The MT Alternative Podcast Holiday special #2
00:11 - Holiday Podcast Chaos and Money Debates
07:21 - Confusion Over Fast Food Prices
14:08 - Concerns Over App Pricing and Discounts
25:12 - Christmas Traditions and Beer Surprises
35:32 - Christmas Party Planning and Revelations
48:20 - Unusual Christmas Traditions Worldwide
01:00:34 - Festive Farewell and New Year's Teaser
Holiday Podcast Chaos and Money Debates
Speaker 2Welcome everyone to the MT Alternative podcast , holiday special number two , the only podcast where we turn holiday cheer into awkward debates and questionable life advice . I'm your host , daniel , here to ensure we stay on just the right side of chaos and as a special treat for you all , we've got our dynamic duo , mike and Tom , fresh off their latest misadventures and ready to tackle the festive season in their unique style . But wait , there's more . Back by popular , or at least persistent , demand , we've got Pip and Squeak joining the madness once again . So grab your eggnog , spike it liberally and settle in for a holiday special you'll never forget and probably won't want to explain to your family .
Speaker 3Welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast with another holiday special Tom . What's going on ?
Speaker 4Not a whole lot , mike , how are you ?
Speaker 3I'm just waiting for this new interview with Tip and Squeak .
Speaker 4Yeah , can't wait .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , I can kind of wait , but you know , we'll see what happens , I guess .
Speaker 4Yeah , why would you prolong the ?
Speaker 3problem . Have you protected your snacks , knowing they were going to be here ?
Speaker 4Yeah , I've already ate them .
Speaker 3Can you not ?
Speaker 4hear me chomping .
Speaker 3I do , and there seems to be a lot of Snickers wrappers .
Speaker 4Well , I'm trying to get them gone before he gets here .
Speaker 3It looks like you took care of that problem already . Anyways , I don't think there is anything left .
Speaker 4Okay .
Speaker 3What happened ?
Speaker 4I don't know . There's nothing left .
Speaker 3There is nothing left . No , you do know , I have stash . Yeah , fun size I have to . You seem to be enjoying them Not anymore , they're gone , they're in your tummy . You're enjoying something , oh , something that was awesome so , uh , we have pip and squeak back in the studio tom wonderful .
Speaker 4Yeah , it is wonderful yeah the two little guys that we just love to be around right right such a positive little , so I think I would uh little .
Speaker 3I think I would want to welcome back Pip and Squeak to the show . They've particularly been fired up lately . Let's ask them , Pip Squeak , what's plucking your parrot lately ?
Speaker 1Well , I'm going to tell you a little bit about my parrot being plucked . Yeah , go on . Well , here at Christmas time , jingle bells , jingle bells , whatever rock . Okay , you go into stores , oh , this is such a great deal , this and this for this price . Oh , but wait a minute . You gotta spend $180 to get that deal . What the hell is a deal ? Where is the deal ? Squeak Coupons and bullshit like that . I'm glad we're bringing this up again here at Christmas time . Yeah , well , it makes me sad . And it should Squeak , it should . I'm very sad .
Speaker 4So , squeak , you're really sad about all this stuff going on . Let me just ask you one more question what happens when the deals go right ? Right , what the hell are deals go right ?
Speaker 1Right , what the hell are you talking about ? Are you an idiot ? Now , now Squeak , don't be rude , Wait . Wait a minute . That's a real question . Wait a minute . Nobody told me I was doing an interview with an idiot that had been vaccinated . I don't think this guy's vaccinated . Well , he's talking like he has been . What an idiot . Let me ask you this , Skip what the hell is he talking about ? I apologize for speaking to you . Okay , next question that pissed me off .
Speaker 3Wow , so alright . Okay , next question that pissed me off . Oh , wow , so all right . So I guess apps are enemy number one , and I heard you talk about online coupons . I guess they're not any better Pip .
Speaker 1Better . Oh , please , squeak . You're right , these guys are idiots . I told you , if you ever have to go to the store , you're a member . Oh , it's on sale . I'll take this . Oh , you need the online coupon , but I'm a member . Yeah , but you go to the kiosk and you get . This is bullshit . You know what ? Squeak . You're absolutely right . Yeah , first off , what the hell is a chaotic and what are all people supposed to do ? Yeah , we get into this . This'll be in our little episode . Yeah , effie and Albert are confused A little confused , but you know what ? These guys are starting to irritate me too . Maybe we should just go into this episode , yeah , yeah , holy , crapate me too . Maybe we should just go into this episode .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , holy crap . Oh boy , oh boy . I didn't think Pip would get that angry .
Speaker 4I warned you , I thought he was the calm one too .
Speaker 3Both of them are really you guys . Chill out , Chill out .
Speaker 4Don't worry , it's the holidays .
Speaker 3Yeah , All right guys .
Speaker 2Settle down , all right , lead us in , daniel . All right , folks , it's time to talk about the real horror show of modern life . No , not climate change . No , not AI taking your job and your lunch money . I'm talking about something far worse apps and digital coupons , because apparently , saving 50 cents on a pack of gum now requires three different passwords , facial recognition , a thumbprint and a complete psychological breakdown . And let's not forget restaurant deals . You know those magical discounts that only exist if you order online . So you're standing in the restaurant , phone in hand and the cashiers looking at you like you're the problem , while you're debating whether to pay full price or order online from inside the building , like a deranged time traveler . To guide us through this dystopian disaster , we have Squeak , who just spent 45 minutes trying to save a dollar on shampoo and somehow ended up subscribed to a fitness newsletter , a dating app and , for reasons no one understands , the Jelly of the Month Club . Squeak , please take us to Coupon Hill .
Speaker 1Hey , hey there , little friend , what's up ? Oh , I'm a little pissed off . How are you ? Oh well , what are you pissed off at now , man ? Well , I'm hungry . Okay Well , have you never been hungry ? Um , I'm hungry quite a bit .
Confusion Over Fast Food Prices
Speaker 1Okay , well , what happens when you're hungry and you decide and go and get something to eat ? Okay , where are you gonna go ? Go to McDonald's , wendy's , burger King ? Why , wherever , wherever they sell food . Why , why not ?
Speaker 1Price ? Price is always the issue . You know what's good . You can save some money if you use an app . You can save some money if you use an app . You can save some money if you don't go . Oh , that's true . Why don't you just use an app ? What's app ? You know they got these apps and you order stuff and then you go and pick it up . You don't even have to tell them . It's all ready when you get there .
Speaker 1Okay , right , I remember one time that happened to us . Oh , what happened ? Let me explain . It was a pleasant experience , I bet . Yes , I'm gonna explain my pleasantries . Oh , I'm listening . Okay , well , one day we were going to all eat , we were having a family reunion and we were going to go get chicken . Oh well , we see this commercial on TV . Okay , you get so many pieces for such a little price and then that's like a great deal . Yeah well , I won't mention the name of the place . Why ? Because Kentucky already has enough problems . Oh , okay , I hear you . Sorry , but anyway , we went to the place and we said we've seen your commercial . Wonderful , by the way , that you're going to allow us to have all this chicken For $24.99 or $19.99 .
Speaker 2That's a great deal .
Speaker 1Sure , it's a wonderful deal If you own a phone and have an app . Okay , no , not okay . Why ? Because my grandma and my grandpa , effie and Albert Nice names , I changed them . Ah , you finally caught on To protect their innocence , you're not like those other two idiots .
Speaker 1No , I protect their innocence . Ah , Good on you , Good on you . So , anyway , Mom and Pa decided they were going to come to the house and bring chicken . I told them . Well , the commercial said stop buying . Get this many pieces for this much money , Okay . Twelve hours later I'm wondering where the hell is Mom and Pop Back up Twelve hours .
Speaker 1Yeah , what the hell did they get lost ? Where'd they come in from ? No , they got arrested . Why ? Well , turns out that the price I gave them wasn't the price on the app , so then they had to pay the regular price , which was $15 , $20 more , right , and everybody knows , on a fixed cub , you can't just afford . It's easier to raise a damn pack of chickens than to buy ten pieces of them . I'd rather have the whole chicken . Why didn't they just no , they couldn't call you . They don't have a phone , A cell phone . Oh , yeah , they had a phone . They could only make one phone call , though . Oh , is that where they had the jitterbug or something like that ? No , it's got something to do with the Miranda rights . Oh , oh , they were only allowed one phone call . That's a different kind of phone call Tom .
Speaker 1Anyway , that's after the fact . Well , yeah , well , that's what they said . But anyway , it just irritates me that when you tell somebody something on a commercial and you go and get something and it's not that price , maybe they should specify this on the commercial . Yeah , maybe they ought to let you know too , Maybe they did and you just didn't pay attention .
Speaker 1Well , who's going to pay attention when it's on television ? But it don't affect television , it's only if you have a phone . Uh , you know , I hear this is a problem . It all started out First off . Who's going to have a phone if you're watching television ? Maybe , maybe , listen to this . I have a phone and I watch television , okay , but maybe , maybe . Okay , grandma Couple maybes there . Yeah , grandma watches Wheel of Fortune or Judge Wapner , yeah , and all that stuff , but don't know how to work a phone . That's sad . Well , it is sad , but it's true , okay , okay , so she's watching television , right ? Jack Say Jack , a will of fortune . Pat Say Jack , yeah , that guy , whichever guy , okay , his last night . That guy , whichever guy , okay , I think Jack's his brother . His last night was last night . Did you know this ? I saw a thing of it . Is that sad ? 40 years as one guy . It's fucking time he retires . Get your ass out of there . Yeah , Big Ben and White thought he was an old ugly man , big Ben and White with you .
Speaker 1She's old too . Well , she's prettier than him , but anyway , I had a . The frog that ran over outside is prettier than him . Yeah well , grandma got ran over by a reindeer once , but anyway .
Speaker 1Oh , it just makes me upset that my older kin people who are on a fixed income , who don't have access to internet or don't know or understand all this , they see something on television while they're watching their programs Days of our lives Programs , anyway they see 16 pieces of chicken for $15 . Well , of course they're going to jump on that . They're old . Yeah well , I don't have no answers . I don't know what to tell you . So they get there and it's $25 . Then you gotta let .
Concerns Over App Pricing and Discounts
Speaker 1Why go out ? Why don't they ? They're old . Why don't they cook at home ? Have you bought chicken at Walmart lately ? Just have some melba toast or something like old people do . Yeah , yeah , they're gonna let you know what all that's in there . You know grocery stores do the same shit .
Speaker 1Now what , yeah , you've got to have ? Oh , did you download the internet coupon to your phone so you can use it ? Oh , I told you I had to . I'm a member , yeah , but we have this other thing here Food Lion with their little kiosk . I have the Food Lion ? Oh , you should have downloaded the when the kiosk ? Oh , I'll do it .
Speaker 1Now , what do they call that little card ? The Food Lion thing , the ? Do you have your customer ? I just give them my phone number . Hold on , I have it in my wallet . What , this card ? I don't even use a card there , the Food Lion . I don't even use a card there , the food lion . You don't have a food lion card , you're full of shit . I do have one , okay , what's it called ? A food lion card ? No , there's a shit . It's got a little lion head on it , yeah , but it's called something else . I still have a card . I know you have a card , but I asked you what it was called . I , I know you have a card , but I asked you what it was called . I don't really care . I use my phone number . Are you not listening ? No , I listen , but I have a card . I don't have a phone number . You're not playing and you're stupid . I got a bill called , but back in the day when I got the card , I didn't have the same phone number . Well , whose fault is that ? The phone company , tom I .
Speaker 3Found my phone number .
Speaker 1They cheated me . They told me there was one price and when I got to the store it was another one because I didn't get on the internet . I thought we were bitching Bullshit . I thought we were bitching about apps for stores and stuff . That's what I just said . The phone company did the same damn thing . Mvp that's the thing I'm looking for . Mvp hey , whoopie dude , they're all MVP cards . Yeah well , that's what Food Lion calls their shit . Again , you're an MVP . Oh , so I get to save 20 cents on peanuts this week ? Yay me . Wow , you really took this little conversation a little further than I expected .
Speaker 1I don't understand why , Well , I have a friend who's really upset . Who's your friend ? Let's call her Wild Woman . Okay , your friend is Wild Woman . Yeah , she asked me to do this . Why would she ask you to do this ? Well , because she's tired of going one place for a price when they change the price when she gets there .
Speaker 1That was a good friend that told us . To us , yes , said that I'm a little tongue-tied , are you Just a little bit ? Well , don't worry about that . If it was a lot , we'd worry about it . I'm a little tongue-tied , are you Just a little bit ? Well , don't worry about that . If it was a lot , we'd worry about it . Oh , yeah , that's true . I guess Just a little bit Makes sense . So what do we do about this app situation ? If I go to McDonald's and they say they get a Big Mac meal for $6.99 and I go there and I'm paying $10.99 that kind of sucks why would you do that ? Why wouldn't they tell me ? Why do I have to use the app ? I'm coming to you and ordering it ? Well , it's kind of like when I was in sales . Okay , when someone calls to check on a price of something .
Speaker 1You bullshit them . Well , no , hey , that's what you're starting to tell me . No , I'm not . Oh , okay , I'm going to start to tell you . Let's see where this goes . Okay , well , when the phone rings , what do you do ? It's , do you ? Okay , let's ask this . Okay , you're my customer .
Speaker 2All right .
Speaker 1You're in the store .
Speaker 4What kind of ?
Speaker 1store , okay , a furniture store . I don't want to go to a furniture store . That bores me . You're there anyway . Your wife wants something . Oh fuck , damn it . All right , see Stuck there again . Now then , that's happened lots of times , oh . So , then , then that's happened lots of times . Oh , I feel better . Thanks . So you're a customer , okay , and we're discussing something . What are we discussing ? Pyramids of Egypt . You're getting a discount , I'm getting a desk discount . Oh , you know something important .
Speaker 4How much am I getting ?
Speaker 1off , it doesn't matter . Oh yeah , it matters . Well , you're getting , okay , but you don't know , because the phone rings and the salesman the salesperson , I'm getting upset , now don't get upset the salesperson decides that the phone is more important than you . Okay , first off , you're calling . I'm already here , Exactly . So why would I excuse you and go to somebody who ain't even there ? That pisses me off . So why did you go and answer the phone ? Then I didn't . You said you did no . I said if , oh , what if ? Why would you even think like that ? So I'm saying what if you were a customer ?
Speaker 2That would be rude and I would walk out .
Speaker 1Okay , you'd be pissed off . Okay , now you get no sale , right ? Okay , what does this have to do with an app ? I'm telling you , okay .
Speaker 2What does this have to do with an app ?
Speaker 1I'm telling you why would you go to an app ? Okay , you said you went and you had to pay more , right ? No , you didn't . I certainly did . No , you had the right to walk out . Remember , you walked out on the furniture salesman , but I'm hungry , okay , so eat a fucking sofa cushion and walk out on him .
Speaker 1Why ain't you gonna walk out on Mr ? Because I'm talking about a couple hundred bucks to a couple of dollars . That's a big difference . Big difference , eh , not that big . I could have bought the sofa and wouldn't have been able to eat for months Okay , I'm screwed . No sofa and wouldn't have been able to eat for months Okay , I'm screwed . No , yeah , I certainly am Okay .
Speaker 1First off , why are you searching for a sofa if you can't afford to pay for the damn thing ? I didn't know if there was a layaway plan or something . Yeah , there , we are . Layaway plan . All right . Then why are you putting on my case ? Layaway chicken ? You know you're not a salesman anymore , right , you're taking this too personal . No , I don't . Yeah , a little bit . Well , my friends are hurting . Yeah , a little bit , my friends are hurting . They're old people . Oh , excuse me , they're elderly . No , no , no , that's not even better . You know this woman , she ain't going to settle for that Close to death . They're no , no , no , that's pretty good . They're older than us . Knock it at the Grim Reaper's door no no , no , no , no , they're older than us .
Speaker 1That works All right . Okay , I still like knocking at the Grim Reaper's door . Well , well , just because their social security is one and two don't mean anything . Okay , they're a little old .
Speaker 2Oh , I'm sorry , I said it again .
Speaker 1See , you're going to get in trouble , not me . Who's going to get me in trouble ? They'll listen . Oh wait , no , they won't listen . Ah , that's sad . They'll listen . Oh wait , no , they won't listen . Ah , Because , remember , they don't have a phone to find the apps , to find the discounts . So they get to the place and it's more money and they're pissed off . These are the same people that call and tell you hey , we got your niece , you better pay us this much . Go get some gift cards and send me the numbers .
Speaker 4Yeah you idiot .
Speaker 1Boy , you owe us this much money . Don't even know who they are . I'll pay it why you missed jury duty . You're going to get thrown in jail if you don't pay us . I didn't even get the letter , but you missed it .
Speaker 1If you don't pay us $7,000 in Bitcoin , you're in trouble . Why don't I just get on the next journey ? Oh , wait a minute , sir , tell me how I get to all this Bitcoin so I can send it to you , please , is that right ? Well , first off , you don't hang up . Oh well , of course not . I don't want to go to jail . I need you to go to the General and buy these gift cards .
Speaker 1And to the Holiday Quickie Mart . Oh me , this was fun . Yeah , listen , I gotta go . Yeah , let's get the hell out of here . Yeah , I gotta get out of here and go to Food Lion . Oh , okay , mr MVP , to bitch about an MVP card situation , we'll talk to you later . Take care Later , wasn't that great ? Wow , oh , my goodness , that was pretty damn good . Well , let me tell you how are we not the stars of this operation ?
Speaker 1Well , I am the star of this operation , but but I'm Pip , remember , I'm here too . I hear you . Oh well , you said I meaning you . Well , you just said what ? What did I say ? I said we . Oh well , we are . Yeah , yeah , we are , we are . Let's let these guys pretend to try to interview us . Oh , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 3Well , guys , what a great episode .
Speaker 4Yeah , this was very , very interesting .
Speaker 3I guess little things bother the little dudes . What do you ?
Speaker 1mean little dudes .
Speaker 4I don't know , I'm speechless .
Speaker 3I'm speechless too , for different reasons , I guess .
Speaker 4These guys are wide-ass Opie .
Speaker 3Anyways , I'd like to ask them do you guys have any plans for Christmas ?
Speaker 1Christmas ? Yes , that's a good question . Christmas . Um well , I thought that I would go sleigh riding with some hot chocolate and some friends . Some hot chocolate and some friends , bullshit , christmas , bah , humbug , fuck that . What are we doing here ? Are we talking about Christmas or are we talking about , hey , all kinds of candy . Okay , birds , you love birds . Squeak . Have you heard of Halloween ? We'll have plenty of eggnog , eggnog and and Squeak .
Christmas Traditions and Beer Surprises
Speaker 1I didn't want to tell you Squeak . I didn't want to tell you this before , but I got you your own personal keg of beer . Oh well , wait , wait , wait . It was supposed to be a surprise . Well , don't let it be a surprise . Tell me what kind it is your favorite . Ah , see , yeah , pabst Blue Ribbon . Oh , okay , yeah , what ? Yeah , okay , yeah , pabst Blue Ribbon . Wait , wait , yeah , what ? Okay , yeah , wait , wait , wait . What kind is it ? That's what we got you . No , no , no , no , I can see in your eyes . I got you . You lied to me . What is it ? I bet it's some kind of South Carolina skeeter pee .
Speaker 1I thought you liked something different . What do you think I like ? It's not bad . What is it ? Don't you say Bud Light , or I'll kick you in the balls and we'll have a festive . Okay , it's Miller Miller , yeah , miller , what Champagne and beers . Miller , high Life . Yeah , I can deal with that . Okay , that's what it is . Oh , okay , well , we'll be all right . Yeah , whoo . Yeah , you better be glad . I was a little worried . Well , perhaps I'm not a really good light , what Nothing . So , guys , do you have any more questions for us before ?
Speaker 2we leave for the holidays .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm going to give you a . Yeah , I got one question . What the hell ? You mean Bud Light ? That queer better not be on any . Can I open ? No , no , no , no , there's no name on the keg at all Wait a minute .
Speaker 1Wait a minute , wait a minute . We need to start this over . Oh sure , I can't say queer , why not ? Yeah , I probably should Squeak , it's you . You say what the hell you want . Yeah , you're damn queer . Get off my can . Yeah , there's no queer on there . There's nothing on there . You don't even know what . You'll drink it and you'll like it , I promise . Anyways , guys , again , any questions for us before we leave for the holidays .
Speaker 3Oh , anyways , guys , again , any questions for us before we leave for the holidays ? Oh hey , the truth Pip and Squeak . I have many questions , but I'm going to let Tom ask one here .
Speaker 4Well , I'm not 100% sure where I need to go with this one Good luck . Okay , well , what do you two think about Christmas ?
Speaker 3That is a good question . I don't know if I really want to hear the answer , but go ahead , guys .
Speaker 1I love Christmas . It's great , yeah , well , especially when you get whatever you want Squeak . Don't ruin it , oh , ruin it . I didn't ruin it , santa Claus did . Santa Claus has always been good to us . Squeak Always . Oh , excuse me , I got a pony when I was eight , yay , pip .
Speaker 2You know what I got when I was eight .
Speaker 1What'd you get ? A dance squirrel in a fucking box . Did you get a stick too ? You bastards , you're the one that sent me that . Hey , I was a gift from me . Yeah , I felt bad that I had the pony . So I figured what's he going to do with a squirrel in a box ? Let me give him a stick to poke it . Huh well , and I was thinking maybe you get hungry , you make yourself a little kebab on the block . Let me give him a stick to poke it . Huh well , and I was thinking maybe you get hungry and make yourself a little kebab A kebab , see . Always thinking of you , sweet .
Speaker 2Always thinking of you . Oh , you're always thinking .
Speaker 1Alright , well , let me tell you what I'm always thinking . What are you thinking ? I'm always thinking how you're just trying to piss me off in some way . It don't matter if it's Christmas , halloween , my birthday , sorry . Well , that's okay , we all understand You're tipping the sauce . It's still that way . This is the season Shut the hell up To be jolly . La , la , la , la , la la la . Well , well , a little nectar of the gods . Huh , I haven't seen the sun drop in here all day , you haven't ? Nope , there is no sun . Well , anyway , let's answer that question , will ya ? I love Christmas . I think it's festive , okay , okay , I love saying Merry Christmas to people . I like the thought . I like the thought . I love giving gifts to people . Sure , sure , I like the thought , okay , and joy and jubilee , and candy canes and all kinds of spices and nectars .
Speaker 2Well , there you go .
Speaker 1You don't need to say any more , because you're going to ruin it . Look , I'm not going to ruin it , you're going to ruin it . Go ahead then Squeak , okay , but let me tell you , here we go . I wouldn't do that right now if I were you , because what I say is going to make you spit that shit all the way over there . I don't want that happening , okay . Well , let me just tell you about Christmas . Okay , it's a lovely time of year . It is . Thank you , it really really is Thank you for acknowledging that Six-pound , eight-ounce baby Jesus born in a manger . Lovely , let's run out and buy Aunt Ethel the pillow that makes her not snore . Well , guess what , aunt Ethel ? If you didn't eat a whole fucking turkey at Thanksgiving , you probably wouldn't snore anyway , you big old hunk . Wow , and wait a minute , I'm just getting started here with Uncle Earl , uncle .
Speaker 1Earl who's in Micah , looking at us like this . Well , uncle Earl , let me just tell you what should we get ? Uncle Earl , he's got everything . No , no , he don't , he's got lung cancer . Let's get him a box of tobacco cigars and see if we can't hurry things along . Well , okay , what about Cindy ? Cindy always brings that dish in here and it's got them little crunchy things . Little crunchy things . Them fucking things is cockroaches . She's nasty as hell . This is why we don't go to family reunion . Okay , time out . I'm out . Squeak , okay , squeak . You need to take a breath for a minute . I am getting ready to tell everybody .
Speaker 1I know you're getting started , but I believe Mike has something to ask you . I would like to say , first of all , merry Christmas to everybody . Okay , before I lose to everybody . Okay , there you go , before I lose it again . Okay , I really mean it , I truly do , that doesn't hurt . Happy Christmas there you go . And I hope the angel of the Lord descends on you and comes down and Okay , I think we all get it . Buddy , your turn .
Speaker 2Thank you so much for mellowing out .
Speaker 1What do you think Christmas is all about ? Go ahead , I think Christmas is about giving compassion , lots of good things . That's two things . And I know , I know , I know this , I know little baby Jesus wasn't born exactly on that day , right , but I still like to celebrate him . Sure , okay , kind of like Sunday , ain't the Sabbath but ? But ? But I do like to receive gifts too . Yeah well , let me just tell you , receiving gifts is a whole lot different in prison than it is outside . Yeah well , only you would know that's Greek and that's your own fault . So anyway , mike , what's your question ?
Speaker 3Question Wow , I have so many right now . Anyway , Mike , what's your question ? My question ? Wow I have so many right now I don't even know where to start on that little tangent there . But squeak , he is one angry little dude . Where did we find him ? I have no idea . I guess my question would be I'm afraid to even ask right now , tom . My question would be I'm afraid to even ask right now , tom , but what traditions they have , which would lead us into our next segment .
Speaker 1But I'm afraid to ask Squeak , what is your tradition for Christmas , if you even have any ? Or do I dare ask ? Yes , we do have a tradition at my house . Thank you for asking . Oh boy , yeah , no , no , no , it's very , very nice . Well , we all sit around in a big circle Right with you . What ? I'm sorry , Sweet , Go ahead , Go ahead . It's a very touching story . Well , you want to know . This is what we do . We all sit around in a great big circle . You want ?
Speaker 1to know , this is what we do . We all sit around in a great big circle I've been there and we tell each other what we appreciate about everybody , and then we light a candle in each window to draw back all the lost souls of the year that we lost that year . Oh yeah , tell them the rest . Well , let me just tell you that's all bullshit , because , let me just say , christmas is a stupid year . Oh , I got a super present . Well , what kind of present ?
Speaker 2Okay , we've already been down here .
Speaker 1Well , okay , I just want to say one thing , one more thing , one more thing , one more .
Christmas Party Planning and Revelations
Speaker 1When I asked for something specific and you said , oh , write a letter to Santa Claus , he'll get it . Oh , yes , he will . Blah , blah , blah . Well , why did I hear that letter read on the Joey Povich show one day ? That thing went somewhere , but it didn't go to damn Santa Claus . I accidentally I thought , well , I know , I told you something different , but it was me , it was an accident . I thought it would be funny . It seemed like a funny thing at the time . Is it funny to blow ? Is it funny to blow my mind about Santa Claus ? I actually believed In him Until , until all this . Look at the people who got a laugh out of that . Look at the people you cheered up with that letter All 18 of them , woo-hoo . Well , there you go . I feel so much better .
Speaker 1Anyways my traditions Well , I love to be with friends and family . My new tradition is set the tree on fire . Okay , you said yours , yours suck . We obviously know .
Speaker 4Alright , well , Pip , tell me what yours is .
Speaker 1I just said , I love to spend time with family and friends , have food and drink .
Speaker 1You have family and friends who besides me ? Well , don't worry about them . Wait a minute , don't worry about them , they're nobody's acquaintances . Hey , tom , mike , are you rubbing elbows with him while I'm not listening ? Wait , wait . I even asked you guys if we could go out for a beer . No , we're too busy . Wait , I'm going to put this out there now . I have been out once at the pub with Troy Troy To talk business . The helicopter guy yeah , that's Troy , I told you , and he wasn't there first . But Bill showed up and remember Bill's respectable . I told you that when were you at the fucking Golden Corral ? Bill is a respectable person . Bill and Troy in the same spot , had to be Golden Corral . Bill showed up later . Oh yeah , and then it was weird because there was Mike and Tom .
Speaker 1Of course there was had to be Golden Corral . There's only one of them left in the state . It was Buffalo Wild Wings , if you really want to know . No , that wasn't where it was . Yeah , that's where it was . I never . No , it was a business meeting . We decided , hey , let's go watch a game . I didn't know all those other guys would be there . I was going to call you . I was , but you were .
Speaker 1It's a problem when you're the little squirrel you hit with your car . That was then . Yeah , so I didn't want to bother you . That was a long time ago . Wait a minute . It's a problem with the little squirrel you hit with your car . That was then . Yeah , so I didn't want to bother you . That was a long time ago . Wait a minute . Yeah , it was . Well .
Speaker 1What are we talking about now ? Nothing , I'm just bringing up the past . No , no , no . See , this isn't the first time . No , no , because the first time was when I hit the squirrel with the damn car . That's the time . Okay , now . Now you're with some . You're there again . Where am I ? You were at Buffalo Wild Wings again with Tom and Troy . No , that was once . And Bob , and that was once . That was once . Yay , it's when you wrecked your car with the squirrel . Okay , I only wrecked once , that's the time . Okay , why are you bringing it up now ? I feel I have to get it up .
Speaker 1It's the end of the year . I want to make things right . This doesn't make things right . Oh , this makes things worse . So if I tell you we had another meeting set up last week , you let me go all year . You never told me . Should I tell you about the Christmas party ? We're not having one this year . We already had it . What , yeah , where ? It was just last weekend . What the hey , you didn't show up . That's on you . Okay , let me just tell you one thing Everybody get an invite . Squeak , nope , oh , not everybody . Who didn't ? I'll give you one damn guess . Who wasn't there ? Troy was there , yeah , I guess . Cal was there oh , I'm , I guess .
Speaker 2Tom and .
Speaker 4Mike , of course they were they brought their wives .
Speaker 1I don't even want to get started on those two other women . They even brought some of their dogs there Dogs , of course , the dogs came . There was a guy down the street that they saw , he invited him Mark . Yeah , you know him . Boom how . There was a guy down the street that they saw , he invited him Mark . Yeah , you know him . Boomhauer , yeah . Oh , my God , so I can't imagine . Wait a minute .
Speaker 2Where were ?
Speaker 1you Exactly ? Why didn't you go ? I didn't get an invite , an invite , we're part of the show . Nobody told me about it . Oh , so we do this every year .
Speaker 1I thought somebody was supposed to tell you . Well , who's in charge of me ? You know , squeak in my defense . Maybe if you weren't out causing trouble , stealing people's food , drinking so much , maybe it would have known and went . Maybe it's on you , buddy , maybe it would have gone and went . Maybe it's on you , buddy . Well , first off , if I wasn't out doing all that and drinking so much , right , what kind of fun would I be ? Ah , say you don't have answers to everything , do you ? Well , no , well , no , I don't , nope , but I think we should . Uh , they're looking at us kind of funny , like we're going on too much . Well , probably . So let's let them say what they're going to say . Okay , well , first . Okay , all right , here we go again . No , no , not again . Still , go ahead , say it . Oh , that was pretty cool , I didn't think of that . But , yeah , not again , still . Thanks , but I just want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas .
Speaker 1I would like to wish everybody a Merry Christmas too . I know I'm a bullheaded pig , sometimes and and , and , and , and . Sometimes I can be a pain in the ass A little bit . Squeak what I'm a pain in the ass A little bit . Squeak what . I'm . A pain in the ass A little bit . What do you mean ? A little bit , listen , squeak .
Speaker 1In the spirit of Christmas , I want to tell you about our New Year's Eve party we're having . We are having one , yes , and hear this . Alright , mike and Tom said we're the guest of honor , Me and you . Yes , squeak and peck , tip and squeak the guest of honor .
Speaker 1But there's a stipulation , just a small stipulation , just a small one . You're entitled to eat whatever's there . They have no problem with that . Okay , good , all right , alcohol consumption is going to be cut down just a little bit . Wait , wait , Just a smidge . Just a smidge . What's a smidge ?
Speaker 1All right , now you know how you consume , like maybe 8 to 12 , 24-ounce beers . When you know what you know , what do you mean when they're asking to just keep it to a six-pack of 12-ounce cans for this event ? They don't even make 12-ounce cans . Where I buy my beer , we're going to supply your beer for you . Oh , are you ? Yes , oh well , I'll drink whatever the hell you bring me . And don't forget , I got a beer for you , oh , are you ? Yes , oh well , I'll drink whatever the hell you bring me . And don't forget , I got you that keg . Yeah , yeah , a keg I'll drink . Yeah , of that Bud Light , I mean I like Wait a minute , just one second . Right , we're going back up to this again . Oh crap , yeah , no , don't crap me , All right , miller Highline Champagne and beers , my friend .
Speaker 1Champagne and beers my ass . If some hoochie-coochie boy jumps out of this fucking keg , I'm going to have a fit right there . If some hoochie-coochie boy jumps out of that damn keg , man , that's going to be worth some money , no , no . What's going to be worth some money is when he jumps out of the keg I want to know how someone fits in there .
Speaker 1There's a bunch of butt babies . There's fucking butt babies come pooping out . All right , then we can have some money . All right , we're going to go back to Mike and Tom . Everybody , thank you for having us . We'll be back , merry Christmas . Merry Christmas . Oh , wait a minute . I think they want us back for their New Year's special . Let's find out , guys is this true ?
Speaker 3Yeah , Are we going to get a word in edgewise ? I'm telling you they're going on , they are going on . Oh yes , we do have a New Year's special coming out too , and you are invited both of you . We definitely want to invite you .
Speaker 4We'd like to hear more of your uh episode stories actually , yeah , surely .
Speaker 3But uh , you got more stuff to say exactly . But anyways , tom , I want to end this . We're talking about a few things okay I want to give a little prayer out for the people in Western North Carolina still .
Speaker 4Yep , western North Carolina and Southern Tennessee .
Speaker 3Yep and probably still people in Florida too .
Speaker 4I mean all states affected . They were hit with two in two weeks .
Speaker 3Yeah , florida , yeah that sucks . But you know everybody , we know you're going through some rough times right now . I know this isn't probably the best time of year for anybody down there . But you know , do the best we can Anybody can , and let's bring up . Let's see , we have our new episode coming out Right For New Year's . Right . This will be out for Christmas . We got our mtalp5.com website Right .
Speaker 4Make sure everybody listens to that .
Speaker 3Get on there and tell us need to stop giving us some feedback yeah , tell us , tell us , what you think there's a little microphone in the bottom . Here's what I hear mike .
Speaker 4Here's what I see while I'm watching all these settings of people hearing us and knowing that someone's listening someone is listening . We just want to hear who it is . It sucks , it sucks , but tell us y'all .
Speaker 3We love you . If you don , it sucks , but tell us .
Speaker 4I love y'all , we love you . If you don't like us , please just tell us we love to hear it .
Speaker 3I mean , will we change what we do ?
Speaker 4Nah probably not .
Speaker 3We love to hear it . We take constructive criticism .
Speaker 4We just want to hear you , we just want to know you're out there , you know what that's a good idea , we should try that .
Speaker 3And we might say you know what that's a good idea , we should try that , we should do that we should talk about this , whatever comes up . I mean Canada and Mexico and all these others . We hear you out there . Someone out there is doing something .
Speaker 4Somebody is listening to us . We love you all and be part of us .
Speaker 3The feedback again . On our mtallpodcom there's a little microphone , you click , you can leave a message . We don't know who you are but you can leave a message , voicemail . On all our other sites there's text messages . Send us a text message . Tell us what you want to hear . Like I said , what we're doing wrong , what you love about us . You love the pip and squeak .
Speaker 4Yeah , we're crazy .
Speaker 3Some of Tom's stories and you know what . Before we end this , though , we want to go into our weird , strange Christmas traditions around the world . I can't forget that .
Speaker 4Yeah , because there are some strange ones .
Speaker 3So let's take a pause .
Speaker 4Well , we can ask what were some of your Christmas traditions when you were growing up ?
Speaker 3Well , my Christmas traditions were always Christmas Eve we had family get-together mostly my mother's side , which was a bunch of us big Christmas party , all the cousins , someone dressed up as Santa . But that's how growing up it was when I was growing up . Basically that was for the longest time . We ended up renting a hall because the family got so big . But after the grandparents you know the patriarch , patriarchy type thing once they kind of go , traditions kind of fade and families get bigger , people grow up . It just split up . That's what happens , you know , that's like us .
Unusual Christmas Traditions Worldwide
Speaker 3I'm living in different states from my sisters and my mother .
Speaker 4When I was younger we had we had , you know , a small tree kind of everybody there for a dinner . Yeah , you always that . But I think the the one thing I remembered is when I moved to north carolina when I was 16 , right 16 . And we got out here . The one thing I remember I love the most about being out here is everybody got together First thing Christmas morning and showed up at 5 o'clock in the morning and ate breakfast there was a big breakfast .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 4There was red-eye gravy and scrambled eggs . Yes , it was mostly dinners just big breakfast , and then after breakfast everybody sat around and opened presents , and then by noon everybody was done and you could go home or you could hang or whatever you wanted to do the rest of the day .
Speaker 3That's what I didn't like about christmas day we got to open our presents , then we always went visiting relatives after . Oh yeah , so that's what I didn't like about Christmas Day we got to open our presents , then we always went visiting relatives after oh yeah , that's always before for us . No , christmas Eve everybody came to our house . You know blah blah , we're going to go visit this one . Thinking back , it was great , yeah , you know , but at the time you're like , oh damn it , I want this .
Speaker 4I get this toy . I want to sit home and play with them , and now here it is . We need you to go get this . Oh , and don't forget to go by this store and grab some milk . Oh , and I need some sugar .
Speaker 3Well see , there's another thing I liked about back then . We had blue laws , those stores were open on the holidays . You're done A gas station , convenience store . You couldn't go to a grocery store . You couldn't go to a grocery store . You couldn't go to a department store . Nothing was open .
Speaker 4Nope , you were home with family , that was it . That was it . You didn't get your shit .
Speaker 3Before then , you were done , or you're going to the convenience store and paying a nominal leg and hoping to have what you need .
Speaker 4Yep .
Speaker 3Yep , but anyways , I want to slip into these traditions now , and they're kind of strange , so let's take a pause . Like I said earlier , I want to take a little pause for a minute and we'll get right into it . Okay , tom , are you ready for these strange traditions ?
Speaker 4Yeah , Christmas traditions .
Speaker 3Everybody else has them . Catalonia , spain , the Christmas pooper Christmas Catalonia . There's a tradition involving Cagatillo , a pooping log , a wooden log without a face , a wither face , that children feed and eventually hit with sticks to make it poop out treats on Christmas Eve . Additionally , nativity scenes often feature a cagner , a figurine of a person squatting and well defecating , symbolizing good luck and fertility for the soil .
Speaker 4Oh , so how was your Christmas ? Oh well , we just beat the shit out of something . We got the Christmas paper visiting us and we just beat the shit out of something with a stick and it poopeded everywhere and now we're going to have good fertile land . It's going to have candy . Oh , that's even better . What are we going to grow ? Oh like on Andy Griffith . Opie had a bag of liquor seeds .
Speaker 2We're going to not go refer to Andy Griffith any time on this episode we're going to grow liquor seeds .
Speaker 3No , we're not doing that .
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 3Alright the Yule Cat . It's from Iceland . Sounds nice right Wait a minute . Icelandic folklore tells of the giant , ferocious Yule Cat that prowls the countryside during the Christmas season . It is said to devour anyone who hasn't received new clothes for Christmas , Encouraging people to finish their work in gifting new garments to lovely . It's like a Chicken Little story again .
Speaker 4Tom , this is why women think that it's okay to give guys socks and underwear . That's a bullshit story . You're not going to get attacked by any kind of weird animal if you don't buy us clothes . Don't buy us clothes . We want beer , we want games , what , what's it say ?
Speaker 3You don't have new clothes , that will attack you ?
Speaker 4Yeah , well see , that's stupid . That's like February 14th . It's a myth . Spend money , guys . How about a Kentucky Fried Christmas in Japan ? Sounds good to me . What do you think that is ? I think Kentucky has enough of their own problems , so what do ?
Speaker 3you think they're eating there in Japan ? Do you think it's squirrel ?
Speaker 4No no .
Speaker 3In Japan , where Christmas isn't traditionally celebrated , millions of people order KFC for Christmas dinner . This tradition started in the 70s after a successful Kentucky for Christmas marketing campaign .
Speaker 4They don't celebrate Santa Claus .
Speaker 3No , they eat Kentucky Fried Chicken . I just read it to you . Wait , wait wait .
Speaker 4They said they don't traditionally . No , aw Well . No wonder they eat chicken . Well , they do now .
Speaker 3They get Kentucky Fried Chicken . Well , yeah .
Speaker 4That's the only thing . That's Of course .
Speaker 3How about oh ?
Speaker 4that's sad .
Speaker 3Krampus .
Speaker 4Yeah . Well , let's just move from one sad story to another .
Speaker 3In alpine regions . The dark counterpart to St Nicholas Krampus is an on and menacing creature who punishes naughty children .
Speaker 4Yes , what the hell ? I'm not scared of shit out of kids .
Speaker 3Yeah , you little bastard . During a Krumpus walk what the hell Krumpus walk ? People dress as Krumpus , parading through the streets and scaring onlookers who Rollerskating to church . In Venezuela that's a Christmas tradition . That sounds like fun . In Caracas , it's common for people to rollerskate to early morning Christmas mass . Roads are even closed to allow a festive and unusual commute .
Speaker 4Surely it is , so the holy rollers can come right on through .
Speaker 3You put a different twist on that . I see what you're doing there .
Speaker 4It just came right out .
Speaker 3How about Night of the Radishes ?
Speaker 4I love radishes .
Speaker 3In some town in Mexico , december 23rd features intricate carvings of radishes depicting nativity scenes , folklore and cultural symbols . Of course they do . The event has become a beloved pre-Christmas tradition .
Speaker 4Of course it has .
Speaker 3You can make a nativity scene out of radishes . Yeah , it's a hot scene . How about ?
Speaker 4Yes .
Speaker 3I didn't even want to say this . Hiding the broom .
Speaker 4Ah yeah , I know why you didn't want to say that . I've done that a couple times .
Speaker 3Where's the broom ? Woo-hoo In Norway some people hide their brooms on Christmas Eve to prevent evil spirits or witches from stealing them for a goodnight ride .
Speaker 4See , I'm going to come and get your broom .
Speaker 3That's totally different from what you were talking about , wasn't it ?
Speaker 4I lived in a trailer park where that kind of thing happened , only it was catalytic converters . Yeah , they come , still Pickle in a tree .
Speaker 3That could go a lot of places . A Christmas pickle ornament is hidden in the tree and the first person who finds it gets an extra gift or is promised good fortune . So often attributed to Germany , it's more popular in the United States . I've never , ever heard of pickle in the tree .
Speaker 4Oh look , cousin Amy found the pickle . She's going to get the pickle . She's going to get the pickle .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , see , this is something probably that Pippin Spreak should have talked over .
Speaker 4Yeah , probably .
Speaker 3Kentucky . Let's see what else we got here Burning of the giant goat that sounds festive .
Speaker 4I like giant goats burning flames . You know they burn longer than the small goats .
Speaker 3A giant straw goat has an erection oh , I'm sorry , is erected , okay , each year . Sorry , I misspoke . However , since 1966 , pranksters have repeatedly tried to burn it down before Christmas , despite security measures . The goat has been destroyed more than 30 times .
Speaker 4Why don't they go out and steal Christmas lights like other respectable teenagers ?
Speaker 3Okay , fried caterpillars in South Africa . Instead of traditional Christmas dishes some South Africans enjoy fried Christmas caterpillars . Now , what is a Christmas caterpillar ? What is the difference ?
Speaker 4I was going to say what is it when ? Like a little stockingillar , what is the difference ? I was going to say what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it , what is it .
Speaker 3Particularly the emperor moth caterpillar .
Speaker 4Right , those are the good . There's crap in the bathtub . I mean carp in the bathtub , that's carp , I just fucking ran .
Speaker 3Many foolish people go back home . The live carp is purchased . It's thinner , it's kept in the bathtub until it's time to prepare the meal . The fish symbolizes good fortune and prosperity .
Speaker 4It's a freaking pony-ass freaking . I was going to say what are you going to do ? Go buy one when you can go , and club one in the lake . A live carpet purchase , that's dumb . You can go in the lake and just club one like we did .
Speaker 3Maybe they don't know that ?
Speaker 4Well , we did that when we were kids . They should have listened to another podcast .
Speaker 3In Slovakia . I told them about that . They don't know that . Oh Other countries the Yule . Lad is Instead of Santa Claus , Iceland has 13 mischief Yule Lad . All right , that sounds kind of freaking creepy .
Speaker 4Yeah , a little bit .
Speaker 3Each night for 13 days leading up to Christmas , children leave their shoes out for the Yule Lad and they're all rotten potatoes , depending on what you hear .
Speaker 4What are ?
Speaker 3they leaving for treats A hunk of coal . Giant land festival , plumbing Uncle Cole . Giant Land Festival , luming .
Speaker 4Christmas Sauna . Wait a minute , that's about it . What's a Christmas Sauna ? It doesn't really explain it , it doesn't ? No , it just ends it right there . Maybe you just go in a sauna , wait a minute .
Speaker 3Wait a minute , okay , I'm sorry , because many Finnish families have a tradition of enduring a sauna on Christmas Eve . It's considered a time for relaxation and reflection , as well as a chance to honor ancestors .
Speaker 4That's a hillbilly way of saying let's all get in the damn tub together .
Speaker 3Mumming Mummers dress in disguises , wearing masks and bizarre costumes and go door-to-door performing dances , songs and skits . Hosts guest their identities and offer snacks or drinks . It's a quirky way to celebrate the season . They give you food and booze , trick or treat For adults Right . How about that ? Nothing at all , alright . Well , that's it for traditions . Yeah , we've had a good time .
Speaker 4I'm going to try a couple of those . We've had a great time . Let's go to your neighbor and try that last one .
Speaker 3No , we won't do that , oh , but anyways , people , we had a great time this year , our first time being on a podcast for this year . It's been fun . It's been great . Am I going to be here again ?
Speaker 1How much time . I don't know what's going on . Hey guys , yeah , okay , whatever , make sure you have plenty of snacks , and this is going to be a New Year's one . We want booze , I want french fries , yeah , yeah , what he wants . Okay , we'll be there , and yeah , yeah , get what he wants .
Speaker 3Okay , we'll be there and yeah , yeah , guys , quiet down . So anyways , people take care . Enjoy Christmas . Hope you have a great holiday .
Speaker 4Yes , everybody Just enjoy each other .
Speaker 3Keep politics aside . People Enjoy your family , because that's what's more important . Politics suck Family's more important . Politics suck Family's more important . Friends , family they're there .
Speaker 4Think about this Next year at this time , if you're in the same place that you are right now . You did it wrong .
Speaker 3Exactly .
Speaker 4So , anyway , try something different every day , Enjoy the people that are around you and figure something out if you don't enjoy it all right , that's it and uh , till next time , yep thank god for the gift of gap .
Speaker 3People take care .
Festive Farewell and New Year's Teaser
Speaker 2Merry christmas and god bless well , folks , that wraps up our Christmas holiday special overflowing with joy , sarcasm and just enough goodwill to keep us off Santa's naughty list . Hopefully next week we'll be back for our New Year special featuring Pip and Squeak , alongside surprise guests . That's right , surprise guests , because even we don't know who's brave or reckless enough to show up . Maybe it'll be the ghost of New Year's past , or perhaps just Carl from accounting , again still stuck in that elf costume . Either way , expect the same holiday chaos , just with more confetti and fewer excuses . Until then , have a merry little Christmas , a tolerable lead-up to New Year's , and remember , if you make a resolution , at least pick one you can break in 24 hours . This is Daniel signing off , saying see you next week for more sarcasm , surprises and probably some bad decisions . Cheers .
