The MT Alternative Podcast Holiday special with special guest Pip and Squeak from the Lil' Dudes introducing their favorite segments.

Pip and Squeak on MT Podcast

Speaker 1 0:11

Welcome back to the MT Alternative Podcast , the show where we boldly go where no one cares to follow . I'm your host , daniel . And this week , oh boy , do we have a treat for you , host Daniel . And this week , oh boy , do we have a treat for you . That's right , the dynamic duo themselves , mike and Tom , are back . You know the guys who think breaking news means a new flavor of chips hit the shelves . But wait , there's more . Today they're joined by the stars of the internet's newest cartoon sensation , the Lil' Dudes . Yep , those two pint-sized powerhouses who've somehow gone from doodles on a napkin to being beloved by millions . We'll dive into their riveting origin story . Spoiler alert it involves Mike misplacing his dignity and uncover their favorite segments , because what the world really needs is cartoon characters dishing out hot takes , right . So grab a coffee , strap in and prepare yourself for du whatever . This is Over to you , mike and Tom , try not to scare the little dudes away .

Speaker 2 1:24

All right , folks , welcome back . Today we're joined by two absolute legends in the world of animated antics , the stars of Little Dudes , Pip and Squeak . How's it going , you two ?

Speaker 3 1:35

Hey , mike , it's going well . It was going better until Squeak . Ate the last granola bar in the green room Freaking hard . Oh , I'm sorry , pip , did you need the last granola bar to survive the strenuous task of sitting and talking ?

Speaker 4 1:54

We're off to a great start . Pip Squeak , let's get to the important stuff . What's it like being stars of your own show ?

Speaker 3 2:03

Well , it's exhausting really , Always having to be the responsible one making sure Screak doesn't , you know , set fire to a toaster or overthrow a small government . Hey , that toaster incident was a learning experience , and as for the government thing , it was just a local HOA . They deserved it .

Speaker 2 2:29

Classic Squeak . So Pip , you're the planner and Squeak you're the wild card , wild card , I prefer creative visionary .

Speaker 3 2:41

Or maybe Captain Chaos . You mean master of disaster and I'm the disaster janitor .

Speaker 4 2:51

Okay , captain Chaos , let's talk about the show a little bit . What's been the fan reaction to the little dudes so far ?

Speaker 3 3:00

Well , you're always cleaning stuff up . Anyway , the fans love us . They send us fan art snacks and an occasional please stop breaking things letters . Some fans have also sent detailed blueprints of their homes , which is I find kind of concerning yeah , concerningly awesome . It's like they want us to plan our next heist .

Speaker 2 3:33

Beer Fan mail . What about your origin story ? How did little dudes come to life ?

Speaker 3 3:40

Well , we're just two doodles on a napkin in a cafe and someone thought , hey , what if these guys had a show ? And bam Damn , yeah , it's like one man's share of doodle . And the next you're signing autographs , and uh well , on everything like lunch boxes and cups .

Speaker 4 4:03

Speaking of fame , how do you handle the pressure ?

Speaker 3 4:07

Easy Piss , stresses about it and I eat snacks . That's not untrue .

Speaker 2 4:14

All right , let's end with a lightning round your favorite snacks .

Speaker 3 4:19

Yeah , that's simple Anything that isn't stolen by Squeak .

Speaker 4 4:23

How about your favorite activity ?

Speaker 3 4:25

Reading preferably somewhere quiet , Building catapults .

Speaker 2 4:31

Okay , guys . Final question Any advice for aspiring little dudes out there ?

Speaker 3 4:36

Stay organized have a plan and always keep Squeak away from heavy machinery . Keep Squeak away from heavy machinery . Dream big snack , even bigger , and never apologize for how much you drink or even accidentally knock over a water tower Whoops .

Speaker 4 4:57

Well , there you have it , folks , pip and Squeak . Thanks for joining us , guys .

Speaker 3 5:02

Thanks for having us . Yeah , and in missing granola bar , it wasn't me .

Speaker 2 5:10

Alright , listeners stay tuned for more chaos after this break , where we'll be talking to Pip and Squeak about their favorite episodes and a little commentary on Alright , pip Squeak . I want to know how well we already know , but I want you to tell people how this all came about , how you ended up on the MT Alternative podcast . Tom and I thought it was kind of strange if we came in the studio one day . But we're going to let you guys tell a story . Tom , you want anything to add to ?

Speaker 4 5:35

that yeah .

Speaker 2 5:36

Your thoughts .

Speaker 4 5:37

I remember the first time I realized something was up .

Speaker 2 5:42

Right .

Speaker 4 5:43

It was when we come in , and and well , we always had coffee and drinks tom was missing . Snacks yeah , well oh yes yes , I mean blaming everybody okay . Well , first off , when 46 slim jims get gone in two days , something's up .

Speaker 2 6:01

Of course you blamed everybody else .

Speaker 4 6:04

Well , yeah , I knew I wasn't . Yeah , a 20's my limit . Well , a 46 .

Speaker 2 6:12

Let's let Pip and Squeak tell us what was happening , what they thought , and we'll go through the episode .

Speaker 3 6:18

Well , I can tell you what exactly happened actually happen . Me , of course , being the usual smart one , decided I was going to listen to Squeak over here , thought it was a good idea to . Hey , let's go into this building and see what's in here . See , you're right , yeah , I'm right , of course I'm right , he is the smart one . Oh , look , it's a studio . Let's play with the equipment . What a wonderful idea , Pip . Yeah , cool idea . Yeah , you are very smart , yeah , so okay , well , let's do this , but let's make sure we take a copy so people don't know we were here .

Speaker 3 7:00

Of course , did Squeak do that . Huh , yeah , you were supposed to take the copy . Well , of course Did Squeak do that . Huh , yeah , you were supposed to take the coffee . Well , did you do that , squeak ? No , you didn't Squeak . Okay , here , just listen to me , hear me out . Okay , here we go again . No , not again . Still Okay , but but but All right , of course I didn't bring the copy , and this is why . How are they not going to listen to us if we took the copy ? We were supposed to not be there .

Speaker 3 7:41

We broke into a building . Wait , wait , wait , wait , wait . That's a good idea . Let's go through this at a big time . Wait , a building ? Wait , wait , wait , wait , wait . Well , that's a good idea . Let's go do this , it'll be fun . Well , wait a minute , we'll show our friends . Oh , oh , let's back up about five minutes ago . You and that stupid little car of yours . Oh , when we say it , hey , what about going out in this ? What ? Okay , first off , right , I'm confused . Why . Why are you confused ? Well , because you want to blame me for something . I don't even know what the hell's going on . Oh , bullshit , nope , no bullshit . I don't even know . Here's how I see it . Okay , here's how I see it . Okay , here's how I think it .

Speaker 3 8:30

All right , I'm listening Like a tornado in a train park . I'm listening , yeah , well , keep listening , because I'm going to keep saying it . It wasn't me , okay . Well , you know they're waiting for us to play this segment , so let's go into it . You'll all hear what the hell we're talking about . I'm talking about , well , no , we both talk about it . Here it is , it happened .

Speaker 2 8:59

All right , tom , I think we should play that segment . What do you think ?

Speaker 4 9:03

Yeah , let's hear it .

Speaker 2 9:05

Let's go into it right now , yeah it's awesome All right , excellent oh yeah , here we go .

Speaker 3 9:11

Now we're talking . I just sucked on a balloon full of helium . That wasn't a balloon , it was full of something that wasn't air . Well , why'd you say I could blow it up ? Then ? See , I gotta watch what I say on here . Right , this is gonna be fun as I was coming here . You were coming While you were here . No , not while I was here . I'm right here . Did you get anything on your steering wheel ? Nope , it all went under with shit . You know what I'm happy about ? You figured it out . I'm happy that American Idol's over and we won't be talking about this . We can still talk about it . Sounded pretty fucked up . We can still talk about this . See , we talk about other shit that happened in the past , more interesting shit . It was pretty interesting this year . I don't believe so . Did you see any of it ?

Speaker 1 10:20

No , see , that's why you don't believe I did Wait a minute .

Speaker 3 10:23

I watched some cowboy looking dude . I told you about the song and he was the runner-up . He didn't win . That sucks ass then . Yeah , well , see , runner-up kind of means that he didn't win . Yeah , I understand what runner-up means , but I'm just a little surprised . Just to prove it wasn't scripted , they picked who I picked . There's no way they would have scripted what I thought . You just scripted it , you dumbass . No , I didn't , you did . I thought of it . Well , you must have told somebody you . I didn't tell them , see . So that's why it's not any different . It's scripted . No , no , no , you just got lucky and knew I'm not that lucky Boy on American Idol you were . No , I wasn't . Did your guy win or your girl win ? That you wanted ? Nope , the guy did that . You wanted to Yep , from the very first audition . That's a coincidence . No , there's no coincidence . You knew the script .

Speaker 3 11:34

Okay , so you go in a store , right , and you're looking for a candy bar . Okay , that you've wanted for like two days . You've been craving . I gotcha that Butterfinger , I feel ya . And you get in there and you've been craving . I gotcha A Butterfinger , I feel ya . And you get in there and you see a marathon . Remember those ? Yeah , back in the day . Yeah , put them in the freezer . But there's not any around anymore , so you kind of forgot about them , right ? But you're craving a Butterfinger .

Speaker 3 12:07

So I get the Butterfinger and the other candy . I get them both . All right , I'm still going to get the one that I wanted originally . Why ? Because now I know that place has them , I'll just come back and get another one . Butterfingers are sold in every other store in America . Well , how far am I out of my way to see this marathon bar ? You were already there , okay , but how far from my home ? I don't know . I wasn't with you . See , you don't have answers to everything . And this boys and girls Okay , you got me on that one . This boys and girls is exactly why we're doing this .

Speaker 2 13:03

I guess I have to ask how this Schoolhouse Rock little talk came about .

Speaker 3 13:10

Well , we just had thought about the old . You know , back in the day , remember when you were eating cereal and watching Bugs Bunny and shit , and you hunker for a hunk of cheese . And don't forget , squeak just goes off on rants a lot . Oh no , no rants , he just goes off on a rant . I'm just a bill .

Car Troubles and Forgetful Minds

Speaker 3 13:42

I'll happen . Only let's let them hear the episode for themselves . Squeak . Let's not rehash this miserable life .

Speaker 4 13:50

Yeah .

Speaker 3 13:52

What do you remember from back in the day ? That the adverbs were back in the day Lolly , lolly , lolly , yes , what did he do ? Evidently changed adverbs to pronouns . Why would he do that ? I don't know , because they're leftists . This really sounds kind of silly . Nothing silly about a leftist they can change the whole world with just a cheat of a vote . Oh , they can't . Yes , they did . They say that's impossible .

Speaker 3 14:33

And then and I have a story , do tell . Okay , here we go , I'm ready . The biggest part of this story is I forgot some . Well then , I don't see the point of telling a story . Wait a minute , I'm going to remember . In a minute I have to take a drink . Oh , okay , you go ahead . While you do that , I'll take a little sippy poo myself . Alright , now , I said sippy poo . So this morning I'm going to get an early start . You're never going to get a sippy . You need a sippy . Shut up and tell your story , dad , okay , I can't tell my story while your eyeballs are about to pop out of your head . I don't even remember what was the damn party . I just want to take a damn drink , man . Okay , everybody , we're going to be quiet for about five seconds while he tries to hydrate One Don't count . Oh , how will we know ? When it's five seconds , then , okay , okay , we'll owe you three seconds , I guess .

Speaker 3 15:59

Okay , there you go . All right , what's the story ? My apologies , what story ? Oh , you're going to apologize ? Okay , go ahead . What's the story ? Your story you're going to apologize . Okay , go ahead . What's your story ? Your story Continue with your story . Oh , I started that already . You did what happened . I was laughing at you . Oh , okay , that's normal , uncontrollably laughing . Well , that's normal .

Speaker 1 16:25

It sure is .

Speaker 3 16:26

So this morning I get up early because I'm going to go and do all my stuff and get it done . We're going to come over here , so I have to get tires rotated . I have to get a leak fixed . I had an L in one of my tires so they had to fix that . This was this morning . Yes , okay , okay . And in all this time trying to get all this done , I forgot that I had to get it inspected , because we have to get a tag before the end of the month . Right , because we have to get a tag before the end of the book Right .

Speaker 3 17:09

Now she has a car that has the display window all digital . Yeah , the little screen , display screen , yeah , yeah , sometimes it displays and Right now it don't . Oh , awesome , it's like an extra option . Yeah , the extra option , that's cool . Not everybody has that . Yeah , well , this one did Special , yeah , special . The extra option is going to cost us $900 . Something stupid , something stupid . So I worry . How do I tell them how much mileage I have , right , so I can't get it inspected if I don't know the mileage . I don't know the mileage because the dash lights out .

Speaker 3 18:05

They won't take a guesstimate . Most people don't . However , my buddy told me of a place that will . So that's all fixed . But while I was at the tire place rotating the tires and getting the other one plugged , I backed into somebody . Oops , how how did this happen , tom ? Put it in reverse and back the fuck up . How you thinking , howie , were you not paying attention ? Nope , so what were you thinking ? You could just back up and moll willy-nilly and it's not going to hurt anybody or anything . Willie Nelson wasn't there . He might have had a little to do with it , but he wasn't there . So , but I was watching a car behind me , making sure I didn't hit it , when all of a sudden I hear I'm like what was that ? I look to my right and there's a car in my back seat . What was the car doing in your back seat ? I backed over it Into your back seat . Well , it came through kind of , but it wasn't really hard . You weren't hard , no , it put just a little bitty smudge on Tammy's car . What about the other ?

Speaker 2 19:24

person's car .

Speaker 3 19:25

It put a bigger smudge , but he was cool with it because it had a lot of other worse shit . Oh , he was there . Well , of course he was . I thought he'd already left . Oh , so the person was in his car and he watched you the whole time , looked like a dumbass . Well , a lot of them saw me looking like that . That place was packed . Wow , yeah , wow , were you embarrassed Only until I left .

Speaker 3 19:54

After you left , you didn't care . No , because they ain't gonna see me again . Did you laugh Kinda ? Oh , okay , you know why ? Why ? Well , because the guy that does the tires , the guy that owns the place , he came and looked at it and he's like , oh yeah , you can just buff that right out , Like , yeah , if I had a paint shop . But he comes over there with something and he rubs it . Hey Scott , Whoa , whoa , whoa , no , no , the car . Are we still talking about the car ? The car , the car . Oh okay , no , no , the car . Are we still ?

Speaker 3 20:25

talking about the car , the car , the car , okay , and rubbing . I know how you jump around . Well , if it was rubbing that , I would jump around . There's a back story coming up for this , but yeah , anyway , this guy's a pretty cool dude . He fixed me right up Because he buffed it . Yeah , above and beyond , I get it . No , no , no , this guy's pretty good , I agree , okay , cool , yeah , whatever floats your boat . So then , anyway , is it anyway ? Yeah , oh . So my wife is really upset because I didn't stop and get the car inspected today .

Speaker 3 21:08

You tried , Right , but if I would have remembered , you would have got it done . I would have done it first , before everybody's close . So what was on your mind ? Tires , no , no . After Podcast Ah , there it is . Just make me admit all of it . But anyway , I was on my way here , right ? So she's giving me up the road , as she should , because I'm supposed to . She's probably going to listen , so I'm going to butter this up , but anyway , she should be listening . I know how to edit . Yeah , don't call me an idiot .

Car Troubles and Tall Tales

Speaker 3 21:50

This is really what happened .

Speaker 3 21:52

You're kind of odd but okay , but if she listens to this , it's going to be the first time she hears I backed up into anybody in her car Because I haven't told her yet , because she was already pissed off that I didn't get it inspected . What do I do ?

Speaker 2 22:12

Well , that's why ?

Speaker 3 22:14

What do I do ? You can't get it inspected ? You back up into somebody ? No , I didn't Somebody hit you See , that's what I told him and that's what threw me off from getting it inspected . Everything's okay . It's just somebody rubbed against the car . See , there you go . We weren't racing .

Speaker 3 22:35

Wait a minute , she's going to be listening to this , isn't she ? Yeah , you fucked up . Yeah , see , that's what I'm afraid of , right ? Yeah , you'll have to use that edit thing you were talking about . Why ? Because I said fuck it . No , because I spilled my guts and didn't tell her about it . Maybe I will . I'll let you be surprised the day she listens . Just remember I don't have a doghouse . I'll be in the open with Bigfoot . Let's do something different . What do you want to do ? Not get in trouble with our wives . That sounds like a great plan . Yeah , let's change the subject matter . I like that .

Speaker 2 23:16

Yeah .

Speaker 3 23:17

Yeah , hey , did you hear about when I ran over a guy at the tire place ? Oh , but that sounds interesting . Yeah , is he dead ? This is Alzheimer's and it's bad . Is he dead ? This is Alzheimer's and it's bad . Is he dead ?

Speaker 3 23:29

Who the guy you ran over ? I don't know . You were there . Oh , that guy . Nah , he got out and gave me a hug . Why would he give you a hug ? He told me not to worry about it .

Speaker 3 23:41

I was pretty panicking . Oh , wait a minute . He didn't actually hit the person . This is the car . Right , he was in the car . Okay , see , you fooled me on that one . No , you can't say you ran over somebody when you really didn't . Okay , I hit him in his car . Okay , see , did that hurt ? Nobody got hurt . But what difference did it make ? I ran over somebody . It's a big difference . I ran a guy over at the car lot . Bam , ran him over . I ran into his car . That's two different things . Okay , I ran into his car . Thank you . Either way , I'm dead when I'm alive . You didn't run it over . Did you literally drive over it ? No , I barely rubbed it . All right . Right , then , you didn't run over somebody . That's why the dude at the tire place was able to just buff it right out . You keep bringing up buff a lot , yeah , he was buff . Oh , he probably works out , oh , probably . Or lifts a lot of tires . We work out , we do . Yeah , look at all the shit we lift . That explains why I'm so tired .

Speaker 3 24:51

See , I do have an answer for everything , not always , sometimes , most of the time , oh , sometimes We'll go with that . Okay , well , it's better than none . No , none , none , none's always better than anything . Okay , wait a minute . Are're talking about none's or none like nothing ? I have a joke about none's .

Speaker 2 25:15

Go ahead .

Speaker 3 25:16

No , I can edit it . Okay , that was easy . Yeah , now , how come you believe me now but you didn't believe me before ? You're a con artist , aren't you ? What ? Yeah , you're a con artist . No , yeah , why would you say such a thing ? I figured it out . You figured it out . Figured it out . What did you figure out ? I figured it out what ? You're a con artist ? An example Okay , I'll edit it . Yeah , no , you can trust me on that Con artist . That's what that means . What you just said , I'll edit out whatever you want . Another example of con artist . It's making no sense , I know . Have I conned you ? Kinda ? How ? How have I conned you ? I haven't conned you yet . I'll believe it . I haven't conned you yet . Not yet . I'll say I'm looking forward to it . Why Don't jump the gun ?

Speaker 4 26:33

All right , it's time for Fan Mail . Frenzy , Pip and Squeak . We've got some burning questions from your fans . First one what's the weirdest thing you've ever done on set ?

Speaker 3 26:48

Oh , that's easy Squeak . Once built a working catapult out of craft sticks and launched the watermelon into this guy Troy's car . Yeah , working catapult Pip , it was a masterpiece . And to be fair , that car was parked illegally . Wait , was Troy pissed off ?

Speaker 4 27:15

Next question If you could trade lives with any other cartoon character , who would it be ?

Speaker 3 27:23

I'd trade with Scooby-Doo All the snacks , none of the responsibilities . I'd trade with Wile E Coyote . That guy gets all the cool gadgets . Sure , they might fire , but respect the hustle .

Speaker 2 27:40

Hey , so word on the street is you guys have been dabbling in business . Care to explain ? Oh , absolutely .

Speaker 3 27:47

We've started a few enterprises . My personal favorite is Squeak's Unlimited Slime Emporium . We'll sell artisanal slime , hand mixed by me Yours , true Hand mixed , that's a generous term . And don't forget Kip's practical planner Customizable waterproof and fireproof Perfect for people who work with someone like Kip Squeak . Well , it's not my fault that the glue gun exploded . You plugged it into a car battery dumbass .

Speaker 4 28:24

I don't know whether to invest or to run .

Speaker 2 28:28

Goddamn , I don't know what to do either . Tom , that's a strange one .

Speaker 4 28:32

Yeah , well , strange , I think I'm running .

Speaker 2 28:36

Yeah , probably right on that . All right , we'll leave it alone at that . We're going to take a short break . We'll be back with the interview . Another weird interview with the little dudes on a couple of rants that they have .

Speaker 4 28:49

Yeah , they have rants that's for sure .

Speaker 2 28:52

That's it . But we'll be right back with that next segment . We've got Pip and Squeak here to break down the controversy that's backing up traffic and patients . So , Squeak , we hear you've got some thoughts on why the highway is stalled because of a rat .

Speaker 3 29:05

Thoughts . Well shit , that's an understatement of the world . I've got thoughts . Let me just tell you one thing that's the dumbest damn thing I've ever heard of . Stop a whole project for one stupid rat .

Speaker 4 29:22

Okay , sweet , calm down , buddy . It's just , we're just trying to get things understood here on . What is such the big deal over this thing ?

Speaker 3 29:31

The big deal ? Well , let me just tell you what the big deal is . Have you sat in traffic for seven hours with no radio , no air conditioner ?

Speaker 2 29:43

It sucks Fair point . So you're not exactly , I would say Team Rodent .

Speaker 3 29:49

No , not exactly . Team Rodent Shit . I'd like to bring a team to the rodent and blow it off the earth . Endangered species . Come on , pip , it's an endangered species , it really is . What are people going to say ? When my team gets there , it'll be endangered , all right . Oh , I don't get what your harshness is . Have you no empathy ? Okay , okay , here's the harshness . Nobody needs 2,000 acres to make love . Well , I would like 2,000 acres , but anyways , we're getting sidetracked . I'm sure dumbasses I mean Tom and Mike have questions more . These damn questions . I know let's just deal with it . What do you guys want to ask next ?

Speaker 2 30:41

Okay , guys , no need for name calling .

Speaker 4 30:43

Nope easy .

Speaker 2 30:45

Settle down Any more questions before we go into the little segment here .

Speaker 4 30:51

Well , I just kind of want to know why he's so upset . Does he have cats that are bad too , yeah ?

Speaker 2 30:59

probably .

Speaker 4 31:01

What would he do if a cat was holding up a road ? Kill it .

Speaker 2 31:05

We'll figure it out from there , which reminds me about the little dudes . A rant about furries . Yeah boy , they got going on us . Boy , oh boy , I don't even know what brought that up , but I'm sure we're gonna hear it .

Speaker 4 31:18

Yeah , I wonder what his take is on live cats that just people think they're cats .

Speaker 2 31:23

So I guess we'll , uh , we're gonna listen to those segments from these guys . Pip Squeak , you guys ready ?

Speaker 3 31:30

Yeah , we're ready . I thought you were going to play it already . Yeah , I was already Play the damn thing .

Speaker 1 31:36

All right , folks , it's time to unleash the chaos . We're stepping into a segment that's more fur-covered than the inside of a dryer at a cat shelter , a segment so beloved by our resident troublemakers Pip and Squeak that they've practically claimed it as their own . It's where they bravely nay , heroically take on a group that somehow combines the wild freedom of animals with the deeply questionable life choices of humans . That's right . It's time for furry fury , or as I like to call it . Why are you wearing a full-body suit in July ? Honestly , if you ever wanted to see a kangaroo with a bank loan or a wolf who complains about gas prices , this is their moment . But beware listeners . No one is safe from the wrath of these fursuit fanatics , because if you dare question their fluffy lifestyle , they'll fight back digitally . Yeah , a raccoon named ShadowFluff69 is probably drafting a strongly worded email right now . Anyway , strap in , put your paws up and prepare for Pip and Squeak to roast furries so hard they'll need to upgrade their fursona to extra crispy . Take it away , you little monsters .

Speaker 3 33:01

He got you where you are today . That's right , he did . He did his job . Yeah , he did , and he didn't push any of his beliefs on me at that time , see . So it was a shock when I found out how he is .

Speaker 3 33:18

But then again , but see , you're looking at the wrong thing . Yeah , you're looking at the person you know is what you should be doing . What did he do for you ? Exactly Not who he is . Yeah , looking at the person you know is what you should be doing . What does he do ? What did he do for you , exactly Not who he is . Right , he can look past that . He's still a good person and I'm glad that I was asked to look past that . It sounds like he was a really good teacher . He was Well , that's all that matters . Well , he was until he threw a ball at me . Not like nowadays , where they put their beliefs down your throat , right , you know ? Oh , I'm this . Oh , good for you . Like now , I'm a fucking cat . I shit behind the pallets in a sandbox , yeah , here try some friskies , cat yeah , dumb asses .

Speaker 3 34:01

That's what I'd like to do . You can be a furry if you want to , but you're going to eat this nine lives right now . You're going to eat the cat food I give you Prove to me you're a cat . Yeah , eat this . You eat this . I know you can shit in a box . Don't do it that way . Eat this Raw fish , idiot Dumbass . All right , I think that's enough ranting for now .

Speaker 1 34:47

Ah , and now for a true classic from Pip and Squeak's vast archive of existential rodent rants . We're diving back into the long-tail kangaroo-rat segment , or as I like to call it , squeak versus the rodent industrial complex . Yes , squeak gets so passionately worked up about this little desert-dwelling menace that you'd think the kangaroo rat personally cut him off in traffic and then stole his Netflix password and lives its best . Life has somehow become the arch-nemesis of progress in Squeak's eyes , because nothing says enemy of infrastructure , like a rat that's three ounces , soaking wet and can't even hold a picket sign . But sure , let's blame it for halting civilization itself . But hey , why let facts get in the way of a good meltdown . So buckle up , because here's Squeak delivering a heartfelt TED Talk about how this pint-sized rodent is single-handedly derailing humanity's future , one tiny hop at a time .

Speaker 3 36:02

Whoa , we're back . Yes , I remember being here one day , one day . Yeah , now this is two days Two . No , today's Saturday , not Tuesday . Oh , I didn't say Tuesday , I said two day , two , day Today . What's happening today ? Oh , not much . What's happening with you ? Uh , yeah , I out confused . No , I'm not confused at all , I'm a little confused . Well , that's you , not me . Oh well , yeah , yeah . So , anyways , what plucked your parrot today ? Well , there's a lot of things that pluck my parrot Like , but the one thing I have been doing some research .

Speaker 2 36:52

You're doing research .

Speaker 3 36:56

Yeah , okay , let's call it a rabbit hole . Oh , I believe that , okay . And now that we're talking about plucking parrots and it's birds and stuff , wait a minute , you're not plucking a real parrot , no , oh , this is just stuff that kind of gets under my skin . Ah , so I say , pluck my parrot . Okay , I got it . I got it . I'm sorry , continue . I know words . If you listen , you'll understand that I do it a lot , I thought you were going to give me clues .

Speaker 3 37:28

I do it a lot . Oh , that is a clue . I'm not guessing . No , you don't have to guess . I'll tell you pretty well what you need to know . Okay , I'll listen , sorry , okay . But today I'm kind of wondering what in the world is wrong with our roads , the roads we ride on . What's wrong ? Well , the cars have to be roadworthy , right ? Why don't the roads be carworthy ? Be carworthy , exactly . That's a great point . Here's what I figured . Oh , I found out , you found something out . Yeah , do tell it's some crazy bastards at PETA , peta , yep . Okay , I did some research , you're doing a lot of research for this .

Speaker 3 38:27

Yeah , I found out that the Pacific Northwest Right they set aside 280 million acres for the spotted owl .

Speaker 2 38:43

That's a lot of acreage .

Speaker 3 38:45

Yeah , that's what our kids are worried about now the spotted owl , having all this anchorage , okay . Which brings me to our roads A few years back . I think we have decent roads here in North Carolina . Okay , maybe here in North Carolina I can tell you Massachusetts roads suck balls , okay . Well , obviously California does too , because , listen to this , okay , I did some research . You're doing an awful lot of research for this little segment there . Well , I wanted to be right , oh , okay , not necessarily going to make me that way , but I wanted to be . I hear you Go ahead then , little Tom .

California's Kangaroo Rat Highway Debate

Speaker 3 39:29

I heard someone say , a few years back , california was building this major highway , major Los Angeles area . I mean , what major highways do they need , exactly ? But this one was going to help everybody out . $180 million the people spent . Okay , well , they had to stop it Because of the spotted owl .

Speaker 3 40:01

Nope , there was an endangered long-tailed kangaroo rat . It was a rat , a damn rat , y'all . Wait a minute , though . Did a kangaroo mate with a rat ? Who knows ? But evidently , according to this dude , they need 2,000 acres to mate . Now I ask you , as a person , I don't need 2,000 acres to mate , I just need a little room , a little bed , backseat of a car I was going to say .

Speaker 3 40:53

I know for a fact that it takes the human person , the area of Honda Civic to make Sometimes not even that . Yeah , right , right , you ever been in an airplane bathroom ? Come on , man , be creative . Woo-hoo , mile high club . But yeah , this is stupid . Why are you going to stop a $180 million project For a rat , a fucking rat . Excuse me , rat , a fucking rat , it's a kangaroo rat , it's a kangaroo rat . So what Does it hop ? Does it have a pouch ? Evidently , why wouldn't it have a pouch and hop ? Did you check out a picture of this thing ? Nope , didn't have a picture . So maybe they're making shit up . I'm sure they are . They're California , I mean . I know there's a spotted owl . I can't believe we're . For goodness sake , half of them think they are a kangaroo rat . For Christ's sake , look at Governor Newsom . Do I need to say any more ? You know what , though ? I do feel bad for the regular people in California . They have to deal with this stupid shit Wait wait , wait , wait , wait , wait .

Speaker 3 42:15

You just said two words that should never be said . Ah , there's some poor .

Speaker 1 42:17

there's some regular people there , Regular and California .

Speaker 3 42:19

No two words ever sounded so stupid . What Anyway ? Come on , not everybody's an idiot . Well , let's save a damn rat . Maybe they do , because every generation up until this one said it's a rat , kill it . No , not this one . There's a rat in the damn road . Stop , that's what proves to you . There's some smart people there . Then the dummies are taking over . Yeah , give me a boot and a BB gun and I'll show you . Save a damn rat . Why do we have to use a BB gun ? Why can't we use something more powerful ? Well , you can . You don't have to have anything left over . Well , you don't . No , when you're young , you only have a baby . Good , ah , that's true , and I'm sorry , peter , but that was stupid . Peter is stupid . Yeah , they'd rather kill animals than save them too .

Speaker 4 43:20

Yeah .

Speaker 3 43:20

They're the dumbass , yeah , but you know what ? What they all want to be vegetarians . Yeah , but you know what ? What they all want to be vegetarians . But you know what ? Building your little avocado field , they kill all the bees , all the rabbits , all the little rodents . Nothing survives , just for your little avocado plants . Well , to all the people . How cute do they have to be when you want to save them . Well , to all the people who hate .

Speaker 3 43:49

They want everybody to eat plants . Well , I saved your plants from a deer the other day . He was eating your plants , so I killed him and I ate him , so I'm eating your plants too . You helped out . Yes , nothing wrong with that . Yeah , they called that . If you didn't save the plants , the vegetarians would have nothing to eat . That's right . You know , I'm going to start selling my grass clippings . They'll probably buy them . Put it as organic . Yeah , they put it in their salads and shit . I'm not eating grass . I don't mean literally in their shit . Right , I'm not eating grass . They're not you . Oh , they're weirdo people . Yeah , they are weirdos . Everybody knows you smoke grass .

Speaker 3 44:42

Again , you don't eat it , just like I say about all the other bullshit we talk about . If you want to be vegetarian , keep it to yourself . That's your issue . Yeah , you , let me do my thing . That's right , I have teeth . They're for meat eating , yes , not for nibbling on a leaf . I'm going to eat chicken fried bacon . I do like a good salad . I do too On the side of my steak . Right yeah , With a big , big potato . I gotta have that Butter .

Speaker 3 45:12

Lots of butter , salt Pepper yes , excellent . No , sour cream , no , screw that shit . Yeah , kick that shit . Why do you want to ruin it Exactly ? That's stupid . But , but , huh , I said . But , oh , I thought you said , but you said , but I said , but I thought you said pot Pot , yeah , pot Pot like you're cooking . Okay , yeah , yeah , we'll go with that . That sounds good . No , I don't have one of those right now . Yeah , me neither , but I do have the other stuff . Oh , yeah , should I have said that We'll edit it out later ?

Speaker 3 45:50

Okay , yeah , anyway , anywho , yeah , well , I think I'm gonna go crawl back under the rabbit hole again . Yeah , this is stupid being out in the daylight . Yeah , I'm gonna go see what I can find out for next week . Let's see what those other two idiots are up daylight . Yeah , I'm gonna go see what I can find out for next week , see what those other two idiots are up to . Yeah , alright , have a good one . Burn the damn house down . Oh , don't do that , let's get out of here . See you next week , maybe .

Speaker 3 46:20

Peace out , Damn Squeak . I forget about those episodes . We really kicked some ass . Yeah , we're pretty good at what we do . We should be the stars of this stupid thing . Yeah , empty , empty my ass . No , it needs to be the PS . Ps , I like it . Yeah , ps , it's us . The hell does that even mean ? Are they empty Pretty much ? Yeah , that's what it's us . The hell does that even mean . Are they empty Pretty much ? Yeah , that's what it sounds like . Yeah , we're the only thing that fill them up . Hey , come on , guys , you don't have anything to say now . Yeah , bye , babies .

Speaker 2 46:58

You guys are a spunky little bunch , aren't you ? Who are you calling ?

Speaker 4 47:01

spunky . I'm glad that was out . Jesus Christ Short-lived .

Speaker 2 47:07

Do appreciate you two stepping in Visiting us Always . It's been a joy .

Speaker 3 47:12

Sure guys , thanks for having us , yeah , thanks for having us Come here and promise us snacks . There was no snacks . You ate all the snacks . That was all there was . That's the way it is , buddy , Damn it yeah .

Speaker 2 47:31

Join us next week , where we have part two of this interview with Pip and Squeak .

Speaker 4 47:36

Yeah , seems like they have a lot to say . Exactly , it took two weeks to do this .

Speaker 3 47:41

Yeah , I don't know about myself , but I'm sure Squeak has plenty to say . I always have plenty to say yeah , you do Yep ?

Speaker 3 47:48

Hey , what do you mean ? We're here again . Don't we come here every weekend , do we ? Well , I thought we were on vacation . They keep talking about it . That was last week . Now I'm getting pretty angry . Why , I don't want to be here . Right , so we can come here and squeak , eat all the stuff in the green room , yay , well , no , the stuff isn't just for you . Squeak , remember that , okay , remember this . Okay , go ahead . If you're ten minutes early , you're five minutes late , ah , right , ah , ah , yeah , we can edit , can we ? Well , we should edit a lot of the stuff . All right , me too . I guess we will be back next week , yep , and I'll park where I want to . Troy . Yeah , that's right , troy , where is Troy ? Yeah , well , maybe he went to the train station . And what happened to Bill ? He was such a nice guy . Yeah , after the A laundromat incident . No , that wasn't him . After the grocery store incident . Anyway , we'll leave . We'll see everybody next week . Okay , I'm coming Bye .

Speaker 2 49:09

Alright , tom , it was good to have those little guys in Nice talking to them .

Speaker 4 49:13

It's always fun .

Speaker 2 49:14

What's our plan for next week ? We got the next part two of the interview .

Speaker 4 49:19

Sounds like we've got them locked in .

Speaker 2 49:22

Hopefully we'll find out . For the squeak-wool . I guess that'll be out on Christmas week .

Speaker 4 49:29

Yeah .

Speaker 2 49:29

All right , excellent . Well , folks , we'll be back next time with our part two interview with Pip and Squeak . Hope you enjoyed it . I think we enjoyed it .

Speaker 4 49:40

I had a good time .

Speaker 2 49:41

I was all right .

Speaker 4 49:42

It's fun interacting with the two little guys every once in a while Squeak can't sit still .

Speaker 2 49:47

But anyways , folks , until next week later .

Speaker 4 49:52

All right and always thank God for the gift of gab

Holiday Chaos With Pip and Squeak

Speaker 4 49:55

.

Speaker 1 49:55

Well , that's a wrap for this special holiday episode of the MT Alternative Podcast . But don't go decking those halls just yet , because next week Mike and Tom are rolling another holiday special episode . And what says holiday cheer better than bringing back everyone's favorite pint-sized agents of mayhem , pip and Squeak ? Yes , folks , the little dudes are returning , armed with their greatest hits from the past season , segments so wildly off-track that even Santa would lose his sleigh trying to follow along . Expect holiday insights from Pip that have the depth of a melted snowflake and Squeak's dazzling ability to confuse holiday traditions with anything but holiday traditions .

Speaker 1 50:46

These specials will have everything Joy , laughter and the nagging feeling that maybe , just maybe , these two shouldn't be allowed near a microphone or holiday decorations . But hey , it's the season of giving and we're giving you the gift of chaos . So grab your eggnog , lower your expectations and prepare for festive fun that'll make you wonder if this was the moment you lost control of your life . I'm Daniel reminding you . If these episodes leave you questioning your sanity . Congratulations , you're paying attention . Happy holidays and see you next week . Cue the sleigh bells . And that awkward holiday music nobody asked for .