly . But again , if you don't agree with the other side lately and I'm talking the leftist weirdos Sorry if you're one of them , not sorry . Anyways , exactly , if you don't believe what they believe that's wrong , you can't have an opinion . You can't have an opinion . We've discussed this so many times .
Speaker 3Last week . As a matter of fact , last week I even got on myself for being that person . Right , we have been conditioned as a people to hate other people that don't think the way we do . I don't have to believe what you believe .
Speaker 2No , but we have other interests . We do . We have a lot more interests . Yes , it's just a dumb way to go through life with people . It really is , it really is . But anyways , I digress , we get off this now . It's cool . I think we should . You know what what's up . I think we should you know what what's up . I think it's time to invite the old little guys in See what they have to say See , I know , little Tom's a little angry .
Speaker 3They get a little .
Speaker 2He's got a step on his mind .
Speaker 3They get a little anxious sometimes , but I understand that he has been doing some digging and he found some stuff . I'm anxious to hear what he has to bitch about . Actually , he said he found some stuff that's really going to pluck his parrot .
Speaker 2Oh , pluck the parrot . I can't wait to hear this . Well , we'll be right back .
Speaker 4Oh , we're back . Yes , I remember being here one day , one day . Yeah , now this is two days , two . No , today's Saturday , not Tuesday . Oh , I didn't say Tuesday , I said two day , two day Today . What's happening today ? Oh , not much . What's happening with you ? Uh , you're out confused . No , I'm not confused at all .
Speaker 1I'm a little confused .
Speaker 4Well , that's you , not me . Oh well , yeah , yeah . So , anyways , what plucked your parrot today ? Well , there's a lot of things that plucked my parrot Like , but the one thing I have been doing some research , you're doing research .
Speaker 4Yeah , okay , let's call it a rabbit hole . Oh , I believe that , okay . And now that we're talking about plucking parrots and it's birds and stuff Wait a minute . You're not plucking arots and it's birds and stuff . Wait a minute . You're not plucking a real parrot . No , this is just stuff that kind of gets under my skin . So I say , pluck my parrot . Okay , I got it . I got it . I'm sorry , continue . I know words . If you listen , you'll understand that .
Speaker 1I thought you were going to give me clues .
Speaker 4I do it a lot . Oh , that is your clue . I'm not guessing . No , you don't have to guess . I'll tell you pretty well what you need to know . Okay , I'll listen . Sorry , but today I'm kind of wondering what in the world is wrong with our roads , the roads we ride on . What's wrong ? Well , our cars have to be roadworthy , right ? Why don't the roads Be carworthy ? Be carworthy , exactly . That's a good point , tom . Well , here's what I figured . Oh , I found out . You found something out . Yeah , do tell it's some crazy bastards at PETA , peta , yep . Okay , I did some research . You're doing a lot of research for this . Yeah , I found out that the Pacific Northwest Right Found out that the Pacific Northwest , they set aside 280 million acres for the spotted owl .
Speaker 1That's a lot of acreage .
Speaker 4Yeah , that's what our kids are worried about now the spotted owl , having all this acreage , okay . Which brings me to our roads A few years back . I think we have decent roads here in North Carolina . Okay , maybe here in North Carolina I can tell you Massachusetts roads suck balls , okay . Well , obviously California does too , because , listen to this , okay , I did some research . You're doing an awful lot of research for this little segment there . Well , I wanted to be right , oh , okay , not necessarily going to make me that way , but I wanted to be . I hear you . You go ahead then , little Tom .
Speaker 4I heard someone say , a few years back , california was building this major highway , major Los Angeles area . I mean , what major highways do they need , exactly ? But this one was going to help everybody out . $180 million the people spent . Okay , well , they had to stop it Because of the spotted owl .
Speaker 4Nope , there was an endangered long-tailed kangaroo rat . It was a rat , a damn rat y'all . Okay , wait a minute , though . Did a kangaroo mate with a rat , who knows ? But evidently , according to this dude , they need 2,000 acres to mate . Now I ask you , as a person , I don't need 2,000 acres to mate , I just need a little room , a little bed .
Speaker 4I was going to say Backseat of a car . I was going to say I know for a fact that takes the human person the area of Honda Civic to mate . Sometimes . Not even that . Yeah right , you ever been in an airplane bathroom ? Come on , man , be creative . Woo-hoo , mile high club . But yeah , this is stupid . Why are you going to stop a $180 million project For a rat , a fucking rat ? Excuse me , it's a kangaroo rat . It's a kangaroo rat . So what Does it ? Hop ? Does it have a pouch ? Evidently , why wouldn't it have a pouch and hop ? Did you check out a picture of this thing ? Nope , didn't have a picture . So maybe they're making shit up ? I'm sure they are . They're California , I mean . I know there's a spot in Idaho Make-believe world . For goodness sake , half of them think they are a kangaroo rat . For Christ's sake , look at Governor Newsom . Do I need to say any more ? You know what , though ? I do feel bad for the regular people in California . They have to deal with this stupid shit .
Speaker 4Wait , wait wait , wait , wait , wait . You just said two words that should never be said . There's some regular people there .
Speaker 1Regular and California .
Speaker 4No two words ever sounded so stupid . Anyway , come on . Not everybody's an idiot . Well , let's save a damn rat . Every generation up until this one said it's a rat , kill it . No , not this one . There's a rat in the damn road . Stop , that's what proves to you . There's some smart people there . Then the dummies are taking over . Yeah , get me a boot and a BB gun and I'll show you . Save a damn rat . Why do we have to use a BB gun ? Why can't we use something more powerful ? Well , you can . We don't have to have anything left over . Well , you don't . No , when you're young , you only have a BB gun . Ah , that's true .
Speaker 4And I'm sorry , peter , but that was stupid . Peter is stupid . Yeah , they'd rather kill animals than save them too . Yeah , they're the dumbass . Yeah , but you know what ? What ? They all want to be vegetarians . Yeah , but you know what ? Building your little avocado field , they kill all the bees , all the rabbits , all the little rodents . Nothing survives , just for your little avocado plants . Well to all the people . How cute do they have to be when you want to save them ? Well , to all the people who hate . They want everybody to eat plants . Well , I saved your plants from a deer the other day . He was eating your plants , so I killed him and I ate him , so I'm eating your plants too . You helped out . Yes , nothing wrong with that . Yeah , if you didn't save the plants , the vegetarians would have nothing to eat . That's right .
Speaker 4You know I'm going to start selling my grass clippings . They'll probably buy them . Put it as organic , yeah , and put it in their salads and shit . I'm not eating grass . I don't mean literally in their shit . I'm not eating grass , they're not . You , oh , the weirdo people ? Yeah , they are weirdos . Everybody knows you smoke grass . Again , you don't eat it , just like I say about all the other bullshit we talk about . If you want to be vegetarian , keep it to yourself . That's your issue . Yeah , you , let me do my thing . That's right , I have teeth . They're for meat eating . Yes , not for nibbling on a leaf . I'm gonna eat chicken fried bacon .
Speaker 4I do like a good salad I do too On the side of my steak , right yeah , with a big , big potato . I gotta have that Butter . Lots of butter , salt Pepper , yes , excellent , lots of butter , salt Pepper .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 4Excellent . No sour cream . No , screw that shit . Yeah , kick that shit . Why do you want to ruin it Exactly ? That's stupid . But , but , huh , I said but , oh , I thought you said pot . You said but , and I said but , I thought you said pot Pot . Yeah , pot Pot , like you're cooking . Okay , yeah , yeah , we'll go with that . That sounds good . No , I don't have one of those right now . Yeah , me neither , but I do have the other stuff . Oh , yeah , should I have said that We'll edit it out later ? Okay , yeah , anyway , anywho , yeah , well , I think I'm going to go crawl back under the rabbit hole again . Yeah , this is stupid being out in the daylight . Yeah , I'm going to go see what I can find out for next week , see what those other two idiots are up to . Yeah , all right , have a good one .
Speaker 4Put a damn house down . Oh , don't do that , let's get out of here . See you next week , maybe , peace out Boy
Journey Back Home
Speaker 4Tom .
Speaker 2those guys sound a little upset today .
Speaker 3Yeah , he was a little upset . He said something about if he didn't get more respect out of here he was walking . Where does he walk to ? I don't know , but it would have been a walk to remember because he's so short . It would have taken four times longer than anybody else .
Speaker 2A walk to remember .
Speaker 3Yeah , I've had a couple of those you have , oh yeah yeah , so your walk to remember how did this all begin ? It began with a bus ride .
Speaker 2A bus ride .
Speaker 3Not the same bus ride we heard about last week .
Speaker 2No , not a bus ride to your sister's .
Speaker 3No .
Speaker 2Not at all .
Speaker 3Not at all .
Speaker 2Okay , what's different ?
Speaker 3What's different is let's set up a backstory first .
Speaker 2Okay for everybody . If you listened to the beginning podcast , tom has many backstories . Sometimes you get sidetracked . You'll feel confused . It's not you , it's Tom , all right .
Speaker 3Tom , sorry , go ahead town , very small town for a long time . I moved there when I was like three years old and I lived there until I was 15 okay so I was around the same people every day for 15 years basically that's 12 years .
Speaker 2Yeah , friends , okay people you grew up with exactly .
Speaker 3You know everybody , everybody knows you . These guys , those guys oh , don't mess with these . I'll be honest with you . I was probably used by most parents in that town as a bad example .
Speaker 2Okay , I thought you were going to say used as something else , but thank .
Speaker 3God for that .
Speaker 2No , that came later , oh another story for another day , excellent .
Speaker 3Yeah , came later . Oh , another story for another day , excellent , yeah . So anyway , my dad , who is originally from north carolina , met my mother , who was originally from kansas , where I lived at that time , and they got together . Well , we lived there for 12 , 13 long years and then my dad got this bright idea that he's going to move us all out here to North Carolina .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3Brand new life for me .
Speaker 2Nice state I'd never been out of the state .
Speaker 3Been to Colorado a couple times , lived in California when I was little like two , one , two years old , but after yeah , you'd think . But nope , I got out just in in time , so my diaper got full of other crap okay so I moved back . That sucks moved to kansas . Mom took care of her dad long story . He had a big farm and all this tried to help get that thing going . But they moved into town so we lived in this little house in town .
Speaker 2On the prairie .
Speaker 3Nope in town .
Speaker 2Oh .
Speaker 3So I knew everybody . It was very comfortable . It's like Cheers , yeah , everybody knows your name . Yeah , and all of a sudden Dad says guess what ? You're going to leave everything you know and you're going to move to North Carolina , to nothing you know .
Speaker 3I said I was pretty excited for a while , thinking mountains , I love the mountains , I love streams and fishing and hunting , and all this was , yay , north Carolina . So long story short , too late for that we get out here . I met this girl blah blah , blah . We were the greatest thing that ever happened since sliced bread , going to get married . Then I got a John Deere letter .
Speaker 2You mean a Deere John letter , whatever ?
Speaker 3Okay , it hurt me . It was something about how I don't listen or anything . I don't know , I wasn't really paying attention . It was something about how I don't listen or anything . I don't know , I wasn't really paying attention . But she , she decided that we weren't going to be a couple anymore because she needed time away . Blah blah blah Needed alone time . That very night that I got this letter , she brought a different guy to church with her . So that's how much time she needed , but anyway , I got really bummed out .
Speaker 3And I said you know , this would never happen in my hometown , so that's where I'm going . You were that upset . It's February . I just had a breakup . We were going to get married . It was a big travesty .
Speaker 2You were that upset .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'm going back home married . It was a big travesty you were that upset . Yeah , I'm going back home how old were you probably ? 16 by now , you big baby yeah I was okay , I was a little girl all right so anyway , they would never treat me like this in my hometown . So I decided that I'm gonna go back , but I have no money , so there's no bus ticket .
Speaker 2Gotta go what go to go what Go back ? Oh , okay , all right .
Speaker 3You're like back in time , yeah , back , yep . So I'm going to go back . Well , on a nice balmy February morning .
Speaker 2Oh , excellent .
Speaker 3Coldest day of the year , I think Mom said turned out being At 5 o'clock in the morning . I had listened to enough Brian Adams songs to decide I'm leaving I enough Brian Adams songs to decide I'm leaving , I'm going back home .
Speaker 2What made you listen to so many Brian Adams ?
Speaker 3songs . They were love songs , teary songs , stupid songs .
Speaker 2You were doing it to yourself . Yeah , torching yourself , I got you .
Speaker 3So I rolled up a pair of jeans , a couple shirts , a few pair of underwear and some socks in a sleeping bag , tied a string around it , threw it over my shoulder and snuck out the back door at like 4.30 , 5 o'clock in the morning , and damn it , you were going to go back to Kansas . I was .
Speaker 2Come hell or high water .
Speaker 3Yeah , and both came . So anyway , I get my very first ride less than a mile from my house . Took me on to hickory I'm thinking this could possibly be it so they dropped me off at the exit on the 40 . I get picked up there and taken all the way into ashville , which is two hours from home . I'm like , wow , I made it pretty good , I'm really doing this . Get picked up outside of ashville . The next stop nashville , tennessee .
Speaker 3Oh nice , no , I'm sorry , knoxville okay , the guys , the guys okay he was a truck driver and he was to meet his partner in knoxville and he would give me a ride that far . But then he couldn't give me a ride anymore . Then turns out , we get to knoxville and his partner couldn't be there and he was going to meet him in nashville . So I got another ride with this guy same guy to nashville okay I'm like I'm making it forever . So by five o'clock that very evening it took me to get to nashville t Tennessee , one of the coldest days on record .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 3So I get to Nashville and I'm thinking okay , now where do I go ? It's getting nighttime , I need to figure out where I'm going to stay tonight . So I see a policeman . I always tend to go to policemen when I need help . I don't know why I noticed this . So I ask him hey , do you think you could put me up in the jail overnight ? The guy ran my name and everything . He's like well , you don't have any warrants , you're not in trouble . So , no , not really , I can't just put you in jail . I'll go steal a candy bar . Nah , that wasn't good enough . So he said but we do have this mission downtown that we will take you to . We're going to call and see if they have room and you can stay there overnight . Cool , so I'm in a Baptist mission . Okay , they drop me off . I take my shower that night , I get a big long piece of paper like they cover the doctor's office table with , to dry off with . That's their towel . You don't have towels in a mission , because of diseases and stuff at this time , I guess .
Speaker 3So I get my shower and the only way you get to eat , the only way you get a ticket to get in a meal tent , is to go to church . I never really went to church at that point in my life , much I mean , I'd been , but not much . So I'm going into church and I'm thinking , hmm , so it's a Christian place , they're going to help me , somebody's going to help me . So I have to figure out a way , the best get help from these guys . So at 15 , 16 years old , the best way I knew is to tell him my mom had died and I'm trying to get home . Please help me get there .
Speaker 2You lied , I did . Why couldn't you say like I've been molested ?
Speaker 3Well , see , that was the first thought .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 3Nah , that was too embarrassing oh for who ?
Speaker 2For me . Why is it embarrassing for you ?
Speaker 3You didn't molest somebody . No , but I didn't want to be molested either . Well , you really weren't molested ? No , but I didn't want to lie about that , because then people would have thought hmm , he's been tickled
Escape and Donation Journey to Kansas
Speaker 3with his testes .
Speaker 2Okay , so let's lie that our mom , died .
Speaker 3Bad choice back then . Okay , you're young , you're stupid , you'll say anything to get what you want , your dad , your sister , your brother . Yeah , I wasn't thinking . Mom , yeah Well .
Speaker 2I figured it had to make most of an impact had to be most of an impact , okay .
Speaker 3But so these guys are very , very intelligent , I find out .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3First thing they're going to do is call the town and find out which place she's at oh Tom . Just to make sure , Tom you didn't so she gets this lady here at the Baptist Mission . She gets a hold of the only funeral home in my hometown who knows our whole family . So I'm on the phone with this guy . He's like no , he said I don't have your mom . She's not here . I didn't hear that she passed .
Speaker 2Do you know where she is ?
Speaker 3He's like , as far as I know , as of yesterday she was still cooking at the restaurant . She's still there . Well , he hadn't heard that we had moved , so she wasn't still cooking at the restaurant . But I knew she was safe in North Carolina . He did not , so they threw that out the window . So finally , I realized I have to tell the truth . Okay , look , I ran away from home . I realized I have to tell the truth . Okay , look , I ran away from home . I need a place to stay . I gotta get to Kansas , to where my other family is . Blah this , blah that . Okay . So they let me stay overnight where I meet these two dudes . Oh gosh , Skeeter and Massey were their names . And Skeeter says hey , you ever donated plasma . I said what do you mean ? I said I'm leaving tomorrow , so it really don't matter . He said no , it's a way to get money , and that was a good thing , because I had like 27 cents in my pocket .
Speaker 2You ran away from home with 27 cents .
Speaker 3Sure , the guy who picked me up in ashville and took me all the way to nashville , he actually bought my dinner and got me some donuts what did you do for him ? Nothing , nothing . I just gave him company riding I'm sure you did no , not that kind of company not that kind of company .
Speaker 2No are you sure I was pretty sure , maybe there's a part of your brain holding that part out yeah , yeah , this isn't CSI . Okay .
Speaker 3No , I'm really sure nothing happened . So anyway , so the first night I'm there this guy has an episode . I think he's a lot like me .
Speaker 2Like what kind of episode ?
Speaker 3Where he's hyperventilating , he can't breathe , he's got to have this mess and that mess . He's like panicking and everything . Panic attack huh , pretty much . And everybody , oh nobody , would do anything for him because he's there all the time . I didn't know this , but he's there all the time . There's always a problem with him , blah , blah , blah . So I said well , he's hyperventilating and everybody knows that's been in scouts . When you're hyperventilating you get a brown paper bag . Yeah .
Speaker 3Everybody give me a brown paper bag . Somebody give me one . So I got this brown paper bag , put it over the guy's mouth . Within minutes he's breathing normal again . Everybody's oh yeah , yeah , you did good , well , so I'm planning on leaving the next day . Skeeter gives me this paper . Don't tell me , you're a town hero again . For a while I was , oh , the light bulbs , you're a hero . Stop , it man .
Speaker 2So anyway .
Speaker 3I've had a wonderful life , jimmy Stewart .
Speaker 2Jimmy Stewart yeah .
Speaker 3So I decide I'm going to leave the next day , but at 9 o'clock I'm going to hit up this clinic that's going to give me $15 for a pint of my plasma . Well , $15 I could eat for the first time in a day and a half , pretty much . You can't get a whole hell of a lot with 27 cents , tom .
Speaker 3No , and you don't really eat a lot in a Baptist mission because there's not a lot to go around . But we did eat , but it wasn't a lot . So I was hungry and there was a cafe right down the road and I was thinking cheeseburger , french fries the whole time I was there . Of course you were , but I'm going to leave the next morning , so I don't really need anything , just go ahead . Well , that night it had snowed 17 inches .
Speaker 2So you were stuck another night or two .
Speaker 3I was stuck a freaking week in Nashville , Tennessee .
Speaker 2But you were freaking , regretting your decision . There weren't you For a while . After a week , it's like maybe I shouldn't .
Speaker 3So I finally get to this , Okay . Well , the clinic was just right up the road , so I was actually able to donate the plasma and they let you do it every other day , unless you scraped that little thing off your fingernail and did it twice a day every other day .
Speaker 2I don't think that'd be wise . It wasn't wise , but it got me $30 a day every other day .
Speaker 3I don't think that'd be wise . It wasn't wise , but it got me 30 bucks a day . So , anyway , why do you look anemic ? Never mind , that's an unrelated story . So I get all this money and I'm eating burgers and having a good time . I'm hiding all this money from all these winos .
Speaker 2It's not a job .
Speaker 3No . It's a job it was . I was stuck there . Where was I going to go other than to a job ? I wasn't going to hang out at the Baptist Mission and talk to whoever . Fifteen bucks a day wouldn't suffice back then Wanting to know if he could have my cigarette butt One time a day wouldn't be alright . So well , yeah , it was every other day supposedly . All right , so well , yeah , it was every other day supposedly oh , unless you scratch the stuff off your fingernail , you'd get by with that .
Speaker 3See what I'm saying . So it's not right . So anyway , I finally got a hold of a buddy of mine . His dad was a pastor in my hometown like a cow pastor no , uh , a church pastor , church minister as a pastor . No , a church , pastor , a minister .
Speaker 2There's a pastor at a church .
Speaker 3A minister , oh A minister .
Speaker 1They call them pastors .
Speaker 3Okay , a minister , a minister , he ministered to people . Okay , so I got a hold of him . He agreed . He said well , listen , I went to school with a guy who's now a minister in Nashville . Let me see if I can get a hold of this guy and see if we can work something out . So about 20 , 30 minutes later I get a message from the front office of this Baptist mission that I'm staying to call this guy back . I'm staying to call this guy back . So I call him back and he says tomorrow morning this guy's going to come and get you , have all your stuff ready , and he's going to put you on a bus because finally the buses started rolling again , the bus depots and everybody was closed down because of this snowstorm . So he says I'm going to go ahead and get a bus ticket for you .
Speaker 3So I get on this bus and I find out my bus ticket is only good until colby , which is 30 miles away from where I lived . So I asked the bus driver is there any possible way you can take me to the next town and I'll give you the extra money that it's for ? When I get there he's like well , I guess we could . So the pastor , the preacher , when he meets the bus there , that would . He owes another seven dollars to the bus driver that he didn't know about . Thank God , he brought it with him . So he did that , and then so I was there . So he did that , and then , uh , so I was there . Finally , I got there and all my friends decided to scoop in and help me out and , uh , I stayed with the pastor guy for a day or two . What ?
Speaker 3friends , the homeless people no , I was already left there I got on the bus , my pastor gave me the ticket to come to Colby and I got out of the Baptist mission and got to Kansas .
Speaker 2Oh , okay .
Speaker 3So when I got to Kansas the pastor was waiting on me there when I got off the bus and he had to pay an extra seven bucks for me to get to the .
Speaker 2It was like a big celebratory .
Speaker 3Well , it was just one guy , but then he took me to his house and I got to stay there Cause me and his son rest his soul was my best friend at that time and they let me stay there for a little bit and then I moved into .
Speaker 2So wait a minute . You went to Kansas with no idea where you were freaking , staying , no .
Speaker 3I had no idea what I was doing . And how long did ?
Speaker 2couch surfing , get you .
Speaker 3No , I had no idea what I was doing and how long did couch surfing get you Well until I got my first job and an apartment , which my friends helped me do .
Speaker 2How long did you stay there ?
Speaker 3From February till March , I mean April , may , two months . Last of April , first of May , you were there for two fucking months , two to three months . Yes , why'd you get an apartment ? Because couch surfing gets a little old with all these parents . So then , what Then you left ? These are the same parents who used me as bad examples when I was little .
Speaker 2They didn't want me there very long Are you telling me ? You stayed for three months and said fuck this , and went back to North Carolina .
Speaker 3Bingo what ?
Speaker 2the frick Tom .
Speaker 3So here's what I'd done when I finally got fed up with trying to scrape and scram on my own and screwing up nearly everything I touched while I was out there because I was so immature . I mean , I got a job . My buddy got me a job . His girlfriend's grandfather was going to go in a nursing home because nobody could stay with him . I stayed with him , cooked his meals during the day and everything . I was very noble of you .
Speaker 3I did that for a little while and helped out until and then you bailed on his ass . Pretty much . I treated the family kind of rough because I was a stupid youngin back then . But uh , here's . Here's what's key about living in a small town . They were all very forgiving . Um , I mean , I heard his granddaughter's feelings pretty bad and she's still friends with me on facebook after all these years she's , I mean it's , it's one of them deals where you just grow up in the right kind of people , right kind of town .
Speaker 3Well , that's messed up . Tom so anyway , I get tired of trying to fumble and I get caught in all these mischief lines and get left at rusty buckets and just different things . I decide that I have some tax money from North Carolina coming because of a job I had out here . So I would tell my mother get those checks , mail them to me . I have someone who will cash them . I'm going to buy a bus ticket back home . That's what I did . She sent me the money , I bought a bus ticket back home .
Speaker 2And the funny thing about that so you actually got a bus ticket for the whole trip .
Speaker 3Yeah , back from Kansas to here , and they picked me up .
Speaker 2Did you do it again ?
Speaker 3No .
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 3I don't mind all the life lessons that I learned on this trip From helping a guy not die in a role of a Baptist mission To not knowing who I was or where I was headed . But all that background was in my path and made me who I am today . Awesome , I enjoyed that . I enjoyed that little trip .
Speaker 2I wouldn't do it again . I wouldn't do it again . Sounds like a burden .
Speaker 3When I got back , I got back here in . It was like February , March , I can't remember the exact month , but it was just okay , it had to be earlier than that , because I met my wife in February , that February when I came back . So pretty much a year later , yes , and I married her that April . I wasn't going to let her get gonna , let her just want to get married a lot I did , I did , and , but I knew that's what I wanted .
Speaker 3I knew my life was meant to be a partner , even though you fucked up a lot along the way yeah , I needed somebody to help me straight we all need that yeah , and that's what I got that I met my wife in February , married her that same April . We were married , Damn . Two weeks later she was pregnant with my son , Damn . And 37 years later we're still pecking at it . I dated .
Speaker 2Bonnie probably for four years before I asked her to marry me . I was a little skeptical on marriage at the time . I was already married once .
Speaker 3Yeah , lightning strikes twice .
Speaker 2I don't know if I wanted to try it again , but I'm going to say I married a great woman , so she kept me in check , which makes me happy . Well , you know what the old song says Love is better the second time around . Yeah , awesome . No , oh yeah , Marriage . Woo-hoo , oh yeah , marriage . But anyways , we both did well for ourselves . Yes , very much .
Speaker 3so I don't know how it happened , but hey , we can't complain yeah , yeah , a little out of my league , maybe a lot out of my league I remind me a lot of peter griff , the little idiot that's got the hot wife . Yeah .
Speaker 2I thought you were going to keep going with that , but you just thought .
Speaker 3Yeah , because I . Well , how do you keep going with what I got ?
Speaker 2What do you have ?
Speaker 3Well , we just discussed that . Oh , peter Griffin , I'm confused . I can understand that .
Speaker 2You know , do you ever hear some of the stupid laws that are still in the books ?
Speaker 3Yeah , I've heard some of them .
Speaker 2Yeah , some pretty fucked up ones .
Speaker 3Write a donkey on Thursday if you're wearing pink socks or some stupid shit like that .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm about to get a little list out for you here and let you hear some of the stupidity I'd love to hear some of it , just some dumb ones . I'm not going to go on about it , there's too many of them , but I just want to read a few out .
Speaker 3That'd be cool .
Bizarre and Absurd State Laws
Speaker 2All righty , Our first dumb law About our state right off the bat .
Speaker 3North Carolina has a lot of dumb laws Driving on sidewalks .
Speaker 2Some states , like North Carolina , have laws that prohibit driving on a sidewalk or sidewalk areas , likely for safety reasons . Well , that's not really dumb . That's a good reason . Wait a minute . Wait a minute , here we go . Okay , go ahead , make it common .
Speaker 3I can see it's burned . Don't like the way I drive ? Stay off that damn sidewalk .
Speaker 2I think it's for pedestrians , Tom Pedestrians , yeah well , that's what I meant . Only encyclopedias . In Texas , it's illegal to own an encyclopedia for Tanika because it contained a recipe for making beer at home . What would you do that , tom ? What would you do about that ? You can't make beer at home , why ? I know you love your beer . Well , they're saying you can't in Texas .
Speaker 3Well , in Texas , everything goes . I thought , Everything goes . Well , that's what . I thought yeah , that's what I thought when you go to the liquor store and buy a fifth of liquor , don't you get a 38 special every time ? In Canada do you realize it's illegal to challenge or be challenged to a duel ? How stupid is that ? I'm going to challenge you to a duel . Oh , we're going to jail .
Speaker 2Sorry , we're in Canada , I can't do that . Going to jail , you're an idiot . If you had a migraine in Wisconsin , it was banned until 1967 .
Speaker 3Okay , baby , we're doing it . You cannot say you have a headache , I'm bringing you to jail .
Speaker 2Yeah , and it's still prohibited in public institutions like schools , hospitals and prisons , unless ordered by a doctor . You don't have a migraine .
Speaker 3My doctor says I do , okay , it's ordered .
Speaker 2It's illegal to eat raw onions while walking down a street in Northfield , Connecticut .
Speaker 3What a bunch of idiots . Okay , wait a minute . How are you going to get a hot dog with onions and not be able to eat it while you're walking down the you just can't eat a raw onion . It's raw . You're not going to put cooked onions on your damn hot dog .
Speaker 2Right , I think they just don't want you eating an onion like an apple . Well , who fucking does that ? I've done that .
Speaker 3Okay , well , no wonder .
Speaker 2But I'm not in Connecticut , I've done that .
Speaker 3Okay , well , no wonder , but I'm not in Connecticut .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you're not . If you make faces at dogs in Oklahoma , you go to jail . Okay , you can't make a face at a dog .
Speaker 3Why .
Speaker 2Okay , dogs don't like it .
Speaker 3First off , what's he going to do ? Woof , woof , woof .
Speaker 2What .
Speaker 3Lassie , he made a face at you . Oh no , the boy's lost in the whale .
Speaker 2Maybe the dogs there in Oklahoma know how to dial 911 .
Speaker 3Maybe I'm just saying People in Oklahoma read dog bark . I don't either know how are they going to know how do you feel about eating frogs .
Speaker 2I love frog legs . In California , it's illegal to eat a frog that died during a frog jumping competition . What ?
Speaker 3the hell is that all about ?
Speaker 2If it's in the competition , you cannot eat it Well , by God .
Speaker 3I bet the mayor had a frog that died during the competition .
Speaker 2So he made a rule ?
Speaker 3Yeah , because his family probably said oh , it's dead anyway dad , let's eat it . And he made the rule Nope , we're not eating any frogs that were dead during the competition . I mean what ?
Speaker 2You can't eat a frog .
Speaker 3Stupid .
Speaker 2Okay , here's a good one from Florida , florida of all places . Did you know it's illegal to sing while wearing your swimsuit . What ?
Speaker 3would you ?
Speaker 2do Tom ? I'd be going to jail , Did you know it's ?
Speaker 3illegal to sing while wearing your swimsuit . What would you do , Tom ? I'd be going to jail . I'd be calling you for bail money , hey .
Speaker 2I was singing on the beach again in my bathing suit .
Speaker 3Sorry , they caught me singing itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini .
Speaker 2Oh shit what a bunch of idiots . It's illegal in Arizona to have a donkey sleeping in a bathtub after 7 pm .
Speaker 3Well by God get him out Well by 7 pm Before , that's fine .
Speaker 2He could be sleeping in the bathtub .
Speaker 3Oh Lord , have mercy .
Speaker 2Okay Well , tom here . Oh okay Well , tom , here's your home state . What do you know ? I do know Kansas . In Kansas , it is illegal to serve ice cream on cherry pie . Well , that's stupid , that's just dumb . Why can't you serve ice cream on cherry pie ? I don't know why is that illegal ?
Speaker 3That's just dumb . Well , I'll tell you why . Probably because some mayor had a wife that had cherry pie and she got offended because somebody put a big old scoop of vanilla ice cream on it , Can't you ? Just say please don't do that . Yeah , well , not her . She's the mayor's wife , she's got pool . Wow , yeah , that's how people think , do you ?
Speaker 2ever eat an orange in the bathtub Not in certain states . I wouldn't . In California , it's illegal to eat an orange while taking a bath .
Speaker 3But you can shit in a box and dress up like a cat . Yeah , exactly .
Speaker 2That's okay , but don't eat an orange in the tub . Don't eat an orange in the tub . Now , I'm sure they have their reasons for that . Who knows that you're eating an orange in the tub for one ? Are they watching you ? Yeah , do you tell them ? Wow , now , this is the dumbest frickin' lie ever . I can't even believe this is on the books . In Alabama , it's illegal to drive while blindfolded .
Speaker 3What the frick ? What pun's that ? That's no fun .
Speaker 2You cannot drive while blindfolded , so any other state you can drive blindfolded . Sir , I pulled you over .
Speaker 3Your headlights are out , but that's all right . I'm more worried about the blindfold you got on .
Speaker 2Is that against the law officer ?
Speaker 3Oh man , what a bunch of weirdos .
Speaker 2In some part of Texas there's an onion curfew for young women . Under no circumstances are they allowed to have any raw onions after 6 pm .
Speaker 3What is it with raw onions ? These states got against onions . Well , I don't understand the onion thing . Well , you know , onions are good , but yeah , but they've got a lot of states that are against them for onions .
Speaker 2Another , wow , another weird , frickin' little tidbit here , Arkansas , it's illegal to sound your horn at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served at the 9 pm .
Speaker 3Well , there you go . What Well , if you're going to have a drink Right after 9 pm , right After 9 ?
Speaker 2pm .
Speaker 3Right , you don't want nobody blowing their damn horn at you .
Speaker 2Why , if I'm having a sandwich , do I want some ?
Speaker 3Or a sandwich or a drink . What ?
Speaker 2Well , Wow , In Delaware it's against the law for a pawnbroker to accept an artificial limb or wheelchair as payment . Now wait a minute .
Speaker 3If I want a pawn , my leg .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 3I can't .
Speaker 2Not in Delaware , you can't In .
Speaker 3Delaware . I don't ever want to hear nobody ever say let's go to Costa Normal and work , because nope that's illegal .
Speaker 2Yeah , you're right , tommy , that's illegal . Don't you ever say that to me again . You can bring that right up next time you're in Delaware .
Speaker 3I will . I've never been to Delaware ever , and that's probably why ? Because they're so stupid Wow .
Speaker 2What Georgia ? It's illegal to consume fried chicken by any other means than with your hands . I'm all for that .
Speaker 3Wait a minute . I saw somebody eat Kentucky Fried Chicken with a straw .
Speaker 2What , yeah ? How do you eat Kentucky Fried Chicken with a straw , tom ? Please do tell , okay .
Speaker 3Well , if you'll look up on all your little food things , I guarantee you some country Stop for a minute .
Speaker 2Why do you have to say it like that ?
Speaker 3Well , because we always why do you have to say it ? It sounds so mean , not really mean .
Speaker 2You mean your food things , your ?
Speaker 3little food things that you always get me on . Well , you seem to like this little food thing . I do because . But now you're bitching , well , because you know what I'm not getting you . Kind of hurt my feelings now , no , no , no .
Speaker 2No , no , my feelings are kind of hurt . Your feelings can't be hurt . I'm not even doing food things today , but Well , this one happens to be food . Okay , I'll give you that , but it should time , so get over it . So what is this one now ? You said somebody ate something with a straw yeah , chicken , that's impossible .
Speaker 3In Georgia that's impossible . They snort chicken in Georgia .
Speaker 2I like this .
Speaker 3Not really .
Speaker 2Louisiana , it's illegal for a woman to drive a car without her husband waving a flag in front of it beforehand . Was she in a race .
Speaker 3What the hell ? You gotta send her off , right ? Alright , baby go . The handkerchief is for the tears after she wrecks it in the damn tree , and you gotta pay more insurance .
Speaker 2See , tom , you probably would have went to jail for
Bizarre State Laws Conversation
Speaker 2this one . In Maine it's illegal to bite your landlord . You can't do that . I've never bitten a landlord , oh okay , I apologize , then . I've never bitten a landlord , oh okay , well , wait a minute , I apologize , then Wait a minute . Yeah , see , I thought there was an incident .
Speaker 3Well , oh , that's what we're going to call it an incident , Okay .
Speaker 2You know I don't mean to skip right over that one , but this is another one from your state that bugs me . Why is it illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits ?
Speaker 3Because you'd never know who's in the striped suit . It's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits .
Speaker 2That's because it could be a felon . Okay , so if it's not a striped suit , you can throw anything .
Speaker 3Polka dots . You're dumb , You're done . I can throw knives and all willy-nilly . Yep , if you're wearing polka dots or you know any other kind of shirt , you're done All right .
Speaker 2Why in Georgia is it illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp ?
Speaker 3Well , because people get confused .
Speaker 2How so .
Speaker 3Well , is it a street lamp or is it a giraffe ?
Speaker 2Well , it's a giraffe and a street lamp .
Speaker 3Well then why ?
Speaker 2too . What do I do now ? Someone's just tying it to it . Yeah , let's say you want to go into the store . What do I ? Okay now .
Speaker 3I have this other problem . What's the problem ? What do I feed a giraffe ? You're not feeding a giraffe anything . Why are you going to just ? Let him starve tied , not just talk about this last time . It's not leaving your animal out , he's outside .
Speaker 2He's not in a vehicle . There's a difference . Of course he couldn't fit in a vehicle . Maybe people want to stop and take their pictures with the giraffe . That's illegal in some states . No , no , it just says you can't tie it up . Well , of course not . You don't want to be tied . And in New York it's illegal to shine your shoes after 1 pm on Sunday .
Speaker 3You know why ? Why Most of the shoe shiners don't work that late .
Speaker 2I can shine my own shoes before 1 pm . Probably not as good as those guys . What will happen to me after 1 pm if I shine my shoes ?
Speaker 3You missed church . Don't shine them anyway . That's what happens . Maybe there's a four o'clock mass , yeah , but your shoes should have been shined by four .
Speaker 2I'm shining them now . I just got up . I work third shift . Sorry , no excuse , nope . What do you mean ? No , you gotta sleep .
Speaker 3Third shift Wow .
Speaker 2In Ohio , it's against the law for stores to sell cornflakes on Sundays . Why , what ? If you're hungry , they're fucking cornflakes . They're freaking tasteless .
Speaker 3Reminds me of a story to close us out .
Speaker 2Remember that , okay , and boy , you couldn't live in Minnesota . Why it's illegal to eat hamburgers on Sunday ?
Speaker 3I could eat a hamburger any day . What do you think of that ? I need to hear your thoughts on this .
Speaker 2First , let me tell you I really , really need to hear your thoughts on this hamburger . What is the ?
Speaker 3guy that has so pissed off at hamburgers that he will not let you have one on Sunday .
Speaker 2I don't know . I just want your thoughts on no hamburgers on Sunday . That's stupid , why ? I mean ? So if you're having a picnic on a Sunday , no hamburgers , yeah . Why All the hamburgers ?
Speaker 3Sorry , hot dogs , I'm not going to jail Hot dogs and chicken .
Speaker 2Are you the law ? They might show up . They'll smell hamburger in the air .
Speaker 3Are you wired ? What do you mean ? You want a hamburger .
Speaker 2Are you wired ? Maybe you ?
Speaker 3should live in .
Speaker 2Florida . No , maybe I shouldn't . It's illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday .
Speaker 3Well , that's dumb too , because I eat cottage cheese on Sunday a lot . Why on Sunday ? Well , because I'm at home .
Speaker 2Why can't you do it ?
Speaker 3any other day Because I'm at home sitting around watching football or racing or something . Some Because I'm at home sitting around watching football or racing or something . Some sports . I'm going to be snacking .
Speaker 2This is just getting a little too strange . Cottage cheese is the snack , michigan . It's illegal to tie a crocodile or alligator to a fire hydrant .
Speaker 3This is why ? Why ? Because when the children come to play in the fire hydrant , what do you think is going to happen ? They'll get bit or ate . See , think , think a little bit .
Speaker 2Maybe they'll just get bit Okay .
Speaker 3I want to . It's a little bite . Have you ever been bit by an alligator ? No , well , of course not . You don't know .
Speaker 2That would hurt .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's my point Do you slurp your soup .
Speaker 2Yeah , in New Jersey it's illegal . Well , that's why I'm not there . It's also illegal in New Jersey to purchase ice cream after 6 pm . Who the frick doesn't order ice cream after 6 pm , exactly ?
Speaker 3I got cotton mouth .
Speaker 2My mouth's dry , I need frickin' something .
Speaker 3I'm ready for ice cream .
Speaker 2I mean , I just want some ice cream .
Speaker 3Yeah , how are you going to take a date to an ice cream shop that ain't after 9 o'clock ?
Speaker 2Wow , I'm not doing this anymore . Alabama , kentucky and Georgia it's against the law to walk down the street with an ice cream cone in your back pocket . Well damn , all the times I thought that was the best place to keep it .
Speaker 3Well , see here's the .
Speaker 2Thing .
Speaker 3Not there . Nope , I wouldn't do it there either . I guess it draws people's attention to your butt .
Speaker 2Oh .
Speaker 3So they don't want you doing that .
Speaker 2Well , you know that's sad . In Alaska it's illegal to push a moose out of the moving airplane that one needs to hey in about all 50 states , I'd say it's illegal to push anything out of a fucking airplane .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 1But in Alaska they stress it .
Speaker 3They specify it's a moose , you can do anything else . You don't like your papoose you don't like your ma , throw her out of a plane .
Speaker 2I should have been in jail a lot of times . In Florida it's illegal to fart in public after 6 pm .
Speaker 3Well see , I waited until 5.59 and let her in .
Speaker 2Oh , there's some dumb laws .
Speaker 3I never smelled it until after 6 . There's so many more . That's stupid . Well thanks for the suggestion for the person who sent that in about the stupid laws . Stupid laws .
Speaker 2Thank you , listeners . We never did our shout-out today .
Speaker 3Yeah , we got to do a shout-out , listen , we did get our first fan mail today .
Speaker 2Very happy about it .
Speaker 3Yesterday actually , and let's see , we don't know who you are , but we do have a number .
Speaker 2Give us who it is .
Speaker 3It's pretty awesome .
Speaker 2We thought it was awesome and it's 0572 from North Carolina who recommended our podcast to his friend , dave in Napa , idaho , and Tim in Montana . We appreciate that . Thanks , guys . Shout out to you , 0572 . Appreciate it . Any suggestions ? We do have our Facebook page , the MT Alternative Podcast on that . Appreciate it . Do it now . Any suggestions ? We do have our Facebook page group page the MT Alternative Podcast on that . Please go to that . Check it out . Give us any feedback on anything you like or don't like . We would appreciate it .
Speaker 2Just try not to be nasty . Nasty , we're not soft people , but we're trying to keep this , you know , decent clean we're not soft , not our podcast we cry a lot .
Speaker 3We're not really soft .
Speaker 2We just cry a lot . We weren't supposed to tell people that part .
Speaker 3We don't have to . I cry enough on here , but you just did .
Speaker 2Remember when I was crying earlier , anyways . So thanks again . 0572 . Appreciate the feedback . So I guess this is the end . Aw , that's sad . That is sad , but you know what ?
Speaker 3We'll be here next week To every end there is a beginning For every season . To everything turns Burns .
Speaker 2Oh , turns yeah the birds ? It doesn't burn the birds . Hey , mr Tambourine man , yeah them too , play a song for me that song too .
Speaker 3Oh , okay yeah .
Speaker 2Well , folks , we hope you enjoyed this little podcast as much as we enjoyed making it . Did we enjoy it ? I did , I did too . Who am I kidding ?
Speaker 3I'm having a good time .
Speaker 2Anyways , remember we do have a Facebook page . It's a group page . Don't go to just a regular page . It's a group page . Mt Alternative Podcast . That's capital . M-t Alternative Podcast .
Speaker 3Yeah , and some idiot made another one . That don't get confused .
Speaker 2Yeah , we don't know who that idiot is .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , yeah , but anyway .
Speaker 2Anyways , anyways , until next week . We hope everyone has a good rest of the week . We hope you enjoy this podcast and once again , thanks for listening and peace out later we hope you enjoyed this episode of the mt alternative podcast .
Speaker 1Join Mike and Tom next week for more stories and antics . And Mike ends up learning what a young Tom and his friends ended up doing with a town sign . These idiots will never learn . Thank you all . Goodbye , we'll see you next time .
