Masks, Munchies, and Mischief: From Political Disguises to Fast Food Fiascos
Can advanced disguise technologies fool even the most observant eyes? Join us for an eye-opening discussion as we analyze a peculiar video of Joe Biden, diving into the world of hyper-realistic masks demonstrated by CIA master of disguise, Joanna Mendez. We reflect on her ability to deceive President Bush in the '90s and speculate about the cutting-edge advancements of disguise technology today. Could today's political figures be employing similar tactics? This thought-provoking topic sets the stage for future explorations into the mysteries of modern-day disguises.
Switching gears, we inject humor into your day with our hilarious recount of fast food adventures and misadventures. Ever been baffled by the difference between pies and turnovers or struggled to understand accents at a southern drive-thru? We share our frustrations and funny experiences with the world of fast food, from onion ring availability to the absurdity of upselling tactics. Our light-hearted debate and relatable anecdotes about customer service will leave you laughing and nodding along in agreement.
Lastly, we take a nostalgic trip down memory lane with tales from Boy Scouts camping trips and the journey to Eagle Scout. Reminiscing about Philmont National Scout Ranch, we share amusing stories about fast food mishaps, like extra fries and pickles in a bag. We wrap up with a lively discussion on bizarre state laws, from tamales wrapped in corn husks to the ridiculousness of getting married by proxy in Texas. This episode promises a rollercoaster of emotions, blending intrigue with humor and heartfelt memories. Tune in and join the fun!
00:13 - MT Alternative Podcast Banter
08:31 - Fast Food Frustrations
13:37 - Drive-Thru Frustrations and Fast Food Banter
22:52 - Scout Ranch Restaurant Shenanigans
35:29 - Strange State Laws Banter
MT Alternative Podcast Banter
Speaker 1Welcome to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . The podcast with a hodgepodge of stories and topics that will make you ask what the hell were they thinking . Now here are your hosts , mike and Tom .
Speaker 3Tom , what's going on ? Not too much , Mike . What's up with you ?
Speaker 2Not a hell of a lot . Not a hell of a lot , you know the usual .
Speaker 3Hanging out on a Saturday .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 3Oh sorry , Let me zip that up .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , Make sure .
Speaker 3Well , it's been a whole day .
Speaker 2A whole day has it . Not yet but we're working on it so what you got going on this week . Yeah , got a lot of stuff going on . A lot of stuff going on Things I want to talk about . But as we've been talking , about .
Speaker 3You want to talk about butts ?
Speaker 2but as we've been talking about you , want to talk about buts .
Speaker 3We can talk about buts . I have one I want to talk about .
Speaker 2Are we talking about buts or like buts ?
Speaker 3Buts .
Speaker 2Or but .
Speaker 3No , not buts , Buts .
Speaker 2No , but Anyways , I have some shit I do want to discuss , but , but , as we've been talking about , we have something in the works .
Speaker 3Yes , we do .
Speaker 2So I'm going to give a little tease now . Basically what we'll be talking about then . Why do you want a ?
Speaker 4tease , but it's something that's been on my mind .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm sorry , should I put a robe on ? Yes , I want to get you going again .
Speaker 3It's that sleeveless shirt you're wearing again .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you know .
Speaker 3Any of your shirts have sleeves . Yeah the ones I wear to work . Yeah , good thing I'd be wrecking my paper every day .
Speaker 2That and you singing and flustering me yeah .
Speaker 3I fluster everybody when I sing . Told you that .
Speaker 2But anyways , I have a little thing I want to go over . Did you ever see the video of Joe Biden's doing an interview ?
Speaker 3I have seen a couple .
Speaker 2I think it was with CNBC , and they say it's lighting . And I don't know what it is . Tom , it could be , might not be , but the weird thing about this is , from his neck down is a whole different color . It almost looks like a white map . You ever see the mask , gary ? It has that effect . Now , I don't know if it's an AI thing . I don't know if someone's wearing a mask . It doesn't look like AI to me . People say it's lighting , because it's impossible for the lighting to look this way . So I was watching this Valuetainment podcast . They were talking about it . How the CIA lady I believe her name is Jonah or Joanna Joanne Mendez Joanna Mendez , she was a chief CIA master of disguise . That's what her job was . Now this was early 90s . She actually worked together with some guy in Hollywood .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 2You know , to get these masks the way they wanted them .
Speaker 3What did Dana Carvey was ?
Speaker 2it . No , not Dana Carvey . The CIA perfected the mask over Hollywood . Wow . So she went in . She wanted to tell everybody about confidentially actually let President Bush know , because this is a big thing for the CIA . They asked her to wear the mask in there . She didn't really want to , but she did . Bush never even realized it was somebody different until he actually he asked her to take the mask . Yeah , she told him after he got up , walked around a little bit , looked at it . He says okay , now take it off . He couldn't believe it . Wow . So the story goes in and we'll get deeper into it in our other little adventure thing we're going to be doing I'm intrigued , but the things that come up .
Speaker 2well , this is back in the early 90s too , Tom .
Speaker 3Can you imagine what the technology is now , and for them to let this story out now , yeah , why now of all time ?
Speaker 2Now they let it out . Well , people go . Oh well , now we know . Are you going to be able to tell what they even have now compared to the 90s ? How good it was then , what it would look like now . Totally different With the technology nowadays you could make . Now they did say women were easily transformed to men , but it was harder , obviously , to transform at the time a man to a woman .
Speaker 4Right , just with body structure and everything else , Right , right right , but hey , they're doing it now .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2No questions asked now Nope not at all . I can look like this and be a woman ? Not at all .
Speaker 3I can look like this and be a woman . Yes , I can look like this and be a cat .
Speaker 2I wanted to kind of get out of that just a little bit , because I want to save most of that . I've got a big topic . I want to , you know , I want to bring that up . Yeah , there's a , there's . It's quite interesting if you go down the whole thing and well , like I said , we get into it .
Speaker 2We have a couple we're going to open that up big time in the future , amongst other stories , that we have lots of stories , yes , but I just found that very intriguing . That brought , like I said , it was that video . I've seen a biden , something strange about it . Yeah , I don't know what it is ghostbusters other people know better than me . But if you watch the video and I did show you the clip , yes , I did what did you think ?
Speaker 3I think it's a mask certainly looks that way listen if it's lighting that's a perfect way .
Speaker 2Yeah , anytime he moved right , every time he moved , it wouldn't be in the same spot but the shading is never moved .
Speaker 3It never moves . It's like they put too much dark makeup on his neck and not enough dark on his face .
Speaker 2Yeah , exactly , it reminded me , like I said , of the movie the Mask , the way it looked on him .
Speaker 3Look it up , people . Yeah , check it out , get your own view of it . See , you know , and if you think it's lighting , maybe you ought to turn the light off and start thinking on your own .
Speaker 2It wouldn't hurt .
Speaker 3Yeah , open that third eye .
Speaker 2Third what .
Speaker 3Third eye .
Speaker 2Oh , third eye , yeah , okay .
Speaker 3Like in Mississippi . There's three . I's in that right .
Speaker 2Some people spelling it .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Mississippi yeah , that sounds good . Oh , you know , you're just shortening it . Yeah , mississippi's a long word . Mississippi yeah , that sounds good . Oh , you know , you're just shortening it . Yeah , mississippi's a long word . Mississippi , shorter right .
Speaker 3See , and pronouncing things that way , it reminds me of the little fellas . He was bitching about something . Those little dudes . Again those little dudes . Yeah , they bitch about something all the time , but I got to tell you , this time it's kind of legitimate .
Speaker 2Is it ? Yeah , I heard it a little bit , we got a little birdie , tell you .
Speaker 3Yeah , I told him I'd come get him when we were ready .
Speaker 2Where is he ?
Speaker 3Oh , he's laid down . He was a little bit wore out from bitching .
Speaker 2Maybe he should stop bitching so much .
Speaker 3Yeah , I'd love to tell him that , then he'd bitch about it .
Speaker 2Should you go get him ? Yeah , we could probably let him , are there grievances now .
Speaker 3Yeah , just let him go ahead and get it out of the system .
Speaker 2I just feel bad for that other little one why . Because he has to put up with that guy's shit all the time .
Speaker 3He doesn't really have to . He does , but he doesn't have to .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you know , yeah , well you know . Well , go grab them , Tom .
Speaker 4All right , what's up ? What's up with you ? I'm afraid to ask . Yeah , well , you ought to be afraid because I'm a little pissed off . Ah , okay , what's it this time ? What do you mean ? This time you drain me . I'm hardly ever pissed off . Every time we come to do this segment for these two idiots , you're always bitching about something . Okay , let me tell you what's . Just perfectly fucking peachy in my world . Okay , go ahead . Speaking of peachy , have you ever had a peach pie from Arby's ? No , can't say I have no , because nobody has it . Don't damn give it . Why can't you go there and get a peach pie ? Well , why does Arby's have to give you a peach pie ? Nothing goes better with roast beef than a peach pie . Who told you ?
Speaker 3that .
Speaker 4Grandma , anything can go with a roast beef than a peach pie . Who told you that , grandma ? Now anything could go with a roast beef sandwich , not anything .
Fast Food Frustrations
Speaker 4Apple pie , cherry pie , blueberry pie yeah , why would you have blueberry pie with peach pie ? That's stupid . Well , but they don't have any pies ? Yes , they do . What kind do they have ? Apple turnovers and peach turnovers ? Okay , those are turnovers . What's the difference ? One's a turnover , one's a pie . I can take a pie and turn it over and it's a turnover . It's not made that way . Yeah , well , that's what really pisses me off these fast food joints .
Speaker 3Well , that's what really pisses me off . You can make it look that way .
Speaker 4These fast food joints oh , okay , they're a little overwhelming , not really they are . How Okay , have you ever been to one in the South ? What ? Yeah ? You can't understand a damn word . Yeah , what is right ? What are we talking about ? That's what I would like to know . You can't understand a damn word . Yeah , what is right ? What are we talking about ? That's what I would like to know . You can't understand them , right ? Okay , what happened to restaurants ? When you go to the restaurant , All right .
Speaker 4And you go through a drive-thru Okay , I'm okay with everybody coming to America , right , and I'm okay with everybody doing good and getting a job , right , right , american dream , yeah . But if you're going to work at a restaurant and deal with people and talk to them every day , learn how to say damn sandwich , sandwich , yeah , at least know how to say it . What sandwich or sandwich ? I don't want to come up and say , yeah , what the hell was that ? What am I supposed to say to that ? No , thank you , I only have so much money . What the shit did she just say ? So we're talking about people who can't speak English . Yeah , yeah , if you're going to work with the public in America , you should learn the damn language , yeah , and even people who are from here . But what language is Ugaribua ? Yeah , what is that ? That's probably southern , because most of the southern restaurants you go to sound just like that . Okay , that doesn't sound Southern at all . Exactly , let's just talk about this one minute you go through . Okay , I would like to have a Big Mac combo with a large order of fries . All right , easy , all right , easy . Okay , pretty easy , you would figure . Right , well , would you want ? Okay , first off , did I ask for all that other bullshit . What the hell did they say ? I don't know , I couldn't understand them . Well , okay , would I like something with what I just asked for ? Okay , that reminds me of the guy that worked at Walmart trying to learn how to do his job .
Speaker 4Well , listen to me , this is how you build a sale . Customer comes in , he puts a piece of . He puts , let's say , fertilizer on . He says oh , so you're buying fertilizer ? Well , you're going to need some grass seed to go with it , right , okay , oh , yeah , yeah , I do . I need some grass seed . Okay , well , if you have grass seed and fertilizer , you're going to need water . How about a new hose ? Yep , sounds good to me . Give me the new hose . Okay , well , now you've know your lawn . Yeah , so sell him a lawnmower . So he's building a cell . Yeah , can you do this ? Yeah , yeah , yeah , nowadays , kids , I can do that . Okay , you try it with this .
Speaker 4One . Lady comes up , puts tampons on the counter . Boy said can I get you a lawnmower with that ? What the hell was that for ? Yeah , the lady said what do I need a lawnmower for ? The boy said can't have sex , might as well move . They don't know no damn thing . What is that you can't say that to people , these people nowadays Okay , first off , I didn't ask for fries , I want onion rings . We don't have onion rings ? Okay , that's stupid .
Speaker 3But not every restaurant has onion rings .
Speaker 4Okay , why would you go to a restaurant wanting onion rings then ? Why would you go there ? Because that's what restaurants do . They don't always have onion rings then . So why would you go there ? Because that's what restaurants do . They make you what you want to eat . They don't always have onion rings . Not everybody serves those . Well , that's dumb . Well , that's dumb , but it's the truth , Okay . Well , I'm not here buying the truth .
Speaker 4You're the idiot who went in and ordered onion rings when you know they didn't have them ? I didn't know they didn't have them . I didn't know they didn't have them Well , you know now . Okay , first off , why would I know and then order them anyway ? Because you're an idiot . No , you just want to complain . I complain anyway . Oh , yeah , we know
Drive-Thru Frustrations and Fast Food Banter
Speaker 4that .
Speaker 4Yeah , goodness , don't bring me to a drive-thru window and tell me that everything is on special , and then when I get up there and I get it in a bag , it's all thrown all together . There ain't nothing damn special about that . The price yeah , I'd rather pay a couple cents more and get all my damn french fries in the pack instead of on the bottom of the damn bag . But don't you always dump them in the bag ? I do , why . Why do I want them in that stupid cardboard so you don't have to fish around in the bottom of the bag ? Yeah , I just put the bag in my lap , sure , and stick at them that way and put your hand down in there . You know what ? You're liable to grab A fucking pickle off your sandwich Because they threw that in there too . No , that was wrapped up . Well , they wrapped kind of Well . If their dad would have wrapped up , the son wouldn't be trying to serve me a damn sandwich at the drive-thru . Idiot , wrap it up next time . I'm still a little offended .
Speaker 4You picked on Arby's . Well , okay , I kind of like their sandwiches . I said Big Mac , you did . Yeah , it started off with Arby's . Here's why I don't talk about McDonald's . Mcdonald's , yeah , I thought it was McDonald's . Yeah , if you don't want to get sued . You say McDonald's . Oh , okay , go ahead , mcdonald's , yeah . How are they going to fix me a hamburger when they can't even fix me a shake because of the ice cream ?
Speaker 2Those , are two different things , two different things .
Speaker 4Yeah , you don't have a scrap in your frickin' sandwich . Okay , you have a strap in your frickin' sandwich . Okay , if I advertise at McFlurry , uh-huh , I better have an ice cream machine . That fuckin' works . I think they just say that it seems to be a little problem there . At McDonald's yeah , I seen the other day Dairy Queen truck parked into McDonald's over there . What , yeah , he was in there fixing the machine , evidently . Oh , okay , nah , probably not . I thought he was getting there getting something to eat . Yeah , have you ate at Burger King ? Not lately , me too .
Speaker 4Here's why them people don't even know what an onion ring is . Burger King had onion rings . Yeah , have you ever had one ? No , they're not real . What are they ? They're deep fried crust wrapped around onion powder , probably . Oh , that's bullshit . Yeah , I want an onion ring . Why would you get those ? Yeah , I want one that when you bite into it and you pull it off , the onion comes out and falls and burns your lip and half your chin . That's a real one . That's an onion ring . That's a real one . That's a man's onion ring . And don't go to a fish camp and order onion rings . That's dumb as hell . Why ? Because fish comes with hush puppies . I don't want no frickin' breaded bullshit , yeah . So don't bring me an onion ring , I'd rather have an onion ring .
Speaker 4It's breaded bullshit . I'd rather have an onion ring . Than a hush puppy , absolutely . I just about said I'm not listening to what I just said .
Speaker 4I'm listening . I just didn't put two and two together . See , yeah , two and two together means you're from up north . You don't know what a damn hushpuppi is . I know exactly what a hushpuppi is . Big Good , but it's just breaded , fried breaded shit . Yeah , but it's . Yeah , I know . Yeah , but no , you have to have it from somebody who knows how to make them . I've ate them here , okay , where ? At here , different places , they're fine . Yeah , I've ate them at different places . Here , too , what . I gotta go to a specific person ? Yeah , because I can tell you right now , captain D's don't know a damn thing about it , I don't care who makes them , I'll take onion rings all day . I would rather have a hush puppy from a fish camp . Go get a puppy . Okay , hush puppy .
Speaker 4Those used to be those shoes . You like hush puppy shoes ? Yeah , but those are old . There's no hush puppy shoes , no more . How do you know ? Because I haven't seen any . Would you buy them if you saw them ? Yeah , so I could show people what a damn dumb thing that was . What about the little bust in the dog ? Yeah , like Right , no , not right . People hear you coming . Why ? Cloppity , cloppity , clippity . Not all of them did that . Yeah , well , anyway , I don't know how we got on them , but anyway , those are good shoes .
Speaker 4Well , restaurants , anyway , they hire all these young kids . Everybody knows how to clean a dish , right ? Okay , not everybody does , but go ahead . Yeah , so these fast food joints , they hire everybody who don't know how . They don't have dishes ? Yes , they do . What do they have for dishes ? Okay , have you ever seen the thing that they cook your hamburger on ? It's called a grill . That's a grill . There's no dishes ? Okay , but they still have clean damn things . Okay , all right , don't get testy ? Yeah , but they still have clean damn things . Okay , alright , don't get testy ? Yeah , but they don't .
Speaker 4You sound like you're getting upset . I am . Why I hate restaurants ? Why would you get upset ? Because of fast food joints ? No , that's what this whole damn thing . So you don't like fast food joints ? Have you not been listening to me ? You don't like fast food joints . I love them .
Speaker 4What's this conversation about , then ? Kids that work the window Okay . The poor drive-thru guy ? Yeah , what about him ? Because he can't speak English ? Poor drive-thru guy , my education requires me to ask you . Right , you want fries with that ? Okay , why does that hurt your feelings ? Lots of major corporations fall apart because Jim couldn't figure out he wanted fries with his Coke or not . Yeah , but see if you go in and say I'd like a Big Mac and a Coke and they say , would you like fries with that ? You know , yeah , I do want fries with that . Thank you for reminding me . Okay , would you like to make that a meal ? Oh , yeah , it's a frickin' meal . I'm gonna be eating it . What else you doing for me ? Okay , I got sidetracked . Sorry , let's go to another business . What kind of business we going to now Doesn't matter Anything . This we're going to now Doesn't matter Anything , okay . Okay , how about let's go to the grocery store ? I always go to the grocery store , sure you do , are we ?
Speaker 4going now . Okay , you go up to the counter . You buy your bread . I'm not going to any counter . Well , you gotta go to the counter to pay for it . It's a cash register , okay , but there's a counter right there at the register , not at the cell phones . It's very small , it's not a counter . The cash register sits on a counter . Okay , I'll go with that . Yeah , you have to , because that makes sense . All right , says you . Okay , continue .
Speaker 4So you got the lady there checking you out . She's checking me out . Yeah , she's checking you out . I don't think my wife's gonna like that . Yeah , well , she didn't like it either . Oh , okay . But anyway , you're going through the checkout counter , the chick's checking you out Again and scanning your food . Okay , there you go .
Speaker 4Well , at the end the thing says $158 . Wow , you bought a lot of groceries , yeah . Then she looks me square in the eye and says Did you find everything ? No , why didn't you help me out ? Wait a minute , looks like I found every damn thing . Everybody needed $158 . What do you think ? Of course I didn't forget nothing . Why would they ask after you checked out yeah , why didn't you follow me around and ask me then when I couldn't find the damn coffee ? Now , if they ask you before and you tell them no , can you go get me this ? Will they go get it ? Some of them will . Some of them will send somebody to get it . You know what others will do . We should do that to screw with people . They pull out this little phone out of their back pocket and they scan what you're looking for the little ticket yeah , back pocket , and they scan what you're looking for , the little ticket , yeah .
Speaker 4And then they look at it and say , nope , we got some of that in Ohio though . Well , holy shit , can I have it here by noon ? No , I'm not going to Ohio to buy any of that . Why would you tell me it's in Ohio ? Just tell me , no , you don't have it . Yeah , they're weirdos .
Scout Ranch Restaurant Shenanigans
Speaker 4Anyway , I'm a little tired of being pissed off . I'm getting ready to go over here to the Piggly Wiggly . I'm a little tired of hearing you getting pissed off . Well , I wish you were . You kind of . Ruin everybody's day all the time . Yeah , I get my day ruined by everybody all the time . So why would you want to ruin everybody's day all the time ? Yeah , I get my day ruined by everybody all the time , so why ?
Speaker 4would you want to ruin everybody else's day ? Well , I need to inform people of how the stupid stuff's going on . We have eyes , yeah , but you don't see , we just don't want to acknowledge it . Yeah , it's called leftist . You see stuff happening and you just don't acknowledge it . What do you mean ? No , I'm just sick of hearing the crap .
Speaker 4Well , well , well , I'm thinking happy thoughts , okay , how about this ? Okay , it's a happy thought . Yeah , we'll go to Wendy's and get us a Frosty , okay . Okay , do you want their machines work , do you want ? Do you want chocolate , vanilla or strawberry ? Now , I want strawberry now , see , but what , I'm sorry , that was last month , you can't have it this month . Well , I'll take chocolate . What , you're easy , I'm not fussy , I would be fussy . Well , I'll take chocolate . What ? I'm not fussy , I would be fussy . Wait a minute , why would you tell me strawberry if I can't have it ? They forgot . Yeah , they forgot . They just wanted to see the expression of your sad little face . Yeah , my sad little face in their window . That's not what they wanted to see . Well , before you stroke me out , I think I'm taking off . Don't take off , I have to you hoser . Yeah , good day , eh , okay . Well , I'm going to uh get my nose to get me something to eat . Good for you Later .
Speaker 2Bye and oh man . Yeah , I'd say , why is that ?
Speaker 3guy always pissed off . He's a pessimist , is he ?
Speaker 2Whoa .
Speaker 3Some days I just don't even want to see him coming . He's very angry .
Speaker 2Yes , I wonder what makes him so angry . Is it because he's little ?
Speaker 3He says that he's not angry . He's one of the happiest people in his family . It doesn't show no , I'm glad I don't know the rest of his family , what the hell anyways , wow , yeah , anyways but he did , he did bring up some good points .
Speaker 2I mean , no , he did , but he's just so angry .
Speaker 3He's an angry little fella I mean sometimes I'll get a few french fries in the bottom of my bag , but I mean it's not the end of the world .
Speaker 2No , of course not . Eat those first .
Speaker 3Yeah , or here's the one . That's what I like If , like , my wife and I are going through the drive-thru .
Speaker 2And the extra fries fall in the bottom of your bag .
Speaker 3How can she say those are hers Right ? They don't know , they fell out of yours .
Speaker 2How does she even know they're there , right ? You just give her her steak .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , see , see .
Speaker 2Yeah , you do Well now she knows and see no anger . Do I need to edit that ?
Speaker 3No , okay , no anger there .
Speaker 2I gave you the most , the one with the most in it . Look at all the fries at the bottom of the bag .
Speaker 3They fell out of mine sorry I'm clumsy , but yeah , here have this pickle .
Speaker 2It was in the bottom of the bag that I've never had happen to me pickles never fallen out of the sandwich really not in the bag . They didn't wrap it right for you well see , that's what he's probably talking about yeah , probably .
Speaker 3But you know , restaurants are fun . Reminds me of a restaurant that well . I was going to tell you again about another camping trip .
Speaker 2Another camping trip , yeah . Is this with the Boy Scouts of America again it was .
Speaker 3It was with the Boy Scouts of America .
Speaker 2Wow , yeah , a lot of America again it was . It was with the Boy Scouts of America . Wow , you went on a lot of little camping trips I did .
Speaker 3I grew up in the era where Boy Scouts was something to be proud of .
Speaker 2I did it back then too , but I was 14 , 15 . I'd get out of Boy Scouts .
Speaker 3Really .
Speaker 2Yeah , it wasn't my thing .
Speaker 3I went until I was too old to go , and then I became a Scoutmaster . Did you make ?
Speaker 2eagle I did , eagle palms and everything . Yeah , I did . Oh , sorry , sorry about that no problem . There's something in my throat .
Speaker 3Yeah , I heard that about you . Anyway , I got those eagle palms at a little place called Philmont National Scout Ranch , and that is in .
Speaker 2They have a scout ranch .
Speaker 3Yes , in Cimarron , new Mexico , scouts from all over America .
Speaker 2How much did it cost to go there ?
Speaker 3I don't know , my mother paid for it .
Speaker 2I remember some of the trips I went on . I was like , what my mother's like , you better do that , I want to go . Exactly , I remember some of the trips I went on . I was like , what my mother's like , well , you better do that , okay , okay , I want to go .
Speaker 3But yeah , exactly , I know it hurt us because we lived in a box for about three years after that , but anyway , I hope it wasn't like a refrigerator-sized box anyways . Well , yeah , we were going to live in some kind of shoebox . Shoebox .
Speaker 2Oh no , that would have been silly . That's where that shoebox came from , see .
Speaker 3I couldn't go to a shoebox . I'd already used it . But yeah , it reminded me of a story . We were going to Cimarron , new Mexico , for the Scout Ranch . I'd planned on it for a year , a year , a whole year . We bought all this stuff and I had a brand-new backpack , I had a brand-new sleeping bag and all these hiking boots and socks and clothes and everything that was going to keep me cool in the day and warm at night , and all this stuff . You know you're a kid , you're excited . Two weeks I'm going to be gone , longest I've ever been gone from home by myself , and I'm going to be sleeping in the mountains of New Mexico . Cool , the Rocky Mountains .
Speaker 2Cool .
Speaker 3Okay , there's bears and lions there . Do you know about ?
Speaker 2that Lions and tigers and bears .
Speaker 3Oh my , it's not too cool . But so the first night we get there , we get close to the Cimarron , New Mexico . There's a place called Tent City .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3All of these scouts congregate and build their tents , spend the night and then move on . And then move on to the next place .
Speaker 2Well , how many scout troops are there ? I don't really know they were from all over they were from everywhere . I was a scout . Did you even have northerners ?
Speaker 3there . Yes , I was a scout from .
Speaker 2Kansas , you were lucky . You were lucky . You had Northerners with you Did we , yeah , yeah , I forgot .
Speaker 3They're the ones that steered us straight from the daggum fast food restaurants .
Speaker 2See .
Speaker 3Anyway .
Speaker 2They love excitement .
Speaker 3Yeah , we had people from . I was in Kansas at the time , so I was with a group from Kansas and we met a group from Raleigh , North Carolina , while we were there . All right so they were all over the place . But that night , once again , it all happens at night when everybody goes to sleep .
Speaker 2Rattle spider .
Speaker 3No , no , no , not that kind of night .
Speaker 2Oh , okay , this that kind of thing .
Speaker 3This is a desert . They didn't have rattle spiders .
Speaker 2Jack Daniels .
Speaker 3Nope , we didn't bring that thing either . So we were kind of on our own about getting into mischief A spliff . Let's do the next best thing Spliff , nope , not that .
Speaker 2Peyote .
Speaker 3If we would have found it that would have been awesome . That would have been awesome , but we didn't find that either . What we did find is a 24-hour , all-night stay-open restaurant .
Speaker 2In the middle of the desert .
Speaker 3Well , in this little town , yeah , so we're walking to this little restaurant from Tent City at night , sneaking out so nobody hears us . We go all the way around . Well , on our way , we decide , hey , let's do this . When we get in there , we're going to pretend that Tom is deaf .
Speaker 2Why would they pretend that ?
Speaker 3Who knows ? But we did .
Speaker 2Okay , how'd that work out ?
Speaker 3not . Not as good as we thought we could get it off what happened . So she comes around asking if she could take everybody's order . So me I'm just staring off into space . Didn't pay attention to her on purpose , just because you're deaf , you don't hear .
Speaker 2Yeah , I didn't hear attention to her on purpose , because you're deaf , you don't hear her .
Speaker 3Yeah , I didn't hear her thing . So my buddy , you know , he taps me on the shoulder and I look , oh yeah , I do some stupid little sign language . That didn't mean anything except my fingers are having convulsions and my buddy said , yeah , he'll have this . He tells her what I want . She goes along with this the whole time . This little Indian woman from Cimarron , New Mexico , a New Mexican woman , she had no idea that I could hear . I couldn't hear . She didn't know I was doing this pretty good .
Speaker 2Except for the fingers doing nothing .
Speaker 3Well , she didn't know about that either . Obviously she don't know sign language . All she knew was smoke signals .
Speaker 2What would you have done if she did say what is that Nothing .
Speaker 3Yeah , exactly , well , it's coming .
Speaker 2Oh gosh .
Speaker 3So we're eating and everything and we're talking to her and everything they are , and I'm sitting over there we're just giggling . Every time she leaves we're all laughing . This is going great , it's really good . She comes back and she says can I get you a piece of pie ? Said sure , I'd love a piece of pie . You should have seen the look on this lady's face when she realized that I could speak or I could hear . I didn't realize it .
Speaker 2You didn't realize you could speak .
Speaker 3I didn't realize that I just messed up .
Speaker 2Because you wanted a piece of pie .
Speaker 3But all the guys at the table knew and she knew . And so then she said did I want ice cream with it ? I'm just staring at her . So you went back to the old she said well , are you going to eat ice cream with it or not ? I said no , I just looked at her .
Speaker 4You should have acted like you were at risk . She looked at my buddy .
Speaker 3She looked at my buddy and said I'm charging him extra if he wants ice cream .
Speaker 2So you couldn't say anything .
Speaker 3Well , the reason she was already pissed off . She said if I got pie and ice cream , I was being charged twice for it Because I had already . So when we got ready to leave , all my friends were apologizing to this lady for did you ?
Speaker 2did you apologize ? No oh yeah , that's right , because you're deaf yeah , I couldn't speak either .
Speaker 3She didn't understand sign language , evidently because I was throwing up all these sign language things and she didn't know .
Speaker 2I thought you were getting ready to say you were throwing up .
Speaker 3No , no , no , I didn't get the pie , remember .
Speaker 2What kind of pie would it have been ? Apple , not peach ? No , because you bitched about you had those little . The little guys bitched about pie . How come you're ?
Speaker 3not Okay . Well , here's the the thing . I would have gotten cherry okay , but in some states yeah I found out it's illegal to have ice cream on your cherry can't do that where I grew up .
Speaker 2It's illegal , oh , where you go .
Speaker 3That's right , kansas , you're right that is an outstanding so somewhere along the line .
Speaker 2Someone got it , someone didn't like it and they made a law that that's evidently what it happened , and I think she moved to Cimarron , New Mexico . So she could have ice cream and cherry pie .
Speaker 3Yeah , because why else would she ask me if I wanted ?
Speaker 2it Kind of a long way to go .
Speaker 3but Well , why else would she ask me if I wanted it ?
Speaker 2Why didn't she just go to Colorado ? Why all the way to New Mexico ?
Speaker 3I don't know , maybe they could have tamale pie . Maybe Maybe that brings me to something
Strange State Laws Banter
Speaker 3.
Speaker 2What's that ?
Speaker 3Tamales , hot tamales , have you ever ?
Speaker 2had a tamale , hot tamales .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 2The candy no , no , no , no , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 3These are like real tamales .
Speaker 2No , I haven't had the real tamales . Yeah , I know what you're talking about . Yeah , no , I haven't had the real tamale .
Speaker 3Yeah , I know what you're talking about they're wrapped in corn husks . Yeah , I know what they are , and they're wrapped in the skin off of the hog's head .
Speaker 2Oh , I didn't know that .
Speaker 3Yeah , see , they're not very appealing . I don't mind the corn part , but no , you don't even eat that part . No , that comes in it , doesn't it come in it ? No , it comes wrapped in a corn husk , right it ?
Speaker 2comes in it . Yeah , the tamale is inside the corn husk . Exactly what I'm saying . We're saying the same thing , just different .
Speaker 3Okay , I thought you meant the corn husk is in the tamale . I'm not eating that . I'd be like Wait a minute , it might improve the taste . We're talking hog skin off of its head .
Speaker 2Wrap , wrap this in meat and then they cook it in a , but it's like a sausage .
Speaker 3Well , yeah , sausage . All right , you got skin on there too no no , no sure you do . Okay when you order sausage and eggs . Where's the skin on your sauce ?
Speaker 2oh , kind of about the like , the kind that you get at the store the butcher oh , those skin sausage , yeah , you're talking about the crack , when you crackle , when you bite into them snap snap like those red hot red hot dogs or hot dogs all right , we got on a different subject .
Speaker 3I apologize yeah , no problem , I do like a glazer hot dog we're talking about meats and stuff and , yeah , it's making me hungry yeah , there's I a tamale . It doesn't make any sense to me .
Speaker 2How about a burrito ?
Speaker 3I'd love a burrito .
Speaker 2Burritos are good .
Speaker 3Yeah , because you wrap them in cornmeal , not a hog's head . Oh boy I wonder how Eskimos kiss without getting stuck together .
Speaker 2Why ? Because it's cold , yeah , you just don't have wet lips .
Speaker 3Have you ever kissed somebody and not wet your lips Afterwards ? Have you ever kissed somebody and not wept your lips Afterwards ? Why would you wet them ?
Speaker 2afterwards . Well , because if it's cold I don't want to stick together , like we just talked about . Oh , Somebody .
Speaker 3I would like to stick together .
Speaker 2Have you not watched the Christmas Story ? Yeah , I have . Okay , then you know .
Speaker 3That's his tongue on a pole .
Speaker 2Same thing Tom . Is it Same . Thing .
Speaker 3Well , maybe you shouldn't put your lips on a cold pole in Alaska .
Speaker 2Well then , why would you think two lips would stick together ?
Speaker 3Because they're wet .
Speaker 2They're moist .
Speaker 3No , no , no , no , they're wet .
Speaker 2Why would you wet your lips ? Why not ?
Speaker 3Why don't you just moisten your lips , your lips . Okay , let's go in for a nice moist one .
Speaker 2No , yeah , let's go in for a good wet one . That is what people say .
Speaker 3It's kind of strange no , people say that all the time I could go for a good wet one , wet what yeah , white .
Speaker 2It's pretty .
Speaker 3That's nasty .
Speaker 2That's self-explanatory .
Speaker 3You're damn right , it is . Yes , it is self-explanatory . Yes , yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3Yeah , drifting again .
Speaker 2Drifting again . That's all right . That's what we do , we can't help it .
Speaker 3Saturdays is drifting day .
Speaker 2Drifting . Of course , that porch time probably didn't help helps yes , it did , yes , it did what do you mean it did ? Was Willie Nelson there again ?
Speaker 3yeah , he wasn't here , but he had something to do little something to do with it a little .
Speaker 2Hey , you know , I've been looking up some things and I found some more weird laws yeah , she didn't find the ones last week weird enough . No , not really .
Speaker 3Well , I'm still a little pissed off that I can't have any ice cream on my pie . But I grew up with that , so I'm used to it .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you know that cherry pie does bum you out . And no screeching your tires in Kansas .
Speaker 3Yeah , you can't do that . And no screeching your tires in Kansas .
Speaker 2Yeah , you can't do that , so in Utah did you know it's illegal to cause a catastrophe ? No , I'm telling you , man .
Speaker 3You mean I can't blow up the post office and cause havoc ?
Speaker 2No weapons of mass destruction , explosions , fire . It's illegal . I am not going there . So if you get a tornado hurricane , who's fault , who gets blamed for that ?
Speaker 3Who goes to jail for that ? Shame on God right .
Speaker 2How do you send him to jail ?
Speaker 3Well , because they're all Mormons , they don't believe in God anyway .
Speaker 2They got like 12 wives each , that's right ?
Speaker 3Yeah , they don't believe in God . Anyway , sorry for all you .
Speaker 2Mormons In Texas .
Speaker 3you can get married by proxy . Who's a proxy ?
Speaker 2Yeah , exactly . If you're not there , someone can step in for you , right ? Doesn't that mean they're married ?
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Wait a minute .
Speaker 3He's not here yet . No , I think they're talking about the pastor , the guy doing the wedding , the ceremonist .
Speaker 2The Texas marriages by proxy are perfectly legal . In other words , if you have a legitimate reason for absence , like military service , you can send someone to get married in your place . Oh well gee whiz , as long as you have the right documentation .
Speaker 3I do have the right documentation .
Speaker 2Yeah , he's not here . I'm here so .
Speaker 3She's ugly . He didn't want to show up .
Speaker 2Well , this is kind of strange , and maybe this is the reason why our public servants suck . You cannot hold public office if you've been in a duel in Tennessee .
Speaker 3Well , you don't want troublemakers in there .
Speaker 2I think you need to be in a duel . Maybe that weeds them out .
Speaker 3Yeah , we don't want troublemakers in here .
Speaker 2Oh , south Carolina , you dirty dogs . Oh , here you go . No , seducing unmarried woman , that's a no-no .
Speaker 3Oh , only married women Unmarried yeah , no seducing unmarried woman .
Speaker 2That's a no-no . Oh only married women Unmarried . Yeah , no seducing unmarried women . You can go after anybody's wife .
Speaker 3I guess you can seduce a wife all you want .
Speaker 2It says if he seduced an unmarried woman using deception and promise of marriage . But the law was finally repealed in 16 , 2016 . Well , thank God for that .
Speaker 3Oh man , it was repealed .
Speaker 2Wow , hmm . Well , that's strange . Biting off someone's limb in Rhode Island can earn you 20 years in prison .
Speaker 3Wait a minute .
Speaker 2So if I bite your finger off . I said what I said .
Speaker 3If I bite your finger off , I'm going to prison .
Speaker 2Well , a limb , my arm , my leg .
Speaker 3First off , if I can get your arm in my mouth , I'm not going to be biting it off .
Speaker 2anyway , You're pretty talented yeah .
Speaker 3I'm going to be living in Hollywood , somewhere in the frickin' Beverly Hills , because I've already made my millions .
Speaker 2Just by that you get yours .
Speaker 3I said what I said .
Speaker 2So if you put an eye out , if you put on an eye , slit the nose , ear or lip or cut off , bite off or disable any limb or member of another .
Speaker 3Wait a minute .
Speaker 2What about the main member ?
Speaker 3I think that's probably where they're going with this .
Speaker 2Oh , Pennsylvania , you cannot barter infant children .
Speaker 3Only in Pennsylvania .
Speaker 2No , that's what it says here . Don't try selling your child , huh .
Speaker 3There you go , things you don't know .
Speaker 2A little weird At Oregon . What can we say ? No practice in the occult arts . A little weird At Oregon . What can we say ?
Speaker 3No practicing the occult arts I I wait a minute . That's unfair .
Speaker 2Oklahoma , you can't eavesdrop . Well , don't talk so loud .
Speaker 3I wouldn't hear you . How do you know ? Were you listening ? Yeah , how did you ?
Speaker 2know I was eavesdropping .
Speaker 3Oh , if you have a dangerous animal and it escapes in Ohio . Yeah , how did you ?
Speaker 2know I was eavesdropping . Oh , if you have a dangerous animal and it escapes in Ohio , you have to report it to authorities . You can't just let it run amok .
Speaker 3Okay , I'm reporting that I have a dangerous animal , y'all .
Speaker 2Which is it ? What is it ?
Speaker 3I don't know , it's just a dangerous animal .
Speaker 2Well , what kind ? What are we looking for ?
Speaker 3An animal , Tas . What kind ? What are we ?
Speaker 2looking for An animal Tasmanian devil .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , yeah , let's call it that .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3If it's a dangerous animal , why would it matter what kind it is ? It's dangerous .
Speaker 2Oh wow , north Carolina . This is actually , I don't understand it . No meetings if members are in costume . So if I come in dressed like this gorilla , no meetings on Spirit Day . Yep , that's it , dressed up like some weird shit . Oh , in New York , you cannot wear a mask unless you're at a party . Well , what happened to all the masks we had to wear ? Yeah , a couple of years ago .
Speaker 3Didn't you hear ?
Speaker 2Was it a Halloween party ?
Speaker 3No , but it had to do with ?
Speaker 2What was it ?
Speaker 3It had to do with a party .
Speaker 2Yeah , party of what ?
Speaker 3Freaking Democratic .
Speaker 2Party . Party of eight . What an idiot . Party of eight . See what I did there .
Speaker 3Yeah , party of eight .
Speaker 2I still love this one from New Mexico .
Speaker 3No , pretending you're deaf in a restaurant Idiots can't vote . Yeah , I love that . That is cool . That is cool . I thought maybe it was no pretending .
Speaker 2For over a century , New Mexico law stipulated that idiots were ineligible to vote . In 2016 , the discriminatory language was referred to mentally disabled people was finally repealed . Oh , I thought it was real idiots .
Speaker 3No deaf people in restaurants .
Speaker 2Okay , On New Jersey . I think we read this before , but it's worth repeating no bulletproof vest while committing murder . So if you're coming to shoot me and kill me , you can't wear a bulletproof vest .
Speaker 3Why would I wear one ? I'm shooting you . Oh , you can't wear a bulletproof vest , why would I wear one ?
Speaker 2I'm shooting you . Well in case I have a gun .
Speaker 3Okay , I would think it'd be more . I don't want you to be wearing a bulletproof vest .
Speaker 2No , no , no . If I'm going to come shoot you , it's against the law . If I don't wear one , you're going to murder me .
Speaker 3Right Well it ought to . If you wear one and I'm trying to murder you , please be respectful and take off the vest .
Speaker 2Maybe just don't murder me .
Speaker 3Okay , well , I'll save my bullets there you go .
Speaker 2Wow , new Hampshire pregnant woman can technically commit murder .
Speaker 3What I guess her hormones . Why would they show a picture of a watermelon ? What's that got to do with anything in America about a pregnant woman ? How do they know she didn't just swallow a seedless watermelon ? I mean , come on , people , we're not dumb . You act like we are , but we're not .
Speaker 2Let's see . New Hampshire passed an anti-homicide law defining a 20-week fetus as a person , clarifying that the law has to do with abortion . Oh Okay , well , it does clarify .
Speaker 3Okay , Roe .
Speaker 2Nevada you cannot lay down on the sidewalk . Nebraska no marriage if you have BD . Give me two weeks baby , I'll have her all cleared up .
Speaker 3We'll be good .
Speaker 2Montana . Live entertainment must remain on stage while performing . Okay , first off so if you're like getting into something , you can't jump off stage , yeah if you stay on stage , you're gonna be dead .
Speaker 3Gotta be dead , no lie .
Speaker 2Oh , in Mississippi it's a crime to have more than one illegitimate child . Suzuki Good thing you don't live in Mississippi Suzuki .
Speaker 3Let's go on vacation . I need to show you this river Minnesota .
Speaker 2you can only play bingo two days a week . That's kind of sad .
Speaker 3Yeah , it is .
Speaker 2Can't get drunk on a train in Michigan .
Speaker 3I can get drunk on a plane .
Speaker 2Oh , massachusetts , you must sing the national anthem correctly . I think everybody should do that .
Speaker 3That's not stupid at all .
Speaker 2No , Okay , maine , no dancing at a bar that sells alcohol unless the bar has a permit . Why does a bar not have a permit ? Should the bar have a permit , a dancing ?
Speaker 3permit Dancing permit .
Speaker 2A special amusement permit . It doesn't say dancing , okay , special amusement .
Speaker 3Yes , that's pole dancing , I'm sure of it , oh boy .
Speaker 2Louisiana bear wrestling is prohibited .
Speaker 3Wait a minute , you can't wrestle a bear .
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 3Well , I ain't going there . I love wrestling bears .
Speaker 2And there's that famous one from Kansas , Tom . Apple pie and ice cream , no , cherry pie .
Speaker 3Yeah , cherry pie and ice cream .
Speaker 2Yeah , I didn't realize how much stupid crap there really was no Alamode . Wow damn Idaho . Cannibalism is illegal except in extreme circumstances .
Speaker 3Like if I'm hungry .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3I was hungry , your Honor . Oh yeah , there's finger sandwich Got a whole arm in it . See , we talked about this . If I could fit a whole arm in my mouth , I would be famous Algorithm .
Speaker 2Anyways , Tom , it's been great . It has been Another good one .
Speaker 3Yep and you know for the future .
Speaker 2Everybody don't forget our Facebook page . Facebook group page Right .
Speaker 3And even though we get serious in some points and we may touch on things that everybody don't like , it's still fun and again Facebook group page MT Alternative Podcast .
Speaker 2You can find us on Buzzsprout site . You can find us on iHeart .
Speaker 3Amazon pretty much anything you want .
Speaker 2Deezer run a bunch of them . So everyone have a great week .
Speaker 3And until next time . See you , peace .
Speaker 2Later .
Speaker 1We hope you enjoyed this episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . Join Mike and Tom next week for more stories and antics . And honestly , I have no idea myself what to expect . Thank you all . Goodbye .
