Rebellious Youth and Strange Sips
Get ready for some laughs as we recount our mischievous teenage pranks in a small town, like that time Tom mistakenly ran over a stop sign or the elaborate heist of a community event sign. These stories capture the inventive and rebellious ways we kept ourselves entertained in a quiet, close-knit community. On the tech front, hear our humorous take on modern technology's role in saving money on fast food. From the hilarious mishap involving grandparents getting arrested over a TV chicken deal to our commentary on the retirement of Pat Sajak from "Wheel of Fortune," this episode is packed with playful anecdotes and reflections.
Finally, we tackle the complexities of today's shopping experiences with digital coupons and loyalty cards. Debate the pros and cons of store apps versus phone numbers with us, and laugh along as we explore the peculiar world of unusual drink names. From Baby Mice Wine to the Duck Fart Shot, and even the whimsically named Monkey Spunk, we dissect the strange ingredients and stories behind these bizarre concoctions. So, grab your headphones, tune in, and enjoy this mix of humor, nostalgia, and insightful conversations on the MT Alternative Podcast!
00:13 - MT Alternative Podcast
06:31 - Pranks in a Small Town
20:03 - Price Confusion With TV Commercials
28:06 - Confusion Over Loyalty Card Discounts
37:47 - Unusual Drink Names Banter
MT Alternative Podcast
Speaker 1Welcome to another episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . The podcast with a hodgepodge of stories and topics that will make you ask what the hell were they thinking . Now here are your hosts , mike and Tom .
Speaker 3Hey , back again for another one , Tom , Yep , yep . So how's it going ?
Speaker 2It's going , man it's going . Yeah , got through another work week unscathed , kind of except you yesterday . That's your little demands , but hey .
Speaker 3Well , what Shit happens . What do you mean ?
Speaker 2You could do all these boxes in the last hour ?
Speaker 3Yeah , sure , I did .
Speaker 2You did .
Speaker 3Well , we did .
Speaker 2I had help . I didn't do anything .
Speaker 3A couple .
Speaker 2But anyway , but anyways , right , yep . So here we are again . Another week gone by .
Speaker 3It's a beautiful Saturday .
Speaker 2It is gorgeous out there .
Speaker 3No rain in sight until tomorrow afternoon .
Speaker 2We got to start figuring out how to do this outside . That's what we need to do .
Speaker 3Yeah , hey . If anybody has suggestions how we can do this outside , how about shouting out at us ?
Speaker 2That'd be sweet , we would love you . We could probably figure it out , but someone telling us would be even better .
Speaker 3Yeah , there's something about being locked up in a room a couple hours screaming out your inner demons , just comforting .
Speaker 2Spending some quality time together , though , yeah sure .
Speaker 3But , we're not a couple .
Speaker 2No , no , no , no , never said that .
Speaker 3Okay , yeah .
Speaker 2Quality time , I know . Keep telling ourselves that .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2That's what they say so . But , so anything happen this morning on your journey here , Anything exciting .
Speaker 3Not too much . I mean everybody behaved themselves on the road , crap too much . I mean everybody behaved themselves on the road and crap . Nobody cut me off . Uh , you know just the normal . Pull out in front of you and do 20 mile an hour .
Speaker 2Oh yeah those those , just they're everywhere yeah , I can't really bitch about those guys , I will hurry up and cut you off when I , but now I don't want to move when I I get my car it's like I'm signing an agreement .
Speaker 3Yes , I agree that these people are idiots and I'll let them slide .
Speaker 2Yeah , basically that's what you're saying Every time you turn the key .
Speaker 3you're signing the agreement . Yes , I understand You're an idiot and you do not know how to drive , and I accept the fact that I'm out here with other idiots . A wing and a prayer , hey did you happen ?
Speaker 2remember last week our little conversation of stupid laws ? I do is one . I found that I really like new mexico . That's a law . You have it . If you're an idiot , you're not allowed to vote . Idiots aren't allowed to vote in New Mexico .
Speaker 3That is the greatest thing I've heard about anything .
Speaker 2Why doesn't every state have that ?
Speaker 3We should we should .
Speaker 2Yes , we should A petition for that . Are you an idiot ? Yeah , you're not voting . Yeah .
Speaker 3Get your ballot out of here .
Speaker 2I just thought that was funny . Going through the rest of them , I'm like oh damn it . That is funny .
Speaker 3That is funny , you're not allowed to vote if you're an idiot .
Speaker 2You're not allowed to vote . You're an idiot .
Speaker 3Okay , well see .
Speaker 2I understand . I get rid of a lot of people .
Speaker 3Yeah , I was going to say I understand why that's not really pushed , because then I'd be a Republican every election . Because no idiots would be allowed to vote .
Speaker 2I think the problem is right now with the two system party system .
Speaker 3That is the problem and of course you got one that wants to take over everything .
Speaker 2But you know it's like stupid shit . We've always done .
Speaker 3I don't understand why it's okay for one party to do one thing , but when the other party does it . Now .
Speaker 2The world may never know .
Speaker 3And they're in control , like , for instance I mean , clinton paid $800,000 to hush money . But that's different , of course . Well , you know , how I know that's different Facebook fact checkers told me it was . That's how I know . By God , that's the real story . Facebook fact checkers From Facebook fact checkers the bastards .
Speaker 2That sounds ridiculous .
Speaker 3It does sound ridiculous doesn't it ?
Speaker 2Facebook fact checkers .
Speaker 3Yes , if you don't quit lying son if you don't quit lying , son , you're going to end up being a Facebook fact checker . Oh no , mommy .
Speaker 1I better straighten up .
Speaker 3Yeah , I don't want to do that . Well , I wish it was like that , but it's not . Y'all still want to freaking , censor us .
Speaker 2We need to save a lot of this stuff for our little thing coming up down the road .
Speaker 3Oh , you're going to break that egg , huh .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm going to break that egg Tom and I have a little something in the works . Yes , a little extra in the works , something that's coming out . 4th of July week .
Speaker 3Yeah , some overtime . A little overtime , something a little extra . Stay tuned .
Speaker 2Read all about it extra , and that's all we'll say about that , for right now , that's all I got to say about that . I really don't have anything else to say about it . Anyway , forrest , you're back . Yes , I'm here . Don't tell the people , forrest . Don't tell the people what , sir , exactly don't tell people what sir exactly good , okay , let's . Let's go back in the day to stupid shit we did as kids . I remember that you know you first got your license something dumb like that here .
Speaker 2Put this kid behind a steering wheel , you know yeah , shouldn't be out with your friends at that age , but I'm a big boy I think when I'm adult .
Speaker 3when you did driving test , the one thing you hated the most was what the driver instructor said you didn't stop all the way behind the sign .
Speaker 2No , I actually aced mine pretty damn good .
Speaker 3So we ran the damn sign over , hey Tom .
Speaker 2What's up ? You ever do stupid shit like hit road signs , run them down .
Speaker 3Did that one time Well this .
Speaker 2I'm just . I say that because it's
Pranks in a Small Town
Speaker 2dumb shit . When I was a kid I thought the stop sign was in the middle of the road so I kind of ran it over , put my car against it , pushed it over , come to find out it's on the side of the road . My friends are like what are you doing ?
Speaker 3I'm like I thought it was in the middle of the road . I was stupid , I was , I was kind of buzzed . I'm not gonna lie right it was probably the shrooms , I don't know as a young kid right , I'll do stuff like that .
Speaker 2Yeah , I just . It's stupid , I don't know .
Speaker 3It come to my mind what , what an idiot I was we had one time where we were out in the country and this buddy of mine , he would ease up to a stop sign with his truck , just ease up to it , just barely touch it and then floor it and run it right over . That's kind of what I did . That's why I asked . But there is one other thing I know about a sign do tell , I'm interested .
Speaker 2Back in the day you always seem to have a little story .
Speaker 3Yeah , I do .
Speaker 2Story man .
Speaker 3And they all come from this little bitty town that .
Speaker 2I used to live in . Never a dull moment with you guys was there , I'm telling you what this town let's make our own entertainment .
Speaker 3They were going to shut this whole town down .
Speaker 2The soul town .
Speaker 3The whole town .
Speaker 2Oh , I thought it was a soul town .
Speaker 3No , no , no .
Speaker 2Oh , I'm sorry .
Speaker 3We didn't have anything like that going on there . They were going to shut it all down because of us at one point , but they overcame . We all moved away , moved away , but anyway . So this , this little town , they would have knights of columbus , dances and fish fries . Different , typical small town , sure . So what is the best way to advertise this stuff ? Let's put this big . Okay , it was a tire wheel .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3A wheel to a tire and they had it .
Speaker 2What kind of tire ? Tractor tire ?
Speaker 3Well , no , it was just an automobile tire and they had it welded Small To a metal pipe that had a big sign on it and they would put it in the middle of Main Street With all these events .
Speaker 2That's how you would advertise your little hometown events .
Speaker 3Yes , like all different kinds of .
Speaker 2Am I watching the Andy Griffith Show or ?
Speaker 3It was in a big intersection right in the middle of town and you'd go by and you'd say , oh , knights of Columbus are having a fish cookout Friday . Well , let's do that , let's do that , let's go eat . That's the theme of the event . Yeah , friday fish . We're all Catholic , we can eat fish Friday . Yay , oh , yeah , okay , so that's how that went . Most of the people where I grew up were Catholic . But anyway , funny story , me and these buddies of mine , we found out a few weeks before that we could take stuff and nobody would know for weeks . Take what ? Well , light bulbs , to begin with . First .
Speaker 2Then it escalated . Wow , so from light bulbs you moved up to what ?
Speaker 3Street signs in the middle of the road .
Speaker 2Oh goodness .
Speaker 3So what we did is we decided that we were going to misplace this sign . Now , the sign sat in the middle of a major intersection in town . Right in Main Street there was a bank on one corner . It had a big clock up on the top .
Speaker 2of it Sounds like Monty McFly's area .
Speaker 3Yeah , kind of . It had a temperature reading and the clock and blah , blah , blah . Across the street was an old clothing store that had been there for years . Everybody knew . Did you say there for years ? Everybody knew it was a . Then on the other side , Did you say everybody's dude ? Everybody knew .
Speaker 2Oh , everybody knew . Okay , okay , I'm sorry , our town wasn't really new like that we didn't do anything .
Speaker 3Yeah , clothes were optional . Most people wore them , thank God . Anyway , we decided one night , me and these fellas . Well , since it's summer , yeah , hooligan friends . Yeah , we were teenage hooligans and we decided , since it was warm weather and no one had Christmas lights up , we'd do something different . So we decided to take this sign and we were going to hide it where no one would find it . Well , that was dumb it was a little bitty town , everybody's gonna see it right where did you hide it ?
Speaker 3okay . Well , we decided we . After several thoughts , we decided let's tie it up onto the bank clock right above us . That way it was real easy . We didn't have to take it anywhere . It was heavy . It was a wheel welded onto a metal pipe with a big sign . It was heavy . It took us an effort . Okay , this was , it wasn't easy . Okay , it was fun , but it wasn't easy . Okay , it was fun , but it wasn't easy . All right , so we . Finally .
Speaker 2It had wheels on it , so we did get to , will it wherever we got to but when we got nobody seen you pushing it around , not at two o'clock in the morning , oh , it's a real dead town .
Speaker 3Yeah , I mean All right . Yeah , a thousand people maybe .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 3Maybe , Maybe . So there was all of them asleep except for five of us .
Speaker 2The ones that were out there .
Speaker 3Yeah , so we tie this rope on top of the or around this sign and we climbed up on top of the bank .
Speaker 3They had this little ladder , for you know construction stuff or whatever shit yeah , so we climb up there and we hoist this thing up on a on a rope , right ? So by the time the weight caused this rope to be real tight . We couldn't get it untied , so we thought , okay , well , the next best thing is we'll just loop it around here in the clock and let it hang , do you know , for three days . They questioned us about this sign , where it went For three days Three days nobody noticed it hanging off a damn clock . Evidently not because wait a minute .
Speaker 2The second . You know I live in a small town , it sounds kind of dumb .
Speaker 3Two days later , they call us in there wanting us to give them clues where the sign was . I'm giving you the clues . What time is , is it ? I wonder what time it is ? Well , I can't tell you because it's not there's something in the way , yeah , but yeah , eventually she was the clock we put it up there and it was hanging for a while before anybody ever found it . What a that's ridiculous . It was wonderful .
Speaker 2I can't believe this actually really happened .
Speaker 3It really did , it really really happened . How did people not see ? This Well , I don't really remember back that far how it all .
Speaker 2Did you break the clock ? No , what did you tie this to ?
Speaker 3The clock . We tied it to the top of the sign and then ramped the rope around the clock itself . That was mounted to the clock . We tied it to the top of the sign and then ramped the rope around the clock itself . That was mounted to the bank . Well that's , I don't tell time still , it's going to get all screwed up . No , no , no . No , it was a . I'm sorry , let me back up here . It was a digital clock . We had one of the first digital clocks .
Speaker 2Wow , and that would out in Kansas , in the middle of nowhere , and he's a cupcake .
Speaker 3Digital .
Speaker 2We were digital in like 80 . Is that like the bit Digital Underground the Humpty Dance ?
Speaker 3Nothing like it at all . We had no idea what the Humpty Dance was .
Speaker 2You said Digital Underground .
Speaker 3That kind of came to mind , not with a town of a thousand people .
Speaker 2I thought you were throwing hints at me .
Speaker 3No , I didn't give clues . No clues , not this time .
Speaker 2No , I told you the whole story ? Why was I guessing ?
Speaker 3I don't know , but the whole story was right there .
Speaker 2I told you I tied it to a clock I feel like I'm left out of shit .
Speaker 3Well , you were then , because you weren't with us .
Speaker 2Why you didn't live there . Where was I ?
Speaker 3I have no idea .
Speaker 2Where .
Speaker 3I lived Eventually at that point probably .
Speaker 2That's kind of sad .
Speaker 3I have heard stories it was kind of sad . Oh baby . That's it for the sign . Kind of disappointed . Not really well , what do you mean ? Not really . Half the people didn't show up to eat fish , but where's ? The fish come in that was what was advertised on the sign .
Speaker 2Nobody could find well , yeah , because you hit the fucking sign .
Speaker 3In a plain sight place , but being a , small town .
Speaker 2Wouldn't word of mouth just be efficient ?
Speaker 3Well , yeah , it would have been . You said sufficient .
Speaker 2Sufficient , sufficient . Wouldn't that be , not a fish ?
Speaker 3That's what they were advertising the fish fry .
Speaker 2And you ruined it . You live in a small town . How do you not know you're having a fish fry and you ruined it ? You live in a small town . How do you not know you're having a fish fry Exactly ? You need a sign to tell you . Most of us , joe at the freaking laundry mat couldn't tell you , or ?
Speaker 3Sam at the butcher shop . The Knights of Columbus are having a dance .
Speaker 2Knights of Columbus . Probably half the town belonged to it . It did . There you go , my dad . Oh , by the way , yeah , we had a fish fry . Oh , when is it ? Oh , we had it last night . Why didn't you have it Everybody's ?
Speaker 3talked about it . We have some leftovers if you're interested .
Speaker 2Oh God , good Lord , that is so sad .
Speaker 3But you know what the funniest thing about this whole story was ? What's that ? What the funniest thing about ?
Speaker 2this whole story was what's that ?
Speaker 3It was the same freaking people they had in the police station over the light bulbs . It was all every one of us were the same people . That's why they always came to us .
Speaker 2They always came to the same people See , at least in my town it was neighborhoods .
Speaker 3So you knew who did what in what neighborhood . There's no neighborhood .
Speaker 2No , that's what I'm saying . If something happened in this neighborhood , I know who to go to . Yep , Something happened over in this neighborhood . We know who to go to . Nobody traveled .
Speaker 3We didn't travel , that's different turf .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you didn't want to cross someone's turf , yeah . Like we're big gangs back then , if you crossed over someone , else's turf . You were in the country , Okay turf , you were in the country , okay , oopsie , yeah , sorry , yep I went out .
Speaker 3They mean to trample your corn , I apologize .
Speaker 2City limits , sorry it won't happen again .
Speaker 3Probably will , but my sister lives in a house where , if you go across , the street in the house , yeah if you go across the street , you're in a cornfield and the street's dirt . The street is dirt , it's a dirt road . They don't have any concrete road . They have no concrete streets in this town . The country road in the whole town . There is no concrete street in this whole town you don't get a lot of speeders , then really , well , yeah , you do , you just can't see them . For the dust I was gonna say they wreck their vehicles too .
Speaker 2Pickup trucks yes cars don't wreck them , I love the dirt road . I spent more time that stupid gravel road up by you , no that one's an awesome that sucks ass .
Speaker 3I drink on there . I mean , I take that road every day , my god , half of it's this , half of it's that yeah , half of it's that , yeah , and the other half is me .
Speaker 2We got rock here , we got gravel no , here's just dirt .
Speaker 3Yeah , we got red clay gravel . Nobody told you to come when there was a thunderstorm .
Speaker 2You told me to go home that way . It was quicker . I almost ended up off the road . Yeah , I could have been up in that chicken farm .
Speaker 3Or you could have got caught by the people who string people up . And yeah , I didn't tell you about those people , though what ? That's another day . Why would you send me that way ? I didn't think you would stop .
Speaker 2What if I saw they looked like they're in distress ?
Speaker 3none of them wear a dress oh , okay , that helps , you would have been all right .
Speaker 2Yeah , the time I got stopped , they were wearing a dress they were yeah , well , that's another story for another day all right , I want to know if they were females . Right , obviously . Well , yeah , they weren't roosters . Oh , I don't want you to say you're like I'm female now . No , no , you're not , I've never been female .
Speaker 3Never been female , yeah if you're . If you're only five foot , five right . The only adverbs you are is I'm a little teapot , short and stout . Well , that's not an adverb . You can go on that way . I'm a little teapot is .
Speaker 2Does Lolly Lolly make that up or did you make that up ?
Speaker 3I made that up , you can tell .
Speaker 2I think that's pretty good Good job .
Speaker 3Thank you Good job .
Price Confusion With TV Commercials
Speaker 2What do you think those little dudes are up to ? I don't know , they're just a little bit pissed off , a little bit pissed off . What are they pissed off about now ?
Speaker 3One was hungry and the other one was going to get something to eat or something about coupons and the bullshit I never really paid attention .
Speaker 2You can't buy something without . Oh , I think I know where they might be going . Let's let them tell everybody about it .
Speaker 3Okay , because I'm a little confused .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm a little confused too , but I guess they do have a gripe .
Speaker 4Hey , hey there , little friend , what's up ? Oh , I'm a little pissed off . How are you ? Oh well , what are you pissed off at now , man ? Well , I'm hungry , Okay , well , have you never been hungry ? Um , I'm hungry quite a bit , okay , well , what happens when you're hungry and you decide Then go and get something to eat . Okay , where are you gonna go ? Go to McDonald , then go and get something to eat . Okay , where are you going to go Go to McDonald's , wendy's , Burger King ? Why ? Wherever ? Wherever they sell food , why , why not ?
Speaker 4Price ? Price is always the issue . You know what's good . You can save some money if you use an app . You can save some money if you don an app . You can save some money if you don't go . Oh , that's true . Why don't you just use an app ? What's app ? You know they got these apps and you order stuff and then you go and pick it up . You don't even have to tell them it's all ready when you get there .
Speaker 4Okay , right , yeah , I remember one time that happened . Get there , Okay , right , yeah , I remember one time that happened to us . Oh , what happened , you tell ? Let me explain . It was a pleasant experience , I bet . Yes , I'm going to explain my pleasantries . Oh , I'm listening .
Speaker 4Okay , well , one day we were going to all eat , we were having a family reunion and we were going to go get chicken . Oh well , we see this commercial on TV . Okay , you get so many pieces for such a little price and then that's such a little price , and then that's like a great deal . Yeah , well , I won't mention the name of the place , why ? Because Kentucky already has enough problems . Oh , okay , I hear you . Sorry , but anyway , we went to the place and we said we've seen your commercial . Wonderful , by the way , that you're going to allow us to have all this chicken For $24.99 or $19.99 . That's a great deal . It's a wonderful deal If you own a phone and have an app . Okay , no , not okay , why ? Because my grandma and my grandpa Effie and Albert Nice names , I changed them . Ah , you finally caught on To protect their innocence .
Speaker 1You're not like those other two idiots .
Speaker 4No , I protect their innocence . Ah , good on you , good on you . So , anyway , mom and Pa decided they were going to come to the house and bring chicken . I told them . Well , the commercial said stop buying it this many pieces for this much money . Commercial said stop buying , get this many pieces for this much money . Okay , twelve hours later I'm wondering where the hell is .
Speaker 4Mom , and Pop Back up Twelve hours . Yeah , what the hell did they get lost ? Where'd they come in from ? No , they got arrested . Why ? Well , turns out that the price I gave them wasn't the price on the app . So then they had to pay the regular price , which was $15 , $20 more . And everybody knows , on a fixed income , you can't just afford Big Stink Cub , you can't just afford . It's easier to raise a damn pack of chickens than to buy ten pieces of them . I'd rather have the whole chicken .
Speaker 4Why didn't they just ? No , they couldn't call you . They don't have a phone , a cell phone ? Oh , yeah , they had a phone . They could only make one phone call though . Oh , is that where they had the jitterbug or something like that ? No , it's got something to do with the Miranda rights . Oh , oh , they were only allowed one phone call . That's a different kind of phone call , tom , anyway . So that's after the fact . Well , yeah , well , that's what they said . But anyway , it just irritates me that when you tell somebody something on a commercial and you go and get something and it's not that price , maybe they should specify this on the commercial . Yeah , maybe they ought to let you know too , Maybe they did and you just didn't pay attention .
Speaker 4Well , who's going to pay attention when it's on television ? But it don't affect television , it's only if you have a phone . Oh , you know , I hear this is a problem . It all started out First off . Who's going to have a phone ? If you're watching television , maybe , maybe Listen to this . I have a phone . If you're watching television , maybe maybe Listen to this . I have a phone and I watch television , okay , but maybe , maybe . Okay , grandma , a couple maybes there . Yeah , grandma watches Wheel of Fortune , judge Wapner , yeah , and all that stuff , but don't know how to work a phone .
Speaker 2That's sad .
Speaker 4Well , it is sad but it's true , okay . Okay , so she's watching television , right ? Jack Say Jack , a will of fortune . Pat Say Jack , yeah , that guy , whichever guy , okay , his last night , I think Jack's his brother . His last night was last night . Did you know this ? I saw a thing of it . Is that sad ? 40 years as one guy , it's fucking time he retires . Get your ass out of there . Yeah , big Ben . And White thought he was an old ugly man , big Ben and White went there , she's old too .
Speaker 4Well , she's prettier than him , but anyway , oh , damn , tom , I had a thing the frog that ran over outside is prettier than him . Yeah well , grandma got ran over by a reindeer once , but anyway . Oh , it just makes me upset that my older kin people who are on a fixed income , who don't have access to internet or don't know or understand all this , they see something on television while they're watching their programs days of our lives Programs , anyway they see 16 pieces of chicken for $15 . Well , of course they're going to jump on that . They're old . Yeah well , I don't have no answers . I don't know what to tell you . So they get there and it's $25 . Then you've got to let them go out . Why don't they what to tell you ? So they get there and it's $25 . Then you gotta let . Why go out ? Why don't they ? They're old . Why don't they cook at home ? Have you bought chicken at Walmart lately ? Just have some melba toast or something like old people do . Yeah , yeah , they're gonna let you know what all that's in there . You know , grocery stores do the same shit .
Speaker 4Now what , yeah ,
Confusion Over Loyalty Card Discounts
Speaker 4you've got to have . Oh , did you download the internet coupon to your phone so you can use it ? I don't know . Oh , I told you I had to . I'm a member , yeah , but we have this other thing here , food Lion with their little kiosk . I have the Food Lion . Oh , you should have downloaded the when the kiosk ? Oh , I'll go do it now . What do they call that little card , the Food Lion thing ? Do you have your customer ? I just give them my phone number . Hold on , I have it in my wallet . What , this card ? I don't even use a card there , the Food Lion . You don't even use a card there , the food lion . You don't have a food lion card . You're full of shit . I do have one , okay , what's it called A food lion card ? No , there's a shit , it's got a little lion head on it ?
Speaker 4Yeah , but it's called something else . I still have a card , tom . I know you have a card , but I asked you what it was called . I don't really care . I don't really care . I use my phone number . Are you not listening ? No , I listen , but I have a card . I don't have a phone number . You're not playing and you're stupid .
Speaker 4I got a bill called , but back in the day , when I got the card , I didn't have the same phone number . Well , whose fault is that ? The phone company , tom . I had my phone number . They cheated me . They told me there was one price and when I got to the store , it was another one because I didn't get on the internet . Bullshit . I thought we were bitching about apps for stores and stuff . That's what I just said . The phone company did the same damn thing . Mvp , that's the thing I'm looking for . Mvp hey , whoopie dude , they're all MVP cards . Yeah , well , that's what Food Lion calls their shit . Again , you're an MVP . Oh , so I get to save 20 cents on peanuts this week ? Yay me , wow . You really took this little conversation a little further than I expected .
Speaker 4I don't understand why , Well , I have a friend who's really upset . Who's your friend ? Let's call her Wild Woman .
Speaker 4Okay your friend is Wild Woman . Yeah , she asked me to do this . Why would she ask you to do this ? Well , because she's tired of going one place for a price when they change the price when she gets there . That was a good friend that told us to us , yes , said that I'm a little tongue-tied , are you Just a little bit ? Well , don't worry about it . Then , if it was a lot , we'd worry about it . Oh yeah , that's true . I guess Just a little bit Makes sense . So what do we do about this app situation If I go to McDonald's and they say they get a Big Mac meal for $6.99 and I go there and I'm paying $10.99 .
Speaker 1That kind of sucks .
Speaker 4Well , why would you do that ? Well , why wouldn't they tell me ? Why do I have to use the app ? I'm coming to you and ordering it . Well , it's kind of like when I was in sales . Okay , when someone calls to check on a price of something , you bullshit them . Well , no , hey , that's what you're starting to tell me . No , I'm not . Oh , okay , I'm going to start to tell you . Let's see where this goes . Okay , well , when the phone rings , what do you do ? It's , do you ? Okay , let's ask this . Okay , you're my customer .
Speaker 1All right .
Speaker 4You're in the store . What kind of store ? Uh okay , A furniture store . I don't want to go to a furniture store . That bores me . You're there anyway . Your wife wants something . Oh fuck , damn it . All right , see Stuck there again . Now then that's happened lots of times . Oh , so then I feel better . Thanks , okay . So you're a customer , okay , and we're discussing something . What are we discussing ? Uh , pyramids of Egypt . You're getting a discount , I'm getting a desk Discount . Oh , you know something important ?
Speaker 2How much am I getting off ?
Speaker 4It doesn't matter . Oh yeah , something important . How much am I getting off ? It doesn't matter . Oh yeah , it matters . Well , you're getting , okay , right , you don't know , because the phone rings and the salesman the salesperson . I'm getting upset , now don't get upset . The salesperson decides that the phone is more important than you . Okay , first off , you're calling , I'm already here , exactly . So why would I excuse you and go to somebody who ain't even there ? That pisses me off . So why did you go and answer the phone then ? I didn't . You just said you did no . I said if , oh , what if ? Why would you even think like that ? So I'm saying what if you were a customer ?
Speaker 1That would be rude and I would walk out ?
Speaker 4Okay , you'd be pissed off . Okay , now you get no sale , right ? Okay ? What does this have to do with an app ? I'm telling you , why would you go to an app ? Okay , you said you went and you had to pay more . No , you didn't . I certainly did . No , you had the right to walk out . Remember , you walked out on the furniture salesman , but I'm hungry , okay , so eat a fucking sofa cushion . You walked out on him . Why ain't you gonna walk out on Mr ? Because I'm talking about a couple hundred bucks to a couple of dollars .
Speaker 1That's a big difference guys .
Speaker 4Big difference , tom ? Eh , not that big . I could have bought the sofa and wouldn't have been able to eat for months . Okay , I'm screwed . No , yeah , I'm screwed . No , yeah , I certainly am .
Speaker 4Okay , first off , why are you searching for a sofa if you can't afford to pay for the damn thing ? I didn't know if there was a layaway plan or something . Yeah , there we are layaway plans . All right . Then why are you putting on my case , layaway chicken ? You know you're not a salesman anymore , right ? You're taking this too personal . No , I don't . Yeah , a little bit . Well , my friends are hurting . Yeah , a little bit , my friends are hurting . They're old people . Oh , excuse me , they're elderly . No , no , no , that's not even better . You know this woman , she ain't gonna settle for that . Close to death they're ? No , no , no , not close to death . They're older than us . Knocking at the Grim Reaper's door ? No , no , no , no , no , they're older than us . That works All right . Okay , I still like knocking at the Grim Reaper's door . Well , just because their social security is one and two don't mean anything . Okay , they're a little old .
Speaker 1Oh , I'm sorry .
Speaker 4I said it again . See , you're going to get in trouble , not me . Who's going to get me in trouble ? They'll listen . Oh wait , no , they won't listen . Ah , that's sad they don't have a phone to find the apps to find the discounts so they get to the place and it's more money and they're pissed off . So these are the same people that call and tell you hey , we got your niece , you better pay us this much . Go get some gift cards and send me the numbers . Yeah , yeah , you idiot .
Speaker 4Or you owe us this much money , don't even know who they are . I'll pay it . Why you missed jury duty . You're going to get thrown in jail if you don't pay it . I didn't even get that letter , but you missed it . If you don't pay us $7,000 in Bitcoin , you're in trouble . Why don't I just get on the next journey ? Oh , wait a minute , sir , tell me how I get to all this Bitcoin so I can send it to you , please . Yeah right , well , first off , you don't hang up ? Oh well , of course not . I don't want to go to jail . I need you to go to the General and buy these gift cards To the Holiday Quickie Mart . But yeah , it's all sad . That is sad . I'm sad for your friend .
Speaker 1Yeah , me too .
Speaker 4But then again , why don't you eat Angus hot dogs at the house ? Oh , they're supposed to be having them this weekend . You'll get a report Monday . Yeah , I'm sure I will . She was a little pissed off . He's going to want to buy more now . They're done . Oh me , this was fun . Yeah , listen , I got to go . Yeah , let's get the hell out of here . I gotta get out of here and go to Food Lion To bitch about an MVP card situation . We'll talk to you later , wow .
Speaker 2They are a little upset Just a little bit there , Tom A little bit .
Speaker 3Don't stand in their way in a piece of chicken , nope .
Speaker 2Boo . Well , Kind of sad yeah it is kind of sad they're angry , little fellas .
Speaker 3Well , listen , I tell you what , after hearing those guys ramble on about chicken , makes you want to have a stiff drink . It certainly does .
Speaker 2You know , speaking of drinks . I wanted to bring this up . Okay , we're going to have a stiff
Unusual Drink Names Banter
Speaker 2drink . I found some awesome drink names that I think you'll appreciate . Wait a minute , just names you didn't find no drinks , I didn't bring the drinks here . No , I mean , you can mention that , what are you ?
Speaker 3doing .
Speaker 2Drink your beer .
Speaker 3Okay , boo-hoo , all right , you ready for the first one .
Speaker 2I guess the first one we have is called the Baby Mice Wine , baby Mice .
Speaker 3Wine . Yeah , wait , first off . I don't know that . I want adult mice wine , okay .
Speaker 2It's a traditional Korean and Chinese health drink . Oh well , Korean Made by drowning baby mice in rice wine what , and fermenting for a year . The bottle always contains a pile of dead mice at the bottom . Yeah , kind of like tequila with the worm Sure , but you got dead .
Speaker 3Mice Socky Sweat socky .
Speaker 2Yeah that's a little strange drink there .
Speaker 3Sweat socky .
Speaker 2We have a duck fart shot .
Speaker 3Okay , wait , wait , wait , a duck fart .
Speaker 2Shot .
Speaker 3Shot .
Speaker 2That's correct .
Speaker 3First , okay , now I don't want to fart from a duck , are you sure ?
Speaker 2I'm positive that doesn't sound too bad , actually . Okay , sounds better than a dead mice ?
Speaker 3Yeah , well , definitely sounds better than a dead mice . Would well , definitely sounds better than a dead mice .
Speaker 2Would you like to hear what is in it ?
Speaker 3Let's hear it .
Speaker 2Alright , it's an Alaskan drink invented in 1987 . It's a mixture of coffee liqueur , Irish cream liqueur and Canadian whiskey . Doesn't sound that bad at all .
Speaker 3Canadian mist and a bunch of bullshit .
Speaker 2Yeah , kind of of bullshit , yeah , kind of Pretty much , yeah , pretty much yeah .
Speaker 3No .
Speaker 2This is my favorite .
Speaker 3Okay , I'd rather get mauled by a Kodiak bear .
Speaker 2Ass juice .
Speaker 3Ass juice . I have some of that . Hold on just a second . Okay , picture this . Okay , I'm Okay , picture this .
Speaker 2Okay , I'm trying not to picture this .
Speaker 3Okay , dude meets his date for the first time at a dance bar . Okay , hey honey , I'm going to go get us a drink . What would you like ? I would like an ass juice . Okay , are you not going to be confused ? I would like an ass juice , okay .
Speaker 2Wait , you're not going to be confused , are you how ?
Speaker 3do you get confused With ass juice ? There's no confusion , it's ass juice . It's a strange dream Wait , wait , wait I'm confused .
Speaker 2Would you like to hear how it's made ? I know you have an idea Taco Bell and you're close . Whatever you think it is close , taco Bell , it's a dive bar shot that was served in a miniature toilet at the Double Down Saloon in Las Vegas in the 90s . Oh , vegas . It's also available at the Double Down Saloon New York City location in the East Village . That says it all , right there .
Speaker 3Yeah , what stays in East Village stays in East Village Should it . It ought to .
Speaker 2But I don't think it's going to .
Speaker 3Well , no , it didn't , because we found out about Askeews .
Speaker 2How about a loaded bag of monkey spunk ?
Speaker 3What the hell are you talking about ? Okay , first off , I have to ask myself what the hell is monkey spunk ? I want to know .
Speaker 2Use your imagination .
Speaker 3Tom All you monkey owners out there , can you please fill me in on what their spunk is ?
Speaker 2Okay , golden rum , peach snaps . Orange Caraco pineapple juice , orange juice .
Speaker 3Yeah , there's that fucking pineapple again , always ruining shit . If you've listened to our podcast before , you know that pineapple don't just go with any fucking thing , so why ?
Speaker 2No , no , no , no , no , no . It's good with drinks . Maybe , not on your ham .
Speaker 3All right . How about an old fashioned .
Speaker 2An old-fashioned yeah .
Speaker 3Ain't that a pineapple fruity drink ? That's not a funny drink . No , that's a fruity drink , pineapple and shit .
Speaker 2How about a penis extension ?
Speaker 3Oh , I would like one .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3How much does that cost ?
Speaker 2It does not have prices on here . Tom , we'll see if it's too expensive you know what , though , tom , if you go into a bar next time , I'll give you $50 to ask for a penis extension that wouldn't even bother anybody .
Speaker 3They would assume that something's wrong with you , that I need one . That wouldn't even think it was a drink . Sorry , sir , this one's a mouthful .
Speaker 2Can I get ?
Speaker 3you a Coors , this one's a mouthful . Oh , what penis extension .
Speaker 2No , not the penis extension . The next one on the list . Oh , we have a slow , comfortable screw against the wall on a dark side of Mexico .
Speaker 3See , I've been to Mexico .
Speaker 2Right , have you been screwed on the dark side of a wall ? I don't know , or you don't remember .
Speaker 3Well , the thing about the wall was Right , there was kind of a dim light , but it wasn't real light . Okay , but it wasn't dark oh all right , it was like a bathroom maybe well , well , there might have been some dust because the floors were dirt . No dust dusk oh oh , like at night , yeah , yeah , I'm not too sure about all this . Let's go on to the next one .
Speaker 2All right . Alien secretion .
Speaker 3Me and you just talked about this .
Speaker 2That's as bad as .
Speaker 3Not alien secretion . We didn't Listen . We don't want anything to do with secretion . Secretion is as bad as moist . It's green and sticky .
Speaker 2Of course it is you get the picture Secretion . It uses a melon , liqueur , rum and pineapple juice . Pineapple juice again .
Speaker 3Frickin' . What is it with these idiots that want pineapple with their drinks and food ? You're idiots . Oh my goodness , I see this . Uh , not another one . No , go ahead this one . I've actually heard one no , go ahead .
Speaker 2This one . I've actually heard of the Irish car bomb .
Speaker 3Or the .
Speaker 2Belfast car bomb .
Speaker 3Okay . Why are you going to single out Irishmen to do a car bomb ? Why ain't it like Indians and other people with turbans on their head , Like they're trying to tell us they're supposed to be ?
Speaker 2You like beer ? Of course I like beer , All right well , it's an Irish car bomb . It's an American beer cocktail that is drunk as a bomb shot Simulate to a boilermaker . Drop the old whiskey I mean the shot glass in there . Wait a minute .
Speaker 3Can't order that at an airport ? Why not , can't say bomb ?
Speaker 2Oh , you do have a point there , tomas .
Speaker 3Of course I do . Why are you going to call me a dumbass ? I just spit .
Speaker 2Well , whatever , how about I'm on the deal ? I'm sorry for you .
Speaker 3You can come inside . No , I will not come over there and help you with your deal inside of you . Not at all . There is a deal inside you . You deal with it . Yeah , I don't care about the little captions . We can see the funny side of this . There's nothing funny about that . There's nothing funny about a deal inside of you .
Speaker 2Oh , how about a sad whore master ? I met a sad whore .
Speaker 3master met a sad whore , have you ? Yes , I mastered her two tugs on a mug hey , well , we , it was more than two tugs , but it kind of was three or four tugs . But if you want to count them , I don't know who's counting right . Yeah , exactly , it was by the hour , I remember , I think .
Speaker 2You have the barman's boby . That's a Scottish word for penis .
Speaker 3What .
Speaker 2Boby .
Speaker 3Boby .
Speaker 2Yeah , boby , I'd like the barman's boby , please , no , no , no , those guys lied to me .
Speaker 3Hey , that's sad . You have a shrimp for a boby . You're going to have a shrimp on the boby .
Speaker 2Poor little feller . How about the Mexican hooker ?
Speaker 3Listen , that was all just no , no , no . They made that up up . I don't understand anything about all that and no , you can't prove any of that oh , wait a minute wait a minute .
Speaker 2The description of the Mexican hooker with a run off from a tin of tuna well , of course it's a Mexican hooker .
Speaker 3I mean nothing funny about that . It smells like tuna . Of course it does . All right , how about the curse ?
Speaker 2Well , there you do , that You're going to be cursed . Red drink with a tampon dunked into it .
Speaker 3Wait a minute . That reminds me of this guy , he was a vampire .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3Yes , he walks in the bar . The bartender said what can I get for you ? He said I would like a glass of blood . The bartender says no , we don't serve vampires in here . The vampire said okay , give me a glass of warm water . The bartender said okay , why he's like just bring me a glass of warm water . So the bartender brings him a glass of warm water , he said . There , the vampire reaches into his coat , pulls out a used tampon and said it's tea time . So there you go , there's your vampire .
Speaker 2Very interesting story . Let me read you these last two , please . Dirty bong water .
Speaker 3I have that .
Speaker 2Or shit on the grass , shit on the grass . I've done both of those . I've done both of those and that's it for that .
Speaker 3I've done both of those .
Speaker 2All water and shit on the grass At the same time .
Speaker 3Well , not necessarily Minutes apart maybe , but not Minutes apart . Who's counting seconds ? Were you there ? Not really , okay . Well then , don't make me tell the truth , okay ?
Speaker 2I apologize .
Speaker 3Okay , thank you . Well , this was kind of fun . Shit and bong water , that's a nice way to end a Saturday .
Speaker 2It is a nice way to end a Saturday it makes me feel all fuzzy inside . Why would you feel fuzzy inside ? Wait a minute , I think that's the beer . That might be the beer , yeah .
Speaker 3I think we did quite well today with our alcoholic . Yes , we did .
Speaker 2I'm on my second one , I'm on my first , but I did have some vodka earlier .
Speaker 3Oh , you did . I just opened my third , that's alright . Usually I drink four when I'm over here , not today .
Speaker 2Why would you call me a whore ?
Speaker 3Because you are . That's not very nice .
Speaker 2Well , no , it's not very nice , not today , why would you ?
Speaker 3call me a whore , because you are . That's not very nice . Well , no , it's not very nice , but look what you're wearing . What am I wearing ? Sleeveless Shorts . It's warm out .
Speaker 2It's summer . You're wearing the same thing . Okay , you have sleeves , you got shorts .
Speaker 3Yeah , but that's a fashion statement . Yours is trying to get me off guard is it ?
Speaker 2is it working , see ? Oh , I mean , I just figured , I'd ask yeah , well , I think this has gone far enough I think this is getting a little out of hand , though , yeah , I think it's time to end it all right . I'd just like to add in a little bit of information I messed up on earlier on a name . I mentioned Monica Lewinsky , when Tom and I were talking about Bill Clinton . I should have said Paula Jones . Just wanted to throw that correction out there . Anyways , tom , it's been great .
Speaker 3It has been .
Speaker 2Another good one .
Speaker 3Yep and you know for the future . Everybody don't forget our Facebook page Facebook group page Right and please , if you're really listening to us , if you hear these points , put some kind of message out there .
Speaker 2Let us know what we should be talking about what you would like to hear from us .
Speaker 3If you don't like this , tell us why .
Speaker 2It's hard to hurt our feelings People listening and it's been good . It's been a good run . Like I said , we're doing this for fun anyway .
Speaker 3It's for fun , you know we'd like some input . But we want to understand . Other people are having fun too , and even though we get serious in some points and we may touch on things that everybody don't like , it's still fun . It's still all about fun .
Speaker 2I mean , we'd be doing this anyway , sitting on the porch , exactly , and it's all about fun .
Speaker 3We're not hurting anybody's feelings , we're not trying to .
Speaker 2Well , we're not trying , I'm sure we're hurting people .
Speaker 3I'm sure we are , but I mean , it's not that we have anything against you , because you know what's really sad .
Speaker 2No , here's what's sad is that's what's missing from the world today . Yes , just let people say what you want . Let it just roll off you . That's why good comedians are hard to find now they really are , because people get offended . People used to make fun of everybody and everything .
Speaker 3Yeah , you can't do it anymore , but anyway , let's not go off on this right now . Nope , that's another podcast . Yep , another day .
Speaker 2And again Facebook group page MT Alternative Podcast . You can find us on Buzzsprout site . You can find us on iHeart . Amazon .
Speaker 3Pretty much anything you want .
Speaker 2Deezer .
Speaker 3Yep .
Speaker 2Run a bunch of them Yep . So everyone have a great week .
Speaker 3Yep and until next time .
Speaker 2See you Peace Later . So everyone have a great week and until next time .
Speaker 1See you later . We hope you enjoyed this episode of the MT alternative podcast . Join Mike and Tom next week for more stories and antics and honestly , I have no idea myself what to expect . Thank you all . Goodbye .
